


Learning Life & Love

by BellaBear13



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Otabek Altin, Aged-Up Yuri Plisetsky, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Slow Build, Viktor is a therpist, Yuuri is hospitalized, brief mentions of sexual assault, brief mentions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-03-10 08:27:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 142,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13498304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaBear13/pseuds/BellaBear13
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki gets admitted to the hospital for his anxiety and Viktor Nikiforov becomes his therapist.  They fall for each other and develop a prohibited relationship, while dealing with problems and situations along the way.  Yuuri befriends another patient, Yuri Plisetsky, where they find friendship in one another and open up about difficulties they have with their mental health and relationships.Together they all learn the meaning of life and love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first ever fan fiction, so please be nice. I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors, it's really not my forte. Comments, questions, and suggestions are welcome! I hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading!

_What am I doing here?..._

_What did I do wrong?..._

_What is happening to me?..._

“Yuuri… Yuuri... Yuuri!”

“Sorry!! Sorry!” Yuuri fumbled in his chair and almost fell out of it. “This is what I was talking about. He is so trapped in his head, he doesn’t know what is happening around him half the time. I’m worried about him.” Mari continued speaking to the Psychiatrist. Voices faded around him as Yuuri went back to his thoughts.

 

*          *          *

 

“I’ll see you soon, ok little brother? If you need anything just call me.”

“I will, thank you Mari.” Yuuri replied ever so quietly and avoided looking at his sister. “Hey, cheer up. Its only for a short while and this will be good for you. I will come and visit whenever I can I promise. You’re not alone.”

Yuuri finally looked up his sister, with tears threatening to spill out. His voice wouldn’t work for fear of breaking down, so he just nodded a few times. He reached out sliding his arms around her waist and squeezed. Mari’s eyes went wide in surprise and then reciprocated the hug, her arms going around his neck and a small kiss to the side of his cheek. Without another word spoken between them Mari let go abruptly and turned on her heels and left, being led out by a nurse.

Yuuri felt trapped, closed off. He couldn’t leave. He was stuck.

“Well, let me show you around.” Yuuri nodded in response and followed the nurse, whose name he couldn’t remember. “This is the day area, here you can watch television, play some games, which we have somewhere. Over here to the right is the dining area, remind me I must give you a menu to fill out. The meals are already established for you, just choose between 2 options for each meal.” The space was big and open. The hard chairs were lined in front of the television and along the far wall with large windows. The chairs were wooden on the sides and a hard-rubbery plastic type of material for the seat and backing, in various shades of brown.  The television was bolted to the wall and locked behind a metal box with plexiglass on the front. The dining area, to the right, consisted of 5 round metal tables cemented to the floor, with 4 stools per table attached to them.

“Over here is an activity room. There are several computers in there for you to use, and please share them with the other patients.” Yuuri nodded in response and continued to follow the nurse. “In this room is the therapy room, this is the group therapy area and off to the side over there is the single therapy room.” The nurse pointed to a small room off to the left of the open spaced room. “Any groups that you will be assigned to will happen in here and your therapy sessions with your therapist will most likely occur in the single therapy room. Right, moving on. Let me show you to your room.”

_Therapy?_

_Groups?_

_What am I doing here? I can’t do this._

“Over there is the family visitors room, and over there is another activity room, that one has no computers but has another television and some tables and chairs.”

The nurse continued walking, she brought Yuuri through a set of doors and in front were two corridors in an upside-down U shape, the bottom of the U in front of them. “That is the female side, no need for you to go over there, and this is the male side.” The nurse headed down the corridor to the left. “There are two shower rooms and one tub room if you prefer a bath. This is the linen closet, if you need any linens or towels let one of the nursing staff know and we will get it for you.”

_I can’t even get my own towels??_

“This is your room.” The nurse brought Yuuri to the third door on the left and unlocked it for him. “The doors are locked from the outside, so if you need into your room, you have to ask a staff member to let you in. Ok, that is pretty much the unit, I will leave you to unpack your things. If you need anything at all the nursing station is at the end of the corridor where we just came from. Any questions?” The nurse looked at Yuuri, assessing his every move and facial expression. Yuuri shook his head slightly and moved past her to his room. There wasn’t much to the room, a worn out plastic mattress on a wooden bed frame was in the middle of the room. On the far wall, behind the bed, was giant window that reached up almost to the ceiling, half of the window had some sort of liner on it to make it frosted for privacy, and to the left was a tall cupboard.

Yuri took a tentative step into the room, his anxiety rising with each step. His duffel bag looked like it was ruffled through. With a shaking hand, Yuuri grabbed a shirt from the bag to put away. Tears formed in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks, wetting the shirt he was holding. He climbed on the bed and curled up in a fetal position, hugging the shirt close to his chest, and silently cried into it.  

 

*          *          *

 

_Knock, knock, knock…_

“Yuuri? Can I come in?”

_Knock, knock, knock…_

“Yuuri, I’m coming in.”

Yuuri heard the door unlocking and opening and jumped out of bed and fell off the side of it to the floor. He sat up on the floor rubbing his head. “Sorry if I scared you, if you don’t answer the first time we are supposed to walk in.”

Yuuri waved his arms back and forth quickly, “No, no, please don’t apologise, its all my fault. I don’t know when I fell asleep.” Yuuri repeated the words sorry over and over in a whisper. His breathing started picking up and was bowing to the man that walked in.

“Hey, hey, its alright. Calm down, take a deep breath with me.” Yuuri did as instructed and repeated the process two more times. “Better?” Yuuri could only nod in response. Once his breathing evened out, Yuuri looked at the man in front of him. He was a bit shorter than him, but stockier than Yuuri’s own petite frame. His hair was thick and black like ink. He donned an undercut with the long part on top barely touching the tips of his ears and was styled back off his face. His eyes were a dark chestnut brown, almost black. His face could only be described as having a stoic expression, unreadable. He was wearing rich blue scrubs, that stood out against his darker complexion, and seemed a bit tight around his biceps and broad shoulders.

“I’m Otabek, I will be your prime nurse while you’re here.” Otabek extended his right hand towards Yuuri.

“P-Prime nurse?” Yuuri slowly took his shaky hand and returned gesture and shook Otabek’s hand ever so lightly.

“Yeah, basically I will be working with you the most out of all the nursing staff and I will be the one to help you reach your goals and work with you to help you get out of here. Think of me as a bridge between you and your therapist. They create strategies and give you meds to help with your recovery while I work with you to put those in place daily. Makes sense?”

“I-I think so”

“Good. I’m here most days and will be assigned to you every time I’m working. You will be assigned to another nurse when I am not here, but any questions regarding your recovery goes through me.”

_Assignment? Recovery? Plans? Medication?_

“You look a little lost. Have you been in a psychiatric hospital before?” Yuuri shook his head no and continued to look at the floor. Otabek crossed his arms over his chest and paused for a bit to observe Yuuri.

“I don’t want to overwhelm you, so I will just give you some basics for now. You eat at the provided meal and snack times, this is where you sleep, you cannot leave the unit unaccompanied for now, it could change but only the Psychiatrist gives you that privilege. You will meet with your assigned therapist and participate in group sessions. It probably feels like prison, but its not so bad, I promise.” Yuuri sat on the bed and pulled his knees up to his chest while resting his forehead on them. He was afraid if he looked up at Otabek that this nightmare would be true. His sister wouldn’t do this to him, wouldn’t drop him off here and walk away.

_What did I do to deserve this?_

Otabek continued “I looked at your chart and your assigned therapist is Viktor Nikiforov. He’s one of our best on this unit, I think you’ll like him. Anyways, he will be here tomorrow to meet with you. He likes to give his patients some time adjust.” With that, Otabek turned on his heels and started heading out. He was about to close the door when he popped his head back in “Dinner will be at five and is served in the dining area.”

Once the door closed, Yuuri released a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. A dark shadow seemed to loom over Yuuri, suffocating him, leaving him in darkness. He rocked back and forth on his haunches, tears streamed down drenching his thighs. A million questions ran through his head…

_What if I never leave here?_

_What if something happens to me?_

_What if I never get better?_

_What if…_

_What if…_

With each passing question, Yuuri’s breathing became shallow, unable to breathe, he was suffocating under the crippling shadow weighing him down. Yuuri fell to his side, knees still clutched around him tightly. His body so heavy and stiff. He was paralyzed within that shadow, holding him down within its clutches, growing bigger and stronger.

Yuuri closed his eyes, trying to imagine being somewhere else. Somewhere safe and bright.

The sound of skates came to him first. The sound of them making his grooves into fresh ice, making his mark. The sound of the skates lifting off the ice executing a jump, then the sound of the skates hitting the ice in a perfect landing.

The shadow was lifting, its clutches loosening.

The picture of the ice rink laid before him in his mind. No one around but himself and his skates. He saw all those marks and grooves, that were his and his alone.

His muscles relaxed and loosened having the weight of the shadow off his body. But still looming over him ready to make claim to him again.

The feel of the cool air around his face is what he felt next. The feel of the wind when he spins in place, faster and faster. Feeling that wind when he flies across the ice making music with his body.

Yuuri took a deep breath, and another, and another. Until the shadow retreated to its dark depths within his mind. Yuuri laid a little while longer, making sure the shadow didn’t return.

_Knock, knock, knock_

“Yuuri! Supper is here” came a voice from the other side of the door.

“O-Ok, c-c-coming.” Yuuri slowly got up, stretching his muscles from the tense position they were in, and took a shaky step towards the door and headed out to the unknown and dinner.

 

*          *          *

 

Yuuri left his bedroom door slightly ajar so he could get back in without bothering anyone and sauntered over to the dining area, avoiding all eye contact. He could feel their eyes on him, stabbing him, piercing his skin with judgements and criticism. He entered the dining area and walked over to the servery window.

“Hi there! You must be Yuuri Kastsuki. I’m Sara, one of the nurses here.”  Yuuri mumbled a hello under his breath, briefly looking at the brunette named Sara passing him is food tray. When Yuuri turned around, he paused, not knowing where to sit or with whom to sit with.

_Everyone is looking at me. Make a decision Yuuri! Just choose an empty seat already._

Yuuri found a seat at a table of three. His eyes solely fixated on the plate before him.

_Is this even meat? What is that?_

Yuuri picked at his food, at what he guessed was food, swirling it around on his plate and eventually settled on the apple pie that came for his dessert. Seemed like the safest choice.

“What the fuck is this garbage! I didn’t want that! Fuck you! This is bullshit!” Yuuri jumped out of his stool at the sudden yelling that was occurring some feet from him. Yuuri’s mouth hung open in shock toward the patient yelling and stomping. The patient was slightly taller than Yuuri, with long blonde hair, which looked like silk reaching just below the shoulder blades. At first, Yuuri thought this distraught patient was a female, with a body that was lean and feminine like, until the patient turned around and he saw he was male. He had the brightest green eyes, like emeralds shining in the sun. The patient started walking towards Yuuri and he noticed he had a tattoo of a tiger coiled around his right arm, with the tail starting from the middle of his forearm, moving up his bicep and the tiger roaring on his shoulder. He only saw this since the patient was wearing a red t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off hanging loose around his torso, black tight skinny jeans enveloped his lithe legs, and to top it off leopard printed high top sneakers.

_Hmm... he must like cats or something. Oh God, he’s walking this way. Oh shit…_

“What are you looking at asshole?!” The patient spat and shoved his face close to Yuuri’s, so it was just a mere inch away and pushed his tray off the table and continued to walk past.

“Yuri! Wait! You can’t just yell and…” Otabek chased after Yuri.

Yuuri couldn’t hear anymore of what was happening, he was too paralysed with fear to pay attention to what was happening around him.

_Wait… did he just say Yuri? Is his name Yuri as well? Or was he talking to me? I think someone is talking to me._

“Yuuri… Yuuri…” Yuuri rapidly blinked a few times before coming back to reality. His body was still shaking in aftermath at what happened. “Yuuri are you okay?” It was the friendly nurse that served him his food tray, that now laid strewn across the floor. “Do you want me to get you a new dinner tray?”

Yuuri took a while to process what the nurse was asking him, “I-I-I’m okay.” He took a quick glance around and realised everyone was starring at him again, not knowing what else to do, Yuuri quickly got up from his seat and scurried back to his room.

As Yuuri was approaching his room, he could see at the end of the corridor Otabek knocking on a door.

“Yuri, let me in, its just me out here, no one else.” A voice replied from the other side of the door but was too mumbled to understand from Yuuri’s position. “I have a key I can just come in anyways.” Yuuri heard the door open, Otabek walked inside the room and softly closed the door behind him.

Yuuri made it to the safety of his bedroom, grateful for past Yuuri leaving the door ajar. Without missing a beat, he removed his duffel bag with his clothes off the bed and climbed under the covers, completely covering himself head to toe in a warm and safe cocoon.


	2. Chapter 2

Yuuri had a terrible night sleep. He kept tossing and turning and when he would finally drift off, he would hear doors being open and closed in the hallways and then a bright flashlight shining in his room every hour.

Yuuri finally gave up trying to sleep and got out of bed. He paced in his room for over 20 minutes, debating with himself if he should leave his room to go eat breakfast. It was safe in his room and was it was harsh out there, especially with the other Yuri out there, who knows what could happen. Eventually the loud growling noise that came from his stomach made the decision for him. “I guess I need to eat at some point.” Taking a deep breath before turning the handle on the door, Yuuri ventured out into the jungle.

“Hey Yuuri.” Looking up from his breakfast, he saw Otabek standing in front of him. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you last night about the incident with the other Yuri. I was a little… umm…preoccupied. I hope everything is okay. Don’t worry too much about the other Yuri, he’s harmless. He’s all bark but no bite.” Otabek took a seat in the stool next to Yuuri.

“I-Its alright.”

“You look pretty rough; did you get any sleep last night?”

“Not really. Its pretty noisy here at night.” Yuuri replied quietly while taking a bite of his toast.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll get used to it. Anyways I don’t want to bother you too much during breakfast, but I wanted to inform you of your therapy session today with Viktor. It will be before lunch at 11:00 in the single therapy room.”

“O-okay. Thank you.” With that done, Otabek left Yuuri to finish eating.

Yuuri was in a desperate need of a shower, but he didn’t know how to get one. Sure, there were shower rooms, the nurse said so when he took the tour. But he had no towels and the doors were locked.

_This is ridiculous. I can’t even get clean without having to bother someone._

Yuuri didn’t know what to do so he stood by the nursing station and paced around a little, looking in occasionally, trying to make eye contact with someone. Otabek finally noticed and approached Yuuri.

“Do you need something Yuuri? You can just knock on the glass if you ever need something.”

“S-Sorry…” Yuuri bowed his head. “…I was… umm… I just… want to take a shower.”

Otabek just chuckled, “Of course Yuuri, no problem.” Yuuri followed Otabek to the linen closet, where he used his key card to open it, and passed Yuuri some towels. Next was back to Yuuri’s room to get all his hygiene that was still in his duffel bag. Otabek knocked on one of the shower rooms, when no response came he unlocked it for Yuuri. “If you need anything else just let me know.” Yuuri nodded and entered the room. Finally getting the chance to feel normal again.

Yuuri liked taking a bath or a shower, it was his chance to finally feel relaxed, to forget about everything and focus on the water pounding on his body and the heat of the shower loosening up his tense muscles. But this, this was not relaxing. There was no water pressure and the water? Lukewarm, at best. The water just sprinkled out of the shower head which took forever to rinse out the shampoo.

Feeling even worse than when he went into the shower, Yuuri went back to his room, hoping to take a small nap before his dreaded therapy session.

 

*          *          *

 

Yuuri eventually was able to get an hour nap before being woken up by Otabek for his session. Otabek led him to the therapy session room, and through the entire walk, questions were flowing across Yuuri’s mind.

_What do I do?_

_What do I say?_

_What if he doesn’t like me?_

_What if he tells me I’m truly crazy and I must stay here forever?_

With all the questions popping up in his head, Yuuri didn’t noticed Otabek had stopped and ran into him. Yuuri was startled and almost fell back on his butt when Otabek caught him by his shirt. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“Its alright Yuuri. You seem a bit distracted. There’s nothing to be nervous about. Just talk about what’s on your mind and you go from there. Take a seat on the couch and Viktor should be in shortly.”

Yuuri sat fidgeting with his hands in his lap, with a leg rapidly bouncing up and down. Finally, he heard the door open and who he assumed was Viktor entered the room.

Viktor had his back turned to Yuuri as he was closing the door. He wore dark fitted pants and deep purple button up shirt. Viktor spun around and sat in the chair opposite of the couch. Yuuri’s breath hitched, his mouth went dry, and he immediately started sweating. Viktor was the most beautiful person he has ever laid eyes on. With his silver hair parted to the side having the long bangs covering his left eye, and those eyes, Yuuri has never seen such striking eyes. They were blue and green at the same time; he was drowning in that turquoise sea. What made Yuuri really sweat and his heart race were his lips, perfectly shaped and full, he wanted to…

_What am I thinking?! Viktor beautiful? I have never thought that way. I never said that about any man. Focus Yuuri, he’s talking to you._

“You must be Yuuri Katsuki. I am Viktor Nikiforov, as you probably already know I will be your therapist while you are here in hospital.” Yuuri couldn’t think, his mouth wouldn’t move to the form the words he needed to say. A small nod was all he could manage. Was that an accent he heard? To help him think, he adverted his eyes and studied his now sweaty hands that were still fidgeting in his lap and took a deep breath.

_Great, now I can’t even look at my therapist. What is wrong with me?_

“I want to start off slow today, get to know each other a little bit. Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself Yuuri?” He couldn’t, how could he open himself up to this man, what would he think of him? Viktor waited patiently for him to start talking, but he sat there fidgeting, his body so tense and tight. Viktor spoke, desperately trying to create some connection, striving to get some sort of idea of how Yuuri thinks and feels, he can already tell that he’s so closed off. “How about I start then. I was born in St. Petersburg, Russia, I moved to New York for school, then moved to Detroit when I started working here after I graduated, and I also have a brown poodle named Makkachin.”

Yuuri smiled at the thought of the dog, reminded him of his own dog, but then his small smile turned sad. “I love dogs, poodles especially. I used to own one, but he died. I was away when it happened.”

Viktor was relieved Yuuri started talking, and decided to use that as a way in.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, what was his name?” Yuuri’s face turned red with embarrassment at the realisation that his therapist and dog had the same name but decided to give his other name instead.

“His name was Vic-chan.”

“What happened?”

“He died of old age. I was away at a skating competition and found out my dog had died, with my nerves of the competition and the terrible news, I started over eating and flubbed the competition.”

_Why did I just say all that?_

Yuuri looked up from his hands and snuck a peek at Viktor. Still confused why he would say all those things, he just asked about his dog. Viktor held a sympathetic look on his face.

_Great, now he takes pity on me like everyone else. I should just stop talking._

“That must have been hard. I went through a similar experience, I was away at school when my dog, before Makka, had died. For a while I couldn’t concentrate, and my grades suffered for it. Some people see them as just animals, but she was part of my family.” Yuuri looked at Viktor, his eyes went wide. Tears threatened to fall as he wiped them away. He just nodded at Viktor, untrusting of his voice. He was grateful someone understands and didn’t belittle him for his feelings, like most did. To Yuuri, Vic-chan was the only thing that didn’t pass judgement on him or criticise him for anything, he could tell him everything and he would feel better, made him feel calm. 

“So, you skate?” Viktor finally asked Yuuri, hoping to get him to open more. Yuuri felt a little better, a little less anxious than before.

“Yes, I figure skate competitively. I moved from Japan to Detroit a few years ago to train and go to school. I’m not that good though.” Viktor looked at Yuuri questioningly.

“Not very good? I think anybody that can qualify for world competitions, must be remarkable.” For the second time that session, Yuuri’s face turned red with embarrassment. He quickly averted his eyes and stared at his fidgeting hands again. Yuuri was saved by a knock on the door. Viktor got up to answer it and after a hushed conversation he sat back down.

“I’m sorry Yuuri, but I have to cut our time short today. There is an emergency I must attend to. I am going to schedule another session for tomorrow since today was shortened. I’d like to get to know you more.” Yuuri was still embarrassed from Viktor’s comment and just nodded in response. Viktor got up and left the room, leaving Yuuri alone on the couch with his thoughts.

 

*          *          *

 

Viktor got back to his office and flopped in his chair. Reluctantly he turned on his computer to finish some last-minute paperwork before the end of his day. With a few clicks of his mouse, Viktor brought up Yuuri’s chart to make some notes about his session today with him. But his mind kept drifting to the way Yuuri’s eyes sparkled when he was thinking of something, the way he looked so small and innocent, almost childlike. Never mind about how adorable he looked in his blue glasses. His mind then focused on his lips and drifted down his body…

_What am I thinking?!? He’s a patient Viktor! An attractive one at that, with eyes so warm and lips so inviting… Stop it Viktor._

Viktor shook his head to get rid of those thoughts and images. But with little success.

_Focus on how I can help him. What does he need from me? He is so anxious and closed off, its going to be hard to get him to open up to me._

He thought of the way Yuuri talked about skating, the way his eyes lit up with joy and excitement, but behind it was this dark shadow threatening to snuff it out. Thinking that this might be a source of Yuuri’s anxiety, Viktor jot down some ideas, and a few swipes of the key board Viktor looked up videos of Yuuri’s skating.

_If he skates competitively there must be videos somewhere._

Viktor clicked on one from this past year’s Grand Prix final, the description explained that Yuuri came in last place.

_Maybe this was the time he spoke about when he said he flubbed a competition._

The video started with Yuuri in the middle of the rink, posed and waiting for the music. When Yuuri started to move to the music, Viktor became completely enamoured. The way his body moved, to Viktor, it looked like he was making music with it. He was graceful and carefree on the ice, entirely different to the Yuuri he had just met a few hours ago. This was the real Yuuri.

Viktor kept watching the video, and saw his failed jumps, hitting the ice so hard that it made Viktor wince in sympathetic pain. The video moved to the shot of him in the Kiss and Cry with his coach, Viktor changed the video, he couldn’t take the look on the skater’s face, it broke his heart. He watched another video, and another, and another. He couldn’t stop, he was entranced by Yuuri’s skating.

Viktor looked at the time and an hour has passed since he started watching videos of Yuuri’s skating. There weren’t that many, it seemed that Yuuri entered the skating competitions pretty late compared to other skaters. But Viktor couldn’t help himself and watched some videos on repeat.

Grudgingly Viktor packed up his things and headed home for the night, with anticipation of tomorrow and his session with Yuuri.

 

*          *          * 

 

Yuuri laid on his bed, his arms crossed underneath his head as he looked up at the ceiling. He was trying to sort out his thoughts from his sessions earlier with Viktor. He couldn’t get him out of his head. The way his hair fell, brushing across his eye, his lips full and round. Yuuri shook his head trying to get the thoughts out of his head, attempting to focus on something else. But there really isn’t much else, there was nothing to do but sit and be alone in his thoughts.

Could he trust Viktor? He seemed trustworthy, but then a lot of people appear that way in the beginning. But would he understand him is another question. Yuuri didn’t like opening up to people about his thoughts and feelings, afraid that people would condemn him, or brush it off like its nothing and that he just needs to suck it up. It is not that easy, not for him anyways.

A knock came at the door and voice telling him it was time for dinner. Yuuri’s current fear was any of the meal times. It means he must leave his safe-haven and risk it out there.

When Yuuri was heading to the day area, he started getting more and more anxious. With each step his breathing quickened, his palms were getting sweaty, and his heart started racing. He stopped at the end of the corridor, frozen. Someone bumped him in the shoulder from behind; he had to step forward so that he didn’t fall over.

“Watch it! Asshole!”

Yuuri starred at the long blonde hair walking past him. He bent over with his hands on his knees trying to breathe, but he was hyperventilating. Still frozen in place he couldn’t even turn around to go back to his safe-haven.

“Yuuri? Yuuri, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Someone was talking to Yuuri, but he couldn’t see who it was, his vision was in a haze. Yuuri could feel his body going down slowly and knew he was lying down on the floor. He curled up in a fetal position and tried to ride it out. He felt something scratchy going over his mouth and nose, he heard a crinkling noise every time he breathed.

Slowly Yuuri’s vision started to get clearer, his breathing evened out, and his body stopped shaking. He noticed someone was holding a brown paper bag over his mouth and nose. He followed that arm up and saw Otabek kneeling beside him. On further inspection he saw two other nurses standing around him.

“Welcome back Yuuri. Feeling better?” Yuuri nodded in response, and Otabek removed the paper bag from his face. He sat up, attempted to stand but was still a little wobbly. Otabek and another nurse steadied him and helped him up.

“How about we go back to your room, sound good?” Yuuri nodded again. Once back in his room, he sat on his bed; he let out a groan and put his head in his hands. He felt the bed dip beside him.

“Let’s talk about what happened, Yuuri? Maybe we can come up with a way to prevent it from happening again.”

“I can’t prevent it, it just happens. I don’t know how to stop it.” Yuuri replied, still not looking up.

“How often do you get panic attacks?”

“Once or twice a day.”

“What makes you get these panic attacks?” Otabek asked curiously, trying to find a way to help Yuuri.

“I don’t know, it could be anything. It just happens, and I can’t stop them. I wish I knew Otabek or I wouldn’t be here!” Yuuri started getting angry. Not so much at Otabek, but at himself for being so weak.

Otabek paid no mind to Yuuri’s anger, he was used to it, especially in this line of work. “What were you thinking about before you had it?” Yuuri looked up at Otabek, slowly turning his head up and towards the nurse. He thought about the question, really thought about.

“I-I-I was think about how I didn’t want to go out there, I wanted to stay in my room. This is a safe place for me while I am here, no one can hurt me while I am in this room.”

“Has someone physically hurt you Yuuri, and we don’t know about it?”

“No, no, not like that. No one has hurt me physically… yet. I mean that other Yuri gave me a scare, but he didn’t hurt me. I just meant, that…” Yuuri paused unsure whether he should move on. Otabek waited patiently for him to finish, he was understanding and easy to talk to, since he didn’t rush a person to finish talking or brush them off, but Yuuri was still wasn’t ready. “…Never mind.”

“Okay Yuuri, I understand. But I am here if you want to finish this talk. I think it would also be a good idea to talk about this with Viktor. Unfortunately, I am required to update Viktor about what happened tonight, so he will most likely bring it up tomorrow in your session, just so you are prepared. I think it would be good for you to talk about it, if not with me, then with Viktor.” Otabek gave him a pat on the shoulder. Yuuri looked down avoiding Otabek’s eyes. “You must be hungry, I will go get you your dinner. Usually patients are not allowed to eat in their rooms, but I will allow tonight under the circumstances.”

“Thank you.” Yuuri mumbled, looking down at his fidgeting hands. 

Just as Otabek opened the door to exit, he turned around, “Think about what I said, okay Yuuri?” With that, Otabek left Yuuri in his room.

Yuuri fell back on his bed with a sigh and waited for his dinner to arrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, questions, and suggestions are welcome! Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri sat in the single therapy room waiting for his session to start with Viktor. He was thankful that his morning didn’t go off with a hitch and could only hope the rest of the day will be the same. No bad interactions with anyone and no panic attacks. He could hear footsteps coming towards the room, and he took a deep breath to mentally prepare himself. He was getting nervous, he assumed Viktor will bring up what occurred yesterday. He was always good at hiding when he had his panic attacks, not a lot of people knew he got them, and if they did know, they didn’t know how often. He felt he was a nuisance to people and wanted to avoid that aftereffect awkward interactions.

The door opened, and Viktor walked in with a smile plastered to his face and his eyes shining bright. He wore a form fitting, deep rich green V-neck knit sweater, with black slacks today. Yuuri took notice how the sweater clung to his toned shoulders and arms. Following the V-neck down his chest…

_Get a grip Yuuri!_

Yuuri shook his head and tried focusing on Viktor’s face, but that was distracting as well.

Viktor wasn’t doing much better, he was looking at how Yuuri’s athletic shirt clung to every dip and curve of his muscles. His face looking ever so adorable. Viktor shook his head trying to focus on the task at hand, which was Yuuri’s therapy session.

Viktor cleared his throat, “Hello Yuuri, how are you feeling today?”

“Fine.” Yuuri mumbled, awaiting the inevitable.

“Have you been sleeping well? I know you been here a few days, but it is a bit different from home, so I know a lot of people have trouble sleeping.”

“At first, I had some trouble sleeping, but I slept well last night.”

“Good, that’s good.” Viktor knew about Yuuri’s panic attack that happened yesterday and that Otabek had warned him that it would be brought up today, but Viktor wanted to challenge Yuuri and see if he would bring it up himself. “Have you been settling in okay?”

“Yeah, everything has been fine.” Yuuri was beginning to get visibly nervous. Viktor could hear a slight shakiness to his voice and a bead of sweat rolled down Yuuri’s forehead. Viktor mumbled “Good” and wrote down some notes in his notebook he had on his lap. He remained silent for a few minutes pretending to write more notes, when instead, he just drew a picture of a dog.

“I had a panic attack yesterday.” Yuuri finally blurted out, unable to take the silence any longer. He sighed a big sigh of relief and slumped his shoulders.

“You did?! Well then let’s talk about that. What happened?” Viktor tried his best to sound shocked but failed.

“Didn’t Otabek tell you? He said he had to inform you of what happened.”

“He did. But I don’t want to hear it from him Yuuri, I want to hear it from you. Otabek can’t tell me how you felt and what you were thinking. Only you can do that.”

“But I told Otabek everything, he told you what we talked about, right?”

“Yuurrriiii” Viktor replied in a monotone. “How can I help you if you don’t talk to me? How can you make any progress if you don’t share with me? I understand this is our second session, and you don’t trust me yet. But how can I gain your trust and prove to you that I mean you no harm.” The last bit struck Yuuri, it was like what he said to Otabek yesterday. Did Otabek tell Viktor or did Viktor understand him in some way. Yuuri pulled up his knees and wrapped his arms around his legs, hiding his face behind them. Viktor could only see Yuuri’s eyes peeking above his knees, but noticed they started to sparkle. He was thinking about something, Viktor hoped that he was getting through to him somehow.

The seconds ticked by and turned into minutes. All the while Viktor sat patiently waiting for Yuuri. Yuuri on the other hand was contemplating what Viktor had just told him. Can he trust him? This is part of his job, but that always doesn’t mean anything. Yuuri took a deep breath, and decided to give it a try, to give Viktor a try. “I-I-I don’t know where to start.”

Viktor gave a small smile, relieved Yuuri started talking. “Let’s start with what were you doing before the panic attack happened and go from there.”

“O-okay. I-I was in my room lying on the bed, thinking.”

In the back on Viktor’s head he could picture Yuuri sprawled out on the bed waiting for him. He shook his head, to get rid of the image. He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat, “What were you thinking about? Anything in particular?”

“Skating.” Yuuri gulped. He lied, unwilling to reveal that he was thinking about Viktor at the time. He continued before Viktor could interject, “…then a knock came at the door and someone told me it was time for dinner. So, I went out and when I started walking I had a panic attack.”

“That is not all Yuuri, you’re missing the big picture here. What were you thinking and feeling when it happened.”

Yuuri paused again for a minute. “I-I-I didn’t want to leave my room, it’s is the only safe place for me here.” Yuuri mumbled, resting his forehead on his knees, he was still gripping them close to his chest.

“No one can hurt you there.”

Yuuri looked up quickly and stared at Viktor in surprise. He took the words from Yuuri and used them. Maybe this is someone he could trust. But at the same time Otabek could have just told him that, and he could mean a different kind of hurt, like physical pain. Yuuri’s face faded from awe to sadness at this realisation. Yuuri just nodded, adverting his eyes from Viktor to the coffee table that sat between them. Viktor noticed this and needed to change things around, he wanted that look on his face again.

“But you don’t mean someone can physically hurt you.” Viktor replied. Yuuri took his eyes off the coffee table and back to Viktor again. Unshed tears formed in his eyes, he shook his head ‘no’ and the tears fell. Viktor was starting to see the path he needed to take to help him. Being bold, Viktor stood from his chair and went around the coffee table and sat on it in front of Yuuri. He looked at him for a moment, his heart breaking at the sight of the man in front of him, he looked so vulnerable. He wiped a tear away that fell. Yuuri’s gaze moved up and into Viktor’s eyes. Without even thinking, Viktor’s hand cupped his cheek. Both their hearts beating a mile a minute. Viktor could feel Yuuri’s face heating up accompanying the small blush appearing on his cheeks.

_Knock, knock, knock_

Both men jumped out of their seats. Viktor sat back, realising the dangerous position he was just in, he cleared his throat and went to answer the door.

Yuuri was still in shock, not knowing what happened or what he was feeling. His head started spinning with questions and emotions. His heart was beating so hard and fast, he was sure Viktor could hear it. He closed his eyes and took in a few shaky breaths to calm his racing heart.

“Looks like our time is up Yuuri. I have another appointment to get to now, seems I lost track of time. I will have to look at my schedule and book you for another session. I will give Otabek the date when I have one.” Viktor quickly gathered up his things and left the room, before Yuuri could say a word.

 

*          *          *

 

Viktor was back in his office. Going over his notes for the day, when he came across Yuuri’s notes, and a flash of the moment with Yuuri popped in his mind. He was trying not to think about it the rest of the day.

_What was I thinking?!_

_Of course, I wasn’t thinking. This is bad, I could lose my job over something like that. But how could I help it, he looked so lost and scared, it pains me to see him like that. I can’t do things like that though, I could be fired and then I would never be able to help him._

_What am I thinking?!_

_I never think or act like I did with other patients._

_Get a grip Viktor!_

Viktor’s thoughts drifted to Yuuri several times, and each time shaking his head to clear them away and focused more on how to help him instead. He jotted down a few more notes, then packed up and left for the day with thoughts of Yuuri still in the back of his mind.

 

*          *          *

 

Yuuri peeked around the unit, it seemed that most people were either in a group session or out on off-unit privileges. It has been a few days since his last session with Viktor, and he hasn’t been able to get that image out of his mind. He was still getting his panic attacks, but less frequently since the only time he leaves his room was for meals. Otabek has been on his case about doing some activities or go for a walk around the hospital with him, or anything. But Yuuri couldn’t bring himself to do any of those things, not at that time. Finally building up the courage, Yuuri decided to get out of his room, and accomplish something, other than going stir crazy, Otabek was right he needed to do something.

Yuuri made it to the computer room without seeing anyone. He figured he would check his emails and maybe send one to his sister to update her. He opened the door, peering behind him, looking like he was trying to rob the place, and shut the door quietly. Yuuri turned around and stopped in his tracks. The other Yuri was at the other end of the room on a computer. He hasn’t noticed Yuuri yet, and he thanked his lucky stars for that. Yuuri shifted his glasses, and looked closely at the other man, he looked like he was crying.

Yuuri fiddled with the door handle to leave, his hand slipped, and the door handle bounced. Yuri turned his head and looked at the man by the door. His eyes were red and swollen from crying.

_He looks so vulnerable right now. Anytime I’ve seen him he looks so angry and distraught. I’m in for it now._

Yuri turned his head and went back to the computer. Deciding that it was too late to turn back, Yuuri took the first computer in the same row, not wanting to have his back turned to him. Yuuri checked his emails, knowing there wasn’t much since he was on a hiatus from both school and skating. He was in the process of writing one to his sister, when Yuri made a whimpering sound.

_What should I do?_

_Do I talk to him?_

_Do I leave him be?_

_This is so awkward!_

Ultimately Yuuri decided, he hoped he wouldn’t regret it. He turned to Yuri and squeaked out, “D-Do you want me to get someone for you?” Yuri looked over, and the other Yuuri braced himself to be yelled at. Instead Yuri just shook his head and turned away. “Is there something I can help you with?”

_What are you doing! Idiot!_

Yuuri heard a screeching of a chair and before he could register what was happening, he felt arms go around his arms and torso, a weight fell on his shoulder. He looked down at the man clutching onto him, his shoulders were slightly bouncing and Yuuri could feel a wetness forming on his shoulder. He moved his arms around the other man awkwardly, as the upper part of his arms were being held down. Yuuri didn’t know what to say, so opted to quietly comfort him instead.

Yuri pulled away and wiped his tears on the sleeve of his sweater. “Sorry…” he quietly mumbled, looking down and away from Yuuri. He got up from his knees and sat in the chair beside him. “…I’m just worried about my grandfather, and I can’t do anything to help him while I’m stuck in this fucking place. He just emailed me, he’s getting sicker and can’t afford his new medications that he has to be on. When I’m not fucking here I am supposed to be working and taking care of him, and I can’t fucking do that!” Yuri banged his fist on the table, and the other Yuuri jumped.

“I-I…” Yuuri was interrupted by the door opening.

“Is everything okay here? I heard…” Otabek’s sentence was cut off when Yuri ran up and hugged him around the neck, sobbing. Otabek’s face held shock at first by the sudden hug, but then softened when an arm went around Yuri’s waist and held him close, and the other petting the back of his head and hair. He was mumbling words of reassurances in his ear. Yuuri felt uneasy observing the intimate interaction, but then it dawned on him…

_Wait… are they?... I thought relationships like that are not allowed. Psh, who am I to say when I got a crush on my therapist. What am I saying?_

Yuuri’s thoughts were interrupted by Otabek, “Uh Yuuri, I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell people what you saw. Hugs and other physical contact between nurses and patients are prohibited.” Yuuri was sure he saw more than just a hug, but went along with it anyways, not his story to tell, and frankly he didn’t want to get involved either. 

“I didn’t see anything.” Yuuri then made a zipping motion with his mouth and pretended to throw away the key. Otabek gave a small chuckle at the action.

“Uh thanks, Yuuri.” He said, scratching the back of his head. Yuri still wouldn’t look at Yuuri, instead was looking at the floor. He was standing close behind Otabek, gripping onto the man’s hand. They both turned and left the computer room. Yuuri turned back to the computer and continued writing his email to his sister, thankful to be alone.

 

*          *          *

 

Yuuri was waiting at the servery window for his dinner tray later that evening. Yuri came up beside him and hip checked him hard, hard enough that he almost fell over.

“Shove over piggy!” Yuri yelled, he grabbed his tray and skulked off, leaving Yuuri stunned.

_Looks like things are back to normal._

But as Yuri turned away, he noticed something different in his eyes when he looked at him, not so much anger, but something else, he just couldn’t put a finger on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Reviews, questions, and suggestions are welcome!


	4. Chapter 4

It has been a week since Yuuri and Viktor’s last session. Yuuri was sitting in his room, he was getting anxious about not having a session. Questions were forming in his head, the typical ‘what if’ questions.

_What if he is planning to switch me to a new therapist?_

_What if he doesn’t like me and doesn’t want to help me?_

_What if I never get better?_

_What if…_

_What if…_

With his back against the head board, he pulled his knees to his chest and rocked on his haunches. He could feel the panic start to rise from his belly and spread upwards. The dark shadow was slowly creeping up behind him. Yuuri sprung out of bed and rushed over to his cupboard, he grabbed his music player. He assumed his previous sitting position and shoved his headphones in his ears. Trying desperately to keep that shadow from embracing him. Fumbling through his music, he found what he was looking for.

The song was titled _History Maker._ He planned to do a routine with this song, since the first time he heard it, but was never confident enough to bring it to his coach. He closed his eyes and let the music take over his body. The image of his routine he has been planning pressed against his eyes. The panic was settling, and the shadow was slowly retreating. Once the song ended, Yuuri hit play again, and again, and again.

 

*          *          *

 

Viktor sat in his office mulling over his schedule and his patient workload. His eyes were drawn towards a certain name. He’s been avoiding the man behind the name. He knew it was unethical to ignore the patient, he was a professional and there to help in his recovery. But there was something about Yuuri Katsuki that scared Viktor. He had never touched a patient, ever, in all his years of working. He also never had a crush on a patient either.

_A crush? What am I, twelve years old? He **is** good-looking that’s for sure, and adorable, and sexy, and… _

_GAH!_

_That’s still no reason not to help him and do my job. I’ve met plenty of attractive people, but none of them affect me like he does. I just have to be more cautious, that’s all._

Sounding unsure of himself, he turned back to his schedule shining on his computer screen and booked in a time slot to see Yuuri for the next day.

 

*          *          *

 

Otabek knocked a few times on Yuuri’s door but was greeted with silence. He took out his keys and unlocked the door. Yuuri was sitting on his bed with his knees drawn up, his head resting on them with his eyes closed, and a peaceful look on his face. Otabek then noticed the headphone wire coming together below his chin and connected to a music player that laid beside him.

_I think this is the first time I’ve seen him without some worried or scared look on his face. He looks almost… happy._

Deciding how to approach Yuuri without scaring him, was the next question he asked himself. He decided there was no way, so Otabek walked over and pulled a headphone out of his ear. With a yelp, Yuuri jumped off the bed and nearly fell to the floor.

“Sorry Yuuri, I didn’t mean to scare you, I’ve been trying to get your attention.” Otabek said with a chuckle. Yuuri clasped his chest, feeling like his heart was going to jump out of it.

“I’m sorry, I should have had the volume down lower.”

“No need to apologise Yuuri. You looked relaxed, I feel terrible for disturbing you now.”

Yuuri nodded his head and looked down at his lap with embarrassment. “I was thinking about my skating routine I’ve been wanting to do.”

“Oh? You figure skate? Competitively?”

“I did.” Yuuri’s shoulder’s slumped and his voice held sorrow.

Understanding where Yuuri’s sorrow was deriving from, he tried his best to comfort the man. “You will again Yuuri, don’t let being here stop you. This isn’t forever. Life doesn’t stop just because you’re here.” Yuuri looked up Otabek with tears in his eyes and nodded.

_He’s right, this isn’t forever and the sooner I am out of here the sooner I can be on the ice again._

Yuuri’s chest started to fill with some hope, something he hasn’t felt in a long time.

“The reason I came here, is to tell you that Viktor emailed me and booked you in for a session with him tomorrow at 11:00.”

That little light of hope started to get a bit brighter. “Great. Thank you.”

Sara came barging in Yuuri’s room, making both men startle. “Otabek! There you are! We need your help. Yuri is throwing a fit in the day area again and won’t talk to anyone. We don’t want to have to call a code on him to sedate and restrain him. For some reason he only listens to you.” Yuuri of course knew the answer as to why he only listens to Otabek but kept that information to himself.

Otabek sighed. “Alright. Duty calls, see ya Yuuri.” He hurried off to calm the fire that was burning in Yuri. Figuring it was probably safest in his room, Yuuri put his headphones back in his ears and perused his playlist. 

 

*          *          *

 

Yuuri walked into the single therapy room and was surprised to see Viktor already in there waiting for him. Viktor stood up when Yuuri walked in and sat back down when he did.

 “Hi Yuuri, how are you feeling today? I’m sorry its been a while since our last session. I was hoping we could pick up where we left off the last time.” Yuuri slumped in his chair, remembering they were talking about the panic attack he had last week before dinner. He didn’t see what the big deal was, he gets them all the time.

“Mhm, that’s fine.” Yuuri lied.

“Good. The last thing we spoke about was the panic attack that happened before dinner a week ago. We were making good progress with that. You told me that your room is the only safe place for you here, and that no one can hurt you while you are there, and not in a physical sense. Is it just this environment that you are in right now that made you feel this way or in your own environment as well?”

“Umm… uhh…” Yuuri paused and thought about all the other times he had panic attacks, when and where he was when he had them. “…I-It’s all the time I feel that way. When I go out, when I’m skating or dancing, and when I go to school.”

“Hmm okay.” Viktor wrote some notes down, which was making Yuuri feel a little uncomfortable. As he was taking down his notes, Yuuri made some of his own notes in his head. He noticed Viktor was a bit stiffer than the other times, colder even, like he is trying to keep at a distance. This made Yuuri feel even more uncomfortable. Yuuri pulled his knees up to his chest for protection, he didn’t like this Viktor. He wrapped his arms around his knees so tightly, like he was trying to get his legs in his torso.

Viktor noted the position Yuuri took and started to worry if this was a sign that he was getting anxious. He didn’t want him to feel that way, he wanted him to feel safe. His heart shattering at the thought he was doing this to Yuuri.

“Can you remember what you think about before you have a panic attack, Yuuri?”

Yuuri didn’t answer, he didn’t even look at Viktor. He was too lost in his thoughts as they were racing in his head. He was too busy worrying about how he made Viktor feel uneasy in his presence after last week.

_Great, I made another person feel uncomfortable. I just had to go and talk, and now he doesn’t even want to be around me. He’s only here because of his job. I knew I couldn’t trust him, he doesn’t care. He just judges me like the rest._

Yuuri started to rock back and forth on his haunches. His body felt hot and cold at the same time. A bead of sweat rolled down the back of his neck. His body shook uncontrollably. The dark looming shadow burst out behind him and smothered him completely. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, as hard as he tried, he couldn’t get lungful of air. His eyes were wide and wild, but he couldn’t see anything clearly. It was dark, cold, and silent.

Viktor rushed over to Yuuri, trying to somehow help him. “Yuuri, breathe. Just look at me…” Yuuri heard nothing of what he was saying over the pounding of his own heart. Viktor reached out and stroked his head, and the dark shadow quaked in reply. Viktor kept talking comforting words to Yuuri, while touching him. What felt like a light was being shone on the shadow. With each touch and each word made that light shine brighter making the shadow retreat to its depths of his mind. Yuuri could hear something, but it was his vision that came back first. He saw Viktor kneeling in front of him with a worried look his face. He noticed he was holding one of his hands and the other was stroking his hair and face, wiping away the tears he didn’t know he was shedding. Lastly, he heard what Viktor was saying.

“Breathe with me Yuuri, that’s right come back to me. Focus on me. I’m not going to let you go.” Yuuri focused on Viktor’s eyes, swimming in that sea. He mimicked Viktor’s deep breaths. He focused on the sensation of Viktor’s warm hand in his. He didn’t want to let go of that warmth. He moved it closer to his chest.

Viktor could feel Yuuri’s body relax and return to normal with each deep breath. “Better?” Viktor asked in a low, almost whispered voice. Yuuri nodded his response without taking his eyes off the turquoise sea. Without letting go of that warmth he moved his legs down to either side of Viktor. Still kneeling on the floor, Viktor moved in closer and with his free hand wiped away the remaining tears on Yuuri’s face. Subconsciously, or consciously, he didn’t know which, Yuuri responded and leaned in closer. Their faces a few inches apart. Viktor made a quick glance down to the other’s lips, and then licked his own. Yuuri felt a blush spread on his cheeks. His breath hitched, and a shiver ran down his body when he saw this. The response crazed Viktor, and he leaned in a little closer, craving to see that response again. Desire spread throughout his whole body.

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_ “Oi! Its my time now! Get the fuck out!”

Both men recoiled from each other. Viktor stood up quickly and cleared his throat, “I guess I lost track time again.” Scratching at the back of his head, a small chuckle escaped his lips. Silently, he was cursing himself for getting too close to Yuuri again. He completely forgot himself and almost let it go too far.

Yuuri nodded and scrambled to get up from the couch, his knees weak. He was amazed he made it to the door. He turned his head slightly and mumbled a ‘thanks’ before leaving. He brushed past the patient that interrupted them and dashed back to his room.

 

*          *          *

 

Yuuri was in the computer room, trying to occupy himself. It was better than sitting in his room raking his brain over the almost kiss he shared with Viktor earlier that day. He couldn’t understand why he felt that way when he got close to him, he feared he would never understand. He still couldn’t figure out if he could trust him yet or not, one-minute Viktor was acting cold and distant, the next he was warm and gentle. So, there he was trying to take his mind off it, attempting to email his sister. She emailed him a reply from his last email. She promised she would visit soon, and that she missed him. 

All was quiet, which Yuuri was enjoying, when the other Yuri barged in. He stopped in his tracks for a second noticing Yuuri, then continued walking to the end of the row of computers. Yuuri decided to ignore him so he would hopefully leave him alone.

After 15 minutes of silence between the two men, minus the sound of the occasional tapping of the computer keys. Yuri spoke up, “Oi, I never said thank you for last week. So… umm… thanks.” Yuri mumbled the last part.

“Oh! T-That’s no problem, you were in a bad spot and needed a shoulder to cry on.” Yuuri waved his hands back and forth.

“I don’t mean just that, pig. I mean about Otabek and I, and don’t play stupid and say you didn’t see anything, cause I know you did. You didn’t say anything to anyone and you could have, especially how I’ve treated you.”

“It’s not my place to say anything. I mean we are not friends or anything, and yes you haven’t been nice to me per se, so I could if I wanted to say something. But, I know from being in this place for a week now, everyone has their own issues they are dealing with, I don’t need to add to mine right now.”

“Well, whatever your reasons are, thanks.”

After a minute or two of trying to gather up the courage, Yuuri asked quietly, “May I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“What?” Yuri spat.

“Umm... D-D-Did you meet Otabek here, or did you know him from before?”

“Why do you want to know? Got a crush on one of the nurses? It’s Sara isn’t it?” Yuri teased.

“No, no, no! I-I’m just curious.” Yuuri started getting frantic, waving his arms around.

“Relax will ya? I met Beka here, I’ve been in this fucking place a few months, and we hit it off. Of course, cause its not allowed, it adds a slice of excitement to it.” Yuri replied with a wink.

“Y-Y-You don’t think its wrong?” Yuuri looked away from him. He knew the question sounded bad, but he wanted to know if the feelings he felt for his therapist earlier were wrong.

“What the fuck are you saying?! He’s not just some guy that I fuck around with, trying to get extra snacks and privileges. Who the fuck do you think I am, some type of slut?” Yuri stood up suddenly, making his chair fall backwards, crashing to the floor. His hands turned into fists.

Yuuri’s eyes went wide in fear. “I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! I’m not judging you. I didn’t mean it. I-I was just…” Yuuri couldn’t tell him why he wanted to know, that would make him reveal his secret. He scrambled his brain for a cover, “…I just wanted to know your opinion on it, since everyone would think the relationship is inappropriate, if you thought the same thing.” Yuuri bowed in an apology. He held in his breathe waiting for the blow.

“Why would I think its inappropriate? Who the fuck cares what other people think. If I had it my way I would be fucking him in front of everyone any chance I got. Showing off to everyone that he is mine. But I can’t have it my way. I care about Beka, I wouldn’t want him to lose his job.” Yuri picked up his chair and sat back down, turning back to the computer.

“Thanks.” Yuuri mumbled.

“Yeah, whatever.” Yuri rested his head in his hand and continued scrolling through the computer.

A nurse walked in. “Everything ok in here?” Both responded with a yes, albeit Yuuri’s was a little more panicky, than Yuri’s own bored response. “Do any of you boys want to go see a movie? It’s the Friday night movie in the lecture theatre upstairs.”

“Who’s going?” Yuri asked.

“Myself and Otabek are taking a group with us.”

“I’ll pass this time. Thanks.” Yuuri replied shyly. He knew he should go, he really needed to distract himself and get his mind off Viktor. But he just couldn’t.

“Yeah, I’ll come.” Yuri closed his browser windows and followed the nurse out of the room.

Yuuri finished his email, when the door opened again.

“Hey Yuuri!” He recognised that voice, his eyes widened, and his heart started racing at the sound of it. He slowly turned around in his chair. Viktor was leaning against the doorway, one leg crossed over the other, with his toe down, and his arms crossed over his chest.

“V-Viktor!” Yuuri was still stunned, his mouth stayed open, but no other words would come out.

Viktor chuckled. “It’s my night to work the evening tonight. I heard you refused to go to see the movies. You haven’t been off this unit in over a week. You’re going.”

“B-But… But…” Yuuri stammered.

“Come on. This will be good for you, part of your recovery.” Viktor reached out and pulled Yuuri out of his seat by his hands. Yuuri could feel the warmth spread up from his hands to the rest of his body. Viktor didn’t let them go, instead he stepped in closer to Yuuri, he looked in his chocolate coloured eyes. “I’ll be there with you, I won’t leave your side. I promise. If you get to anxious, just let me know and we can leave.” Viktor said lowly, grabbing onto Yuuri’s chin, his thumb brushing against his bottom lip.

Yuuri nodded, “O-okay.” He was able to squeak out. Viktor grinned, his eyes sparkling with joy. He pulled Yuuri towards the door, and only when they left the room was when Viktor let go of Yuuri’s other hand. Feeling the warmth leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Reviews, comments, and questions are welcomed!!


	5. Chapter 5

The whole walk within the hospital to the lecture theatre, Yuuri was silent and kept to himself. He looked at the ground as he walked, his hands fidgeting. Luckily the building wasn’t very busy, since it was the evening and most of the employees were home with their families. Yuuri wished he could be home.

Viktor took note of Yuuri’s body language. He could tell he was anxious, anyone could see that. His shoulders were slumped down, his head pointing to the ground, and there was an odd stiffness about the way he walked, like his muscles were tight. But this was a perfect opportunity to challenge Yuuri and see him outside of the tiny therapy room. Viktor pondered whether Yuuri was anxious because of his anxiety or was it because of what happened earlier in the day, with their almost kiss.

_Do **I** make him nervous?_

Viktor hoped it was because of his anxiety, and not because of the almost kiss, but he knew deep down that, that wasn’t true.

_I can’t think when I am around him. I can’t stop myself from expressing my desires. There’s just something about him that makes me weak._

They arrived a little after then the group from their ward did, the lecture theatre was already dark. It didn’t appear to be very busy, Yuuri counted his lucky stars. The lecture theatre looked like any lecture theatre that you would find at University. With seat folding chairs in rows on an incline and a tiny table attached that could never fit any paper or books. Luckily the tiny table was foldable and slid in between the seats. At the front of the room was a big projection screen.

Viktor and Yuuri went to the back row, where Yuuri had said he would feel most comfortable since it looked like there weren’t many people back there. Pulling into the row Yuuri could faintly see Yuri and Otabek sitting next to one another in the middle of the last row. No other patient’s or staff were around them, most of the occupants were near the middle or front. Otabek was somewhat tilted back in his seat with this head back resting on the back of the seat. Yuri was reaching across to him, his hand disappearing between Otabek’s legs. At a first glace it looked like they were both watching the movie. They both haven’t noticed Yuuri and Viktor arrive. Yuuri did a fake cough and cleared his throat to signal to them somehow and indicate that he and Viktor were there. Both men jumped at the sound, Otabek scrambling to sit straighter, and Yuri taking back his hand to his lap. They could only pray that Viktor didn’t see anything.

Twenty minutes had passed since the movie started and Yuuri was still nervous as ever sitting next to Viktor. He hasn’t paid attention at all to the movie, he had no idea what was happening. His hands kept fidgeting in his lap, his palms getting sweatier. A hundred questions were running through Yuuri’s mind, questions he knew didn’t make sense, but he was still thinking about them. Viktor kept making side glances to Yuuri, observing him, he didn’t want to overwhelm him too much.

Viktor had already seen the movie that was playing and was one of those people that love to ruin it for the person who hasn’t. A certain funny scene was coming up, Viktor tapped Yuuri on the arm and leaned in close to his ear, “You gotta watch this part, its funny.” Yuuri could feel is breath tickle his ear and a shudder ran through his body. Viktor saw the shudder, a sinful smile spread on his lips seeing Yuuri’s reaction.

Yuuri shifted in his seat and rested his arm on the armrest between himself and Viktor, attempting to relax and watch the movie. At the same time Viktor also shifted and his arm and hand brushed Yuuri’s. Viktor held his arm parallel to his and wouldn’t move it away. Yuuri felt the touch, and his heart quickened, thudding loudly in his chest. He couldn’t hear anything except the sound of his blood rushing through his veins.

Viktor moved his hand a bit more, so it was slightly over Yuuri’s and his fingertips just grazing the top of Yuuri’s hand. Heat creeped up Yuuri’s hand and spread throughout his body. Feeling it crawl up his neck and face, releasing another shudder throughout his body. His breath quickened.

The hundred questions he was asking himself earlier, suddenly, turned into a thousand. Now instead of Viktor making his heart race, it was turning into panic. He pulled his arm away quickly and crossed his arms over his chest. Viktor looked at Yuuri quizzically. At first, he took it personally, thinking it was his touch that made him revolt. But he noticed the small changes in his body posture and face to know that Yuuri was getting anxious. Then it struck Viktor…

_I did this to him! I’m making him anxious. I was following my desires, feeding into my wants. I’m supposed to be helping him, not make him worse!_

Viktor leaned into Yuuri, being cautious not to get too close. “Do you want to leave Yuuri?” He looked up at his therapist, his eyes shining with unshed tears. Yuuri was on the verge of another panic attack, he needed to get out of there. Without thinking, Viktor grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the theatre, going out the back door. He let go once they were in the main hallway of the hospital.

Yuuri’s breathing was becoming erratic. He put his hands on his knees to steady himself. “Yuuri take deep breaths, do it with me like we did before.” Viktor went to go put a hand on his back, but stopped himself, he didn’t want to make it worse. Instead, he bent lower, so he could be level with Yuuri and breathed in deep through his nose and out of his mouth. Yuuri looked at him, beads of sweat came down the side of his face and neck. He copied Viktor and breathed in deep. They continued this until Yuuri’s breathing evened out, he calmed down and was standing up straight.

“Do you want to go back to the movie or…” Yuuri was already shaking his head no, averting his eyes down. “…okay Yuuri, lets go back to the unit.”

They walked in silence for a bit. Yuuri was a step or two behind Viktor. He was feeling embarrassed over the event that just occurred.

_I know I am weak. I didn’t think I could freak out like that over a little touch._

But he knew that it wasn’t just the touch that made him feel that way. He stopped in his tracks and reached out for Viktor’s wrist and grabbed it. Viktor stopped, he looked at the hand curled around his wrist. His eyes followed the arm up to the owner’s face, with a stunned expression. Yuuri was looking down at the ground.

“I-I-I don’t want you to think that was your fault. I-I…” Yuuri stammered.

“Shhh Yuuri, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have done what I did. It was inappropriate of me to do that. I am sorry. There is just something about you, I can’t stop myself.” Viktor paused for a second, reluctant to say what he was thinking while they walked. He took a deep breath. “I will be putting in a request for you to transfer to a different therapist.” Yuuri’s eyes went wide looking up at Viktor, a tear slid down his cheek.

“No! I don’t want another therapist! I want you! I-I don’t know how to explain it. Y-You make me feel different.” Viktor was dumbfounded over Yuuri’s sudden outburst. He didn’t even realise Yuuri still had a hold of his wrist and had stepped closer to him.

“Yuuri, I made you have a panic attack just now. That’s twice in one day. Never mind how inappropriate it is between us. I can’t risk being around you, I don’t trust myself.”

“That was barely a panic attack, compared to what I normally get. If it weren’t for you being there, it would have been a full-blown attack. You’re the only person that has been able to help me calm before it got worse.” Yuuri argued. He paused for a few seconds, gazing into Viktor’s eyes. “I-I need you.”

This time it was Viktor’s turn for his eyes to go wide in shock, his mouth opened to a small ‘o’. He was confused, he knew he was part of the reason Yuuri was so anxious tonight, but he was not expecting him to say that he needed him. Viktor’s face softened, but still not quite over the shock of it all. He pulled his wrist out and caught Yuuri’s hand with his own, intertwining their fingers. “Okay Yuuri, I will stay as your therapist. But you must promise me something. You must promise that you will talk to me, tell me what you need from me. Can you do that?”

Yuuri nodded once in response. He exposed a small smile, the tiniest if you weren’t look for it, just a slight lift at the corners of his mouth. Viktor noticed, then again, he notices everything about Yuuri. He made it a goal of his to make that small smile even bigger and happen more often. He reached up and brushed Yuuri’s cheek with the back of his fingers. Viktor heard a door closing somewhere down the hallway, he looked around and remembered that they were in the main hallway of the hospital, even if no one was around, there were cameras everywhere, watching. He cleared his throat and suggested they head back, not wanting to risk Yuuri or his career any further.

 

*          *          *

 

Yuri saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He glanced over and saw Viktor grab Yuuri’s hand and then rush out the back door.

_That was odd. Probably Yuuri having another panic attack. That guy needs to relax._

He waited a few minutes, but noticed they weren’t coming back. Wanting to finish where he left off, he shifted in his seat, so his body was slightly turned towards Otabek.

Yuri leaned into Otabek, his lips brushing his ear as he whispered, “Looks like they left, and we have this area to ourselves again.” Yuri slithered his hand down Otabek’s firm chest, going down his hard stomach, and then reaching a little further and grabbing what he has been longing for.

Otabek grabbed Yuri’s hand to stop him. “What if they come back, they might see us again. I don’t want to chance it.” Otabek turned his head towards the blonde. To Yuri, he didn’t look like he wanted to stop. Otabek’s mouth was slightly open and his eyes dark with lust.

“Bullshit. I doubt Viktor even saw, he’s a bit of an airhead.” Yuri continued with small movements, unable to do much since Otabek still had a hold of his hand. But Yuri could feel the bulge in his pants get bigger. Yuri nibbled at Otabek’s ear lobe, moving down his neck with kisses and little bites. Otabek let out a sigh and released Yuri’s hand. Yuri decided that it wasn’t enough and went to the waistband of his scrubs and slithered his hand underneath them. Otabek reassumed the position he had, before they were interrupted, and Yuri continued his task of pleasuring the man beside him.

 

*          *          *

 

Viktor and Yuuri walked the rest of the way to the unit in silence. Yuuri stated that he was exhausted and wanted to go to bed. The other nurses on the unit, appeared to be busy helping other patients. So, Viktor took it upon himself to see Yuuri to his room. He made the excuse in his head, it was because Yuuri didn’t have access to open his door and needed help, and not because he wanted to prolong their time together.

“Do you need me to get you anything else?” Viktor asked leaning his back against the door frame. Yuuri opened his cabinet and grabbed out pajamas for the night. Viktor notice the music player sitting on one of the shelves. He walked over and grabbed it. “What kind of music do you got on here?”

“Viktor! W-W-What are you doing in here?”

“What? I can be in here. I am your therapist and I am getting to know my patient.” Viktor stated nonchalantly, waving him off. He riffled through Yuuri’s playlist, click through different songs. He came across a playlist simply titled ‘Skating’. Curious, Viktor opened it up and perused through the songs, there weren’t that many, only four songs. “What is this playlist for?” Viktor asked, showing him the ‘Skating’ playlist.

Yuuri looked charmingly embarrassed. “They’re songs that I would like to do a skating routine with.” Viktor came across the song _History Maker_ and listened to it for a few seconds.

“Why don’t you then?” Still listening to the song.

“I’m never sure of my song picks and the choreography for them, so I leave it up to my coach instead. He knows best.” Yuuri sat on the end of his bed hugging his pajamas close to his chest. 

“Hmm, I understand. These are great song choices though Yuuri, I know you would make a great routine for them.” Viktor pulled the headphones out of his ears and put the music player away. He sat next to Yuuri at the end of the bed and waited for Yuuri to elaborate.

“How would you know I would make a good routine with them?” Yuuri asked instead.

“I know because I did research on you. I looked up some of your competition videos. You are good Yuuri. I think you’re amazing.” Viktor left out the part that he watched his videos for over an hour and multiple times each, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Yuuri flushed at the idea Viktor was doing research on him. Then turned even more red when he heard the compliment. “I do have routines for most of the songs on that list, well planned out anyways. Sometimes when I do my warm ups, I do it to those songs and routines I have mapped out in my head.” Yuuri had a far off look on his face, like he was on the ice practising in his vision. The small smile returned to Yuuri’s lips, and Viktor couldn’t help but smile.

_He looks so adorable right now. Its amazing how much he changes when he talks about skating. I could just throw him on this bed and snuggle with him, with how cute he is. Stop it Viktor! Inappropriate timing!_

“Oh! Yuuri you’re back. Wasn’t expecting you back until he movie ended.” A nurse peeked her head in his room.

“Uh y-yeah. Wasn’t feeling great and wanted to come back.” Viktor noted the lie Yuuri just told the nurse but kept his remarks to himself. The nurse turned away when she heard her name being called from down the corridor.

“Well I better get going…” Viktor stood up from the bed. “…I will book in some time for you for tomorrow, okay Yuuri? And we can finish this then.”

“Mmhm, thank you Viktor.” Yuuri clutched tighter to his pajamas. A small blush appeared on his cheeks remembering what happened after his small panic attack, the tenderness Viktor showed him.

“Goodnight Yuuri.” Viktor said in a low voice. Heat creeped up Yuuri’s cheeks, the blush deepening.

“G-Goodnight Viktor.”

 

*          *          *

 

Viktor walked back to his office to gather his things and book a few appointments before he needed to head home for the night.

_I learn more about Yuuri in a relaxed setting, instead of in a therapy session. He seems to open up to me more, and spontaneously comments about himself._

Viktor thought back to the way Yuuri was bold and told him that he needed him and wanted him to be his therapist. It made Viktor’s chest spread with joy. Then the reason they were in that position took over. Yuuri having that panic attack.

_I need to learn how to better control myself. I can’t keep getting close and touching him like that, it’s not right and it could hurt him more. But the way he reacts to my touches is addicting, its so sexy how he’s so responsive._

_Stop it Viktor! You almost got caught today. There’s just something about him that makes me forget myself, makes me forget that he is my patient. It feels so natural to be around him._

Viktor put his head in his hands. Frustration grew with the inner turmoil taking place in his head. Taking a deep breath and shaking out those thoughts, he looked through his schedule and booked Yuuri for the earliest time available he had for the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!! Comments, questions, and kudos are welcomed!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has been reading this story so far!!! I didn't even imagine this much! The amount of support thus far is amazing, and I hope I can keep up with everyone's expectations!!  
> Thank you again for reading! Kudos, comments, and questions are welcomed!! <3

Yuuri was getting ready in his room after another torturous shower, when a knock came at his door. Otabek lifted the fabric flap covering the peek-a-boo window in the door to show that it was him at the door. Yuuri walked over and opened the door to let him in.

“Good morning Yuuri. Sleep well?”

“Morning. I slept alright I guess.” Yuuri turned back to put his dirty laundry away in the cupboard, he decided that he really needed to do laundry soon, it was starting to pile up.

Otabek continued, while Yuuri puttered around his room. “I just wanted to fill you in on some things for today. Viktor emailed me last night and you have another therapy session with him later today.” Yuuri blew out the air he didn’t know he was holding. He thought, when he mentioned Viktor had emailed him, that it was going to be about what he saw between Otabek and Yuri at the lecture theatre a few days ago. “Also, your sister called this morning, she wants to visit you today and she’s coming sometime after breakfast. I hope that’s ok? You were in the shower when she called, so I took the liberty of replying for you.”

Yuuri shook his head. “No, no, that’s fine. Thank you. I was hoping she would visit soon.” Yuuri tried to avoid eye contact, and not because of his usual anxieties, but the awkwardness of what he witnessed last night. He noticed that Otabek seemed to be doing the same thing and was a little more talkative than normal.

“Uhh Yuuri…” Otabek scratched the back of his head. “I wanted to talk to you about yesterday… I’m really sorry if you saw something, and we don’t normally do that in public, I mean Viktor could have seen us and I would have been in big shit, who knows what would happen to Yuri, and…” Otabek nervously rambled on. 

“Otabek, Otabek… Otabek!” Yuuri had to raise his voice a smidge to get his attention. Otabek finally looked up at Yuuri. “It’s alright, no need to apologise. It was a bit awkward and not something I want to see again, but your secret is safe with me. I don’t think Viktor saw anyways.” Not that he thinks Viktor would say anything after the situations him and Viktor have been in.

Otabek sighed in relief. “Thank you, Yuuri. I’m really sorry that you’re getting caught up in this…”

“What is piggy caught up in?” Both men turned around to see Yuri standing in the doorway. He wore his usual leopard printed high top sneakers, paired with army green skinny jeans that looked like a second skin on his legs, and a tight black V-neck t-shirt. His hair was loose around his shoulders and a bit damp from his shower. Otabek’s eyes traveled up and down Yuri, darkening a bit. Yuri smirked knowing full well the effect he had on him.

Otabek realised he was starring a bit too long, cleared his throat and actively looked away from Yuri. “I was saying thank you and apologising to him about yesterday.”

“Oh ok. You won’t say anything right piggy?” Yuri glared towards the other Yuuri, making him jump back a bit a close in like a turtle.

“I-I said I won’t. I-I promised the last time…”

“Jeeze relax already. I’m just making sure.” Yuri waved his hand at him and walked off towards the day area.

“Sorry about him. I seem to be apologising a lot this morning. He has a difficult time perceiving other people needs or feelings. We’re working on it.”

“No need to explain.” Both men stood looking around the room. “So, you said I had an appointment today with Viktor? On a Saturday?” Yuuri tried to change the subject and distract himself.

“Huh? Oh! Right… The therapists work some odd weekend shifts here and there. This weekend is Viktor’s weekend. Your appointment is at 1:00 today. I think breakfast should be here by now, plus your sister should be here soon.”

“Right. Thanks. I should go get something to eat then.” Yuuri walked passed Otabek, only to remember he was still in his room, and waited for him to follow. They walked together in silence towards the day area, still feeling that uneasiness between them. Yuuri wondered how long that feeling was going to take to go away. It was starting to be too much.  

 

*          *          *

 

Yuuri just finished eating when he saw his sister Mari walk into the day area. She looked around nervously for her brother. Yuuri headed over to his sister.

“Mari-neechan!” He said as he gave her a hug.

“Hey, little brother.” She squeezed him back.

“Would you guys like to go to the family visitor’s room?” Stated the nurse that stood by. Both nodded and followed the nurse to the room. Once in the room, Mari plopped herself on the couch, while Yuuri took the chair opposite of her. They waited for the nurse to leave the room before they started talking.

“Sorry, little bro it took me so long to come and visit. The doctor recommended that I don’t visit for a while, so that you can have time to adjust.”

“Mh…” Yuuri shook his head. “Its okay.”

“I brought you some of your favourite snacks. I’m sure the food here sucks.” She stuck out her tongue in disgust. “The nurses took it from me though.”

Yuuri chuckled. “Thank you, the food is terrible here. I don’t even know what half of it is on my plate. A person can’t live off of just pudding alone.”

There was a short pause between the siblings. “Uhh… So how are you doing? I’ve read your emails, but I want to hear it from you.” Mari asked.

“I’m doing alright. It’s a bit scary here with some of the patients, but I’m managing. I have a therapist who I like.” Yuuri snorted inwardly at that understatement. “I think I can trust him.”

“Good. I’m glad you like him. I know you have a hard time talking to people, so if he can make you talk and get better then I’m happy for you.” Yuuri nodded. He looked at his sister and could tell that she was hiding something.

“What’s wrong Mari-neechan?”

Mari sighed. “I’m sorry I put you in here Yuuri. I didn’t know what else to do. Mom, Dad, and I were all worried about you when you stopped calling and emailing. Your roommate Phichit got a hold of us and told us how you were withdrawn, and your skating and school was suffering. I didn’t know…”

“Hey, its okay.” Yuuri interrupted his sister. He sat on the couch next to her and gave her hug. “You don’t have to apologise. I didn’t know how bad it was until I got here. I think I just kind of surviving day by day and not realising it. I’m getting help now, and I feel a bit better.” Attempting to lessen the worry and stress his sister was holding on to.

Mari wiped away a tear that fell from her eye. She nodded her response and gave him a hug back. “There’s one more thing I have to tell you.” Yuuri looked at her questioningly. “I have to go back to Japan. Mom and Dad need help at the resort. I spoke to the doctors and they are changing your status to voluntary, now that they have assessed you.”

Yuuri’s face fell when he heard his sister was leaving back home. “I understand. I didn’t even expect you to come all this way anyways. Wait, what do you mean voluntary?”

“When I admitted you, they had your status as involuntary, which meant only I or the doctor could give you the okay to leave. Now that they have assessed you and see that you are not a threat to yourself or anyone, you are now voluntary. You can leave whenever you want.”

_I can leave??_

Yuuri’s face lit up when he heard the news. “I can really leave here?!”

“Yes, you can.” She grabbed his hands in hers. Worry showing in her eyes. “Yuuri I want you to think about it though. Are you ready to leave? What if you go back to the way things were. You won’t be able to see the therapist your seeing now and…”

Yuuri couldn’t hear what Mari was saying anymore, he stopped listening. He slumped his shoulders, he knew she was right. He didn’t want to go backwards but wanted to move ahead and get back to his skating. Back to the ice. He had a taste of hope and wanted more. Deep down, even if he didn’t want to admit it, he didn’t want to leave Viktor.

“Yuuri? Yuuri? Are you listening to me?” Mari waved a hand in front of his face.

Yuuri blinked a few times, coming back to reality. “Sorry, I heard you. I’ll think about it okay Mari-neechan?”

“Thank you Yuuri, I really don’t want to have to fly half way around the world again.” Both siblings chuckled. Mari and Yuuri talked for a while catching up. Only for Mari to state that she had to leave to catch her flight. They hugged each other once more at the door to the unit, both with unshed tears in their eyes, and promises of talking soon. The door closed behind her. Yuuri felt alone again, like when she first brought him here. He walked back to his room and flopped on his bed, feeling trapped and a million questions running through his head.

 

*          *          *

 

Yuuri stayed in his room the rest of the morning. He tried catching up on some readings that he missed for his classes, but it was no use, he couldn’t concentrate. His thoughts kept drifting off to what he and his sister spoke about.

_I can leave this place. I don’t have to be here anymore. I can get back to the ice._

_But Mari is right. I should stay until the doctor tells me that I am okay to leave. Am I ready to leave?_

Just as he would convince himself that he should go, Viktor would pop into his head. Yuuri was so confused, he didn’t understand the sensations he had when around him. He tried looking at it logically, that Viktor was helping him, he seemed to be the only person that he could talk to, well almost, and he was able to calm him down from a panic attack. But it was no use, his emotions would flare at the thought of Viktor. His heart would jump into his throat when he thought of him being so close. Was he really helping or was it something else?

Someone burst into Yuuri’s room while he was deep in thought. He jumped out of bed and onto the floor with his books and notes strewn everywhere.

“Heya! Sorry ‘bout that. I did knock, no need to be so scared.” Yuuri peeked from the side of the bed to see a man standing in his doorway. He was tall, with jet black hair and an undercut similar to Otabek’s, but a little longer. Yuuri’s eyes travelled to the man’s face and instantly didn’t like him, he had an arrogant look about him that rubbed Yuuri the wrong way.

“S-Sorry.” Yuuri bowed his head and gathered his things from the floor.

“I’m JJ.” He announced, like it was supposed to mean something. “Otabek is a little tied up with something, and I, being ever so helpful, offered to take you to your therapy session with Viktor. Plus, I wanted to meet you.”

“Oh. O-okay. Thanks.” Yuuri mumbled. He got up from the floor and followed JJ to the therapy room.

“Viktor is assigned to you, _but_ if you need anything at all you let me know. Viktor is good and all, but I’m a better therapist. I understand you, Yuuri. I think if you and I talked more or met sooner you would already be out of here.” He clapped Yuuri on the back. Yuuri jumped and tensed up, pulling his shoulders up to his ears.  “Relax Yuuri, jeeze you’re so scared all the time eh?”

They entered the group therapy room and turned the corner, towards the single room. Viktor was already there waiting for Yuuri. When he looked up and saw him, Viktor’s smile grew, and his eyes shone. JJ’s eyebrow raised up in question to Viktor’s reaction to seeing Yuuri. Viktor noticed JJ and tried his best to compose himself, to the professional therapist that he was.

He cleared his throat. “Hello Yuuri.” He turned to JJ. “What are you doing here?”

“I finished a session with a patient early and took one for the team and brought him here for you.”

“Thank you, JJ. Take a seat, Yuuri.” He turned his back to his colleague giving him the hint to leave. JJ rolled his eyes at the ignorant therapist and turned around and headed out the way he came, but just before he left the group therapy room he looked back and caught a glimpse of Viktor, through the peek-a-boo window in the door, stepping in close to Yuuri and embracing him. He smirked and continued out the door.

 

*          *          *

 

Yuuri’s eyes were wide and his body stiffened. After a few seconds of the initial shock, Yuuri relaxed and felt a familiar warmth spread throughout his body. He took a deep breath, the smell of the ocean, which reminded him of home, and a hint of musk filled his nostrils. Arms tightened around his waist, his face moved in closer to the intoxicating smell. He could feel his body relaxing. Suddenly, those arms were gone, and a coldness swept over him.

“Sorry Yuuri… I…” Viktor was at a loss for words. He didn’t know what overcame him and made him embrace Yuuri like that. “It looked like you needed a hug, especially after dealing with JJ.” He said with a lilt to his voice trying to pass off as nonchalant and failing miserably. Yuuri didn’t know what to say, so he nodded his head and sat down on the couch, feeling colder.

Viktor sat on the chair opposite of Yuuri and opened his notebook. “I want to start today and talk about the panic attack that you had during our last session.” Yuuri slouched at the sound of that, and his hands started fidgeting in his lap.

_It seems that’s all he ever wants to talk about. Doesn’t he realise I hate talking about them. I don’t know why they happen, they just do._

“I know you don’t like talking about them…” Yuuri gawked at Viktor, wondering if he could read his mind. “…but you need to understand them. We both do, we need to tackle the roots of the anxiety. Just like roots on a tree there are many and they are all connected.” Yuuri solemnly nodded. Viktor continued. “Now, just before your panic attack during our session, what were you feeling?”

Yuuri wanted to tell Viktor about, what he feels are the shadows smothering him but wasn’t sure if Viktor would even take him seriously or just laugh at him. It was the only way he knew how to describe it. How he saw it in his head. Before he knew it, words were coming out his mouth. “I feel like I’m being suffocated, everything goes dark and silent. My body tightens up and feels hot and cold, its so confusing. A weight feels like it’s pressing on me holding me down making it hard for me to breathe.” Yuuri sighed, he felt like a bit of that weight was lifted from his chest. He actively looked at his hands and avoided taking a glimpse at Viktor. He didn’t want to see his face and be disappointed too soon.

Viktor’s eyes widened slightly at the description Yuuri just gave, and how willingly he gave it. He put a finger to his mouth in thought. “What helps you get out of that darkness?”

There was a long pause while Yuuri thought about his answer. Not wanting to ruin the moment, Viktor remained silent and waited patiently. “I skate. Whenever I felt anxious or nervous about anything, I would go to the skating rink I practiced at and they would let me have the rink to myself. If I couldn’t do that, then I would go to my old ballet instructor’s studio and dance. But I never really got panic attacks back then.”

Viktor smiled at the thought of Yuuri doing ballet. It made his heart pound in his chest. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “Yuuri, I’m going to ask you a difficult question, and I want you to really think about it. Take your time with it. Why do you think this happens to you? Not what science says, or the Psychiatrist says, or anything. Why do you think you get anxious and have your panic attacks?” It wasn’t a difficult question, Yuuri already knew the answer to it.

“I’m weak.” Yuuri whispered his answer.

“Yuuri, I think you’re far from being weak.”

“I am weak! I’m pathetic! I can’t even make a simple decision without falling apart. I have a tough time going in public, constantly thinking people are judging me and criticising me. That those same people are going to hurt me and bring me down even further.” Yuuri started raising his voice in frustration. Not at Viktor, but at himself. He smashed a fist on the seat beside him. He glared at Viktor, daring him to challenge him.

Viktor took that challenge. “I disagree. I think for you to go through what you do and continue to do it everyday, makes you the strongest person I know....” Yuuri was surprised by his comment. Viktor continued, “…In order for us to continue, what is it that you want from me? What do you want me to be to you? Other than just a therapist, I can try and be more to help you grow and mend.” Yuuri blinked in confusion. “Do you want me to be like a father figure?” Yuuri shook his head slowly. “A friend? A brother?” Yuuri shook his head again.

“I want you to be you.” He was finally able to whisper out. A small blush formed on Viktor’s cheeks. “I don’t know what it is, but… but I trust you. I feel better just _being_ around you.”

Viktor stood up from his chair and walked over to Yuuri. His heart beating against his chest. He grabbed his hands and pulled him up from the couch. With the limited space between the couch and the coffee table, their bodies grazed against each other. “I can do that for you, Yuuri.” Viktor said in a low whispered tone. He let go of his hands and pulled him into another embrace.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave any comments or questions, or just a kudos, I love hearing from you guys!

Yuuri was in his room getting ready for the day when a soft knock came at the door. He opened it and his eyes widened in shock.

“V-Viktor! Wh-What…”

Viktor laughed out loud at how adorable Yuuri was. Then he looked even closer at the man in front of him and his heart started beating faster. Yuuri wore a tight navy athletic shirt that clung to every toned muscle, and black athletic pants that hugged his hips and thighs nicely. Viktor brushed passed Yuuri into his room.

“Get ready Yuuri, we are going out!” Viktor dangled a pair of car keys.

“Wh-What? Where? What do you mean going out?” Viktor chuckled again.

_He’s just so cute when he’s frazzled._

“What I mean is, today for our session, instead of being in a stuffy small room, we are going out of the hospital and going somewhere… special. Somewhere I think you might enjoy.”

“B-But how?”

“I booked one of the hospital outing vans. I am your therapist, so I am allowed to take you out of the hospital for a bit.” Viktor’s smile never faltered. “So come on! Get your shoes on, we don’t have all day. Oh! Forget about having the disgusting breakfast here, were going to stop by and pick something up.” Yuuri was still confused over what was happening, but quickly put on his shoes and grabbed his jacket and followed him out the door.

A few minutes later, Yuuri was sitting in the front seat of the van, his hands fidgeting in his lap as Viktor drove. They both sat in silence, with the radio playing softly in the background. Viktor pulled the van onto a side street and parked in front of a café.

“First stop, breakfast! I am starving.” Viktor rang out while getting out of the van. Yuuri reluctantly got out of the van and followed Viktor to the café, following one step behind him.

The café was small but homey, and thankfully not that busy. The display case presented various pastries and cakes. Viktor stood with a finger on his chin in front of the counter, perusing the menu and display case. “Hmmm, I think I might go with a croissant. No, maybe a muffin. Ah! I don’t know! It all looks so good! What are you going to get Yuuri?”

“I-I don’t have any money on me, its back in the nursing station at the hospital.” Yuuri looked down at the ground, embarrassed.

“I know it is. It’s my treat. But don’t tell any of the other patients.” Viktor put a finger to his lips in a shushing motion and winked. Yuuri blushed and he smiled his small smile that Viktor loved so much.

A few moments later and 20 back and forth decisions from Viktor on what he wanted, they sat at a small round table by the window. Viktor took a bite of his croissant “Vkusno!” Yuuri let out a giggle; he covered his mouth in surprise on what had escaped it. He hasn’t giggled in a very long time. Viktor looked up from his croissant, beaming at Yuuri upon hearing that beautiful sound that left his lips. Yuuri’s face flushed and he picked up his tea in order to focus on something else.

Viktor took a sip of his fancy coffee and observed Yuuri over his mug. He noted that his eyes kept darting around the café; his body posture seemed tense and rigid. Viktor put down his coffee cup, with all seriousness plastered on his face. “As your therapist, I have to ask you. How are you feeling right now, being out of the hospital and in this environment?”

Yuuri took a bite out of his muffin, thinking as he chewed. He did feel slightly anxious, which was his normal, whenever he went out in public. But for some reason, he didn’t feel like he usually felt. Like his anxiousness was dialed back a bit. Normally when someone asked him how he was doing, he would lie and say that he was fine, not wanting anyone to fret over him. He didn’t want to lie to Viktor; he made a promise to him the night of the movie. “I-I am feeling a bit anxious, but…” Yuuri paused, unsure how to continue.

“But what, Yuuri?” Viktor inquired.

“I don’t feel like I normally do. I am not comfortable being here, but I feel like it’s more… manageable. I think it’s because you are here with me.” Yuuri looked down at his hands on the table, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.  Viktor smiled the biggest smile, his heart racing. He couldn’t believe what he just heard, and it filled him with such ecstasy. Not knowing what to say in response, which was rare, he reached across the table and grabbed one of Yuuri’s hands into his own. Yuuri lifted his head, still red from embarrassment from his comment. They eyed each other, without saying any words, Yuuri understood what Viktor was trying to convey, and a small smile spread across his lips.

Viktor broke the silence first. “Let’s get going.” Yuuri nodded once and followed Viktor out the door, walking side by side.

*          *          * 

Viktor pulled up to a building that Yuuri didn’t recognise. It was a plain brick building with large windows. Viktor hopped out of the van. He went to the back of it, pulling out a duffle bag from the trunk. Yuuri was even more confused.

_What is this place?_

_What are we doing here?_

_How is this part of therapy?_

More and more questions ran through his mind. He didn’t like not knowing what was going on. Yuuri fell back a step behind Viktor, he grabbed onto the back of his jacket to get his attention. Viktor turned around and saw Yuuri’s eyes wide and darting, his breathing was accelerating, and his hands were wringing together close to his chest. Viktor quickly sprung into action, not wanting to make Yuuri feel even more anxious. He reached out and pulled him in an embrace, feeling his body trembling against his own. Viktor leaned closer and whispered reassurances and reminding him to keep breathing in his ear, while stroking his head and back. He knew that the approach he was taking was not entirely appropriate and not at all what a therapist should be doing with a patient. But at that moment he didn’t care, his only thought was Yuuri.

“I’m not going to leave your side Yuuri. Everything is going to be fine, I promise.” Viktor pulled back a little, he put his hand under Yuuri’s chin to pull his head up, so he could see his face. “Do you trust me?”

Yuuri’s mouth fell open. He nodded twice. Viktor could feel Yuuri’s body start to relax and released him. “Good. Then follow me. I promise you will like this.” He grabbed him by the hand and dragged him towards the building. Yuuri’s hand still slightly trembling.

They went in through a side door and climbed the stairs to the second floor. There was one door when they reached the top, and on it, announced it was a dance studio.

“A d-dance studio?” Yuuri asked surprised.

Viktor laughed quietly and pulled out a ring of keys, fumbling to find the right one. “Yes, it’s a dance studio. A friend of mine owns it, so he sometimes lets me use it when he doesn’t have classes.” Viktor found the right key and unlocked the door.

“How? Why? You mean I can…? Wait… You dance?” Yuuri was still dazed and couldn’t formulate full sentences. He was excited, nervous, and full of joy at the thought he could dance, he missed it so much.

Viktor laughed a full belly laugh. He grabbed Yuuri by the hand, ignoring all his questions. “Come on, lets go in.”

The whole second floor of the building was the dance studio. As soon as they walked in, there were benches on one side with little cubbies to put your shoes, and on the other side were hooks to hand up coats. They walked further into the studio passing the front desk, and beyond that were the changerooms. Once they passed the hall the space opened into a wide-open area. On the far wall were floor to ceiling windows expanding the full length of the room, mirrors covered the rest of the three walls. Ballet barre’s ran across the mirrors and even extended across the windowed wall. The polished hardwood floors gleamed with wear. Yuuri walked further into the room, smelling the familiar smell only dance studios can provide.

“I’m going to go change. In the meantime, why don’t you look around, get familiar.” Viktor turned on his heel and headed back to the changerooms.

“Change? What do you mean?” Viktor was already gone. Yuuri shrugged and wondered around the room.

_What are we doing here anyways?_

_What does he expect me to do?_

_What is he planning?_

Yuuri heard the door to the changeroom close, he turned towards the sound. Viktor came around the corner with his duffle bag in his hands, setting it down by the doorway. Yuuri’s mouth went dry at the sight of Viktor. He wore black knit pants that hugged his hips and thighs, they fell loose around his knees since they were being held up by an elastic hem that he pulled up to just about mid calf. Yuuri’s eyes traveled up, licking his already dry lips, Viktor had on a tight white V-neck t-shirt that left very little to the imagination. He already had on a pair of ballet shoes and padded his way over to the dumbfounded Yuuri.

“Here, these are yours. I spoke to your sister before she left for Japan and she brought these over.” Viktor handed him his own pair of ballet shoes.

“T-Thank you.” He grabbed the pair of shoes from Viktor. Feeling the familiar material brought a sense of calmness to his mind.

“I also left some practice clothes for you that your sister brought. I laid them out in the changeroom for you.”

Yuuri nodded and hurried off to the changerooms. Yuuri smiled at the clothes his sister had brought him. His favourite pair of grey jogging pants that were tight around the ankles and a blue crew neck t-shirt were laid out for him on a bench. Yuuri hastily got dressed and put on his ballet shoes before leaving the changeroom.

Yuuri turned the corner to the dance area and stopped dead in his tracks. Viktor was in the middle of the dance floor executing a pirouette. He gracefully took a few steps with his arms raised at shoulder level and completed another pirouette and repeated the graceful steps. When Viktor did another pirouette he continued rotating, his free leg kicking out to gain momentum. Yuuri was mesmerized by Viktor, he was elegant and beautiful. Viktor ended his rotations facing Yuuri with one leg straight back with his foot turned to the side, his front leg slightly bent with this foot turned the other way. His arms were raised, one arm forward and upwards, while the other was pointing slightly downwards and was behind him. A small blush appeared on Viktor’s cheeks, and he quickly moved out of position.

“Y-You dance?” Yuuri asked, unable to form anymore words.

“Mmhm. I studied since I was a child in Russia. I came to New York where I joined the New York City Ballet Company. I was a principal dancer for several years.” Viktor’s eyes shined with his memories of him in his prime. But his eyes quickly filled with sorrow. “Unfortunately, during a practice, I injured my ankle and knee while landing a jump. I never fully healed from either injury, thus ending my career.”

Yuuri walked over to Viktor and wrapped his arms around his waist. Viktor was taken back by his actions. After a few seconds, Viktor relaxed and hugged him in return. Yuuri let go from the hug first. “I’m so sorry.”

Viktor smiled, and cupped Yuuri’s cheek. “I’ve accepted what happened. At first, I was depressed, unable to do anything. I pushed those closest to me away, I was lonely and angry. I found myself in and out of hospitals as well. It’s what led me to be a therapist.” He paused for a second, seeing the memories show in his eyes. He continued. “I still dance. I help my friend, who owns this studio, teach some classes. But I can’t dance at the professional level I once was.” Viktor took a step back, taking a deep breath. “But we are not here for me, we are here for you, so let’s get to it.” Clapping his hands once, he turned and retrieved his phone from the duffle bag and plugged it into the stereo system.

“I still don’t get why we are here.” Yuuri asked, as Viktor scanned his music library on his phone.

“We are here because you said skating and dancing are the things you do to make you feel better. I also believe it is part of your anxieties as well.

“Eh?” Yuuri was so confused. How could something that he turned to for comfort, that he made him feel more at ease than anything else, be a source of his anxieties?

“First things first, warm ups!” Viktor passed by a stunned Yuuri to the middle of the floor to complete his warm up. “Yuuri! We don’t have all day you know! Get over here!” Viktor called out, waking Yuuri from his paralysis.

_I can’t believe I am doing this. This still doesn’t make any sense to me._

Yuuri sauntered over to Viktor and commenced his normal warm up and stretching routine. He looked over at Viktor while he was engaged in his own stretches. He was astonished at how incredibly flexible Viktor was. Viktor held onto the barre and effortlessly pulled one leg straight up into a vertical split, slowly lowering his torso deepening the stretch. Viktor looked back at him, and Yuuri felt a small blush form on his cheeks. He looked away, suddenly finding his feet that were pointed in front of him more interesting. Viktor laughed quietly, smiling at how endearing he was, without even meaning to be.

“Shall we start now?” Viktor asked.

“What are we doing?” Viktor smirked and walked over to the stereo system. He found the song he was looking for and hit play.

A familiar song filled Yuuri’s ears, making him perk up with wide eyes. “T-This is…”

Viktor chuckled. “I heard this song on your ‘Skating’ playlist. It suites you. You said that you wanted to do a routine with this song. So, lets see what you got so far.”

“Eh?”

“I know its not quite the ice, but we can translate it to the dance floor for now.” Yuuri could already dance it off the ice, it was his go to routine when practicing. Viktor paused the music and waited for Yuuri to get into position. When he got to the middle of the floor, Yuuri took a deep breath to help center himself and calm his nerves. He was getting anxious, he’s done this routine over and over, but never in front of anyone, not even his coach. Yuuri got into position and nodded at Viktor to start the music.

_History Maker_ rang loudly over the speakers. Yuuri started to move his body to the sound of it. This time it was Viktor’s turn to be mesmerized. He was completely entranced by the man moving across the dance floor. He’s seen his skating videos, but to see him in person creating the music with his body was even more astonishing. Viktor noted that Yuuri seemed a bit stiff and off balance, almost falling a few times.

_If he is this captivating now being all awkward, then he’s going to be incredible when he is more comfortable. I can’t wait to see what he can do._

Yuuri posed as the music ended. Viktor enthusiastically clapped. “That was very good Yuuri.” Yuuri blushed at the compliment. “But I need to know, what’s on your mind?”

“Eh? N-Nothing. I-I’m fine!”

“Yuuuurrriiii…” Viktor said in a monotoned voice. “…I can tell your thinking too much about something, your body is stiff, you almost fell a few times, and you’re not focused.”

Yuuri felt defeated. It was like Viktor could see right through him. “I never performed that in front of anyone before.” Yuuri looked down at the ground, his hands fidgeting.

“When you start a new routine, no one sees it until you first perform it right?”

“Well yes…”

“So, what’s the difference between the first performance in a competition and this one?” Challenged Viktor.

“Usually my coach is the one that creates the routine. I just skate it.”

“Hmm… I see.” Viktor put a finger to his chin in thought. “Let’s do it together. Teach me your routine.”

“Huh?”

“Come on! Teach me!” Viktor grabbed Yuuri by the arm and dragged him to the dance floor.

After an hour of learning and repeating the routine, Viktor fell back on the floor, panting, his arms and legs spread out like a starfish. He noted that part way through the last hour Yuuri seemed like he was having fun. His smile grew a little bigger and he even laughed at one of Viktor’s jokes.

“Viktor, can you show me that move again, I think I want to add it into the routine.” Viktor had gone rogue at one point forgetting the next step, he improvised something else.

“Yuuri, aren’t you tired? Your stamina is incredible.” Dirty thoughts flashed into Viktor’s mind. He shook his head to get rid of them. “Give me a minute to catch my breath.”

Yuuri couldn’t wait, he was too excited. He’s never felt that much bliss dancing before. He loved to dance and skate, but he never felt before what he felt when he was dancing with Viktor just now. Yuuri went through his routine again. Viktor watched him from the floor. He was completely different from an hour ago, when he first did it. He elegantly moved across the dancefloor. Viktor was enthralled at the site of Yuuri.

_He’s so beautiful._

Viktor got up from the floor and joined Yuuri. Mimicking his movements next to him, dancing together as one. Near the end of the routine, Viktor went rogue again. He reached out and grabbed Yuuri’s arm and spun him towards him. He caught him with his other arm and dipped Yuuri. Their faces were a few inches apart. Yuuri’s eyes were wide with surprise. Both panting from dancing.

Viktor let go of Yuuri’s hand he was still holding and slid it along his side up to his face. His other hand remained still on his lower back. They held like that for what seemed like forever, looking into the each other’s eyes. Viktor leaned in closer, their lips a hair breadth away from each other. When Yuuri didn’t pull back, Viktor closed that gap and pressed their lips together. The kiss started out chaste at first, but quickly grew into something more passionate. Yuuri moved his arms so they encircled around Viktor’s head and neck. One hand went into his hair, feeling the silky softness of it. Viktor grew more aroused by the response Yuuri gave. He darted his tongue out and licked the other man’s lips. Yuuri granted him access and opened his mouth to him. The kiss deepening. Yuuri pulled away breathless, his heart beating wildly against his chest, his face flush. Viktor took in what Yuuri looked like with his lips swollen and pink. He leaned down and kissed him again, an innocent touch of lips.

Music started playing startling both men. Viktor lifted Yuuri up from the dip, he walked over to his phone and picked it up. Yuuri stayed where he was trying to figure out what had just happened.

“That was the hospital, we have to go back now.”

Without saying a word, Yuuri nodded and headed to the changerooms to get out of the sweaty practice clothes. Viktor watched him leave and went to go pick up the towels and water bottles, when it finally hit him.

_Holy shit. I just kissed my patient._

_It was a good kiss though._

Viktor blushed thinking back to how Yuuri looked after they pulled away. He groaned inwardly knowing that he was wrong to have done that. But he couldn’t stop himself. Yuuri came back into the room with his clothes in his arms.

“You can just put them in the duffel bag for now Yuuri. I’m going to go change, I’ll be right back.” Before he left the room, Viktor went over to Yuuri, his hand going to the side of his neck and head and gave him a chaste kiss on the forehead. Yuuri’s lips pulled up into his small smile, and watched Viktor go into the changerooms.

Yuuri waited for Viktor at the front door with the duffel bag. He came out after a few minutes. Neither said a word to each other while Viktor locked up the dance studio. The drive back to the hospital was filled with deafening silence. Yuuri just stared out the window, trying not to think about what just took place and what it all meant. Viktor occasionally side glanced at Yuuri, worried he might have made things worse for him.

Once back at the hospital, Viktor handed Yuuri his practice clothes and ballet shoes, he held them close to his chest. Taking a deep breath Yuuri peeked up at Viktor. “Thank you for today.” He quickly turned on his heels and headed to his room before Viktor could say anything.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all amazing! Thank you so, so much!! Hope you don't hate me too much after this chapter. I did put in a smidgen of good stuff to balance it :)   
> Please leave any questions or comments, I love to hear from you! <3

Otabek was worried about Yuuri. He hasn’t come out of his room since he got back from his outing with Viktor the other day. Otabek kept checking on him and coaxing him to get out of bed, but Yuuri would just ignore him and roll over.

Otabek left Yuuri’s room with a sigh. Yuri leaned his back against the wall next to Yuuri’s door, with his arms crossed and one leg bent with the foot on the wall. “What’s up with piggy?”

“I don’t know. He went on an outing with Viktor the other day, and he hasn’t moved since he got back. I can’t get him to eat or drink. He’s taking his medication but, he won’t even look or speak to me. I don’t know what to do.” Otabek looked defeated.

“Lemme try.”

“Yuri, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You have a… certain… effect on people and sometimes you can be a bit… harsh. Yuuri is fragile right now. Plus, you’re a fellow patient…”

“Oh please, like what you’re doing is any better. And I am not harsh.” Yuri put his hands on his hips and stomped a foot. “You never complained anyways.” Yuri winked, and a finger sliding along Otabek’s chest as he pushed passed him into Yuuri’s room, slamming the door behind him, he left a flabbergasted Otabek on the other side.

“Get out of bed piggy! This is ridiculous!” Otabek heard Yuri yell. He shook his head with a sigh. He was about to go in and interrupt but thought better of it, instead he turned and walked away. 

_Maybe he’s right, this might be what Yuuri needs._

Meanwhile in Yuuri’s bedroom, Yuri ripped off his blankets, exposing a curled-up man underneath. Yuri flopped on the bed next to him. “What’s your deal?”

Yuuri peeked over his shoulder. “What do you care? You don’t even like me. What are you doing in my room anyways?”

“I care… a little. You’re not all that bad. I mean you need to learn to relax a little.”

“Says the person who throws a fit when they get the wrong food items on their tray.” Yuuri mumbled.

“Whatever. So are you going to tell me what the problem is or are you going to continue to be a baby.”

Yuuri winced at the words Yuri spat at him. “I can’t tell you.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

Yuuri sighed. “I _can’t_. Something…” Yuuri paused trying to think of the best way to describe it without giving anything away. “…happened on my outing with Viktor, and… I don’t know what to think or feel, I don’t even know how to explain what I am feeling.”

“Can you at least say whether this something was good or bad?”

Yuuri thought for a moment. He sat up in bed, pulling his knees to his chest. “I don’t even know. I-Its both I guess.”

“Well just because this something happened doesn’t mean you can hole yourself in here. You stink, and you need to eat something. Its no use lying around thinking about it. If you won’t, or _can’t_ talk to me, talk to your therapist about it, that’s why they’re here dummy. But just get the fuck up already.” Yuri stood up and grabbed Yuuri by the arm to pull him up.

“I don’t stink.” Yuuri grumbled, stubbornly planting himself to the bed.

Yuri gave up trying to drag him out of bed. He went over to his closet and riffled through his things. He threw some clothes at him, mostly landing on his head. “Yes, you do. Now go shower.”

“If it means you will leave me alone then fine.” Yuuri reluctantly got out of bed, gathering the clothes that were thrown at him. He grabbed his hygiene bag from the closet and followed the other Yuri out the door.

“You’ll feel better after this.”

“Yuuri! You’re out of bed!” Otabek rushed over to him.

“Yeah… I didn’t really have much of a choice.” Yuuri complained. Meanwhile the other Yuri looked at Otabek with a proud smug look on his face. Otabek rolled his eyes and him and assisted Yuuri with getting towels for his shower.

 

*          *          *

 

_I can’t take this feeling anymore._

_This guilt is eating at me._

Yuuri’s shower turned hostile. His mind usually quieted when he took a shower. But his thoughts kept racing. The pit of his stomach felt like knots pulling tighter and tighter. Every muscle ached from his body being tense. He was emotionally and physically drained, and not having slept for two nights didn’t help his situation either. He took the fastest shower imaginable and ran back to his room, relieved his door was still ajar.

He could feel the panic setting in, the darkness looming over him. He clambered onto his bed and tried to relax his body. It has been an ongoing battle trying to fight off the shadow that was growing. Sometimes he was successful, other times he wasn’t. He felt he was losing this fight against all his anxieties, he was giving into them.

The shadow crashed into him hard. His heart rate elevated and banged against his ribs. The deafening silence swallowed him whole. His vision narrowed to pin pricks. His breath was laboured and shallow, it felt like a boulder was on his chest crushing him.

Yuuri closed his eyes, trying to remember what Viktor tells him to do. He pictured Viktor and the other times he helped him through his panic attacks. He felt the warmth that he has now associated with him start to expand across his chest. The boulder on his chest started to crack. The more he thought about Viktor the easier it became. Until it felt like that boulder obliterated and he was able to take a deep breath. The shadow slowly slithered back to its depths with each breath. His heart was slowing down. He fell over onto his side, exhausted.

His thoughts shifted to Viktor’s tenderness. His soothing words and soft touches. He imagined what it would feel like to have his head resting on Viktor’s lap with his fingers running through his hair, soothing him. His thoughts progressed to the kiss they shared at the dance studio. Yuuri groaned inwardly, his body filling with want. His heart raced again, not in panic, but with need. He rolled over to his other side and pulled the blankets up, reassuming his fetal position. Refusing to leave his bed the rest of the day.

 

*          *          *

 

Viktor came in that Monday morning with excitement brewing in his heart at seeing Yuuri. The weekend felt long without being able to see him, he missed him. He hated how things ended on the Friday. Unable to talk about the kiss and how they both felt about it. About each other.

But it gave him sometime to really think about what he wanted. He knew in his heart that he wanted Yuuri and would risk everything for him. But his head was filled with logic and tried to convince himself to at least wait until Yuuri was discharged to pursue something more. He decided to take the middle ground and wait to see how Yuuri felt.

With a sigh, he settled at his computer, going through his never-ending emails. Once he finished with that tedious task, he opened the hospital program to review his patients notes from the weekend. Opening Yuuri’s chart, he started reading in horrified shock. He left the rest of his patient updates and hurried off.

He got to the nursing station and saw Sara charting on the computer and knew she was one of the nurses that worked over the weekend. “Sara, what happened with Yuuri?” He asked in a panicked tone.

“Oh! Hey Viktor.” She brought out her best flirtatious smile, completely ignoring his question. “You’re looking good today. Did you have a nice weekend?”

Viktor waved off her question. “Yeah, yeah. What happened with Yuuri over the weekend? You were here right?”

“Yes, I was.” Sounding slightly annoyed that she was brushed off. “He was acting all weird. Otabek was assigned to him all weekend, he said he was worried about him. He tried to get him out of bed, only was able to a couple times for some food, which he barely had, and a shower. Other than that, he didn’t move, and night staff said he was observed to be awake all three nights during their rounds. When offered a PRN to help him sleep, he refused it.”

“Is he still in his room?”

“Yeah, I think so, I haven’t gone by his room yet.”

“Thanks.” Viktor mumbled as he walked off towards Yuuri’s room.

Viktor knocked softly on Yuuri’s door, waiting for a response. When he didn’t hear one, he took his keys out and opened it. He saw Yuuri curled in on himself on his side, his back facing the door. Closing the door behind him, he inched further into the room until he got to the bed. “Yuuri…?” He bent over him trying to see his face, still he got no response. He touched his arm. “Yuuri…” Yuuri twitched where Viktor touched him.

_He’s awake. Why is he ignoring me?_

“Yuuri, I know your awake.” Trying to hide the hurt in his voice.

“Please go away. I don’t want you to see me.” Yuuri pulled his bedsheet over to cover his face.

“I told you before, I’m not going anywhere.” Viktor sat down on the edge of his bed. He crossed his arms over his chest. “So, whenever you are ready, I am right here.”

An audible sigh could be heard from underneath the blankets. He shifted and sat up in bed, leaning his back against the headboard. Viktor made a small gasp when he took in Yuuri’s appearance. He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair was dishevelled along with his clothes, and his skin looked ghostly pale. Yuuri pulled up his knees to his chest, knowing how he felt probably showed in how he looked.

Viktor composed himself, turning into therapist mode. “Yuuri talk to me, tell me what’s going on.” He turned his body to face the man in question, pulling one bent leg onto the bed while the other dangled off the edge.

Yuuri shook his head. “I’ve just been struggling more than normal this weekend, that’s all.”

“Yuuuurrrriiiii…” Viktor said in a monotoned voice. He winced at the sound of his name, knowing he was unconvincing and caught lying. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.” He reached out and grabbed Yuuri’s hand in his. Yuuri instantly pulled away. Viktor couldn’t contain the hurt that appeared on his face at the rejection.

The silence grew between them, until Yuuri was able to break it. “I want another therapist.” He mumbled into his knee, looking away from Viktor. He waited a few seconds but didn’t hear a response from him. He turned his head and looked at his therapist.

Tears welled up in his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. Yuuri couldn’t believe his eyes. “First you say you need me the night of the movie when **_I_** suggested that you get a new therapist. Now when I think you are making progress and your beginning to trust me, you want to throw that away and get someone new?” Viktor was angry now. His pain of rejection and betrayal boiled in his chest.

Yuuri didn’t respond.

“Why Yuuri? I can put in a request for a new therapist if that is what you want. But I at least deserve to know why.” Viktor glared at Yuuri, waiting for him to respond.

Yuuri could feel Viktor’s eyes on him, daring him. Crushing him like the sea they reminded Yuuri of.

“I can’t take the guilt! I can’t be that person. I won’t be that person.” Yuuri burst out.

“What are you talking about? I’m not asking you to be someone you’re not. I want you to be you.” Viktor was shaken. Had he been pushing for Yuuri to be something else? Surely not.

“I don’t want to be the reason you lose your job, I wouldn’t be able to handle that guilt. I can’t be that person that destroys your life and career that you worked so hard to achieve. For what? A kiss and a few touches that I don’t even know how it makes me feel, or what it all means.” Yuuri blurted. He unfurled his legs and kneeled on the bed. Grabbing his hair in frustration. “I’ve been raking my brain with this all weekend, I haven’t slept, I can’t eat, I’ve been getting panic attack, after panic attack. So, I think this is best if I just stay away from you and vice versa.” His chest heaved, panting with anxiety that was looming beneath the surface.

Viktor took a deep breath, understanding what was wrong. “You know Yuuri, you shouldn’t be so selfish in your decisions.” He spoke calmly looking away from him.

“Eh?” He was confused, it was not the reaction he thought he would get from Viktor.

“That kiss and a few touches, as you say, means something to me. I do not kiss or touch my patients on a regular basis. There is something about you, Yuuri, I can’t resist. I have told you before, you make me weak, you make me forget myself. It’s not entirely a bad thing. As for what it means, that is something you must figure out, I can help you if you let me. But for me, it means I am attracted to you, I like you. I want more from you.” Viktor looked at Yuuri full on, making him feel the weight of his stare. “It is a risk being with you, you are right. I could lose everything. My job, my licence, everything.” He reached a hand up and cupped the side of Yuuri’s face. “But you are worth that risk, you are worth more than everything I have in my life.”

Yuuri’s eyes widened. His mouth fell agape. The next thing he did was something he would never think of doing. He bent down and kissed Viktor in a bruising press of lips. His hands went to the back of Viktor’s head intertwining his fingers into the platinum hair. A burning heat immediately consumed his body. Viktor was stunned at first, his breath was taken away. Once he got over the initial startle, he reciprocated the kiss.  Still unsure of where it would lead and not wanting to frighten Yuuri even more, even if he was the one that initiated it, he kept his hands to himself and let Yuuri take the reins.

Yuuri was feeling brave, more than ever before. It felt right, and he wanted more. Although, still inexperienced, he remembered and copied what Viktor had done at the dance studio. He flicked his tongue across Viktor’s lips. Viktor opened his mouth to him with a moan. Yuuri deepened the kiss even more. Lips and tongues unrelenting and dancing together. Exploring one another. Yuuri was the first to pull away, breathless. He pressed his forehead to Viktor’s, looking into his eyes. The smell of the ocean and musk filled his nostrils. His heart was beating so fast, he was sure Viktor could hear it. Realization dawned on him.

“I-I’m sorry.” He started pulling away. Viktor caught him before he could go too far, with a hand around the back of his head and neck. Viktor got up from his sitting position and went to his knees, imitating Yuuri. He pulled him closer, their lips brushing against each other.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m not.” Viktor breathed and pressed their lips together in another bruising deep kiss. His one hand stayed behind neck and head, while the other explored his body. He slithered his hand around Yuuri’s hip to his lower back and pulled their bodies close together. He could feel him trembling. Yuuri let out a soft moan at the feeling of Viktor’s body against his. He returned both his hands around the back of his head, pulling at his hair a little.

“Ah...” Viktor pulled away with a moan, even more aroused. He lifted Yuuri’s head and went down to his neck. Kissing and licking down to his collarbone and back up, going along his jaw. Yuuri panted even more, feeling these new sensations he had never felt before.

“Viktor… I…” Yuuri gasped.

_Knock, Knock, Knock_

“Yuuri its breakfast. Are you going to come out and eat? Can I come in?” A nurse called from outside the door.

Both men recoiled from each other. Yuuri sat back on his haunches with his knees up, and Viktor sat on the bed with both legs on the floor, one crossed over the other. “Uh… yeah… you can come in.”

The nurse fiddled with the keys, unlocking the door.

“Oh Viktor! I didn’t know you were in here. Sorry about that. I needed to check on Yuuri and hopefully convince him to eat.” She looked at Yuuri when she said the last bit.

“That’s no problem, I just wanted to check on my patient, see how he was doing after a rough weekend, I didn’t want to wait for our next session.” He looked at Yuuri seeing a small blush forming on his cheeks. “I better be going anyways. I will book you in for a session later. You should go eat.”

Yuuri nodded his head. “Yes, I will.” He got up from the bed, Viktor following suite.

Viktor and the nurse followed Yuuri out the door. “Wow. No one could get him out of bed all weekend. If we did it was for five minutes and took forever to convince him, and that was only a few times. You must have a magical touch.” She nudged Viktor in the ribs.

Viktor chuckled. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

 

*          *          *

 

Viktor got back to his office. His body still humming with excitement. He sat at his desk willing his body to calm down. Completely astounded at the boldness Yuuri displayed initiating the kiss and taking it further, which roused him even more.

_Just how far would it have gone if that nurse didn’t show up._

_The passion he exhibited. Wow._

He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

“Rough morning already Viktor?”

Viktor swung around in his chair, knowing full well who was behind that voice, and hated it.

“Nothing I can’t handle JJ.” Passing off as calm and collected as much as possible. He crossed his legs at the knee and rested his elbows on the arms of the chair. “What do you want? Need help with something?”

“Hardly. I just wanted to come by and wish you luck.” JJ leaned his back against the doorway, crossing his arms around his chest.

“Luck? For what?”

JJ looked at Viktor with a smug look. “Let’s just say… I saw a little display, and I know something is up.”

Viktor instantly went cold. The blood rushing from his body, sweat dripped down his back. He poised himself to remain calm. His face remained neutral. “What are you talking about? Care to elaborate?” Trying to sound bored with the situation. He knew full well what JJ was talking about.

JJ displayed a heinous grin and pushed himself off the doorway, walking away. “Good luck!” He called from down the hall.

_Fuck._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!! Please leave any questions or comments, I love hearing from you! <3 
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Viktor sat at home, Makkachin curled up in a fluff ball on his lap, fingers mindlessly scratching her head. He swirled a drink in the other hand. He normally didn’t drink hard liquor but after the day he had, he needed one and wine was not enough. He didn’t know what he was going to do about JJ. He practically confessed to Yuuri and then everything gets blown to pieces. He wasn’t lying to Yuuri when he said he _is_ worth everything, but to have him ripped away so soon was not what he was prepared for.

Viktor took a sip of the clear liquid, feeling it burn down his throat. He rummaged his brain how JJ could have seen or know anything. He was sure he was careful, except for that time after the movie in the main hallway, but JJ wasn’t there that day. A lightbulb went off in Viktor’s head. He downed the rest of his drink.

_It must have been when he dropped off Yuuri for our session. He probably held back and saw us hugging. If it comes down to anything it would be my word against his. It was innocent enough anyways._

_He’s just trying to scare me, that’s all. But why though? We don’t like each other, that much is clear and we both know it. But it still doesn’t explain anything._

_I just have to be extra cautious around Yuuri._

Viktor poured himself another glass and retreated to his room. Thoughts of Yuuri were on his mind and all the excitement that happened between them.

 

*          *          *

 

Yuuri was in the activity room on one of the computers, emailing his family and catching up on some assignments for school. There wasn’t much else he could really do around the unit, so he took this opportunity to play catch up. As he wrote an update to his family about how he was doing, he sighed thinking about Viktor and the past week. They’ve had a few sessions since that weekend and the heated moment they shared in his room. In every session Viktor seemed to be a little distant, and it was starting to worry Yuuri.

_He seems cautious, a little too cautious. I feel like he’s hiding something from me. But what? And its like every time we take a step closer, he takes a step back. I’m already confused as it is._

“What’s up with you?” Yuuri jumped at the voice behind him, he didn’t hear anyone come in, he was so deep in his thoughts. He turned in his chair and saw Yuri standing behind him.

“Nothing.” Yuuri replied with a sigh, turning back around in his chair. 

“Ugh not this again.” Yuri walked over to the chair next to Yuuri. “Spit it the fuck out already.”

“I _can’t…”_

_“_ Fuck that. Yes, you can, you just don’t want to.” Yuri interrupted.

Yuuri remained silent for a moment or two, deliberating whether he should confide in Yuri. “Why should I talk to you anyways? You don’t even like me.”

“I don’t hate you, I kinda like you. I mean you’re probably the most sane one here out of the rest of the patients. So, you have that going for you. You’re easy to talk to, sometimes. Though you stress me out how nervous you are.”

“Sorry…?” Yuuri didn’t know if he was being insulted or complimented.

“Are you going to tell me or what? Cause I got shit to do.”

Yuuri heaved a sigh. “Viktor and I kissed… twice. He told me he’s attracted to me and… and… I don’t know how I feel or what I want.” He cursed himself silently, saying it out loud made him sound so juvenile.

Three seconds passed between them, blinking at each other, until Yuri burst out laughing. Leaning back in his chair, clutching on to his stomach kind of laugh. “That’s it!! That’s what’s got your panties in a twist?!” Yuri wiped away a tear that rolled down his cheek from laughing too hard. Yuri looked away, chastened by his reaction. Yuri noticed this and settled. “So why are you so upset then? Maybe getting some will help you relax a little.” Yuri threw in a wink and an elbow nudge for good measure.

Yuuri whipped his head back looking at Yuri, wildly shaking his hands back and forth. “T-That’s not… What… It’s just…” Yuuri took a deep breath trying to collect his thoughts. “I just don’t want Viktor to get fired if we get caught. I won’t be able to handle that. I don’t know how I feel either, I’m all confused. Everything is all jumbled and I have a million questions running through my head.”

“I get it, I was thinking the same when Beka and I first got together. I liked him so much I pushed him away ‘cause it was too risky. I didn’t want him to lose his career because of me, then later resent me for it. We spoke about it and we are just extra careful in how we act around each other among other people and how we get together. You’ll figure it out.”

“Mmh.” Yuuri nodded. “I guess your right. Viktor seems to be a bit distant and super paranoid whenever he’s around me this past week though.”

“Viktor is a bit of a bonehead. He’s probably thinking the same thing you are and being careful about everything. As for your feelings for him, what is there to be confused about? How did you feel with your past relationships?”

“Ummm... Well I never…” Yuuri rolled his eyes away and idly scratched the side of his head with a finger.

“Wait! Don’t fucking tell me you’ve never been with **_anyone_** before.” Yuuri shook his head, still avoiding eye contact with him. “Like, seriously _no one_?? Male? Female? Anyone?”

“No one alright!” Yuuri yelled out. “Look at me? I’m an anxious mess all the time, who would want to be with me? It all seems so stressful, I can’t deal with it.”

“I wouldn’t want to be with you, that’s for sure. But you’re not my type anyways.”

“Gee, thanks. You sure know how to kick a man when he’s down.”

“Whatever. Look I can’t tell you how you feel, only you can do that. Think about how you feel when you’re with him and when you’re not. Think about how your body responds to him compared to other people. And think about if he’s good for you, does he make you a better person and treats you right and all that shit.”

Yuuri remained silent, contemplating what Yuri just said. “Hmm, I think I get what you’re saying. I’ll think about that. Thanks Yuri. That was actually quite helpful.”

“Yeah, yeah. Hmm, I guess I do learn shit in therapy. All those terrible past relationships must have taught me something.” Yuri shrugged his shoulders once. “Now that you wasted my computer time. I gotta go. I get unsupervised hospital ground privileges now, so I am heading out. See ya pig.” Yuri stuck out his tongue at him and got up from his seat and headed out the door. Yuuri shook his head, turning back to his computer.

_As rude as he is, he’s extremely honest, and he’s quite insightful than what he leads people to believe._

 

*          *          *

 

Yuri returned from his hospital ground privilege. According to his recovery plan he must submit to a body search. In the past Yuri engaged in behaviours that he is not proud of, but some parts of his arms, his legs, and other hidden areas show the scars of those decisions. He hasn't had access to anything to help him relieve the stressors and he’s been trying to find other ways to relieve the stress. Because of his efforts, he was recently awarded unsupervised ground privileges. Unfortunately, because of the easy pickings to get a hold of something sharp in the hospital, this made it the ultimate test for Yuri. So, in the end he had to agree to a search when back on the unit to make sure he isn't hiding anything sharp or used anything sharp while unsupervised.

"Welcome back Yuri!" The cheerful nurse stated.

"Yeah. Thanks. Glad to be back." Yuri shot sarcastically while rolling his eyes.

"Right. Well you know the drill. Should we go to the treatment room or your bedroom?"

"I don't fucking care. Just get this shit over with." Yuri hated this. He felt too exposed and vulnerable. He was reluctant to agree to the conditions laid before him, because of those reasons. Having someone check his clothing and naked body over, looking at every detail was humiliating and degrading. But his need to leave the unit and get away from everyone, even if it was for a short time, was too great.

Otabek heard Yuri from the nursing station. Knowing this was Yuri's second time off the unit and submitting to the searches he didn't want to make it worse, by him losing the privileges all together and having him be so uncomfortable. He left his charting unfinished and rushed over to Yuri.

"Hey Yuri. I'll take it from here Shane." Yuri blew out a breath of relief.

"Are you sure? He's my patient today."

"Yeah, I got it. I think it's your break now anyways."

"Oh yeah, you're right. Thanks dude." The ever-cheerful nurse walked off towards the nursing station.

Otabek turned back to Yuri. "Let's go to the treatment room. More privacy there."

Yuri groaned. "Are we seriously doing this? I didn't do anything while I was out. I promise." Even if it was Otabek completing the search it was still humiliating.

"I believe you Yuri, but I still have a job to do. Would you rather I get someone else? I can get Shane back."

"Fuck no! Fine let's do this." They headed towards the back of the unit where the treatment room was.

Once inside the enclosed windowless treatment room, Yuri hopped up on the medical table crinkling the paper that laid on it. Medical devices and instruments were all around the room, reminding him of sitting in a doctor’s office. He shivered. He hated doctors.

"Shirt off."

"Geeze, buy me dinner first." Yuri joked as he took off his shirt and tossed it to Otabek.

Otabek smirked. "You know I would love to." Otabek ran his hands over Yuri's shirt, along every seam in case something was hidden. "Shoes and socks." Otabek repeated the process of feeling every surface of the articles. Yuri sat swinging his legs off the side of the table watching Otabek, getting bored and trying to think of a way to make this more entertaining.

"I need your pants now Yura." Calling him by his nickname for him, now that they were alone.

Yuri jumped off the table. He grasped the top button of his 5 button jeans slowly undoing each one. He hooked his thumbs into the waist band of the jeans and pulled them down, taking his time exposing himself. Otabek's eyes darkened with lust as he watched. Yuri shimmied his hips side to side to slip his jeans past his hips and ass. Otabek's lips parted and he gulped when he saw Yuri wasn't wearing anything underneath the jeans, blood rushing south in an instant. When he pushed them halfway down his thighs, Otabek closed the gap between them and lifted Yuri back onto the table. He grabbed the top of the jeans and pulled them down his legs, looking into Yuri's eyes as he knelt.

Otabek still had to search Yuri's body, but figured he could play along with Yuri's game. It wasn’t necessary to touch the person when engaging in a body search, but the idea was more fun. He started near his feet, rubbing them, slowly moving up his calves one at a time. Yuri leaned back on his hands, letting out soft moans.

Otabek continued up Yuri's body, massaging every muscle and feeling along his skin. Otabek knew Yuri's body well, knew every perfect imperfection, so he knew if something felt out of place. Otabek spread his legs open. He kissed up one inner thigh reaching just before the prize and then switched doing the same with the other thigh. Yuri shuddered with anticipation. Otabek breathed along his hard cock going up past it.

"Please Beka." Yuri begged. Otabek ignored the plea and continued kissing up his chest. He wedged himself between Yuri's legs, his hands roamed around his back going down towards his ass, unable to reach further.

"Ah Beka." Yuri panted. Otabek trailed his kisses up his neck, adding in a few bites, but careful enough not to leave marks, no matter how badly he wanted to. He slid his hands up his spine and into his long blonde hair. Caressing and massaging his scalp and sliding his fingers through the long locks. Yuri moaned, his face expressing pure ecstasy.

Once he was satisfied with his search, did Otabek kiss him. His tongue forcing his way into his mouth, exploring all of it. Yuri eventually had to pull away to get a breath. He licked and kissed down Otabek neck. Heading over to the special spot on his neck that Yuri knew drove him crazy, at the same moment he reached down and palmed Otabek's trapped cock.

"Fuck, Yura" he groaned out. Yuri smirked against his neck, pleased with the reaction he received.

Otabek caressed down his back reaching further down. Yuri shivered. Suddenly, Otabek pulled Yuri's ass closer to him, unable to contain his need anymore. Yuri had to reach his hands out behind him on the table for balance and his legs went high around the man's waist. Otabek slid his fingers in Yuri's mouth, coating them with saliva. When he was assured there was enough he reached between them and slowly slid a finger in Yuri. Feeling the pressure building as his finger slipped in deeper, Yuri gripped onto Otabek's shoulder with one hand, crying out. He added a second stretching him until he was able to add a third.

He purposely teased him, avoiding his sweet spot, only going close enough to get Yuri riled up.

"Please Beka, just fuck me already." Yuri pleaded breathless.

Otabek leaned over Yuri, his mouth brushing against his ear. "What is that you want Yura?" He stopped his ministrations and pulled out.

"Fuck me please. Please Beka." Yuri whined. It was music to Otabek's ears hearing him beg. He pulled down his scrubs, grabbing his cock, lined it up and gently pushed in.

The pressure was greater than before, but Yuri reveled in it, boarding on pain and pleasure. Otabek slid all the way in, feeling Yuri’s ass so tight around him pausing for a moment. He held the back of Yuri’s head with one hand, tangling his fingers in his hair and kissed him softly. The kiss quickly transitioned when Otabek tenderly deepened the kiss. When they broke apart, their faces remained close with their noses and lips barely touching. That’s when Otabek started to pull out slowly. He was almost free when he slammed his cock in, Yuri cried out in pleasure but was interrupted by a kiss, not wanting anyone to hear him. Otabek continued his hard thrusts, getting faster and needier. He angled his hips a bit and hit the sweet spot inside Yuri, he knew he found it when Yuri screamed out and arched his back in response. Otabek covered Yuri’s mouth with his hand to silence him. Slamming that spot over and over crazed Yuri, he could feel everything tighten and his body responding to the desire.

“Ah… Beka… I…”

Otabek already knew from watching Yuri’s movements. One last thrust brought Yuri over the edge and shot his cum all over his stomach and chest. Otabek continued with a few more thrusts until he grunted his pleasure and filled Yuri. He remained sheathed in Yuri as they both panted waiting for their bodies to relax. Sweet kisses were passed between each other. Otabek removed himself from Yuri and they cleaned themselves up.  

“Better hurry and get dressed Yura. Others are going to wonder why this is taking so long and come looking.”

“Just tell them I was giving you a hard time and you had to convince me. They’ll believe that.” Yuri finished dressing and headed for the door. Otabek stopped him grabbing his hand and turning him around and with a swift movement he was on his lips. Showing all the emotions he had for Yuri in that kiss, trying to show him what he means to him. He pulled back and moved away from the breathless Yuri.

“Just wanted one for the road.” He devilishly smiled while opening the door for the speechless Yuri.

 

*          *          *

 

Viktor was in his office writing up reports for patients that were closing in on their discharge dates. If only Yuuri’s name was on the list of upcoming discharges, he wouldn’t have to deal with JJ and do all the sneaking around. He wanted nothing more than to take Yuuri out properly, even spend more than an hour here and there with him. But reality was sinking in slowly. He knew Yuuri could tell he was being a bit distant, but how could he tell Yuuri? It caused him so much anxiety over one kiss, that this would destroy him.

_I don’t know what else to do. I technically should transfer him to another therapist. But I couldn’t do that to him, he is making such great progress. Whether it be because of our connection to one another or something else, either way I don’t want to let him go._

*Whistle*

Viktor whipped around in his chair, startled by the sound behind him. Only to find JJ in the door way.

_I have to start closing my door._

“What do you want JJ? I’m a little busy at the moment.”

“Oh, don’t mind me, continue what you are doing. I’m just going to check out the space you have here.” JJ walked further into Viktor’s office, looking around the room.

“Can you please stop talking in riddles.” Viktor rolled his eyes at JJ’s antics.

“ _Qui moi_? Riddles? _Jamais_.” JJ stopped at one wall and held his arms out wide like he was trying to measure with his arms. “I think a picture would be nice here, it would liven the room up a bit. Oh! Maybe a couch! That would be nice, eh?”

Viktor ignored his actions. “If you don’t need anything from me, please leave. I have a lot to catch up on.”

“Alright, I’ll leave. I got what I came for anyways. Bye for now, Viktor.” JJ started heading out of the door.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love, love, love hearing from you! Leave any questions or comments if you wish, or a simple Kudos.   
> Thank you!!! <3 
> 
> Now time to get fluffed. :)

Viktor hung up the phone with a huge smile on his face. He opened his calendar on his work computer and scheduled in the time. Excitement stirred throughout his body, which lasted the rest of the evening.

 

*          *          *

 

Yuuri sat in the front seat of the hospital van with Viktor driving. Unlike the other van they used this one smelled of funky cheese and dirty socks. The windows were rolled down to get some air into the cabin.

Silence stretched between them, unable to take it anymore Yuuri spoke up.

“Where are we going, Viktor?”

“It’s another surprise! Yuuri trust me you will like this.”

“Viktor, you know I don’t like surprises, I almost had a panic attack the last time, and I can feel myself getting more anxious the longer we drive.”

“That’s the point. Life is full of surprises Yuuri, you can’t plan your whole life. Try using some of the coping strategies we went over last week.”

Yuuri sighed deeply. “Alright, I’ll give it a shot.” He stated, sounding a little skeptical.

“Great! Let’s start with some deep breathing exercises. Better to calm yourself down before doing something else. Breathe in through the nose and hold for 4 seconds and breathe out slowly through the mouth. Try and focus only on your breathing, close your eyes it will help.”

Yuuri did what he was told, breathing in and out slowly. Viktor remained silent, concentrating on driving but taking a few glances at Yuuri here and there. As he progressed in his breathing, Viktor could see him starting to relax. His shoulders weren’t so high and tense, his hands were loose in his lap, and his legs weren’t pulled together tight. Viktor stopped at a red light and looked at him full on. Yuuri’s face was lax, the little wrinkle between his eyebrows was disappearing. Viktor couldn’t help watching him, his own face softened. He wanted to reach out to him but stopped himself.

Yuuri opened his eyes at that moment. He saw the look Viktor was giving him and it made him blush and shy away. “Was I doing it right?”

The light turned green and Viktor brought the van forward. “There’s no wrong or right way. Its how you feel.”

Yuuri thought about it for a moment, taking a check on his body. “I feel better, more relaxed. But it still doesn’t help the fact that I don’t know where we are going and what is expected. The questions never stop.”

“Well now that your body has relaxed a little, lets do some Realistic Thinking strategies. You don’t have to say them out loud if you don’t want to. Remember the three steps I told you, identify the negative thoughts, challenge them, and then replace them with realistic ones.” Viktor explained.

“Okay.”

Yuuri closed his eyes, it wasn’t necessary, but he felt with his eyes closed he could concentrate better instead of focusing on the world passing by them in the van. He took all his negative thoughts and one by one he sought more realistic ones. It was a lot harder than he had imagined, the undesirable ideas always pushed towards the surface, obliterating the new thoughts he replaced them with. It became a never-ending cycle.

After a few minutes, they arrived at their destination. Yuuri opened his eyes looked ahead of him at a small local skating rink. His mouth fell agape. “I… I… What…”

Viktor chuckled and reached across to Yuuri, putting a finger on his chin to close his mouth. “I wanted to see how you are in this type of environment. Since this is the type of place you spend most of your time. I called around to a few places and they luckily had a time slot available to book. I know its not your normal rink that you practice at, but ice is ice, right?”

“N-No, t-this is great!” Still amazed, he got out of the van, feeling a familiar bubble of eagerness rise. Viktor could see his eyes light up and he looked happy. A certain warmth spread throughout his chest. From now on he always wanted to make Yuuri feel and look this way.

He went to the trunk of the van and pulled out Yuuri’s skating bag. “That’s my bag. But…”

Viktor chortled. “When Mari brought your ballet shoes, I also asked her to bring your skating gear, since I had this idea for a while. I’ve had them in my office ever since.”

Yuuri grabbed his bag from Viktor and placed it on his shoulders. They walked side by side towards the building. A blast of cold air hit their faces upon entering the rink. Yuuri felt calm and acquainted with the cold air and welcomed it with open arms. He was eager to get onto the ice, quickening his pace to get to rink side.

Viktor smiled to himself seeing how eager he was. “You go on ahead and get your skates on, I’m going to go rent some for myself.” Yuuri looked confused and wanted to ask what he meant but he already left. Shrugging off the questions, he started putting on his skates. As soon as they were on Yuuri rushed over to the entrance, taking off his skate guards, he pushed himself onto the ice. Feeling that initial glide and air whooshing against his face. He did a few circles around the rink getting familiar with it. Rinks are usually the same shape, but some are smaller than others.

After a few laps, and some twists and turns, Yuuri noticed Viktor struggling to put on his skates. He laughed to himself and headed over to him. Stopping at the barrier, he crossed his arms on it and leaned over, watching Viktor for a moment or two. The man in question was sitting on the bench, bent over trying to shove his foot into the boot. “Need some help?” Yuuri asked.

Viktor leaned back up and sighed. “I think I got the wrong size, I’ll just go exchange them.” Trying to push his foot further in.

“Let me help you.” Yuuri giggled and glided over to the exit. He put on his skate guards before heading over to Viktor. He went on his knees in front of Viktor and grabbed the skate off his foot. “You have to loosen the laces first.” He stated, and his fingers expertly worked at the laces.

“That would make sense, now wouldn’t it.” Viktor said sheepishly. Yuuri grabbed Viktor’s foot and slid it in the skate. Placing the skate on his lap, he undid the work he just did and tightened the laces and placing a neat bow at the top. “Perfect fit.” Viktor declared taking his foot back, while Yuuri worked on the other skate and repeating the process. “Thank you, Yuuri.” Viktor said, once the second was laced up. He bent over and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

Yuuri blushed. “I-Its not a big deal.”

Viktor smiled. “Shall we skate then? I want to see your _History Maker_ routine in action on the ice.” Standing up, he reached down and held a hand out to help him up from the ground. Yuuri’s trembling hand took Viktor’s and was assisted to standing. Viktor reached in his bag and pulled out a small Bluetooth speaker, setting it on the half wall. “Now we’re ready.” A smile spreading across his lips.

Yuuri went first, gliding out onto the ice. He spun around skating backwards and burst out laughing. “So graceful and elegant on the dance floor, but on the ice…” Unable to finish his sentence from laughing too hard.

Viktor was bent over with his arms out for balance, his legs shakily took small shuffles. He looked like a foal walking for the first time. He finally reached Yuuri and grabbed onto his shoulders just as one skate slid out from him. Yuuri grabbed onto his waist before he went down. “I haven’t skated since I was kid. I just need to get the hang of it, that’s all. Its like riding a bike, you never forget.” He stood to his full height and slid his hands from Yuuri’s shoulders to behind his head, resting his arms where his hands just were. “Can you help jog my memory?” Viktor whispered lowly, leaning into Yuuri.   

Yuuri gulped and his hands tightened on his waist. “S-S-Sure.” He skated backwards, while Viktor got the hang of sliding along the ice. “Slide your feet, don’t pick them up.” Viktor’s face was of pure determination and concentration. Once Yuuri could see him getting more comfortable he pulled away, extending his arms out a little further and then slowly releasing his waist, turning to Viktor’s side. Yuuri’s hand found his. His chest fluttered.

They did a lap around the rink “I think I’m getting the hang of it now.”

“Alright, I’m going to let go now then.” They turned around the bend, going along the long side. Yuuri reluctantly let go of his hand and slowed down so Viktor can go ahead.

“I got it! Wow!” Viktor exclaimed. Yuuri giggled at the sight of him. Viktor, though, got a little too ahead of himself and a little too excited.  He lost his footing, one skate slipping forward the other unable to keep him upright, arms flailing for balance, and Viktor went down right on his butt. “Ow… Maybe I don’t have it.”

Yuuri stopped giggling and rushed over to Viktor. “Are you okay?!” He said panicking.

“I’m fine. Just my ego is a bit bruised.” Yuuri held out his hands to help Viktor up. He rubbed his butt where he fell. “And maybe my butt too.” Yuuri giggled again. Viktor smiled at the sound, making him shiver.

“You were doing great until you got excited and stopped concentrating.”

“Yeah, maybe it’s not like riding a bike.” Viktor looked defeated. “How about you show me your routine, that will make me feel better.” He wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s waist, pulling him closer and gave him a few kisses.

_He’s completely different today. He’s flirty and touchy. Maybe Yuri is right about him just being too cautious while in the hospital and its just me overthinking._

Yuuri noted, giving kisses in return.

_He’s completely different right now. He looks happy and carefree. I want him to always be like this. He’s just so beautiful._

Viktor noted, smiling against Yuuri’s lips at his thoughts.

Once he was safely at the half wall and hanging on, he set up the music on his phone. “Ready Yuuri?” He called out. Yuuri situated himself in the middle of the rink, posed. Viktor hit play, and Yuuri started to skate. He moved with beauty and grace, like he was floating across the ice. He couldn’t keep his eyes off him.

Viktor knew the first jump was coming up. He didn’t know a lot about figure skating, but in preparation for today he did some research on the different moves, jumps, and spins. Yuuri vaulted off the ground, Viktor held his breath, and released it when Yuuri landed safely on the ice. He kept repeating this every time Yuuri made a jump. He couldn’t help it.

Yuuri posed in the middle of the rink, indicating the end of the routine. Viktor clapped enthusiastically, shuffling his way to the centre. Yuuri met him half way, not wanting him to fall again.

“That was amazing Yuuri! You landed all your jumps, and the step sequence was superb.” He grabbed Yuuri around the neck, with his momentum, they slowly spun around moving towards the centre.

Viktor let go of Yuuri. “From the top!”

Yuuri went over his routine a couple more times and showed off one he was working on with his coach before he was admitted to hospital. Viktor found it to be wonderful and captivating. The more he watched Yuuri skate the more he fell for him. The more he wanted him.

“Yuuurrrriiii!!!” He called out to the other end of the rink. He waited until he finished completing a scratch spin and continued. “Our time is up, we have to head out now.”

“Haaaaaiiii.”

“I brought you a change of clothing, in case you wanted to change.” Viktor stated, once Yuuri reached him at the exit.

“How did you get my clothes?”

“I snuck into your room earlier and grabbed some.”

“Viktor!”

Viktor laughed. “Sorry, I won’t do it again. I wanted this to be a surprise, so I didn’t want to tell you to bring a change of clothes.” Yuuri groaned. They took off their skates, Yuuri putting his back in the bag and Viktor handing his back at the rental desk.

Grabbing his bag, he looked over to Viktor. “I’m going to go change, I didn’t realize how out of shape I’ve gotten not being able to train everyday, I worked up a sweat. I’ll be back.”

“Need some help?” Viktor winked.

Yuuri’s face went bright red. “N-N-No, I-I’ll be okay.” Quickly turning around and heading to the locker room as fast as he could. Hearing Viktor laughing behind him.

 

*          *          *

 

Viktor pulled into a condo building. The gate lifting as he pulled up to the underground parking. Yuuri looked around in a confused manor. “I thought we were going back to the hospital. Where are we?”

“We are, soon. I sometimes come home on my lunch on days when I work my extended hours to take Makka out for a quick walk.” Viktor pulled into a parking spot and hopped out of the van. Yuuri didn’t move, he was frozen in his seat.

_This is his home. I shouldn’t be here._

Viktor headed towards the elevator, when he noticed that he was alone, he turned around seeing Yuuri still sitting in the van. He walked back and opened the passenger door. “Are you coming, Yuuri?”

Yuuri focused on his hands wringing on his lap. He shook his head, not bothering to look up.

“Why not? I thought you would love to meet Makka.” Viktor tilted his head in question.

“I-I-I don’t belong. I’m your patient. I shouldn’t go into your home.”

“Hmm… I see.” Viktor reached out and grabbed Yuuri’s wringing hands into his, feeling how warm they were. “I shouldn’t touch you like this, but I do. I kiss you, even though I shouldn’t. There are a lot of things between us that we shouldn’t do. But I don’t care.” He put a finger under Yuuri’s chin and pulled his face too look at him. “I am inviting you up. I want you to come up. Please.”

It was the ‘please’ that made Yuuri nod his head and made him melt. He unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the van. Viktor smiled towards him and slithered his hand down his arm until there hands intertwined each other. He pulled him towards the elevator and rode it up until they reached the 15th floor.

The hallway was decorated with neutral taupe colours which reflected off the shining marble flooring. A small hall table was placed in the middle of the elevator foyer with a fresh bouquet of flowers on it. They passed by the table and turned right down the hall. Until they reached a rich mahogany door with gold plated numbers of 1504 on it. Viktor rummaged for his keys to unlock the door. Sounds of sniffing and whining could be heard on the other side. Once he opened the door the poodle bounded into his owner’s arms, licking his face. Viktor knelt on the ground rubbing her soft curly fur. The poodle rolled on the floor on her back silently asking for her belly to be rubbed. “How you are doing, pretty girl?” Makka barked in response. That’s when the dog noticed the other man still standing by the doorway. She wagged her tail and butt towards Yuuri, rubbing her body against his legs. Yuuri reached down and petted the top of her head, scratching behind her ears.

A tear rolled down Yuuri’s cheeks, landing on top of the dog. “What’s wrong Yuuri?” Viktor asked reaching out a hand on his shoulder.

Yuuri sniffled and wiped his tears off his cheeks. “She looks so much like Vic-chan. Just reminded me of him and how much I miss him.” Viktor pulled him in an embrace, his arms wrapping around his neck. Yuuri melted into his arms, his own arms going around Viktor’s waist and his face nuzzled against his neck, inhaling the scent of the ocean and musk. He let his tears fall freely. Makka sensing the emotions in the room, maneuvered her way in between their legs. They pulled apart from their hug, laughing. Yuuri wiped away the remaining tears and hugged the poodle at his feet.

“Wanna go for a walk, Makka?” The dog barked excitedly, jumping in place. Only staying still for a second while Viktor put the collar on. She tugged him to the hallway, leading the way to the elevator.

She lead the way to the park across the street, once she was there she relaxed a little, taking in all the scents. Viktor grasped Yuuri’s hand into his, walking in silence.

Yuuri was the first to break the comfortable stillness. “Thank you for today Viktor. I had a lot of fun. It was nice to get some practice as well.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. I was thinking about making this part of your recovery plan. Going to the ice rink once a week. I can book the time at the rink and the van at the same time. How does the sound?”

Yuuri stopped in his tracks. Viktor was pulled by Makka on one side and Yuuri from the other where they still joined hands. Yuuri looked down at the ground. “Really? Y-You would do that?”

“Of course! I think it will help you get better and like I said before, I think its also a small part of what causes your anxieties. So, it would be great to work on that at the rink instead of in a stuffy room all the time.” He moved to stand in front of Yuuri.

Yuuri continued to look down and shook his head. “That’s not what I mean.” He paused, and took a deep breath, lifting his head to look into those ocean blue eyes. “You would do that for me? You would take time away from your busy schedule to take me to the rink?”

Viktor’s face softened, now understanding what Yuuri was asking. He let go of his hand and cupped his cheek. “I would do anything for you, Yuuri. Especially, when it comes to you getting better.” He leaned over and placed a chaste kiss of his soft lips. Yuuri smiled when he pulled away.

“Here you walk her, my arm is getting sore.” Viktor shoved the end of the leash into Yuuri’s hand. Yuuri giggled and took the leash. They continued walking back to the condo settling into that comfortable silence.

 

*          *          *

 

They returned to the hospital, Viktor having to depart once they were back on the ward. He was feeling great when they got back. He hasn’t felt this good in a long time. He felt almost normal again, a feeling he wasn’t used it, but he wanted to hold onto this sense of normalcy for as long as he could.

Yuuri decided to go back to his room. He knocked on the nursing station window to get someone’s attention. Unfortunately, that someone was JJ. “Yes Yuuri?” He asked opening the door enough for his mouth to speak through, as if Yuuri had some sort of disease. That feeling was starting to slip away.

“I-I just wanted to go to my room. I n-need someone to open it for me.”

“Sure! I can do that for you.”

Yuuri followed JJ to the bedroom, the sound of JJ’s shoes clicking echoed down the corridor. “You’re just the person I wanted to talk to anyways, Yuuri.” JJ looked back over his shoulder.

“Me? Why, me?”

They stopped outside Yuuri’s bedroom. JJ unlocked the door for him but blocked it with his body. “I’ve noticed some things. I don’t believe you’re getting any better with Viktor as your therapist. In fact, I believe he’s crippling you even further. For as long as you’ve been here, we should be seeing some progress, but you haven’t made any improvement. I’ve spoken to the psychiatrist and requested you be transferred to my care from now on.” Yuuri’s eyes went wide and wild, his heart pounded in his chest. He couldn’t breathe, only taking it short ragged breaths. “I’ll inform Otabek when our first session together will be. See you then, Yuuri.” JJ walked off, either not noticing the panic plastered on Yuuri’s face, or he didn’t even care. Viktor would, Viktor would be helping him through it. But he wouldn’t be able to anymore. He won’t be there to guide him, to comfort him, to take him on the ice.

Yuuri scurried into his room, slamming the door shut behind him. He slid down to the floor and curled in on himself. He closed his eyes as the shadow smothered him in a cold silent darkness.


	11. Chapter 11

Viktor’s hands turned into fists. He banged one of those fists onto his desk. Reading and re-reading the email that was sent to him.

_Viktor,_

_It has come to my attention that the patient YK has not been responding well to your therapeutic approach. His condition seemed to have worsened last week and I feel that the outings you are taking him on are detrimental for his recovery. I will be removing him from your care and placing him with Jean-Jacques._

_-Dr. Feltsman_

Viktor stormed out of his office. His anger burning in his veins, making his body run hot. He barged into JJ’s office without even knocking. JJ scrambled out of his chair. A smirk creeped up on his lips seeing Viktor in a rage.

“What did you do!?” Viktor trudged over to the man in question. With a finger pointed at the man’s chest, he got close to him, inches from each other. JJ was pressed between his desk and Viktor. “Why would you do that?! Why would you take him away from me?” Viktor screamed in his face.

JJ’s smirk grew into a grin. “Now you know what it feels like to want something and have it ripped away from you.” JJ calmly stood up straighter. Viktor took a few steps back, confusion written on his face. “Interesting choice of words, Viktor. He is just a patient after all, _non_?”

He knew he made a mistake. His anger blinded him. His words giving him away. He had to turn it around somehow. “He is not just a patient JJ. All of them are not just patient’s. They are people, people who are here for help, from _us_. How dare you play Yuuri like he is pawn in your game.” Viktor composed himself.

“ _C’est la vie_.” JJ shrugged his shoulders.

“Why are you doing this? What do you get out of this?”

“Nothing my dear friend… Well nothing yet anyways. Now, I would appreciate it if you left my office.”

It was a losing battle, and he knew it. It was no use trying to reason with JJ, Viktor needed to do something else. He can’t let Yuuri break in JJ’s hands. Without another word Viktor left his office slamming the door shut behind him.

_What can I do? I know…_

He made his way down the hall stopping short of Dr. Feltsman’s office. Knowing that going in angry would only make things worse, he took a few deep breaths, rationalizing why Yuuri should stay with him in his head. Thoughts of Yuuri clouded his mind and he could feel his body relaxing. With one final deep breath, Viktor knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Grumbled a voice on the other side. Slowly Viktor opened the door. Dr. Feltsman sat at his desk facing the door. His balding head reflected the overhead lights, he kept his graying hair long on the sides and back of his head. His face was in a scowl, but that was nothing new, he always had a permanent frown. “Ah Viktor. Good to see you. What can I help you with?” Dr. Feltsman motioned to a chair in front of his desk. “Please take a seat.” His voice was thick and gravelly.

“Dr. Feltsman…”

“How many times do I have to tell you, call me Yakov. We’ve known each other for a long time now.” Yakov interrupted.

“Sorry. Yakov, I just came to talk to you about Yuuri Katsuki. Why was he pulled from my care?” Viktor was getting nervous. Did he know about him and Yuuri and this was his way of protecting him?

“Ah. I figured you would come and talk to me about it. Jean-Jacques pointed out a few concerns he had with Mr. Katsuki. I feel I need to agree with him.”

“Why was he discussing my patient with you, and not bring it up with me? He had no right.” Viktor cast out his nervousness and his body was filling with boiling rage.

“I understand that Viktor, what he did was not right. Normally, I would have told him to discuss this with you, had he not brought up some valid points. I was the one that made the final decision. He was only thinking about the well being of the patient. Which you should be too.”

“I only think about Yuuri’s wellbeing! I’ve been making progress with him. He was a tough one to get to open up, but he trusts me, he’s comfortable around me.”

“Be that as it may, he hasn’t _shown_ any progress. His condition took a turn for the worst last weekend, and again just last night. Both times after you have taken him out…”

“Last night? What do you mean last night? What happened?” Viktor interrupted Yakov. Unable to hide the alarm rising in his voice.

“How can I trust you with the care of this patient if you don’t even know what happened last night.” Yakov sighed. “Nothing to be too worried over. He’s regressed again. His behaviours are similar to that of last weekend.”

“I have to go see him.” Viktor sprang up from his seat, turning towards the door.

“Viktor, he’s not your patient anymore. Let Jean-Jacques handle it now.”

Viktor stopped dead in his tracks, and slowly turned back around facing Yakov. “Handle it? He’s not a thing to be handled. He’s a person, and he needs _my_ help.”

“No.” Yakov replied, with every ounce of authority in his voice. “Jean-Jacques with handle _him_.”

“He doesn’t know a thing about Yuuri. He…He… He’s vulnerable. He’s fragile, his heart is like glass. He will destroy him” Viktor moved closer to the desk, reasoning with Yakov.

“He’s dealt with many patients like Yuuri. More than you have. Don’t make me regret my decision, Viktor.”

Viktor winced at the reminder. Yakov had put in his recommendation for Viktor to become the Professional Practice Leader. It was the role that JJ wanted so badly for years, and when the position was finally available it was taken away from him. The decision came down to Viktor and JJ, with Viktor being the final choice.

Yakov sighed, rubbing his temples with his fingertips. “Listen, give Jean-Jacques two weeks. If I don’t see any progress with Yuuri or his illness worsens, I will move him back to your care. Reasonable?”

“Yes, that’s fine then. Thank you, Yakov.” The next two weeks are going to be torture for Viktor, not being able to see Yuuri. But how could he say no to the possibility of being with him again. He left Yakov’s office and instead of going back to his, Viktor made a B-line to the unit floor and to see Yuuri, ignoring Yakov’s warning to not see him.

_I must see him. I got to tell him everything will be alright and that I didn’t abandon him. Oh, my Yuuri._

 

*          *          *

 

“Otabek!” Viktor called out from across the day area. Taking large strides with his long legs, Viktor hurried to Otabek. “Where’s Yuuri?” He looked around the day area and the patients eating their breakfast.

“He’s still in his room. He’s not doing well again, I can’t get him out of bed.” Otabek sighed. “What’s going on with him Viktor?”

“Was JJ here last night?”

“Yes… but what does that have to do with Yuuri?”

_“Ublyudok”_ Viktor cursed in his native tongue.

“Huh? Viktor what is going on? Is there anyway I can help?” Otabek could see the distress in Viktor’s face. He pulled him aside to be a little more isolated from everyone, but still being able to keep on eye on his patients.

“Its JJ. He made a complaint to Dr. Feltsman about my treatment of Yuuri. He said that _I_ was making him worse, that _I_ don’t know how to care for him. So now Yuuri is in the hands of JJ. If JJ was here last night that means he already told Yuuri, I have to go talk to him.”

“That would explain why Yuuri is the way he is right now. I saw him when he got back from his outing with you, he looked happy and relaxed. By the evening, before I left, he took a 180 and he wouldn’t talk to me or anyone.” Otabek crossed his arms over his chest. “What can I do to help?”

“Keep an eye on him for me. Keep me posted on anything that happens. Dr. Feltsman is giving JJ two weeks with Yuuri and if no progress is made then he goes back to my care. I-I just…” Viktor didn’t want to admit what was nagging him in the back of his mind. What if it really was him that was making Yuuri this way? What if he was making him worse? What if in the two weeks, Yuuri does do better without him.

Otabek seemed to have caught on to Viktor’s thoughts. He placed a reassuring hand on his arm. “It’s not you Viktor. You’re not the one doing this to him. I’ve seen progress in Yuuri. I work the frontline, I see him almost everyday and I’m with him almost everyday. Those guys are only just reading notes on a computer and pick out all the bad stuff. You’re one of the very few therapists here that actually listen to your patients, and actually get help from the frontline staff.”

Viktor took a shaky breath. “Thank you, Otabek.”

“I don’t like JJ as much as the next guy. So, you have my word I will keep on eye on Yuuri, not just for you though, I’m doing this for Yuuri too.”

“Of course.” Viktor nodded and mumbled his thanks again and started off towards the bedroom corridors.

“Oh, see if you can get Yuuri up for some food.” Otabek called out before Viktor left the day area.

Yuri finished up his food and brought his tray back to the servery window. Once that was finished he approached Otabek. “What’s going on?”

"Not much, Yuri. What are your plans for today?” Acting casual and professional.

“Quit the bullshit. You know what I’m talking about.” Harshly whispered Yuri.

“Yeah, I can help you with that.” Otabek said a bit louder. “Come on then.”

Yuri followed Otabek to his room. Neither saying a word. Once the door was shut, did Yuri speak. “Now are you going to fucking tell me?”

“I shouldn’t be telling you anything.”

Yuri sauntered over to Otabek, pressing his body close to his. One arm went around his neck the other traced lazy patterns on Otabek’s chest. “Oh, come on Beka. It gets boring in here, I _need_ something. Maybe I can help.” He booped Otabek’s nose with his finger.

Otabek encircled Yuri with his arms around his waist. “How do you do this to me?”

Yuri smirked. “I have my ways.”

Otabek sighed. “Yuuri was taken off Viktor’s care and put with JJ instead. JJ made complaints to Dr. Feltsman that Viktor isn’t providing proper care to Yuuri.”

“That’s bullshit! Fucking JJ! He probably knows something then. Shit! Why else would he do that?” Yuri pulled back, distracted by his thoughts.

“What are you talking about? Why am I the last to know everything?”

“You don’t know?”

“Know what?” Otabek held out his hands in question.

“Viktor and Yuuri… You know…” Yuri trailed off to let it sink in a little.

There was a moment while Otabek thought. Yuri could practically see the light bulb shine behind his head. “They are?!” Otabek’s face fell in complete surprise.

“Well I don’t know if they’ve done the deed yet. But Yuuri confided in me that they kissed on a couple occasions, but Yuuri is a complete virgin in _everything_ and was freaking out about it. I mean, it seemed like he didn’t even know he liked men.”

"Wow. That would explain a lot.” Otabek put his hands on his hips. “So, you think JJ knows something? How would he know?”

“I don’t know.” Yuri shrugged. “He probably suspects something but can’t prove it. This is his only way to get back at Viktor for taking the job he wanted.”

“How do you know all this?”

“Like I said, I have my ways. Patients around here listen you know, especially when the staff here don’t pay any mind to us. They know a lot of what’s happening around here. So, I talk to them.” He sauntered back over to Otabek, placing is arms on his shoulders and stroking his hair with his fingertips.

“Is that so? You seduce them for information?” Otabek slid his hands around Yuri’s waist.

“Nah. I only save that for really hot male nurses.” Yuri leaned in pressing his lips against his. At the same time Otabek slid his hands down further groping his ass. A soft moan escaped Yuri’s lips. “Got time for a quickie?” Yuri whispered against his lips, as he ground his hips.

Now it was Otabek’s turn to moan at the feel of Yuri’s hardness pressed against his. “Always.” Otabek picked up him up and walked over to the bed.

 

*          *          *

 

Viktor didn’t bother knocking on the door to Yuuri’s room. He swiftly took out his keys and unlocked his door. “Yuuri?” He questioned and closed the door behind him.

Yuuri could recognize that voice anywhere. He jumped out of bed and rushed over to Viktor. “Viktor!” He threw his arms around his neck. Viktor caught him with his arms around his waist. The smell of the ocean and musk clouded Yuuri’s thoughts and he started to sob. Burying his face in the crook of his neck, he could feel the tears pouring down his cheeks. Viktor held him tightly, one arm moved to the back of Yuuri’s head stroking his hair.

“Tell me what JJ said last night isn’t true. Tell me he was lying and that’s why you are here.” Yuuri was able to mutter out between sobs.

Viktor’s heart smashed to pieces seeing Yuuri so broken apart, and all he had was the truth, which would tear him apart even more. He walked him over to the bed and sat him down. “It’s true Yuuri. I just found out this morning.”

“But why!? Why me?!”

"He’s claimed that you’re not making any progress, because of me. But you are, Yuuri, don’t let him doubt you.” Viktor wiped away some of Yuuri’s tears. “I think he has some sort of hidden agenda and is using you to get to me.”

“You’re the only reason why I have made any sort of improvement. But…” Viktor held his breath. “…But… maybe he is right. I’m so weak. I’m so pathetic. Maybe this is the best I’ll ever be.” He pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them tightly.

Viktor grabbed Yuuri’s hands in his. “Look at me Yuuri.” Yuuri slowly turned his head, trapped under Viktor’s hard stare. “You are not weak. You are not pathetic. You are the strongest person I know.”

“I can’t see myself the way you see me, Viktor.” Yuuri said in a low whisper.

Viktor sighed and enveloped Yuuri in a hug, holding him close. “You will, Yuuri.” He whispered against his ear.

Yuuri pulled back. “How? When I don’t have you to help me anymore.”

“I spoke to Dr. Feltsman before coming to see you. He won’t switch me back to you. Not now anyways. JJ is going to be your therapist for 2 weeks, Yuuri. If Dr. Feltsman doesn’t see any improvements either, then you come back to my care.”

Yuuri nodded. “Okay. You said that you think JJ has a hidden agenda. What might that be? Why use me?”

“I think he wants my job. We are both therapists for this unit, but I am the Professional Practice Leader for all the therapists in the hospital. JJ wanted the position and Yakov and few others recommended me instead. Also, I think he knows… about us…”

Yuuri’s eyes widened. “What?! How?! Oh god…” Yuuri’s breathing quickened. His grip on Viktor tightened. “I… knew… this… would happen.” He stammered between breaths.

“It’s ok Yuuri. Breathe with me.” Viktor lifted Yuuri’s face by his chin, so he could look at him, and took deep breaths in and out. “I think he only suspects but he can’t prove anything. As long as we remain careful, everything will be fine.” Viktor tried his best to reassure Yuuri. He pulled him in another embrace. Slowly he felt his breathing evening out and his body relaxing against his. Viktor pulled back enough to look into Yuuri’s chocolate eyes. “I’m not giving up on you, Yuuri. I promise.” He leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips. “Come, lets go, you have to go eat something. Otabek is worried about you.” He rose from the bed and grabbed Yuuri’s hand.

“I’m not hungry. Please just stay with me for a little bit?”

Viktor couldn’t say no to the puppy dog eyes that Yuuri was giving. “Alright, just for a little bit.” He sat back down. Yuuri repositioned himself on the bed so his head rested on Viktor’s lap. He couldn’t help but smile and stroked his hair. After a few minutes, Yuuri fell asleep. Viktor slowly got up, trying not to disturb him. He turned back around and placed a peck on his cheek, before leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys are thinking so far! I love hearing from you!  
> Thank you <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I am on Chapter 12 already! Thank you to those who are still reading. And thank to those are just starting.   
> I want to hear from you guys! I love it! Tell me what you are thinking.
> 
> P.S. Sorry in advance... :)

Its been almost a week, and Viktor was missing Yuuri a little too much. He was always on his mind. Not being able to see him made it worse. He was worried about him too, he read his chart everyday to see how he was doing, but it wasn’t the same. Yakov gave him specific instructions to not have any contact with Yuuri, so not to interrupt the ‘JJ experiment’, as Viktor was calling it.

But he couldn’t stop himself. He needed to see him, needed to touch him. To feel those lips against his. So, there he was hiding out in the ward laundry room, waiting for Yuuri to go by. He didn’t exactly have a plan, he had some time in his schedule and the next thing he knew he was in the laundry room. It was too late though, once Viktor had set his mind on something, it was going to happen, and nothing was going to stop him. He wrung his hands in nervousness, hoping no one would see what he was going to do next.

There he was! Yuuri walked by, heading back to his room. Viktor flew the door open, and before Yuuri could even register what was happening, Viktor grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into the room, closing the door behind.

“What the…!!! Viktor!” Yuuri’s cries were cut off by Viktor’s lips on his.

“I missed you, I wanted to see you.” Viktor whispered against his mouth. He could feel Yuuri relax in his arms. He pulled back a bit to examine Yuuri. “How was… How are…” He was struggling to ask a simple question. He was afraid of the answer, afraid that everything was going great and Yuuri didn’t need him anymore.  

“You want to know how things are going with JJ?”

“If you want to share, I’m not going to stop you.” Viktor looked sheepishly at Yuuri.

“I haven’t had any sessions with him yet. It was supposed to be yesterday, but he cancelled. It was rescheduled for later today.”

Viktor let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Regaining his composure. “Well then, I guess I just have to kidnap you to the laundry room again.” Viktor stepped towards Yuuri, sliding his hands around his waist.

The look of lust filling Yuuri’s eyes was Viktor’s undoing. Viktor shoved Yuuri against the wall. He slithered his hands up his body and grabbed Yuuri’s wrists and pulled them up over his head. While one hand held his wrists, his other hand went down his side and settling on his hip. Viktor closed the gap, their faces an inch apart, their breath mingling, both panting.

The anticipation was driving Yuuri crazy. Heat spread through his body with need. Viktor gave a devilish smirk and moved in closer, his lips barely brushing Yuuri's, as if asking for permission to go further. When Yuuri didn't pull away, Viktor’s hand on his hip snaked around to his lower back pressing them closer together. Making the final move, he pressed their lips together. The kiss started off slow, but desire and passion took over their bodies and the kiss quickly built. Viktor’s tongue pushed against Yuuri’s lips, opening his mouth for him and the kiss deepened. As their tongues and mouths pressed and danced together, Viktor ground his hips into Yuuri.

Yuuri broke the kiss, feeling an entirely new, but not undesirable, sensation, he threw his head back and moaned in pleasure. Viktor took the open opportunity and went for his neck, leaving kisses up and down, until he hit a spot just below Yuuri’s ear that made him cry out Viktor’s name. He licked and bit that spot, feeling Yuuri shutter in response. Viktor let go of Yuuri’s wrists, sliding and feeling down the other man’s body. Both hands went under Yuuri’s ass and picked him up. His legs instinctively went around Viktor's waist and his arms went around his neck. Their mouths connected in another deep kiss. Viktor groped Yuuri’s ass and ground their hardened members together. Yuuri gasped and pulled away from the kiss and arched his back, pressing harder into him, Viktor moaned in response.

A speaker overhead blared on above them. _Code white…_

  
"Shit! I have to go." Viktor reluctantly released Yuuri back to the ground. Both, breathless and wanting. Viktor grabbed Yuuri’s hands into his as bent forward and pressed their foreheads together and placed a small kiss on his nose. Viktor stayed there for a few seconds, trying to calm his body down. "I'll come back and see you before the end of the day." He gave Yuuri a quick kiss before carefully exiting the laundry room.

*          *          * 

Yuuri sat in the single therapy room waiting for JJ. He glanced at the clock, the second hand ticking away into minutes.

_He’s 10 minutes late. Viktor would never be late._

JJ finally waltzed in after another 5 minutes. He made no apologies and no excuses. Why would he? JJ sat in the chair opposite of Yuuri, taking a few minutes to get settled in.

Yuuri noted that JJ didn’t even look at him or even acknowledge his presence. He was getting fidgety and was wringing his hands in his lap. Beads of sweat started to form all over his body. Taking deep breaths to calm his nerves down. He tried using the techniques Viktor gave him but was interrupted.

“Are you ready, Yuuri?” JJ asked, looking bored already.

_Ready?! I’ve been here for 15 minutes, waiting for you! And you ask if I’m ready?!_

Was what Yuuri thought. What came out was a little different. “Y-Yes. I-I’m ready.” Pulling his legs up to his chest.

“For our first session today, I want you to forget everything Viktor has told you. Any coping strategies he might have given you, any bits of advice, anything at all, forget it. Pretend it didn’t even happen, pretend he didn’t happen.”

Yuuri’s eyes went wide. “I-I-I don’t want to do that. He was helping m-me.”

“You may think he was. But he wasn’t. How could what he told you, help you when you’ve been secluding yourself in your room? When you refused to eat or bathe. To even take care of yourself? Where was the help then?” JJ looked slightly disgusted as he spoke.

“I-It was one w-weekend. I-I’ve been doing b-better.” Yuuri’s heart started beating wildly in his chest. The beaded sweat, turned cold.

“It happed just a few days ago after your outing with Viktor.”

“T-T-That was because you t-told me that…”

“Yuuri, I can’t understand you when you stutter like that. Please speak normally. And sit properly too.” Interrupted JJ.

“I-I-I…” Yuuri’s voice was cut off. He couldn’t continue. His anxiety, his fears, and his doubts exploded across his body. His breathing was erratic, his heart felt like it was going to burst through his chest, his vision was clouded with tears, and he shook uncontrollably. He could hear noises, words being spoken, but could not register their meaning.

JJ rolled his eyes at the sight of Yuuri. “If you are going to do that and not participate, then I’m going to leave.” JJ waited 5 seconds before continuing. “We will try again next session then, since you can’t compose yourself enough to have a conversation.” JJ closed his notebook and walked out of the room leaving Yuuri alone.

*          *          *

Otabek witnessed JJ leaving the therapy room. Deciding it to be a bit odd, he approached JJ to ask him. “How did the session go with Yuuri? You cut it pretty short today.”

“He wouldn’t participate, started to have a panic attack, or I think it was. I personally think he’s faking it. So, I left. It will help him learn for the next session not to waste my time.”

“What?! He’s not faking anything! He has an anxiety disorder JJ! Did you not read his chart?!”

JJ just shrugged in response. “Someone with an anxiety disorder can still fake an anxiety attack.”

“Is he still in there? How could you leave him?”

“ _Oui,_ he’s still in there.” He ignored the second question. He didn’t need to explain himself.

Otabek took off running. He fumbled with his keys to open the single therapy room. When he burst through, he saw Yuuri lying on his side, in a fetal position, on the couch. His eyes were tightly closed shut. “Yuuri!!” Otabek rushed over to him, kneeling on the floor to get at his level. He repeated his name a few more times, but he was responded with the sound of Yuuri’s laboured breathing.

Otabek knew it was a bad idea, knew it was against the rules that were laid out for this ‘experiment’. But he hated seeing a patient suffer like this. He took out his cell phone and dialed the hospitals number. Following the prompts, he swiftly keyed in Viktor’s extension.

_Please be there, please be there. Pick up. Pick up._

“Viktor Nikiforov, how can I help you?” Viktor’s calm, smooth voice entered the phone.

“Viktor! It’s Otabek. Come to the therapy room. It’s Yuuri.” Without another word, Otabek heard the dial tone on the other side.

Sensing Otabek’s urgency, Viktor made a mad dash out of his office. Counting his lucky stars that his office was on the unit as he ran through the day area. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at Viktor running, wondering what the problem was. He didn’t care, his only thoughts were of Yuuri.

He made it to the therapy room in record timing. The sight he saw shot waves of fear and anger through him.

_Where the hell is JJ?!_

Otabek moved over to give Viktor room. Viktor knelt on the floor in front of Yuuri. He could hear him mumbling something between his breathing but couldn’t make out what was being said.

“Yuuri, Yuuri, I’m here. I need you to focus on my voice Yuuri. Focus on my breathing.” He stroked his hair and continued to reassure Yuuri in his ear. Placing small kisses where he stroked. He didn’t care how he looked in front of Otabek, how intimate he looked with him. He could worry about that later.

Yuuri felt the darkness that overpowered him start to quake. The pressure within his chest lightened. A pinhole of light seemed to be shining through, and slowly making itself bigger, breaking through all that blackness. It felt warm and inviting. He could hear a muffled voice getting louder and clearer.

Viktor could feel and see Yuuri starting to relax. His body still trembled, but not at the force it was a minute ago. Yuuri’s breathing, though still laboured, was evening out slowly. Gradually Yuuri’s eyes opened. Still clouded with tears, and burning from the brightness of the room, he could make out a faint outline of someone. A voice purred in his ears.

“V-V-Viktor?”

“Yes, Yuuri its me. I’m here.” Tears threatened to spill down Viktor’s cheeks, but he blinked them back. Yuuri scrambled up and threw his arms around Viktor. He held on so tight, like his life depended on it.

Not wanting to disturb the two, Otabek snuck out of the room. Relieved that Yuuri was alright and that he made the right call. Even if others wouldn’t see it that way. Witnessing the two made him think of his Yuri. He left the therapy rooms and went to go seek him out.

After a few minutes of them embracing, Viktor reluctantly pulled away. Only far enough to look at the other man’s face and wipe away his tears. He placed a small chaste kiss on his lips.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Yuuri shook his head ‘no’ and cast his eyes downward.

“It’s ok Yuuri, if you don’t want to.” He knew if he pushed the issue it would only cause more problems for Yuuri. Maybe send him further in his downward spiral. He knew he would talk when he was ready to.

“I’ll take you to your room then.”

Yuuri nodded. “Thank you, Viktor.”

“Always, my Yuuri.”

*          *          *

Once Yuuri was safely tucked into his bed and fast asleep, Viktor sought out Otabek to find out what had happened. He found said man in the nursing station charting at the computer.

“Hey, Otabek.”

“Oh, hey Viktor. Yuuri feeling better?” Otabek finished typing his sentence and spun the chair around.

“Yeah, he’s taking a nap. I… I wanted to thank you for calling me and letting me know. It’s kind of against the rules of this stupid experiment. So… thank you.” Viktor nervously scratched the back of his head.

“I said I would look out for him, and I will. I mean that. You’re obviously the best person for him. I know what Yuuri is like after a panic attack, and I have seen you bring him down from one. I figured having you there would make him feel better. You don’t have to thank me. But I appreciate the sentiment.”

There was a pause. Otabek could tell Viktor wanted to say more, he kept quiet and waited patiently. Finally, Viktor spoke up. “I want to talk to you about what you saw between Yuuri and I. I… I-” Viktor was cut off by the sound of a door opening behind him.

A fellow nurse came into the nursing station. Not wanting others to overhear the conversation, Otabek pulled Viktor into the medication room just inside the station. He kept his voice low. “I already know. But don’t worry, I won’t say anything.”

“You do?! How did you know?” Viktor asked. He was astonished to find out he already knew.

“It doesn’t matter how I know. But, if at any point I see that your relationship with him is hindering him in any way, I will say something. This better be real Viktor, and not some fling.” Viktor was known to be a little more than flirtatious from time to time, and never having a relationship longer to be considered serious. Otabek knew this and wanted to protect Yuuri and understood how fragile he was.

Viktor nodded. “Thank you. I won’t ever dream of hurting him.” Viktor leaned against the counter, a little more relaxed. Viktor’s face softened. “He’s… he’s different.” Composing himself he continued. “Do you know what happened? Why was he alone in there? I thought he had a session with JJ?”

“I saw JJ come out of the room early. I thought it was weird, so I asked him about it. He told me that Yuuri wasn’t participating and that he believes Yuuri is faking the panic attacks. He left him there so he can learn not to waste his time for next time.”

“WHAT?!!?” A burning rage boiled through Viktor’s body, making him tremble.  He stood up from his lax posture and he started walking out of the medication room, only to be stopped by a body in front of the door.

“Wait Viktor. I don’t like what he said and did anymore than you do. We both know that Yuuri isn’t faking and that JJ is just being a dipshit. But do not go to him like this. You are too angry, and it will cause problems for you and for Yuuri.” Otabek tried to be the voice of reason. “You need to calm down first and think about what you are going to do next.”

Viktor hated to admit it, but Otabek was right. Going over to JJ’s office and punching him square in those perfect white teeth of his, would bring him nothing but satisfaction. But it would solve nothing. He could lose his job, and, in the end, he would lose Yuuri. He took a few deep breaths.

“Good.” Otabek praised in his best nursing voice. “Now, what are you going to do?”

Viktor paused, thinking, rationalizing. “I’m going to go talk to Dr. Feltsman. Tell him what you told me and about you calling me. Is that okay with you? I don’t want to drag you into this.”

“I’m already dragged into it, but more as a spectator. Since no one wants my opinion in all this, but that’s ok I just work with the man every day.” Otabek bitterly mumbled. The value of frontline work was sometimes under appreciated by those higher than him. “Sorry.” Otabek huffed.

“No, that’s ok. I get it. I do want your opinion though Otabek.”

“I think that’s a good idea. I think its your only option. Talking to JJ never solves anything. Once he has something in his head, you can never change it. Even if he is wrong.”

“Thank you, Otabek. I really do appreciate everything.” Viktor reached out and placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder.

“You’re welcome, Viktor. I meant what I said though. Don’t hurt him.” Otabek pointed a finger at Viktor in an accusing way.

Viktor put his hands up, in a surrender. “I won’t.” Otabek moved out of the way, and Viktor brushed by out of the medication room.

*          *          *

Viktor took a deep breath and nervously bounced in place. He lifted his hand up to knock on the door three times already, and each time putting it back down to his side. He wasn’t nervous about talking to Yakov and the horrible treatment JJ demonstrated to Yuuri. Oh no, he was angry and on fire with that. The nervousness was stemmed from how he has to do it. It must be done in a manner that doesn’t give away his feelings for Yuuri. He didn’t want things to get out of hand and his true emotions show. This had to be perfect.

Mustering up the courage once again, the fist that raised a fourth time finally followed through. “Come in.” Grumbled the other side of the door. Viktor opened the door to reveal himself to that voice. “Viktor! Come in. Have a seat.”

Viktor shakily took a step in and closed the door behind him, taking the seat in front of his desk. “Hi Yakov. I don’t mean to bother you.”

“Nonsense. What can I do for you?” Yakov moved his notes and keyboard out of the way. Placing his elbows on the desk and his hands clasped in front of him. Ready to listen.

“It’s about Yuuri Katsuki. I am very worried about him.”

Yakov gave an audible sigh. “Viktor, we agreed that Jean-Jacques would take on Yuuri for 2 weeks. It hasn’t even been a week yet. What is it about this patient?”

“Please hear me out Yakov.” Viktor stated quietly. Viktor always exuberated confidence, even when he was nervous, in a ‘fake it, till you make it’ kind of attitude. But in front of Yakov, he turned soft, quiet, and timid.

“Fine. Go ahead then.”

Viktor cleared his throat. He spoke about the events that occurred with JJ and Yuuri. He mentioned Otabek calling him and the state he found Yuuri. He spoke about JJ believing Yuuri is faking this diagnosis and his attacks. He voiced how he has been able to bring Yuuri back from his panic attack after failed attempts by others. The more he spoke the less timid he became. The anger taking reins. Viktor told him everything. Well, maybe not _everything._

All the while Yakov sat patiently behind the desk, listening. His facial expressions, not once, giving his thoughts away. Years of practice as a psychiatrist and having to keep his face neutral. Well in Yakov’s case a permanent frown. He only spoke once Viktor finished his story. “Hmm. I see what you mean.” Yakov mentioned nothing else. He reached over to the phone next to him and punched in four numbers, leaving the phone on speaker.

_Ring… Ring…Ring…_

“This is Jean-Jacques”

“It’s Dr. Feltsman. Come to my office, please.” Yakov hung up before JJ could reply. “I’m sorry I doubted you, Viktor. I based my decision to remove Yuuri from you on what Jean-Jacques had told me. I never gave you a chance to explain. Its obvious that Yuuri trusts you and you have a good rapport with him.”

Viktor’s eyes widened. “Thank you, Yakov.” His resolve diminished, settling back into the timid man he became in front of Yakov. An apology from Yakov was like a red diamond, rarely seen, or in this case heard, and precious.

A knock came at the door. Yakov grumbled for the person to come in. JJ stepped in and stopped in his tracks for a mere second, before covering it up and confidently walking to the chair next to Viktor.

“Dr. Feltsman, Viktor. What can I help you with?”

_Of course, JJ would ask that. Like the thought of him doing wrong is unbelievable or that everyone needs help from him is the only reason people talk to him._

“Yuuri Katsuki needs your help, but it appears you failed to provide that.” One thing Viktor loved about Yakov was how blunt and to the point the man could be.

“I don’t understand. I had a session with him today, he is getting the care he _deserves_.” JJ retorted back.

“You truly believe that? I am told that you also believe that he is faking his disorder and his attacks. A disorder that, need I remind you, I diagnosed him with. Are you saying that I was wrong in the diagnoses?” JJ opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by a hand held up to stop him. Yakov continued. “I was also told that you left Yuuri in the therapy room, alone, whilst having a panic attack, attempting to teach him a lesson to not waste your time.”

Viktor sat quietly, glancing at JJ. He could see the man getting irritated. His face was flush, and his right eyebrow would twitch ever slightly. Viktor covertly smirked to himself. Viktor listened on as Yakov continued. “This is not the type of treatment of patients that represents this unit, and definitely is not the type of treatment I expect from my therapists. I am reinstating Yuuri back to Viktor’s care.”

“Are you really going to believe him?!” JJ finally blurted out, his face was red with anger. He pointed a shaking finger towards Viktor.

“Of course, I am. He came to me and explained what had happened, what he had witnessed, and what he was able to do.” Yakov remained like a stone.

“Humph. He’s going to say anything to get back with his _les amoureux_.” JJ said in such disgust.

“What are you talking about, Jean-Jacques?” A hint of annoyance laid behind Yakov’s words.

“Viktor, your precious boy here, has been having certain inappropriate relations with Yuuri Katsuki. I saw him one day grab Yuuri into a hug and held him there. Just today, I witnessed Viktor hiding and then pulling Yuuri into the laundry room. I don’t even want to think about what goes on when Viktor takes him on those outings, when they are _unsupervised_.”

Viktor stilled. His whole body frozen. His heart started racing. A cold sweat dripped down his neck and back. He couldn’t believe what he heard. JJ saw him pull Yuuri into the laundry room. JJ had just outed his and Yuuri’s relationship.

_Fuck! Shit! Shit! Shit!_

_Play it cool, brush it off. Don’t panic._

“Viktor, is this true?” He could hear the betrayal in Yakov’s voice. “Jean-Jacques these are serious allegations that you are making. Are you certain this is what you saw?”

“Of course. I would never lie to get what I want.”

“Viktor, I am going to ask you again. Is what Jean-Jacques stating true?”

Viktor put on his neutral face. “Yes and no. What Jean-Jacques here saw, was a therapist comforting his patient. As for the laundry room, I was not hiding, I was prepping for another patient for a laundry behaviour program that I was thinking about implementing with them, Yuuri walked by, so I called him to ask him a question.” There that was believable right? Viktor could only hope so.

Yakov didn’t look convinced. Instead, he looked hurt. Viktor knew it was because of him. He was the cause of that pain in Yakov’s eyes. “I will have to investigate this issue myself. As I said, these are serious allegations, I will explore it further. I will try to be discreet as possible in my investigation. Concerning Yuuri Kastuki, I will have to deliberate what will happen to him. I may have to transfer him to a different unit within the hospital.” Yakov sighed. “It’s disheartening to know that my two therapists on this unit have played and used a patient to their will. Now leave.”

Viktor held it together until he got to his office. He slid down the closed door to the floor and wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did say I was sorry.  
> <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Please leave any comments or questions, I love hearing from you. Or leave a simple Kudos :) 
> 
> Hopefully this chapter makes up for the last :)   
> <3

It was a few days since the meeting with Yakov, JJ, and Viktor. Everyone was on edge to find out what Yakov's final decision, whether Yuuri will be transferred to another unit or not, while he investigated the allegations on Viktor. 

Viktor on the other hand was forced to take time off, so not to impede on the investigation. He sat at home, aimlessly wondering around his condo. His thoughts were only on Yuuri, the worry gnawed on the back of his brain. He took Makka out for a few walks in attempts to clear his head, only for that to remind him of Yuuri as well. By the third day, Viktor was going stir crazy. He went by the dance studio to dance his worries away. After discovering he couldn’t professionally dance ballet anymore, he learned other styles of dance. He found he also had a love for contemporary. He used dance as part of his recovery from his darkness, when in and out of hospitals. Learning new forms of dance let him explore the art further and find the joy he had lost in it.

The studio was dark and empty. Perfect. He didn't want to see anyone. He could feel himself slipping away, feel his depression starting to take over.

_It's all my fault. Everything is my fault. Now Yuuri will suffer for my actions. All because I was too selfish. Too impulsive._

Viktor stretched, loosening up his muscles. He took note of what emotions he was feeling. He wanted to take those emotions and turn them into dance. Have the fluidity of his movements speak to what he is feeling. After stretching, Viktor scrolled through his music library to find a song. Looking deep at his emotions, he picked them out; anger, sadness, longing, loneliness... He needed something hard, fast, and full of emotion. He knew the song as soon as he saw it. He hit play and closed his eyes focusing on the words and the melody. The message in the lyrics were clear. As soon as the song ended, Viktor hooked up his phone to the sound system and went to the centre of the dance floor and hit play with the remote.

**_(Listen to ‘Coldrain – STAY’ this was the song I was thinking of)_ **

Viktor started dancing, letting his body take control. He combined ballet with contemporary. He moved hard and fast across the dance floor; expelling leaps and spins. His body twisting and contorting to the melody, pushing it to its limits. Banging his fists to the ground. His arms constantly reaching out, trying to grab hold of something, but always remaining empty. Sorrow and loss bled through his movements. 

He posed at the end of the song. One arm was reaching out with his palm down off to the side, the other hand laid on top of his heart, his back straight and his head turned, looking down the extended arm. Viktor panted, releasing the pose. He wiped at his face and felt something wet streaming down his cheeks. 

_When did I start crying?_

Then it hit him all at once. Viktor fell to the ground on his knees, he bent over with his head on the floor and cried. Time meant nothing, he didn’t know how long he cried for, he didn’t know when he rolled to his side on the floor. The only thing he knew was that the peaceful quiet was interrupted by his phone playing his ringtone. He debated whether to answer it or not. Grudgingly, Viktor got up from the floor and went to answer the phone. The name of the hospital splayed across his screen. An uneasiness creeped up and enveloped his body. With a trembling finger and swiped to answer the phone. “H-Hello?”

“Viktor, its Dr. Feltsman. I need to see you tomorrow morning in my office.” Always to the point, Yakov never wasted his time with pleasantries.

Viktor noticed the formalities he used and stuck with it. “Hi, Dr. Feltsman, yes I can come by, 9:30 is that alright? May I ask what this is pertaining to?” Viktor tried steadying his voice.

“It’s about Yuuri Katsuki. I don’t want to discuss this over the phone.”

Viktor took a sharp intake of air. “Yes, of course, I understand. Thank you, Dr. Feltsman.”

“See you tomorrow at 9:30, Viktor.”

“See you tomorrow.” Viktor hung up the phone. A tightness formed in his chest. This was the moment he was waiting for. The decision about his future and about Yuuri’s recovery and where it stands. Whatever the outcome may be, he decided he would be there for Yuuri in anyway that he can. He would not abandon him. He promised.

Viktor spent the next couple of hours dancing away his worries. It worked for a small amount of time. The dancing only acting as a way for him to work through his emotions and the thoughts clouding his brain. He knew he had to stop when his knee and ankle were giving him difficulties and started to cause him pain.

That night Viktor laid awake in bed, tossing and turning, but finding no relief in sleep. Eventually, he got out of bed and trudged to his liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of vodka. His go to drink when things got messy. Foregoing a glass, he took the bottle back to bed with him. He knew this was dangerous, he’s been there before, drowning his emotions within a bottle. With half the bottle drank, Viktor fell into a fitful sleep.

*          *          *

Meanwhile, while Viktor struggled at home, Yuuri was in no better shape. The few days that went by, were the worst anyone has ever seen Yuuri. He withdrew himself into his room, he refused to eat, bathe, and speak. When he did speak, he was irritable, demanding to be left alone and yelled at anyone who disturbed him.

For days, all his thoughts turned to voices in his head, clogging his mind. It was beginning to be too much for him. Those same voices telling him how pathetic and useless he was. They told him what JJ said was true, Viktor never helped him. They told him Viktor left him, abandoned him, that he saw how weak Yuuri was and wanted nothing to do with him. They told him that he was never going to get better, that his skating career was over, he should quit. That he could never win gold, and he would just humiliate himself. The voices repeated every fear, over and over. Along with those fears were the questions.

_Where was Viktor?_

_Did he leave?_

_What’s going to happen to me?_

More and more darkened his mind, unable to stop them. Yuuri would go into fits of sobbing when he got overwhelmed. When that happened, his dark looming shadow would smother him in panic attacks.

He was alone and afraid.

Each day, Yuuri refused to take his medications. On the third day, Yuuri threw his medications on the floor and tossed the cup of water across his room, screaming at Otabek to leave. This resulted in extra staff being called and Yuuri being held down, while he kicked and screamed, flailing his body around. They injected him with his medication and gave him something else to help calm him down. He was finally able to sleep that night.

The next morning Yuuri woke groggy and his head felt fuzzy. He stayed in his bed. Otabek came into Yuuri’s room, not bothering to knock anymore. Even with the medications and Yuuri feeling groggy and fuzzy, he was aware at what was happening around him.

“Good morning, Yuuri, how are we feeling today?” Otabek asked him every morning and every time he checked on him, knowing he never got a response. This morning though, was different.

“Good morning, Otabek.” Yuuri mumbled in a quiet whisper. He turned and sat up in bed. He drew his knees up to his chest and focused his eyes on the bed before him. “I-I’m s-s-sorry about my behaviour…”

“Don’t do that Yuuri, please don’t apologize. There is nothing to be sorry about. You weren’t yourself, and that’s okay.” Otabek cut him off.

Yuuri directed his eyes to the man in front of him. “I-I-I can’t do this anymore, Otabek. It’s too much…” Yuuri was unable to finish. He started sobbing. Otabek walked across the room and decided to forgo hospital regulations and sat on the bed next to Yuuri. He patted his back in small circles, providing what little comfort he could. Yuuri leaned into Otabek, craving that comfort. Otabek remained silent while Yuuri cried.

When Yuuri seemed like he was settled, Otabek spoke. “I have some news for you.” Yuuri turned his head to look up. “Dr. Feltsman wants to see you this morning. He didn’t say to me why.”

“Okay.” Yuuri paused and shifted, huddling back into himself. “Otabek?”

“Yes, Yuuri.”

“Where is Viktor? Why haven’t I seen him? Why hasn’t he come to see me?” His voice squeaked out in a childlike manner.

Otabek didn’t want to lie to Yuuri, he knew this was going to be difficult for him to hear, but he deserved to know the truth. “Viktor, was forced to take a leave of absence. Dr. Feltsman is investigating a claim of certain…relations… between you and him, by JJ. I think this is the reason Dr. Feltsman wants to talk to you this morning.”

“What?!... This is all my fault…” Yuuri started to panic, his anxiety was shooting through the roof.

“Yuuri, listen to me. This is not your fault in anyway. I know about your relationship with Viktor. I didn’t say anything, even when Dr. Feltsman asked me questions. This is no one’s fault, well, maybe except for JJ’s. You need to remember that. Just breathe, Yuuri. Remember what Viktor taught you.”

Yuuri tried his breathing exercises that Viktor taught him. He closed his eyes and pictured the silver haired man.

“Good, good job, Yuuri.” Otabek resumed the small circles on his back.

“How do you know about… Viktor and I?” Yuuri finally asked once he was able to control his breathing.

“Yuri, told me.” Otabek replied sheepishly.

Yuuri rolled his eyes. “Of course, he did. Well, thank you anyways, Otabek.”

“Of course, Yuuri. Just returning a favour.” Otabek winked and stood up from the bed. “Now, how about you take your meds for me this morning, the IM yesterday seemed to have helped, so let’s continue with the medication.”

Yuuri nodded again. “Okay, I’ll take them. I’m still an anxious mess, everything is running through my head all at once and I can’t stop the thoughts. But I feel a little less in an anxiety haze.”

“You will still feel that way for a bit, you were off your meds for a few days. Its going to take a few days to get you back to where you were. I will go get them. Oh! I think you should also take a shower before you speak with Dr. Feltsman. Don’t make me get Yuri to force you out of bed again.” Otabek said with a chuckle.

Yuuri turned his lips into a small smile. “I think you’re right about the shower, I really need one.”

Yuuri gathered his things for a shower, while Otabek left to get his medication. Once the pills were swallowed, Yuuri retreated to the shower, where he hoped that for a short time the thoughts would quiet. Boy was he wrong.

*          *          *

Yuuri sat in the single therapy room, while he waited for Dr. Feltsman. After a few minutes, the man in question walked in.

“Good morning, Mr. Katsuki.” Dr. Feltsman muttered as he took a seat in the chair across from Yuuri. He took note of Yuuri’s body language; his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them tightly, and his face half hidden behind them, avoiding eye contact.

“Good morning, Dr. Feltsman.” Yuuri mumbled in response. Yuuri only met him once in the beginning when he first got admitted.

“I don’t want to take up too much of your time, so, I am going to cut to the chase. I want to ask you about your therapies with Viktor and JJ. Is that alright with you?”

“Mmhm. What about them do you want to know?” Yuuri asked quietly, still not meeting his eyes.

“How did you like Viktor’s therapy approach compared to JJ’s?” Dr. Feltsman purposely avoided the questions he wanted to ask, for the time being. He was testing the waters and wanted to see if he could get any hidden information that Yuuri might spill while talking about other things.

“Well, I really enjoyed working with Viktor. I trust him, and I don’t trust many people. He seems to understand my anxieties, and he can help bring me down when it gets to be too much. I feel challenged when I am with him.” Yuuri’s face softened when he spoke about Viktor.

“What do you mean by challenged?”

“He took me the ice rink the last outing. I was missing skating and I told him it was something that I do when I get anxious. Viktor also believes it plays a small part in my anxieties. Anyways, he didn’t tell me where we were going, which makes me anxious. He told me that life is full of surprises, that I can’t plan my whole life and told me to use my coping strategies. He pushes me to face my anxieties, that’s what I mean by challenged. But he does it in a way that I feel… safe.”

“Hmm. What about JJ?”

“To be honest, Dr. Feltsman, I don’t like him. He thought I was lying, thought I was faking everything. Why would I fake something like this? He didn’t understand me or my anxieties at all. He didn’t even try. He just made me feel worse about myself, like I should be ashamed for being the way I am.” Yuuri tightened his hold around his legs, Dr. Feltsman noticed this.

“These next questions may be a little… confusing.”

“Okay…” Yuuri was getting nervous, his palms were sweaty, and he could feel a bead of sweat forming along his hairline. He knew what questions were going to come next.

“A few days ago, Viktor had pulled you into the laundry room rather suddenly. What happened?”

“He wanted to ask me a question, and he didn’t pull me in the laundry room. He asked me how I was doing, and if I was using the coping strategies he provided me with and if they were working. Why do you ask?” Yuuri asked.

Dr. Feltsman ignored the question and continued with his own. “Has he ever done or said anything inappropriate or unwanted towards you? I ask that you please be honest with me. Do not try and cover for him. If you are scared, I will protect you from him.” Dr. Feltsman leaned in, his voice softening.

Yuuri looked at him confused. “No, he’s never done any of that. He hugged me once, but I asked for it, I wanted some comfort. I was missing my family and skating. JJ had walked me to my appointment that day and made me feel terrible. Viktor provided me with reassurance.” Yuuri flat out lied. He thought back to that moment, the feel of Viktor against him, the smell of him. He missed him.

“Did you and Viktor ever have certain relations that are outside of therapist/patient relationship?” Dr. Feltsman remained composed while asking.

“What?!? What do you mean? Viktor was just my therapist and treated me as a patient and treated me with respect.” Yuuri stumbled out. He practiced all his answers the whole time he waited for Dr. Feltsman. He didn’t want to deny it too much, as it may seem like he is hiding something. He decided to keep the answers simple. He would have to thank Otabek for providing him with the questions that he knew Dr. Feltsman would ask. Otabek had also spoken to Viktor and provided his answers to him, this way, both could remain cohesive.

“There have been some allegations towards Viktor having certain affairs with yourself. I have investigated what I could. There were only verbal claims and not any proof of said relationship. Viktor had denied such claims and now you have too, but I still had to do my due diligence. The answers you provided me seem sound and justified. Thank you for your time Mr. Katsuki.” Dr. Feltsman stood up to leave.

“What’s going to happen to me? What’s going to happen with Viktor?” Yuuri squeaked out, looking down at his knees.

“I don’t see any problem with Viktor overseeing your care again. If that is what you would like?”

Yuuri finally looked at that man in front of him. “I would like that. Thank you, Dr. Feltsman. I felt like I was making progress with Viktor and then everything just fell apart.”

Dr. Feltsman nodded. “Good. I am letting him know this morning. He will resume your care when he gets back from his leave.” He turned and walked towards the door.

“Thank you.” Yuuri whispered out. As the door closed, a smile spread across Yuuri’s face and lightness spilled into his heart. He was starting to feel hope again.

*          *          *

Dr. Feltsman welcomed the person on the other side of the door. Viktor walked in, looking nervous and little worse for wear.

“Have a seat, Viktor.”

“Thank you, Dr. Felts…” He threw him a look. “…Yakov.”

“I am truly sorry about all this. I didn’t want to believe anything Jean-Jacques said, but I still had to follow through. I hope you understand.”

“Thank you, Yakov. I do understand.” Viktor looked down at the ground. His bangs covered his left eye and half his face. It was an old habit he had when Yakov first met him.

“How were you doing these last few days?” Yakov asked.

“They were a little hard. I went to the dance studio yesterday. I felt myself slipping.”

“Good. I’m glad your still able to recognize your emotions and your early warning symptoms, and that dancing is still something that is helpful to you.” Yakov smiled a half smile.

“Well, you were the one that coached me through everything. You were the one that was there for me at my worst. The only doctor that cared enough and showed me another world of dance and that part of my life wasn’t over.”

“I see now that you are trying to recreate my treatments I did for you onto Mr. Katsuki. Am I safe to assume that?”

Viktor looked up from the ground. He moved his bangs out of the way, finding a little certainty within himself. “Yes. I find a little of myself in him. I can see that he needs the confidence to be… more. You should see him Yakov, he’s incredible when he dances and skates, but its his anxiety and insecurities that’s holding him back.”

“You sincerely believe this sort of treatment will help? Why not talk therapy?” Yakov clasped his hands in front of him on his desk. He genuinely wanted to know Viktor’s thoughts on the issue. By challenging him, he could find out if he had the patient’s best interest and not just pushing himself onto Yuuri.

“I do believe it will help him. Talk therapy alone is not good enough for Yuuri. He gets to anxious when talking and starts overthinking, and he feels worse when he leaves than when he came in. I believe it is still important, but when he is dancing and skating he opens up, he feels more at home and is willing to talk more. So, I want to combine them both.”

“Mr. Katsuki was right then.” Yakov smiled inwardly with pride, for his former patient turned colleague. He felt assured that Viktor did understand his patient and knew the best course of action.

“What do you mean?” Viktor tilted his head to the side in question, like a dog hearing an odd noise.

Yakov ignored Viktor’s question. “Well if you honestly believe this treatment will help, then I have faith in you. You better start booking some rink time then if this is what you plan.”

Viktor’s face dropped in shock. “Really??! He’s back in my care! Thank you Yakov!”

Yakov shook his head with amusement at Viktor’s antics. “Everything is cleared between you and Mr. Katsuki. I spoke to several people and no one could say anything that would make me believe otherwise. I will be having a discussion with Jean-Jacques about being more careful about making allegations as such in the future. Especially when he seems to not have the patient’s best interest at heart.”

“Thank you again, Yakov.” A tear rolled down his cheek as he turned and left Yakov’s office.

*          *          *

Yuuri was lying in his bed. Curled up again under the covers, with the conversation he had with Dr. Feltsman running through his head. A knock came at the door.

_Ugh. Why can’t people just leave me alone!_

“Come in.” Yuuri said rather loudly and a little on the nasty side. He kept his back to the door, not caring who came in.

The said figure closed the door behind them and loomed over Yuuri’s lying body. “Yuuuurrrriiiiii…” The figure said in a monotoned voice. “What do you think you are doing lying in bed like that?”

Yuuri sprang up in bed, standing on the bed. “Viktor! You’re back!” Yuuri wrapped his arms around his neck. Viktor laughed and slid his arms around his waist. He picked him off the bed and set him down on the ground, now able to hold him closer.

“I missed you too, my Yuuri.” Viktor whispered into his ear.

Yuuri shivered at the feeling of his breath against his ear, the smell of the ocean, and the closeness of his body against his. Viktor missed how reactive Yuuri can be. Viktor pulled his head back and pressed his forehead to Yuuri’s.

“I will never leave you again, Yuuri.” He breathed out. Before Yuuri could respond, Viktor pressed his lips to his. How he missed the taste and feel of his lips. Overcome with desire, Viktor deepened the kiss and pressed for Yuuri to open his mouth to him. Yuuri succumbed.

Both pulled away breathless. They held onto each other a little longer. “I have to go, Yuuri. I’m not even supposed to be here. But I just finished talking to Dr. Feltsman and I had to come and see you.” Viktor caressed his hand down Yuuri’s jaw, placing another kiss on his lips. “I already booked some time for you and me to have a session tomorrow. I will see you then _da_?”

Yuuri nodded. He didn’t trust his voice and tears were threatening to spill out. He smiled his small smile, which Viktor returned, but much bigger. Viktor reluctantly left the room, leaving Yuuri with more hope spilling into this heart.


	14. Chapter 14

Viktor tapped his pen repeatedly on his notepad. One leg bounced that was crossed over the other. He read and re-read his notes on Yuuri while he waited for him in the single therapy room. Feeling butterflies flutter in his stomach.

_Why am I so nervous?_

The door opened and Yuuri walked in. Viktor stood up right away, setting his notepad and pen down on the coffee table. He thanked Otabek and walked over to Yuuri. Viktor reached out and brushed away the ravenette’s hair from off his face. The look in his eyes and the small smile spreading on his lips, made Viktor’s heart skip a beat. He slid his hands down the man’s face, tracing along his jaw and sliding it further around his neck, until his arms wrapped around him. Viktor could feel Yuuri’s arms wrap around his waist and hold on tight, like he was going to float away. Yuuri could feel that familiar warmth he felt when close to Viktor spread across his body.

“Shall we get started?” Viktor breathed against his hair. He could feel him nodding against his shoulder and released his hold he had on him. Both took their respective seats, Viktor in his chair and Yuuri on the couch. Viktor picked his notepad and pen back, setting it on his lap once again. “I was reading the notes from the last few days.”

Yuuri sat with his legs close together and his hands in his lap wringing together. His shoulders were high and tense. Feeling a chill move up his spine, he looked down at the ground in shame. “Oh…”

“Did you want to talk about it?” Viktor inquired.

“I guess so…” Yuuri still refused to look up.

“What was going on in your head? What were you thinking and feeling?”

“I… I…” Yuuri paused to take a deep breath. “Everything just came crashing down. I had the session with JJ and he told me I wasn’t getting better, that you weren’t helping me.” Yuuri pulled his knees up to his chest. “He said to forget you.” Yuuri whispered out.

“Yuuri…” Viktor breathed out.

“I didn’t want to believe him, but then all of my fears came rushing to the surface. All my doubts about my skating, my fears around not getting better, everything. Then, when I didn’t see you…” Yuuri trailed off. He gripped his legs tighter to his chest.

Guilt fostered up in Viktor. Guilt for leaving Yuuri, for not fighting hard enough, for making him suffer. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t be there for you.” Viktor said softly.

Yuuri shook his head. “You’re here now.” He moved his eyes upwards to Viktor’s. Brown eyes meeting blues.

They continued to talk for the rest of the hour, working through what Yuuri experienced in those haunting days. Throughout the session, Viktor could see Yuuri starting to relax as he spoke more. His legs moved down to the floor and were loose. His shoulders were less tense. The only indication that exhibited Yuuri’s nervousness was his hands. He still wrung them on his lap, clasping them tightly together.

“Looks like our time is up Yuuri.” Viktor stated looking at his watch.

“Oh…” Yuuri replied with disappointment in his voice.

“I do have some good news for you though.”

“You do?” Yuuri inquired.

“I spoke to Dr. Feltsman about your treatment, and how I want to go about it. He is skeptical, but he is allowing me to pursue this path. We are going to start going to the dance studio and the ice rink once a week.” Viktor couldn’t contain his smile anymore. Yuuri’s face brightened with a smile spread across from ear to ear, it filled Viktor with delight, he always wanted Yuuri to look this way.

“Really?! You mean… I… I can dance and skate again?”

Viktor chuckled. “Yes, you can. I am using it as part of a therapeutic approach to your treatment. Remember what I said about your skating being a small part of your anxieties, well, we need to work through that and the best way to do it is on the ice, through your skating and dancing.” Viktor stood up from the chair.

“Thank you, Viktor.” Yuuri rushed over to Viktor and threw his arms around his neck.

“Plus, the dance studio is for my benefit as well. I can’t help you much on the ice, as you know.” Yuuri giggled. “But I can be there for you on the floor.” Viktor pulled back a bit from the hug to look at Yuuri. “Bonus is I get to dance with you again.” Viktor threw in a wink, making Yuuri blush. Viktor leaned down and placed a chaste kiss onto his lips and then pulled away. Yuuri stopped him with a hand on the back of his neck and drew him closer. Their lips meeting in a more adoring manner.

Viktor pulled away once again. “I hate that I have to go Yuuri. I don’t want to leave you. But I have a meeting to get to and I don’t want it to look suspicious if I am late.” He placed a kiss on Yuuri’s forehead.

Yuuri nodded. “I know, you’re right. Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Mmmhm. I will try and see you before I leave today. I will come and ‘check up’ on you.” Viktor let go of Yuuri’s waist to make quotation marks with his hands. Only to slid them back into place.

“Wouldn’t that be suspicious?” Yuuri quirked his eyebrow.

“Not really, after the last few days you had it would be pretty normal of me to follow my patient more closely for a while.”

“Oh… yeah… I guess.” Yuuri looked down at the man’s chest.

Viktor put a finger under Yuuri’s chin and lifted his head so he could meet his eyes. “There’s no need to be ashamed Yuuri. You were not in a good space and that’s okay.”

“I know, I just…” Yuuri was cut off with lips being pushed onto his.

“Remember what we just talked about, okay?” Viktor paused and sighed. “Now I really have to go.” Viktor stated. He let go of Yuuri and turned to pick up his notepad. He followed Yuuri to the door, next thing he knew he was stopping him with a hand to his arm just before he opened the door. He quickly spun Yuuri around, pushing him against the door. Just as fast, Viktor pressed his body against Yuuri’s. His mouth going to his in a deep passionate kiss. His tongue finding a way in. Desire swarmed their bodies and took control.

Viktor dropped his notepad and slid his hands up Yuuri’s shirt. Feeling his toned stomach and chest. His thumb brushed over his nipple, Yuuri let out a moan and Viktor swallowed it down. Yuuri’s hands glided down Viktor’s back. He stopped at his lower back, hesitating to go further. Even in the throng of desire, Viktor could tell Yuuri was still unsure of what to do.

He pulled his mouth away, leaving both breathless. “Okay, now this is for real, I do have to go.”

Yuuri giggled. Oh, how Viktor loved that sound. It pulled a smile to his lips and a warmth spread from his chest. He kissed his mouth, then his nose, and then finally his forehead. “I will see your later, my Yuuri.” He whispered. Yuuri could only nod his head. He let go of Yuuri and picked up his notepad from the floor and followed him out of the room.

*          *          *

Yuuri walked back to his room after a shower, when he discovered his door was closed.

_I swear I left it open._

Realizing it was probably one of the other patients; he went to the nursing station to ask to have his door opened. Awkwardly carrying his things in his arms, he knocked on the glass. Nothing. Knocked on the glass again. This time making eye contact with a nurse inside. Still nothing. Yuuri hesitantly knocked a third time, unsure if he was doing something wrong. Nothing.

Otabek came out of the medication room in the nursing station and saw Yuuri awkwardly standing by and went to him. “Hey, Yuuri. What’s up?”

“I-I. Umm…m-my door is locked.” Yuuri fumbled with his things.

“Yeah no problem. Everything okay?” Otabek started walking towards the bedroom corridors, with Yuuri in tow.

“I was knoc… Never mind.” Yuuri looked down at the ground as he continued walking.

“Okay, but if there is something wrong, please let me know so I can help you.” Otabek unlocked his door.

“Thanks.” Yuuri mumbled, trying to quickly retreat into his safe-haven.

“Oh! I almost forgot. I spoke with Dr. Feltsman and he has signed off for you to have unaccompanied hospital ground privileges.”

“What does that mean?” Yuuri asked, putting his things away in their respected places.

“Means you can leave the unit. Go out around the hospital, grab some food in the cafeteria, go to the gym or the pool, go to the rec centre, whatever you want. And you don’t have to be supervised.”

“Oh. Okay. Thanks.”

“You don’t seem too thrilled.”

“Well I don’t really know my way around the hospital, and I wouldn’t know what to do once I leave the unit. I’m not too comfortable with it.” Yuuri sat on his bed, looking defeated.

“Hmm. I get it. How about we try a buddy system for a while, so, you can get acquainted with the hospital and everything that is offered to you here. I think it would be beneficial for you to get off the unit once and a while, fill your day up, and keep busy.” Otabek sat beside Yuuri on the bed.

“A buddy system? I’m not 5.” Yuuri rolled his eyes in a sarcastic manner.

Otabek chuckled. “No, you are not, but it could still help you. It’s a peer ran program that we do here for new patients.” Otabek stroked his chin in thought. “I’m thinking maybe Yuri can take you. You are friends with him in a way, and somewhat comfortable with him. He can show you around.”

“Fuck no! My outings are my time! I am not chauffeuring piggy here!” A voice yelled out from the doorway. Both looked up and saw Yuri standing by the door, his arms crossed around his chest and his feet planted firmly on the ground.

Otabek sighed. “Its okay Yuuri, I will talk to him.” He patted Yuuri on the shoulder and strode towards the other Yuri. He put a hand on his arm and pulled him away from Yuuri’s room to talk more privately, heading in the direction of Yuri’s room.

*          *          *

Viktor got back to his office after his meeting with a smile on his face, with thoughts of Yuuri brewing in his head. He was closing his door when it was pushed back, hard, nearly toppling him over. Still slightly confused, he felt hands on his chest push him. He hit his back against filing cabinet.

“You couldn’t just fucking stay away could you?! Your precious Dr. Feltsman had to save your sorry ass again.” JJ yelled in his face from inches away. He had him pinned to the filing cabinet with both hands on either side. “I know your fucking Katsuki.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Viktor said as calmly and evenly as possible.

“You know exactly what I am talking about. All you had to do was stay away, and then I could have your job. You don’t fucking deserve it, I’ve put more time than you have. You’re worthless.” JJ spat out, jabbing a finger into Viktor’s chest. “But since you won’t leave, you can watch as I break your pathetic _boyfriend_ Katsuki. Mentally weaken him to a point where he can’t return. It will be so easy to…”

JJ was cut off by a hand under his chin and the fingers pinching his cheeks. Viktor’s rage vibrated throughout his body. “You are nothing JJ. You will _always_ be number two, next to me. Don’t you dare think about hurting Yuuri, or any other patient for your own benefit. Now. get. out.” Viktor bit out, letting his face go.

Something in Viktor’s eyes made JJ stumble back with fear. He composed himself as much as he could, trying to hide the fear in his own eyes. Standing defiantly, he turned and walked out of the office.

Viktor let out a shaky breath he was holding.

_What am I going to do now? I have to protect Yuuri. I can’t let him hurt him._

*          *          *

“I can’t believe I fucking agreed to this” Yuri mumbled. Yuuri and Yuri had just left the unit on their privileges. They had 2 hours until they had to return. “So what do you want to know? Can I just quickly show you where shit is and fuck off. I want to meet up with some people.”

Yuuri nodded. Navigation around the hospital seemed easy enough. It was built in a wide U shape with only two floors, and everything was spilt up into ‘buildings’, even though it was all connected by one main hallway, there were 8 buildings in total. Their unit was located in building 2, level 2. Yuuri followed Yuri around the hospital; he showed him the cafeteria, the canteen, the central rec area, vocational, the pool, and finally the gym.

“There’s a gym here?” Yuuri asked, getting a little excited.

“Yeah, it’s downstairs in building 2 just below our unit. There’s the court and then next to it is the conditioning room. I think right now it’s open gym time, so anyone can use it. The gym can be booked up time to time for a fitness class or another unit. But you can use the conditioning room anytime you want.” Yuri led the way to the gym.

“So… Everything worked out with Viktor then? I heard about what JJ did. He’s such an ass.” Yuri pried, trying to get information from him.

“Y-Yeah. No one found out about us. Thankfully. How do you know what happened with JJ?”

“Otabek.” Yuri stated as a matter of fact. “So was JJ after Viktor’s job titled then? Did he actually see you guys?” Yuri pried further.

“That’s what Viktor seems to believe, but he never outright said it apparently, not that I know of. And no he didn’t see us! We haven’t done anything!” Yuuri’s voice started to get shrill as he waved his arms wildly.

“Relax will yeah? You haven’t fucked yet? What are you guys waiting for?”

“I… I… We…” Yuuri stumbled on his words. He was saved when they arrived at the gym.

“Well whatever the reason is, I suggest the treatment room. There are no windows and the room is secluded from the day area.” Yuri nudged him in the ribs.

Yuuri turned red with embarrassment, and tried to distract himself with the gym ahead of him. He could see through the large windows that separated the court from the conditioning room, that it was small, with a few free weights and weight machines, and several treadmills and elliptical machines.

Yuuri considered coming back here to get in some gym time here and there, now that he was going to go to the dance studio and rink. He didn’t want to be completely out of shape. He also considered Otabek’s words; he needed to fill his day up more, keeping busy kept a lot of his thoughts and his anxiety at bay.

“Well that’s all I need to show you. We have about an hour left. I’m going to go meet up with some people at the canteen. You good?” Yuri asked.

Yuuri nodded. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Yuri walked off towards the canteen.

Now that Yuuri was alone, he could feel himself getting anxious. It slowly crept from his chest outward. He tried to push forward into the conditioning room, but his body screamed at him and refused to listen. Beads of sweat formed and ran down his neck and back. His eyes darted around in every direction. Yuuri turned around and headed out of the gym. He walked at a fast pace while looking down at the ground in order to avoid the inquisitive eyes he passed by.

Once back at the unit, he rang the doorbell to be let it. He pressed it again and again; each press of the button quickened his breathing. Finally, Otabek came to the door. Yuuri rushed passed Otabek. “Yuuri! What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I… just… I… want to go to… my room. Please.” Yuuri said between hastened breaths.

“Of course, Yuuri.” Otabek didn’t question any further and granted him access to his room. Once in his safe-haven, Yuuri grabbed his headphones and music player, and practiced his coping and calming exercises Viktor had showed him. He stayed in his room the rest of the afternoon.

He felt defeated.

_I couldn’t even go into the gym on my own._

_I’m so pathetic._

_I’m so useless._

Yuuri rolled over onto his side, curling his legs into his chest. His tears wet his pillow beneath him as he listened to the melodies of his music, drifting him into sleep.

*          *          *

Needing to see and hold Yuuri, Viktor opened the door to his room after knocking a few times and receiving no answer. The picture before him brought a smile to his face and a warmth spread across his body, but worry was hidden beneath it. Yuuri was curled up with his headphones in and his eyes closed. Viktor walked further into the room and sat on the bed next to Yuuri, twisting his body to face him, he still didn’t stir. 

Yuuri’s face looked peaceful while he napped, but what brought the underlying worry to Viktor was the rest of his body. Yuuri was still tense, even in his sleep. His knees were drawn up like he normally did when he was anxious, and his arms were close together pressed against his chest. Viktor, then noticed the wet stain on his pillow. He heaved a sigh and reached out to Yuuri. He started stroking his hair back from his face softly.

Yuuri’s eyes fluttered open. “Viktor?” He took out his headphones from his ears.

Viktor leaned down and placed a small kiss on his forehead. He repositioned himself, so his back was against the headboard and he splayed his legs in front of him, one ankle crossed the other. He patted his leg and Yuuri took that as an invitation, sliding his body closer and lifting his head onto his lap. Viktor continued to stroke Yuuri’s hair, feeling the soft tendrils between his fingertips, while he whispered sweet words and confessions in Russian.

Feeling the solidity of Viktor, Yuuri let out a slow breath and relaxed his whole body into the man next to him. His legs now stretched out and free, and an arm draped across Viktor’s legs. Yuuri drifted off back to sleep, while Viktor watched over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Let me know what you're thinking! If you have any comments or questions, I love hearing from you! 
> 
> <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for your support, and thank you to those that are just starting to read my story.   
> If you have any comments or questions, let me know. If not, leave a simple Kudos, lets me know I am on the right track :)
> 
> Enjoy <3

“Come on, Yuuri. We are just going to the dance studio.”  Viktor stood inside Yuuri’s room, near the doorway, with the door open. His duffle bag hung on one shoulder, as he leaned his other shoulder against the wall, his hands were buried in his pockets of his grey slacks. He could tell he was distracting Yuuri, with his light blue V-neck fitted long sleeve shirt he was wearing, by the sideways glances and the looks he was receiving from him, which put a devilish smirk on his face. He could admit that he was doing no better with the fitted jogging pants and tight athletic shirt Yuuri was wearing was just as distracting.

“I know, but I think I’m going to…” Yuuri trailed off mumbling to himself. He reached in his closet on the top shelf for his ballet shoes and tossed them on the bed. Something caught his eye on the other side of the closet. “There it is!”

“What were you lookin…” Viktor stopped talking. His mouth suddenly went dry and he gulped what little he had. It was a quick peek, but it was enough to intrigue him, the spread of muscles across Yuuri’s back, the way they worked and moved when he lifted his arms.

Yuuri, turned red when he turned around. He was so deep in his thoughts he forgot Viktor was behind him when he changed his shirt. Its not like he’s never changed his shirt in front of people before, especially considering he was a professional skater. He did it all the time in the locker rooms. But this seemed intimate, too intimate, it was starting to confuse and scare Yuuri.

“Knock, knock.” Otabek stated at the open door.

“Man, you can cut the sexual tension in here with a knife.” Yuri blurted out while walking into Yuuri’s room. He flopped on the bed and sprawled out, making himself at home. “Wait, you guys didn’t do anything on here, did you?”

Otabek rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh, and Viktor chuckled, but then looked concerned, realizing who had made the remark. Otabek leaned over to Viktor and whispered. “That’s how I knew about you two. Yuuri confided in Yuri one day and confessed. Yuri later told me.”

“Why would he tell you?” Otabek just smiled and leaned away.

“No, no, no, no…!” Yuuri was franticly waved his hands back and forth. His face turned an even deeper shade of red, a shade that Viktor couldn’t think was possible. “I’m just going to go hide now.” Yuuri turned towards his closet and faced the corner where it met the wall.

Viktor continued to laugh but walked over to Yuuri. He rubbed his hands up and down Yuuri’s arms. “Aww, no need to be embarrassed.” He leaned in and whispered into his ear. “Come out of hiding, _lyubimaya_.” Yuuri shivered.

“I take that back, I think a chainsaw is the only thing that will get through the sexual tension now.” Yuri quipped.

Yuuri groaned and hit his head against the wall. Viktor couldn’t help but laugh again.

“Yuri, you’re making Yuuri uncomfortable.” Otabek chastised. Yuri just shrugged. Otabek shook his head and continued. “We actually came here for a reason. I just got a surprising email. You got it too, Viktor, have you checked?”

“No, I haven’t checked my email yet this morning.” Viktor pulled out his work phone and with a few taps he opened his email and could immediately see which email Otabek spoke about. He opened it and his eyes went wide. “What?! How? Why?”

“W-What’s wrong, Viktor?” Yuuri stuttered out, waiting for everything to crash and burn. Viktor passed him the phone.

 

_Good morning team,_

_Effective today, Jean-Jacques Leroy is no longer employed with this hospital. We wish him well in his new endeavors._

_In the interim, Viktor Nikiforov will be taking on the duties previously held by Jean-Jacques, until a suitable replacement can be found. Please send any correspondence or questions to Viktor._

_Thank you,_

_Lilia Baranovskaya, Clinical Manager_

 

“What?!?!” Yuuri eyes went just as wide as Viktor’s when he read the email. Passing the phone back to Viktor, he scrolled through some of his other emails.

“I was never told anything, this is my first-time hearing about this. I have no other emails about it, either.” He looked up from his phone to Otabek. “Do you know what happened? This can’t be because of…” Viktor trailed off.

“I actually might have had something to do with it.” Yuri piped up. “I told Otabek some information that was passed along to me. Otabek then told Dr. Feltsman and Lilia, and well you know the rest.” Yuri shrugged like it was no big deal.

“JJ was awful for what he did to Viktor and me, but he didn’t deserve to lose his job.” Yuuri spoke quietly. Viktor’s face softened, his Yuuri was always so kind, which made him so naïve and innocent.

“Are you kidding? How naïve are you?” Yuri exclaimed, saying what Viktor was just thinking. “He deserved it ten-fold. But this wasn’t all about you two. I probably wouldn’t have said anything, but because of what he did to the both of you, I did.”

“You do care, Yuri!” Viktor exclaimed. “That’s all I ever wanted out of you! After all our therapy time together.”

“Shut up old man!” Yuri crossed his arms across his chest. “As I was saying, he was treating Isabella, I’m not sure of her details like diagnosis and shit, but she was obsessed with JJ. Wouldn’t shut up about him. Turns out, JJ was using her, played into her obsessive behaviours. I don’t know how far he went with her but there are some rumours going around he would sleep with her. But he called everything off and she nearly killed herself the other day because of him.”

“Oh my…” Yuuri was shaken.

Viktor put a protective arm around Yuuri. He knew where his thoughts were going. He knew Yuuri was thinking that it could have been him that JJ pushed too far. He knew because he was thinking the same thing. “I didn’t know about her attempt.” Viktor stated.

“Of course not, you weren’t here. Remember, you were on leave. Dumbass.” Yuri mumbled the last bit. 

“When Yuri told me, I spoke to Isabella, and she confessed everything. Even had some of his things stashed away, like his sweater and a pair of his underwear.” Otabek shuddered in disgust. “Everything was pretty convicting, so I guess they fired him on the spot.”

“Bye, bye!” Yuri waved to an imaginary JJ.

“So, that bastard tried to rat us out, meanwhile he was doing the same thing to another patient? But worse!” Viktor was getting angry. “I would never dream about using or hurting Yuuri like that! At least what we have is real! I’m glad that hypocritical piece of shit is gone.”

“Whoa, old man therapist has a fire in his belly.”

“Sorry you had to see that. That was unprofessional of me.” Viktor composed himself. He turned to Yuuri. “Are you okay?” He cupped a hand to his cheek, so he could look at him. He didn’t care that Otabek and Yuri were present. They already knew, and he cared more about Yuuri’s wellbeing.  

“I’ll be okay. I can’t stop thinking about what…” Yuuri whispered. Yuuri’s throat closed up, a sob forming within.

“I know, me too. Do you want to skip the dance studio? We can stay here and talk instead.”

“No, I want to go. It will… help.” Yuuri’s brown’s met Viktor’s blues. Viktor wasn’t fully convinced, but he had to trust his patient as much as he trusts him.

“Annnnd that’s my cue to get the fuck out of here. I feel nauseous just looking at you two.” Yuri stuck his tongue out and made a gagging noise for better effect. 

“Wait! Yuri, Otabek…” Both turned at the sound of their names. “Thank you.” Yuuri sounded small and looked down at the floor, his hands wringing together against his chest.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Yuri replied with a wave of his hand, and headed back out the door. Otabek smiled and nodded his head once, following Yuri.

“Ready to go?” Viktor asked.

Yuuri smiled and nodded. Viktor could tell there was a lot of worry behind those chocolate brown eyes. Viktor smiled back, trying to put some of the worry at ease.

_I’ll just keep a close eye on you, my Yuuri._

_I will always be here to protect you._

*          *          * 

Yuuri was eager to get to the dance studio. Once they arrived he quickly as possible removed his shoes and jacket, leaving Viktor at the front while he headed to the dance floor.

“Is there anything in particular you want to work on today?” Viktor asked stepping onto the dance floor. He smiled seeing Yuuri already working on his stretches.

“Not really. I mean I might try and work on _History Maker_. But I just want to dance and forget about everything… even if it’s just for a little while.” Yuuri sounded small.

“Of course, Yuuri. You can do whatever you want.  This is your time to do with as you wish. I am going to go change, I’ll be right back.” Viktor turned and headed towards the change rooms. He sat on the bench removing his shoes and pulling out his dance clothes.

_What am I going to do about Yuuri?_

With a sigh he continued getting changed. He turned the corner and saw Yuuri still doing his warm ups. Viktor sat next to him and started his own stretches, filling the space with comfortable silence. Viktor took sideways glances at Yuuri here and there, and noticed his eyes sparkling and his eyebrows pulled together.

_He’s definitely thinking about something._

_Hmm… I wonder…_

Once completed their warm ups, Viktor pushed his phone towards Yuuri with his music app opened. “Choose something.”

“Eh?” Yuuri looked at him confused.

“I want you to think about what you are feeling right now, think about all the things that are making you anxious and then choose a song.”

“Okay…” Yuuri grabbed the phone and scrolled through his library. Once he found one, he hooked it up to the sound system and went to the middle of the floor.

Viktor was surprised with what he heard. The song was upbeat and not at all what he was expecting. It expressed happiness and joy. Yuuri’s movements were open and free. He was also amazed to see that Yuuri used different dance styles other than ballet. He watched Yuuri, his dancing was controlled and calculated, but ever so graceful, creating music with his body. Viktor put a finger to his lips in thought as he watched Yuuri.

Yuuri posed at the end of the song with his arms spread wide, his chest puffed out and his head back. He bent forward trying to catch his breath. He could hear clapping from the other side of room.

“That was beautiful, Yuuri! Absolutely stunning. I didn’t know you could dance other styles.”

Yuuri’s cheeks turned a bright shade of pink. He focused his eyes on the ground. “Thank you. I learned other styles here and there throughout the years, never seriously though.” He replied shyly.

“May I ask what made you choose that song?” Turning back to therapist mode.

“You told me to think about what I was feeling and what was making me anxious. But… I don’t want to feel that way. I wanted to do the opposite, to dance and portray how I _want_ to feel.” Yuuri still avoided eye contact. His hands wrung together in front of him, and his shoulders were tense and high.

“Happy and free.” Viktor simply stated. Yuuri looked at him then with unshed tears in his eyes. He nodded slowly. Viktor closed the distance and pulled him into his embrace. He felt Yuuri take a deep breath and relax within his arms. He placed a kiss in the dark mass of hair.

His phone rang, interrupting them. Viktor sighed and let go of Yuuri. He swiped his thumb across the screen to answer. He pulled the phone down from his ear after greeting the person on the other line. “I’m sorry, Yuuri, I have to take this. Its an emergency.” Viktor put the phone back on his ear and retreated to the front of the studio.

Yuuri went over to his bag and pulled out his music player. He sat against the wall and thumbed through his own music library. One particular song caught his attention. Hooking up his player to the sound system and with the remote in hand, Yuuri went to the middle of the floor.

**_(Listen to ‘Kimbra – Withdraw’)_ **

Viktor hung up the phone with a sigh. He went back into the dance studio and heard music playing. With curiosity he silently headed to the dance floor and peered around the corner of the entryway, seeing Yuuri was dancing. As he lingered watching Yuuri, he became aware of his movements, they seemed to express a yearning. As he listened to the music and the lyrics, he started to understand. His heart started pounding and his eyes filled with tears. The next thing he knew he was moving forward towards Yuuri.

**_(‘Kimbra – Withdraw’ Viktor enters at 3:04)_ **

He grabbed hold of Yuuri’s hand. Without missing a beat, they moved together, Yuuri relying on Viktor and Viktor becoming his pillar. While they danced they never let go of each other’s hand, unable to withdraw from one another.

Viktor pulled Yuuri into his side and lifted him, so their hips connected. Yuuri’s feet were in the air, one leg bent and the other straight out as Viktor leaned to the side. Once he set him down, Yuuri turned and moved away with Viktor close behind him, their hands still intertwined. Viktor became his looming light behind him. Their movements mimicked one another, moving together as one. Viktor spun him back around.  

Facing Yuuri, Viktor let go of their hands, he bent forward and hooked his right arm around Yuuri’s neck; his left arm crossed his body to go around Yuuri’s waist from the left side. With momentum on his side, Viktor swung Yuuri up until his belly was on his shoulder. Yuuri arched his back up, lifting his torso. He held his arms out to the side for balance and his legs slightly parted and pointed. Viktor turned in place for a few beats. Viktor tucked his head down and swung Yuuri’s legs above it. Swinging his whole body around. Viktor changed his position on his hold and caught Yuuri with his arms around his thighs, so he was straight up. He held onto Viktor’s shoulders for support. Slowly Viktor let him slide down the front of his body, until he was firmly back on the ground, and his arms were around his waist. Yuuri slipped his arms around Viktor’s neck. They gently swayed to the last few seconds of the song.

When the song ended, they both stayed in their position. The silence was deafening. Their hearts beating eagerly in their chests. Both panting from the exertion. Viktor took a second and looked at Yuuri’s lips, which were parted slightly and wet. He bent forward, Yuuri met him halfway. Their lips connecting, opening and inviting the other one in. Viktor moved a hand up to cup the side of Yuuri’s head, the other danced along his waist to his back.

Viktor broke apart and moved down Yuuri’s jaw to his neck, going further down to his chest. He pulled Yuuri down with him until they were on the ground. Viktor connected their mouths again and pushed Yuuri back until he was lying down on the floor. He went between his legs, hovering above him. “ _Krasivyy_ ” Viktor whispered, before pressing his lips back to his once again.

Yuuri felt down Viktor’s back, until reached the end of his shirt. His hands went back up his back underneath the shirt, wanting to touch skin. When Viktor moved to his neck and bit along the spot below his ear, Yuuri dug his nails into his back. Hearing a moan from the man above.

Viktor dropped his lower half, grinding his hips into Yuuri, causing him to groan. Yuuri floated his hands near Viktor’s hips, unsure of what to do. Viktor could sense this uncertainty and took control. Connecting them in another deep kiss, he reached between them and palmed Yuuri, drinking down the moan that escaped his lips. Feeling Yuuri harden even more. Viktor lifted his hand and his fingers teased at Yuuri’s waistband, he managed to get his fingers underneath, when Yuuri pulled back from the kiss suddenly with a gasp.

“V-V-Victor… I… I…” He scrambled out of from under Viktor, is a backwards crab crawl. He sat up and pulled his legs to his chest.

_Too much._

_Too fast._

_What am I doing?_

_Is this even right?_

_I don’t even know what I’m doing._

Viktor looked at Yuuri wide eyed. He slowly crawled to him, not wanting to frighten him further. He reached out and placed a gentle hand on his arm. “Yuuri?” He whispered. “Yuuri, I’m sorry. I…”

_Great, you stupid idiot, now you made him think it was his fault._

Yuuri thought. He looked up meeting the calming sea in his eyes, as the first sob escaped his lips. He went to his knees and grabbed Viktor around the waist, hugging him tightly. Viktor soothed him by rubbing circles on his back and whispering reassurances.

Yuuri settled enough to speak. “It wasn’t your fault Viktor. I’m sorry. I… I… I just… I’ve never been with anyone and I got scared and… and…”

Viktor lifted his head with hand under his chin. “Shhh. It’s okay. We can take things slow until you are more at ease. You just tell me what you are comfortable with and we can go from there. If it starts to be too much, we can stop.”

“You… you would do that?”

“Of course, I would. My Yuuri, I would do anything for you.” Viktor leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “We have about an hour left. How about we work on your routine?”

Yuuri nodded. “Okay.” Yuuri reached up and brushed another kiss onto Viktor’s lips.

They spent the next hour working on Yuuri’s choreography and step sequence. Viktor helping him where he could. Yuuri relaxed more, as he focused on the dance routine instead. Viktor’s alarm chimed on his phone, signaling it was time to go back to the hospital.

Yuuri sat at the front waiting for Viktor to finish changing. His elbows rested on his knees and he had his head in his hands.

_What am I going to do?_

_What if I can never do what he wants me to do?_

_What if…_

_What if…_

_What if…_


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some cheesiness :D  
> <3

Yuuri woke the next morning with the memory of the day before fresh in his mind. He could still feel Viktor’s hands sliding down his body, touching him, the weight of his body above him, and his kisses on his lips and neck. Yuuri shivered and then groaned rolling over in bed, feeling the actual results of his thoughts.

_What am I doing?_

_Do I want him?_

_What are we?_

The questions and the doubts quickly flooded his head. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He took deep breaths, focusing on one point on the ceiling and used it to centre himself. He reflected on the conversation he had with Yuri when he was first questioning his feelings for Viktor. Yuri told him, ‘think about how you feel when you’re with him and when you’re not. Think about how your body responds to him compared to other people. And think about if he’s good for you, does he make you a better person and treats you right.’

Closing his eyes, he retreated into his head to pull out the answers he needed. When he is not with Viktor he feels lost and lonely, and more anxious. But when he is with him he feels calmer, protected, and wanted. He contemplated how his body responds to Viktor’s, and not just in a sexual manner. He thought about how he feels a warmth spreading throughout his body, his heart pounding in his chest, and it feels like butterflies fluttering in his stomach when Viktor touches him, even if its just holding his hand. The last questions were no brainers, of course Viktor makes him a better person, well he’s trying to at least, and he doesn’t make Yuuri feel weak and pathetic, or even embarrassed for his downfalls.

Yuuri shot up in bed, with a sudden realization. He did like Viktor, maybe even love him?

_I just met him though._

_What do I know about love?_

He fell back against the bed with a sigh.

_Now, what do I do about the other thing?_

*          *          *

“Hello, Yuuri.” Viktor whispered in his hair as they embraced. They reluctantly separated and sat down. Viktor pulled his notepad onto his lap and scanned the page. “There are a few things I want to target today.” Viktor looked up and Yuuri and saw him nodding. “First thing I want to talk about is the rink tomorrow. I spoke to your coach, Celestino Cialdini, I explained to him our plan for dance and rink time and extended an invitation for him to join us tomorrow.”

“Okay, that sounds good. I guess I do need to talk to him about my programs for next season.” Yuuri started getting anxious, thinking about the next season.

_What if I fail again? What if I just make a fool out of myself?_

“Precisely. He told me that he chooses the songs and creates the routines for you. Why is that?” Viktor inquired.

“I… umm… well he’s my coach and he does know best.” Yuuri shifted in his seat.

“Yuuuuurrrriii…” Viktor said in a monotoned voice.

Yuuri looked down at the ground in shame. “I did bring him music once, but… but I kept second guessing everything, in the end I just let Celestino choose for me.”

“Hmm… well that’s why you are going to show him _History Maker_.”

“What?! I-I-I can’t Viktor! Its just something I put together it… it…” Panic was rising throughout his body, sounding in his voice.

“It needs refinement and that is what your coach is there for. Yuuri, you created that program, your heart is in that program. You have to trust yourself. Trust your talents.” Viktor did everything he could not to rush over to him and pull him into an embrace.

“But… But… What if he doesn’t like it? What if he rips it apart? What if he…” Yuuri started to tear up, the lump in his throat growing, preventing him from finishing his sentence. He pulled his legs up to chest and rested his forehead on his knees. Tears spilling forward and soaking his legs.

“If he does, its only to help you and maybe enhance it. It says nothing about your talents as a figure skater. He is there to coach and guide you. Like you said, he knows best, and you should trust him. You created a beautiful program. You should be proud.”

Yuuri didn’t respond, he kept his head down on his knees. Every fibre in Viktor’s body was screaming to go over to Yuuri. He resisted as much as he could, but in the end, he lost. He sat in front of Yuuri on the coffee table. Stoking and planting soft kisses in his hair to provide him with some comfort. “I know this is hard for you, and I can tell you everything will be great and there’s nothing to worry about, but it won’t change how you feel. When we meet with Celestino tomorrow, I will be there for you, every step of the way. Whatever you need, I promise I won’t leave you.”

Yuuri raised his head and met Viktor’s eyes. He lowered his legs to the ground and moved forward into Viktor’s arms, wrapping his arms around his torso. His head rested on Viktor’s chest, the steady beat of his heart calmed him.

Viktor’s eyes widened at the sudden response, but he quickly recovered and reciprocated the hug. He made small circles on his back to comfort him.

Yuuri pulled away first. “Thank you, Viktor.”

Viktor’s face softened, and he smiled. His hand cupping Yuuri’s cheek. “Anything for you.” Viktor stood up and walked back to the chair. “Let’s continue our session, _da_?” He scanned his notepad once more and continued. “How are your hospital ground privileges going? Have you been utilizing them?”

“No.” Yuuri said quietly, he looked down in shame once again. He couldn’t shake the feeling like he was always disappointing Viktor.

“I read that you went with the other Yuri around the hospital. Did something happen?”

“Everything was fine with Yuri, I was a little anxious, but nothing out of the ordinary. But he left after he showed me around and I couldn’t take it. I got overwhelmed and I could feel myself starting to have a panic attack. I went back to the unit as fast as I could and went into my room.”

“Did you have a panic attack?”

“No, I grabbed my music player and did some of the breathing and relaxing techniques you showed me.”

“That’s great, Yuuri!”

“Huh?” Yuuri was confused by Viktor’s exclamation.

“You recognized when you were having a panic attack and used your coping strategies, that’s a first step. You’re doing well. I’m proud of you.”

Yuuri smiled his small smile. “Thanks.” He mumbled.

“Why haven’t you gone out since?” Viktor inquired.

“I-I don’t want another attack, or… almost attack. Its too much.” Yuuri whispered.

“I understand, Yuuri. You also must face those anxieties, challenge yourself. I’m going to give you a goal. I want you to use your privileges three times a week. Doesn’t matter what days you use them. Does that seem fair?”

“I guess so… But, what if… If… I…”

“You are learning to recognize when you get overwhelmed and what you can do when it happens. You have already proven you can do that. Now, lets start out small. Three times a week, but it doesn’t have to be for the full two hours. We can work up to that.” Viktor paused. He looked at Yuuri and could see the doubt in his eyes. “How about I meet you somewhere in the hospital for the first few privileges. That way you have a destination and a goal... Me.” Viktor said with a bright smile.

“Okay.” Yuuri sounded small and childlike. “I think I can do that.” He still had so many doubts, but he knew Viktor was right. He wanted to prove to him that he could do it, not just to him, but to himself as well. He wanted to do it.

Viktor rose from his seat, after having an idea. He sat on the coffee table once again and held out his hand. “Give me your hand.” Yuuri looked skeptical at first but complied, sliding his hand into Viktor’s. Viktor turned his hand around, so it was facing palm up. He grabbed his pen and drew a small heart in the centre of his palm. Yuuri was even more confused now, quirking an eyebrow at the action. Viktor let go of his hand and drew the same small heart on his own palm and clasped their hands together. “When we are together, it charges the heart on your palm, giving you my strength. When we are apart press the heart with your other hand or hold it to your heart and think of me. I will always be there for you. I will always be there to protect and support you, even if I can’t be there physically.”

Yuuri’s eyes filled with tears. A lump formed in his throat, making him unable to speak. He squeezed Viktor’s hand, trying to get some of that strength with in him. “Thank you.” He said it in the barest of whispers. But it was enough.

Viktor learned towards Yuuri. His free hand wiping the tears down his cheeks with a brush of his knuckles. He cupped Yuuri’s cheek and met their lips together in a kiss. He pulled back. “Always, my Yuuri.” He whispered back against his lips. Meeting them together once more. 

*          *          * 

They planned for later that day for Yuuri to go out on his privileges, and that Viktor was going to meet him at the gym. Since it was where Yuuri wanted to go to last time and it was the closest location to their unit.

Yuuri stood in front of the door leading out of the unit. He took a few deep breaths, closing his eyes. He held his hand, the one with the heart on it, to his chest. He thought of Viktor and his steady beating heart, thumping his head. Yuuri felt a calmness sweep across his body. His doubts and fears didn’t quite disappear, but they were little whispers in the back of his mind, like the lightest breeze blowing, the ones that you barely even notice, unless you stand still. Yuuri opened his eyes with his new-found strength.

_I can do this._

“Ready, Yuuri?” Otabek waited silently and patiently by the door to open it for him.

“Ready.” Yuuri nodded once in affirmation.

Otabek tapped his ID card on the little black box next to the door. The light, in the middle of it, turned red to green, signalling the door was unlocked. Yuuri pulled the handle down and pushed the door open, letting it slam and close on its own. He stood for a minute watching people go by. It wasn’t too busy at that time in the evening. Only the odd staff member and patient. It was at Viktor’s suggested that he go at this time today, for that reason.

Yuuri stepped off and turned right, heading towards the stairs.

_Go to the right. Go down the stairs. The gym will be across the hall from the stairs. Go through the gym doors. Go left to the conditioning room. Meet Viktor._

Yuuri repeated his mantra in his head. Keeping his eyes towards the floor, avoiding any eye contact from those walking by. He pressed his thumb into the palm of his other hand. Pressing right on the heart.

His own heart was quickening and beads of sweat formed down his spine. He focused on his mantra and his breathing, trying to regulate it by taking deeper breaths. He ignored his beating heart and pushed forward going down the stairs.

He reached the gym doors, seeing the green light on the little black box next to the door, and swung open the door.

_Almost there._

Turning left he headed towards the entrance to the conditioning room. Having to pass by a floor hockey game that was occurring on the gym court, he stuck close to the wall, not wanting to disrupt the game or get hit by the ball. Finally reaching the next door, he pulled the handle down and pushed the door open.

“Yuuri! You made it!” Viktor exclaimed. The brightest smile planted onto his face. The other occupants in the conditioning room looked over to the commotion, and eventually continued what they were doing. He had to hold himself back from taking Yuuri into his arms. He was so proud of him.

Yuuri smiled his small smile in response. Darting his eyes around the other occupants, noticing they stopped and were looking at him. His breathing quickened, and his heart was beating a hole into his chest. He could feel a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead. His hand with the heart, shot to his chest, his other hand holding it firmly in place.

Viktor noticed the sudden change in Yuuri. His heart warmed at the idea of Yuuri using the drawn-on heart on his palm. The feeling was quickly pushed to the side. He pulled Yuuri to the back corner of the room, he placed his hands on his upper arms and bent slightly to Yuuri’s level. “How are you feeling?”

“I-I-I was o-okay. B-But everyone is starring at me… I…”

“Look again.”

“No… I-I can’t.” Yuuri closed his eyes tight.

“Its okay. I’m right here with you. Look again.” Viktor encouraged.

Taking a deep breath, Yuuri opened one eye and peeked. He saw two people just behind Viktor on the treadmills with headphones in and looking straight ahead, completely ignoring him. Slowly he opened the other eye and turned his head. All the other occupants were busy doing their own activities and wasn’t paying any attention to him. Yuuri felt relief and slumped his shoulders.

Viktor smiled at Yuuri, eyes shining with pride. Some of Yuuri’s hair fell in front of his face, Viktor reached up to brush it away, but stopped in midmotion. He forgot for a split second that they were not alone, and they were in a public space in the hospital. He moved both arms to his side. “Tell me how the walk here was. How did you feel?”

“I was getting anxious before I left, so I did a few breathing exercises. On the way here, I repeated the directions in my head. My heart was beating so fast, but I pressed my heart like this.” He pressed his thumb into his palm, showing Viktor. “It… It… gave me something to focus on.” Yuuri looked down at the ground, looking bashful. A spread of pink covered his cheeks.

Viktor’s body vibrated with pleasure. Oh, how desperately he wanted to reach out and embrace him and kiss him. “I will always be there.” He breathed out instead, barely above a whisper. “Now, what would you like to do?”

“W-What do you mean?”

“You made it to the gym, might as well work out, silly.”

Yuuri looked Viktor up and down realizing now that he was wearing workout clothing and not his work clothes he had on earlier. “Y-You’re going to work out with me?”

“Why not? I need to exercise too.”

_Yeah, right. He’s absolutely perfect._

“I don’t have any other appointments, and technically my shift is done as of riiiiiiight now.” Viktor looked at his watch and tapped it with his finger.

Both men started with a cardio machine to get their muscles warmed up. Yuuri took a treadmill and Viktor took a bike. Viktor kept a close eye on Yuuri, noticing the small glances he made scanning the room and all the occupants, and how is body was still tense.

Yuuri finished on the treadmill and moved on to the weight machines. Viktor stayed on the bike a little longer, having a good vantage point to observe Yuuri without interfering. By this point most of the staff and patients that were working out were parting, only leaving a handful of people. Yuuri was visibly relaxing throughout his workout. Viktor wondered if it was because he had the workout to focus on or if the amount of people around him was decreasing.

Viktor moved onto the weight machines, moving closer to Yuuri. Viktor slowed his rhythm down when he noticed another man approach Yuuri. A rather attractive man, one of those tall, dark, and handsome types. Viktor’s hair stood on end as he watched.

“You look pretty strong, could you spot me?” Asked the other patient.

_Ugh. Really? Like Yuuri would fall for that cheesiness._

Yuuri stopped his bicep curls and looked up to the man from the bench. “Umm… Y-Yeah… S-Sure.”

Viktor had stopped exercising at this point and sat and stared at the interaction. Yuuri seemed not to pay too much attention to the man. His body was showing signs of being tense while he interacted with him, only talking when necessary and avoided all eye contact. Viktor couldn’t help but smile to himself in satisfaction.

Once the man was finished doing his reps he stood and grabbed Yuuri lightly on the upper arm, as he was trying to walk away. The touch lingered a little too long and grazed down his arm to his hand. He stepped closer to Yuuri, keeping his hand in contact with him. Yuuri darted his eyes to Viktor and back to the man, and then back to Viktor, in a plea for help.

Viktor didn’t need that plea. He was already on his way to him. If he were a dog, his hackles would be raised and ready to attack. Jealousy spread throughout his body.

_Nobody touches my Yuuri._

“Yuuri, are you ready to go back now?” Viktor placed a hand on Yuuri’s arm in a possessive claim, remembering that they were still at the hospital and he couldn’t do much more.

“Could you not see that Yuuri and I were having a conversation. I suggest you back off.” The man took a step closer to Viktor in a threatening manner, attempting to intimidate him.

Without missing a beat and not feeling any bit intimidated, Viktor replied. “As his therapist, I know my patient well, and I can see that you are visibly making him uncomfortable.” Viktor reached into his sweat pants pocket and pulled out his badge. “Now, if you would excuse us.”

The man stared intensely at Viktor for a few seconds. Without faltering, Viktor stared right back. He could feel Yuuri shaking under his hand. The man finally gave up, weighing his options and turned and left the conditioning room.

Yuuri let out a breath of relief and sat on the bench beside him, putting his head in his hands. Viktor knelt before him. “Are you okay?”

“I-I thought he was going to hurt you. I-I’m s-sorry, Viktor. It was all my f-fault.” Yuuri kept looking at the ground.

Viktor looked around, the only person left was the staff that supervised the conditioning room. She peeked her head towards the last two occupants. “The conditioning room his closing for patients for the night. I’m going to ask you two to leave now.”

“I’m staff here.” Viktor showed his badge to the woman. “I’m with my patient and he may be going into crisis. Will it be okay if we just stayed for a few minutes? I can lock up.”

The woman looked at Viktor, contemplating her options. She shifted her gaze over to Yuuri, who looked to be in distress and then back at Viktor. “Do you have your BA1 key?” She finally asked.

“Yes, I do.”

“Just use that to lock up.” She turned on her heels to leave the room.

“Thank you.” Viktor called out before she left. He turned back to Yuuri, kneeling again in front of him, grabbing his hands into his. “It’s not your fault, Yuuri. Do not blame yourself. He found you attractive and thought he could claim you as his. You did nothing wrong.”

Yuuri nodded. “Thank you, for helping me.” He leaned down and placed a kiss on Viktor’s lips. Viktor deepened the kiss. A heat spreading like wildfire through his body. He didn’t know if it was just the way Yuuri took the initiative and kissed him first, or if it was the jealousy still coursing through him, or it could have been both, either way he wanted Yuuri.  

Viktor slid his hands along the outside of his thighs to his backside. Groping and feeling what he could, while Yuuri sat on the bench. Yuuri wound his fingers through Viktor’s hair, tugging every so slightly. Viktor let out a moan and leaned into Yuuri. Their kisses became urgent and needy. Their tongues dancing and intertwining one another.

Yuuri, pulled apart first. “Viktor… I… I’m not… I mean I want…” Yuuri tried to say in between breathless pants and feeling like he was unable to form sentences. 

“I know, Yuuri. I’m sorry. I know you’re not ready.” Viktor moved both his hands to cup either side of his face.

Yuuri closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “No. I am ready. I’ve been reflecting on it a lot, and… I want to. I think I’ve figured out how I feel about you… and…”

Viktor interrupted him with a bruising kiss. “Not here though. Our relationship maybe inappropriate, seeing as I’m your therapist and you’re my patient, but I am not about to take you on a gym floor.” Viktor joked, and Yuuri giggled. “I think this is something that we should explore and talk about further. Let’s head back to the unit.” Viktor stood up from the floor, holding his hand out with the heart still drawn on his palm.

“Okay.” Yuuri slipped his hand into his, connecting their drawn-on hearts together. They let go of each other when leaving the conditioning room. Yuuri felt like that small touch was enough to charge the heart for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!   
> Send me your thoughts. I love to hear from you!   
> <3


	17. Chapter 17

Yuuri sat in the front passenger seat of the hospital van while Viktor drove to the ice rink. His eyes were unfocused while he stared at the moving cars and buildings going by. His hands were clasped tightly together, smudging the newly drawn-on heart on his palm. Thoughts of his program ran through his mind.

_Is it good enough?_

_Will Celestino even like it?_

_What happens if he doesn’t?_

Viktor took small glances at Yuuri. He could see his eyes looked glazed over and his affect was flat when he did speak. He was getting worried about him. He needed to pull him from this downward spiral, or things could get worse for him. “Talk to me, Yuuri.” Viktor finally spoke up, in hopes to distract and help Yuuri through what he was thinking.

But Yuuri remained silent. He didn’t even flinch or move to indicate that he heard Viktor. He continued to stare out the window.

Viktor reached out and grabbed the top of Yuuri’s clasped hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Yuuurriii…” Viktor repeated his name in a sing-song voice.

Yuuri rapidly blinked and finally looked towards Viktor. “I-I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. Talk to me. What’s going on up there?” Viktor asked.

“A lot.” Yuuri sighed. “I’m worried about showing my program to Celestino. I also keep thinking about… us.” Yuuri said quietly. He looked at the Viktor’s larger hand over his. He moved his one hand, so his fingers intertwined with Viktor’s, feeling the familiar warmth spread up from his hand.

“Hmm… I can’t speak for Celestino, and I don’t want to lie to you by saying that everything will be fine and that he is going to love it. What I can tell you is that you created a beautiful program, whether he likes it or not, you should feel proud of yourself. I will be there for you and we will tackle any obstacle together.” Viktor paused, focused on switching lanes. “What is it about us that has you thinking?”

“I-Its just that…” Yuuri paused, trying to formulate how he felt into words.

Viktor waited patiently for Yuuri to finish. He didn’t want to push, as that could cause Yuuri to shut down completely. But he never finished. Yuuri had that glazed look his eyes, as he pulled into the rink parking lot. Viktor got out first and went to the trunk and pulled out Yuuri’s skating gear. He peeked around from the back of the van, concern and worry furrowed between his brows. Yuuri was still sitting in the van. Viktor sighed and opened his door. Reaching across Yuuri, he unhooked the seatbelt.

Viktor placed his hands on either side of his face and turned his head to face him. “Yuuri, we’re here. It’s time to skate.”

Yuuri seemed to come back to reality with those words. He blinked a few times, and shook his head, as much as he could do with Viktor’s hands holding him. Yuuri stepped out of the van and silently followed Viktor into the arena. He remained mute the whole time he put on his skates and passed off his guards to Viktor, making his way onto the ice to warm up. Doing some laps and elementary drills helped clear a little of the haziness.

Viktor watched him from the sideboards with worry. He heard footsteps coming his way, he turned around to see a man with long brown hair, tied in a pony tail, heading towards him. His eyebrows were angled sharply upwards, and bushy. The man reached out his hand towards Viktor. “You must be Mr. Nikiforov. I’m Celestino Cialdini, Yuuri’s coach.” He smiled, which accentuated his angled jaw and cleft chin.

“Yes, I am. It’s nice to put a face to the voice over the phone.” Viktor reached out and shook Celestino’s hand. “Please, call me Viktor.”

“So, how is he doing?” Celestino turned to face Yuuri on the ice, who still hasn’t noticed his coach arrived. Which is why Celestino took the opportunity to speak to his therapist.

“He’s doing alright. He has his good days and bad days, today is a not so good day. He’s worried about showing you a program he put together.”

Celestino nodded, turning back towards Viktor. “I’ve always wanted him to get more involved in the decision-making process. He always second, triple, or even quadruple guessed everything.” Celestino paused. “I feel like I failed him. I should have pushed him, I just never wanted to push him too much.” Celestino admitted, facing away from Viktor and focusing on his student.

“You were right on how you dealt with him, push too much and Yuuri can shut down and go further into his anxiety. You did right by him. Sometimes its not about what others do around or for him, its about how his mind works.” Viktor crossed his arms on the sideboards and leaned over slightly. “He is remarkable when he skates.” Viktor’s face softened as he watched Yuuri complete a biellmann spin.

“He is. Unfortunately, a lot of his anxiety and insecurities gets in his way. He could win gold.” Silence and an understanding fell before them as they watched Yuuri move from a biellmann spin to a scratch spin.

Yuuri finished his combination spin facing Viktor and noticed another man next to him. He gulped when he realized it was his coach. As he was making his way over to them, he could feel a cold chill of sweat run down his spine, probably most of it from the cold air of the arena. He clasped his hands together to keep them from visibly shaking.

“Yuuri! Ciao! So good to see you!” Celestino exclaimed. He could see the how nervous Yuuri was.

“Hi, Ciao Ciao.” Yuuri looked down at the ice as he spoke. Viktor stayed silent and unmoving, not wanting to disturb the interaction between student and coach.

“I hear you created a short program…”

“It’s just a little something I thought up. I don’t have to use it, its probably not that good anyways.” Yuuri blurted out, interrupting Celestino.

“I would love to see it. I want you to create your own programs and choose your own songs. I will be here to support you.” Celestino tried reassuring Yuuri. “Now, how about you show me that program.”

Yuuri just nodded, his eyes remained focused on the ice. But he didn’t move. It was as if the ice moved up his skates, keeping him frozen in place. Viktor could see the tell-tale signs of the panic rising in Yuuri. He hopped over the boards with his shoes on and ungracefully slid to Yuuri. He grabbed his upper arms and gave a small squeeze. Vacant eyes looked back at Viktor. “Remember what we talked about the other day, Yuuri. Focus on me, pretend you are only skating for me and that no one else is in the room.” He pulled one hand away from his arm and placed his hand in Yuuri’s, connecting their drawn-on hearts. He turned their bodies slightly, so it couldn’t be seen by Celestino. “Press your heart, keep it close, and think of me. Skate for me, Yuuri.” Viktor kept his voice low, barely a whisper.

Yuuri nodded. “Only for you.” He whispered back. He turned and skated to the middle of the rink. He pressed his hand to his chest, over his heart for a brief second, while taking a long deep breath. Once in his starting position he looked over at Viktor who was ready with the music. Yuuri started skating when the music played.

“I always love his step sequences. That is where he is strongest. It’s like…”

“He creates music with his body.” Viktor interjected. Celestino nodded in agreement.

Yuuri’s fist jump was coming up, a triple axel. He took off and wobbled on his landing. Celestino winced, knowing what was going on in his student’s head. Yuuri continued with more step sequences and combination spins. His second jump was a quad toe loop. Yuuri launched in the air, completing his revolutions, but crashed to the ice when he landed. Yuuri picked himself back up and carried on with the program.

Viktor winced when he saw Yuuri crash to the ice. Celestino shook his head. Yuuri went onto his combination jumps, he under rotated one jump going from a triple to a double, and he fell to the ice once more on his third jump.

“He landed all his jumps last time he practiced this.” Viktor stated, searching his therapist brain for an answer.

He didn’t have to search too long, since Celestino answered for him. “He gets like this. When something is on his mind or he is anxious, he becomes unfocused and flubs his jumps. When that happens, it makes him even more anxious and he starts overthinking, then he will get progressively worse throughout the program.” Celestino sighed. “I never know what to do to get him out of it.”

“Hmm… I see.” Viktor put a finger to his lips.

Yuuri finished his program and posed at the end of it. Celestino and Viktor both clapped, Viktor a little more excitable than the other man. Yuuri skated to the sideboards, where they waited for him, his shoulders slumped. Viktor could see his face held a look of sorrow. “I-I’m sorry, Celestino. That was a terrible program.” Yuuri stated quietly.

“Nonsense. That was an incredible program, Yuuri. It really speaks to all your strengths and the song choice is perfect for you. Well done, I am very proud of you.”

“But… But I…” Yuuri started stuttering out.

“You flubbed your jumps, and that’s okay. This is just practice after all. Even with the crashes, your program was still great.” Celestino reassured Yuuri.

“Thank you, Celestino. Do you think I could use it for this season coming up?” Yuuri asked feeling a little more confident, now that his coach praised him. Viktor was still silent and looked on to Yuuri with pride.

“I don’t see why not. It does need some refinement here and there, but it has good bones to it. We can make it better than what it is now.”

Yuuri moved closer to Celestino, where they talked about adding different elements and where they can be added, playing more onto Yuuri’s strengths. Viktor pulled away from the half wall and sat on the bench behind, letting coach and student talk shop. He opened his phone and answered a few emails while he waited.

Yuuri ran through his program a few more times, with the added elements and Celestino video taping for review later. Viktor could see him getting more and more sure of himself, not completely confident, but more certain. Yuuri was on his third run through and Viktor could see the subtle changes that they made, making the program more beautiful. He was becoming lost watching Yuuri and his graceful movements. His vision centered around the elegance of the man on the ice, that he didn’t hear Celestino speak. “Sorry, what was that?”

“I wanted to say thank you for everything you are doing with Yuuri. I hate that he is in hospital, but I know it’s the best thing for him right now. I think if he wasn’t there, he wouldn’t have met you.”

Viktor swung his head towards Celestino with his eyes wide. “What do you mean?”

Celestino smiled, he suspected something was going on between Yuuri and Viktor. With the subtle looks between them, and the interaction on the ice appeared to be more intimate than a therapist helping his patient. He decided to keep the suspicions to himself, if Yuuri was happy and healthy, then that’s all that matters. “What I mean is, I haven’t seen him like this in a long time. More like his old self. He’s not quite there yet, but whatever it is you are doing, it seems to be working.”

Viktor blushed and turned back to face Yuuri skating, trying to hide his pink cheeks. “Thank you. I’ll keep doing my best. I want to see him happy and well.” Viktor continued to watch. “He’s landing all his jumps now.” Viktor noted.

“Most of his anxiousness is gone for the moment, and he appears to be enjoying himself for the most part. To the trained eye like mine, I can still see some wobble in his landings, and hesitations when launching. It is a definite improvement from earlier.” Celestino stated as a matter of fact, as this was a common occurrence with Yuuri.

“I have an idea to help him along further. Part of my therapeutic approach with him is to build his confidence up, while putting him through stressful situations so he can learn to cope and handle certain situations that arise. I need your help through.”

“Isn’t that a little unethical, putting him through situations purposefully?” Celestino raised an accusing eyebrow towards Viktor.

“It can be, and there are a lot of discussions around it. But the way I see it and some others in my profession see it as a way to help someone better their lives at a faster rate and more effectively. If these situations occur while I am no longer treating him, and he does not have the necessary tools or cannot use those tools I provide him successfully, Yuuri could regress and end up back in hospital. By putting him in these situations, while I am here to treat and work with him, then he can have a better understanding of those tools and have more success, should the same or similar situation happen again.”

“Hmm… I see what you’re saying. I’ll play along. What do you need help with then?” Celestino crossed his arms over his chest and watched his student.

“Before you leave, I want you to suggest that Yuuri picks and creates his own Free Skate program. This program right now has given him more… certainty. He has also had to deal with showing you the program causing him anxiety which he dealt with.” Viktor leaned on one elbow on the half wall, turning his body towards the coach.

“Okay. I like that idea.” Celestino replied.

Yuuri finished his run through and skated over to the sideboards. Viktor handed him a bottle of water. Yuuri grabbed it from him with his fingers lingering a little too long and look on his face that made Viktor weak in the knees and his heart beating in his chest.

“I wish we could have more time Yuuri, but I must get going. I will review the footage I recorded and may make some notes or changes here and there.” Celestino started packing up his video camera.

“Thank you Ciao Ciao for everything. Will I see you next week?” Yuuri asked, skating closer to his coach.

Celestino looked over at Viktor, who just shrugged in response that said, ‘if you want to.’ “Yeah, I can be here next week, I have some time available. I’ll have any changes to your program done by next week then.”  Celestino turned towards Viktor and held out his hand. “Thank you, for setting this up. It was great to see Yuuri and this will help him not fall too far behind.”

Viktor shook Celestino’s hand. “You’re welcome. It was great meeting you.”

“You as well.” Celestino turned back towards his student. “One more thing, Yuuri.”

Yuuri quirked an eyebrow. “Yes…?” He asked before taking a drink of water.

“I had a few ideas for your free skate. But, I would much rather you come up with something. You did wonderful with this one, I know you can do it.”

Yuuri’s eyes widened and he started coughing, dribbling water down his chin. Viktor smiled and giggled at the adorableness of what was Yuuri. “But... But… I…”

“Will do great.” Celestino finished off. “You still have plenty of time before the season starts. We can take it slow. For next week, how about, you have a song choice ready and we will go from there.”

“That’s a great idea! Yuuri, this is going to be so much fun!” Viktor finally interjected, getting excited. Pretending that this wasn’t his idea at all.

“Yeah… I’ll try…” Yuuri was starting to lose some of his certainty that he gained today.

Celestino said his goodbyes and left the rink. Viktor turned to Yuuri. “Tell me what’s going on.” Viktor became serious, returning to therapist mode.

“I’ve never done this. I’ve always let Celestino handle everything. I don’t know what I am doing. What if I fail? What if its terrible? What if…”

Viktor reached out over the boards to grab Yuuri’s hands, attempting to distract the skater’s thoughts. “Take a deep breath with me.” Viktor slowly inhaled, and then he exhaled slowly, Yuuri followed along. They repeated the slow breathing two more times. “Focus on one thing at a time. No one can predict the future and we will deal with arising issues as they come, if they even come. You can do this. You have already with _History Maker_. First things first, finding the music. I know you have a bunch in your playlist labeled ‘Skating’.”

Yuuri nodded. “I guess you’re right. I can listen through my playlist or my music library and see what I like, and something that compliments the theme of _History Maker_.”

Viktor smiled proudly. He looked down at his watch. “We have about 20 minutes left, if you want to keep practicing.”

“Mmhm, okay.” Yuuri nodded once and took off to the centre of the ice. Yuuri rehearsed his step sequence and spins a few more times. He laid off the jumps for now, not wanting to injure himself, in case he fell. Viktor called out to him after the 20 minutes were up. Passing him his skate guards when he stepped off the ice, Viktor noticed the certainty was coming back to him. He spotted the looks that Yuuri gave him when taking of his skates, the same look that he gave when he passed him his water bottle.

Yuuri walked over to his bag which was by Viktor. He figured, instead of asking Viktor to pass him the bag that he could get it himself and get closer to him. He didn’t know what was going on in his head, or why he was acting the way he was, but he knew it made him feel good. Made him feel wanted when Viktor reacted to his physical flirtations. Yuuri brushed along Viktor, making his side of his body graze down his body as he bent over to pick up his bag. He turned so the front of his body was in line with Viktor’s front. “I’m going to go change.” Yuuri whispered in a low voice. He could feel Viktor shudder against his body, and saw his Adams apple move up and down and he gulped. Yuuri moved away and swept passed Viktor, adding a little more emphasis to his walk.

Viktor watched him go into the locker rooms. His body still heightened by Yuuri’s actions, and heating up with want and need. Without even realizing, his body started moving towards the locker room and pushed open the door. “Yuuri…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Talk to me, what are your thoughts?
> 
> <3


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I couldn't leave you guys hanging for another week from the last chapter.  
> Enjoy ;)
> 
> <3

Viktor walked in on Yuuri with his shirt off with his back was facing him. He gulped when he saw the sight before him. He was suddenly nervous and eager to get closer to Yuuri.

Yuuri heard his name being called and looked back over his shoulder. Seeing Viktor standing in the middle of the locker room, and then stalking towards him, pulled things tight within his body. He turned fully around and dropped the shirt onto the bench in front of him. He shook with anxiety and anticipation. Viktor reached him, hopping over the bench, and pushed him up against the lockers. His back digging into the hinges, but he didn’t care. Viktor held onto his wrists and pressed them against the lockers, so they were in line with his shoulders. His knee went between Yuuri’s legs, spreading them a bit wider. He pressed his lips to Yuuri’s in a bruising kiss. He didn’t need to ask for access to his mouth, Yuuri already gave it, his tongue slipping in easily, exploring every inch. Yuuri did the same with his tongue.

Viktor ground his leg, eliciting a moan from Yuuri. Viktor broke away from the kiss, moving down Yuuri’s jaw and neck. He purposefully licked and kissed Yuuri’s sweet spot under his ear at the same time grinding his leg further. Yuuri arched his back and groaned in response from the pleasure. Viktor smirked against Yuuri’s skin, moving down his neck to his chest, leaving a trail of kisses along his path. He reached his destination, pulling a small pink nub into his mouth. Viktor bit, licked, and sucked at the pink nub, all the while Yuuri squeezed his hands into fists, since they were still trapped against the lockers, his body squirmed, and he let out soft moans and whimpers. Viktor finished with one nub and licked his way to the other one, providing the same attention he just gave to the one before.

Viktor released one of Yuuri’s wrists, which immediately shot into his hair, tangling his fingers in the silver locks. With his free hand, Viktor slid his hand down Yuuri’s side and hip. Removing his knee from between his legs and replaced it with his hand, palming Yuuri through his workout pants, while his mouth was still encircled around his nipple. Yuuri moaned louder, his hand darted to his mouth to muffle the noises. His head went back, and his knees felt weak.

Viktor debated silently in his head if he should take it a step further, like he tried when they were at the dance studio. A flashback of Yuuri stating that he was ready and wanted to do more came to the forefront of his mind, but so soon? Viktor release his nipple from his mouth, connecting their lips once again in a slow deep kiss. He kept his hand, palming Yuuri, adding more pressure. When the kiss broke apart, their foreheads connected, they were both panting. Viktor rubbed Yuuri’s hardened member faster through his pants.

“V-Viktor…” Yuuri gasped.

“Yuuri…” Viktor panted out. “Will you let me…” Viktor’s voice trailed off, but his meaning was loud and clear. Viktor let go of Yuuri’s other hand, now having both hands to explore his body with.

With one hand, Viktor went to the top of Yuuri’s waistband. He paused, waiting for Yuuri to stop him again. When nothing happened, Viktor continued sliding his fingers beneath the band. He knew he had to distract Yuuri, keep him from thinking too much. So, he pressed their lips together in hopes it was enough of a distraction.

Viktor’s hand slipped further down, taking his time. His other hand guided up and down Yuuri’s body, feeling and touching as much as he could. Meanwhile, Yuuri’s hands remained unmoving in Viktor’s hair, unsure with what to do with them.

Yuuri’s heart was racing a mile a minute, his thoughts came pouring into his head. More doubts and fears seem to cloud his vision. He put a hand firmly over Viktor’s to stop him from going further. Viktor pulled his head back a bit to look into Yuuri’s eyes. He could see the anxiety deep within them. But what he also saw was want, need, and lust. Yuuri wanted this, wanted to go further, something was stopping him. 

“I… I…” Yuuri choked out. The rest was lost on his tongue.

“We can stop if you want to, Yuuri. You don’t have to force yourself to do something you’re not comfortable with.” Viktor took his free hand and stroked his cheek, and then cupped the side of his face. He placed a reassuring chaste kiss on his lips.

“No, I… I want to. I-I-I just don’t know what I am doing. I have never done anything like this with anyone.” The words started spilling out of Yuuri. His hand loosened his grip on Viktor’s wrist. “I don’t want to mess up and then you never want me again.” Yuuri whispered out.

It was like a red-hot poker stabbing Viktor in the heart. He removed his other hand from just under Yuuri’s pants and cupped his face with his hands on either side of his cheeks, forcing him to look at him. “I could never not want you, Yuuri. You are more amazing to me everyday, you’re the strongest person I know. You inspire me to be a better person. Just because you are inexperienced, that doesn’t mean anything. I was just as inexperienced as you are now. I will help and guide you. I want you to feel these pleasures and I selfishly want to be the one to do it.” Viktor paused, his hands moved from Yuuri’s cheeks to his neck, tracing his thumbs along his jaw. “If you need more time, I will wait.”

Yuuri gazed into Viktor’s eyes through clouded vision, as tears threatened to spill down his cheeks. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His nostrils filling with the scent of the ocean and musk, a sense of calmness blanketed him. He slid his hands over Viktor’s chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart against his palms.

Viktor held still. He knew this was something Yuuri needed to do to break through the anxiety creeping up. Yuuri opened his eyes and Viktor could see them sparkling, not from the wetness of the tears but in thought.

“I’m ready. I want to do this… I… I want you.” Yuuri breathed out.

Viktor smiled, his body filling with delight. “We can start slow. Take things one step at a time. How does that sound? And if you are ever uncomfortable or not ready for something, tell me. I will never be mad at you.” Viktor pressed his body against Yuuri’s, pushing him back into the lockers behind him. The effects from earlier diminished, but Viktor saw that as more fun to get back again. He rolled his hips against him.

“Okay. One step at a time.” Yuuri repeated. “I promise I will… tell… you.” Yuuri panted out. He wrapped his arms around Viktor’s upper arms and back. Viktor locked his lips onto his neck, where it met his shoulder. Yuuri pulled his head back, allowing Viktor more access.

“Viktor… wait.” Viktor pulled back. “We should… maybe find somewhere… a little more private?” Yuuri asked, worried about someone walking in on them.

“Oh! Hmmm…” Viktor looked around the locker room and spotted the private change rooms off to the side. “Come with me.” Viktor grabbed Yuuri’s hand and pulled him along. Once inside the private change room, Viktor closed the door. “Better?” Viktor didn’t give a chance for Yuuri to answer. He planted his lips onto Yuuri’s.

Yuuri’s hands floated at the hem of Viktor’s shirt. He shoved his doubts to the side and pulled the shirt up and over his head. His eyes grazed over Viktor’s toned body, his pants were riding low on hips, causing Yuuri’s breathing to hitch and his heart thump harder in his chest.

Viktor’s hands held still on Yuuri’s hips. His thumbs hooked under the waistband. He stepped in closer, while pulling the pants down slowly. Once past the hips the pants fell to the floor. Yuuri felt slightly vulnerable and embarrassed standing in just his briefs.

Viktor grabbed Yuuri’s hands and placed them on the top of his pants. He leaned in, so his lips brushed against his ear. “I want you to take them off, Yuuri.” He whispered in a low voice.

Yuuri shivered. With his shaking hands he worked at the button and zipper of Viktor’s pants. Once undone he repeated what Viktor had done with him.

Viktor walked backwards, stepping out of his pants. Grabbing Yuuri’s hands into his, he pulled him towards him until he was sitting on the bench behind him. Yuuri paused, standing in front of Viktor. Pushing his fear aside, he placed his knees on either side of Viktor, straddling his lap. Their lips connecting in a slow deep kiss. Viktor’s hands slid down his back moving to his ass. He groped the cheeks and pulled him closer. Yuuri moaned at the feeling and tugged on Viktor’s hair.

Viktor kept one hand on his ass while the other danced to the front. He pulled back from the kiss and looked at Yuuri, who in response to the look just nodded. Viktor pulled down his briefs as far as they could go. Yuuri nodded again at the unspoken question between them. Viktor wrapped his hand around Yuuri’s hardened member. With just the one touch had Yuuri’s back arching and his head thrown back in a moan. Slowly Viktor worked his hand up and down, watching the ecstasy unfold on Yuuri’s face.

Yuuri’s mouth sought out Viktor’s lips in a needy sloppy kiss. Both of his hands went against the wall on either side of Viktor’s head and he found himself thrusting into his hand. The kiss moved from his lips down to Viktor’s neck, licking and sucking down. Unbeknownst to Yuuri, Viktor used his free hand to release himself from his confinements.

Yuuri suddenly felt Viktor stop his movements, before he could look down and see why, he felt something hard and silky placed against him. Yuuri looked down, Viktor had both their lengths together, he wrapped his hand around both and continued the movements. The sensation was nothing Yuuri had experienced before. He threw his head back once more. “Ah! Vi-Viktor…” He moaned out.

Viktor couldn’t help but love the sound of his name being moaned out of those lips. He squeezed them tighter together, his other hand kneading his ass. Yuuri’s hands had moved from the wall back to his hair, making Viktor groan out when he pulled at his strands.

Viktor pulled one of Yuuri’s hand from out of his hair and placed it with his around their members. Yuuri copied his ministrations adding to the pleasure. Slowly, he let go and let Yuuri complete the task on his own. He placed both of his hands on his ass, pulling him closer, getting Yuuri grinding against him.

Yuuri’s breathing quickened, everything tightened in his body, his hand became erratic around their members. “V-Viktor… I… I’m getting…”

“Me too, Yuuri.” Yuuri could feel Viktor’s member harden even more against him.

“Viktor!!” Yuuri shouted his name as he shot all over his hand and Viktor. He continued, and after two more pumps Viktor moaned out his release.

Their foreheads met, both panting from the exertion. Viktor cupped a hand on Yuuri’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. The kiss was lazy and tender. “That was amazing.” Viktor whispered against his lips.

They stayed like that for a few more minutes. Finally, Viktor stated. “We should clean up and get going.”

“Do we have to?” Yuuri whined. He rested his head on Viktor’s shoulder, facing the crook of his neck, breathing in the ocean and musk scent he loved so much.

Viktor chuckled. “Unfortunately, yes.” Luckily Viktor’s shirt was within reach, which he used to clean up the now cold sticky mess between them.

“That’s your shirt. What are you going to wear now?” Yuuri tried stopping him.

“Its alright. I got another shirt in my bag in the locker. If someone asks, I’ll just say I spilt coffee on it and had to change. He placed a reassuring kiss on his lips.

Once clean, they proceeded out of the private change room to change their clothing. Yuuri felt less vulnerable around Viktor, he guessed performing something so intimate can do that. Putting on his clean shirt, Viktor wrapped his arms around his waist from behind, holding him close. Yuuri leaned into the embrace. “How are you feeling?” Viktor asked switching to semi-therapist mode.

“I feel… good. Great.”

“You’re not feeling anxious about anything?” Viktor was worried that Yuuri would get trapped in his head and maybe even regret what they did.

Yuuri turned in his arms, his own arms going around Viktor’s neck. “Just the usual things, but, not this.” He reached up and placed his own reassuring kiss on Viktor’s lips. They pulled away, Yuuri smiled his small smile, that was a little bigger than normal. They gathered up their bags and left the arena hand in hand.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry in advanced, please don't hate me!
> 
> ***I also want to give a little warning for this chapter. I don't want to give anything away, but I go into some detail about the use of hospital restraints. If this upsets you in any way, please me wary of your limits and emotions and/or skip this chapter.***
> 
> Thank you <3

Yuuri sat down in the dining area with his lunch in the day area. He kept his head down and focused on his, what he guessed was food. Meals were still difficult for him, too many people around and most were new faces. He usually sat with the other Yuri, which made him feel a little better, but Yuri got called to talk to his nurse for the day.

Yuuri poked around the tasteless vegetables and chicken? He wasn’t sure. When he heard shouting coming from the corridor, and then a door slam hard, startling Yuuri.

“I fucking hate you, you stupid fucking bitch!!!”

Staff from the day area and nursing station ran to see what the commotion was about. Yuri came stomping into the day area, shouting and cursing.

“I need to fucking leave this hell hole! I fucking hate you all!”

“Yuri, you need to stop it right now. You can’t always get your way. Stop acting like a child and grow up.” His nurse shot back to him in a loud firm voice, almost on the edge of yelling.

“Grow up?! You need to learn how to do your fucking job, you fucking bitch. How about you start treating me like a human being instead of a piece of fucking trash.” Yuri screamed a wordless scream as he punched a hole into the wall. He then proceeded to kick the wall, damaging it even further.

“Yuri we are going to call security and call a code white, if you don’t calm down.” Another nurse interjected, in a calm threatening manner.

“I don’t fucking care!” Yuri went over to one of the tables in the dining area, the staff still maintaining a wide circle around him. The other patients, including Yuuri, were moved out of the way but unable to get out of the day area. “I don’t fucking care anymore!” Yuri continued screaming. He picked up and threw a tray across the floor, spewing all its contents.

A loud high-pitched alarm sounded above, followed by a woman’s voice on the speakers. “ _Code white. Building 2, Level 2…_ ” 

Yuri continued to throw objects and punch holes into the wall. Security came running in, along with staff from other units to assist. Yuuri watched in horror, as two security officers grabbed hold of Yuri on either side, manipulating their bodies like a pretzel, squishing him between them. Yuri squirmed and attempted to kick out and hit, but the way he was confined he was unable to move. With some quick maneuvers they brought Yuri down to the ground on his back. More staff ran to support and held down Yuri’s limbs to the floor. The blood-curdling screams from Yuri, stabbed at Yuuri’s heart. He cried “let me go” and “please don’t touch me” repeatedly, with tears running down his face. He didn’t sound angry anymore, his words were filled with fear. Yuri continued to thrash around trying to break free of the 10-person hold they had on him. A stretcher was moved to the area, at the head of Yuri, and they simultaneously lifted him and placed him on the bed. Four more staff worked around the ones pinning him down to put on the restraints that were attached to the bed. One nurse approached him with a needle, which she used to inject him with in his arm.

Once completed staff stepped away. Yuuri’s eyes widened in revulsion at the sight before him. Yuri was restrained down to the bed by each wrist and ankle, and one going across his waist. He tried squirming around, but the restraints wouldn’t budge. The only thing Yuri could move was his head and shoulders.

Yuri turned his head to the side, whispering to himself as more tears ran down his cheeks. His eyes were wide, and his body shook with distress. He made eye contact with Yuuri. Yuuri stepped forward and reached out, as if he was going to set him free, but was held back by a nurse. He felt his own cheeks wet with tears and watched as they rolled him away to the isolation rooms.

Yuuri shifted his eyes up and saw Viktor across the day area. He had the same look of sadness on his face, except that his eyes held anger behind them. Viktor mouthed the words “are you okay?” to Yuuri. Yuuri shook his head ‘no’ and his tears fell more freely down his cheeks. Viktor started walking towards him but was interjected by Dr. Feltsman.  Yuuri couldn’t take being in that area any longer and took off towards his room, concerned blue eyes followed him. Pushing his open door and slamming in closed, Yuuri fell onto his bed, sobbing.

Ten, twenty, or thirty, minutes past, Yuuri wasn’t sure, when a knocking came at the door. He couldn’t answer, he was aware and unaware of what was happening around him. He heard keys jingling on the other side before the door opened. He shifted in bed to see who was walking in. He leapt out of bed and jumped on the figure, his arms going tight around the persons torso. A pair of arms went around his shoulders, squeezing him close. Yuuri could feel kisses being planted in his hair, in between soothing Russian words.

He didn’t know how or when, but the next thing he knew he was lying on the bed with his head in Viktor’s lap, and his fingers caressed within his hair. Yuuri turned so he was on his back looking up at Viktor. He noticed his eyes were red and swollen, probably from crying as well. Yuuri reached up and cupped his cheek. Viktor leaned into the touch, placing a hand over Yuuri’s and trying to give him his best reassuring smile.

“What happened? Why did they do that to Yuri? Is he okay?” Yuuri asked, while sitting up to be eye level with Viktor.

Viktor sighed. He looked defeated and worn down. “Since Yuri was aggressive and ‘out of control’” Viktor made air quotes with his fingers. “They put him in restraints. I spent the last half hour arguing with the staff how he needs to be let out of restraints, and how putting him in there just set him back. Dr. Feltsman agrees with me, but we must tread carefully, the staff can end up making things worse.” Viktor slumped his shoulders and put his head in his hands.

Yuuri rubbed small circles on his back. “No body should be put through that. Why would this set him back?”

“I can’t say much to you; it would be a breach of confidentiality. Yuri was in a similar situation in his past, except that he was not in hospital and the situation was far more dangerous. Yuri and I have been working to get him past that. Now, with him being in restraints, it will bring back those memories that he’s worked so hard to recover from.” Viktor held back a sob. “I… I feel like I’ve failed him.”

Yuuri pulled Viktor into him. He placed his arms around the man’s back and chest, and pressed reassuring kisses into the silver hair, providing what little comfort he could give. “You didn’t fail him. You weren’t the one that put him in there. You are doing everything you can to get him out.” Yuuri understood now where Yuri’s fear came from and the words he whispered repeatedly.

“I just wish they could’ve let me talk to him. I got there too late, it’s my fault.” Viktor grabbed onto Yuuri’s arm that was across his chest, as if he was trying to get him closer.

“You couldn’t have known unless they called you, which they didn’t, that is not your fault. That was just a poor call the staff made.”

“Otabek!!” Viktor exclaimed, suddenly sitting up straight, after a few moments of silence.

Yuuri was startled back by the abrupt shout. “Eh? What does Otabek have to do with this?”

Viktor gave him a knowing look. “I know you know about the two of them. I know as well, I’ve known for a while. I’m more observant than what people give me credit for. I chose not to say anything, for the same reason Otabek hasn’t said anything about us. It’s very real between them, and it makes Yuri feel safe and happy. Otabek is the reason Yuri was excelling so well in therapy, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.” Viktor relaxed back into Yuuri’s arms.

“Maybe you should call him and tell him. Even if he can’t do anything, since that would give away their relationship, but I think he would want to know.” Yuuri brushed back Viktor’s hair, playing with his silky locks.

Viktor sighed. “I guess you’re right.” Viktor reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. After scrolling through his contact list, he pressed the call button for Otabek, putting it on speaker phone. After two rings, Otabek picked up. “Hi, Otabek, I… I… have something to tell you…” Viktor explained that he knew about his and Yuri’s relationship and that their secret is safe. He then went on to explain what happened with Yuri and his current state, which was asleep due the injection they gave him.

Yuuri could hear the rage in Otabek’s voice as he spoke. “Why the fuck would they do something like this! Everyone knows of Yuri’s past.” Viktor explained that he was trying to get Yuri out of restraints as soon as possible. “I can’t even be there for him!” Otabek’s frustration poured through the speaker of the phone. Viktor reassured him that he will be there for him and was converging all his attention to Yuri. Otabek quickly thanked Viktor for the call, and just as fast, got off the phone, before his cries took over.

After Viktor hung up, both men sat in silence. Yuuri continued to comfort Viktor, though he felt it was doing very little. “I should probably go check on him. I can try again to convince the staff to let him out.”

“I just don’t understand why Dr. Feltsman can’t make that decision. Override all of the nursing staff.”

“The staff have claimed unsafe working environment due to Yuri and are basically demanding blood. Even though no one got hurt, thankfully, they still deem him as unsafe.” Viktor stood up from the bed, turning back towards Yuuri. “I want to be there when he wakes up. Thank you, Yuuri.” Viktor huffed a laugh. “Looks like the tables have turned. I came here to give you comfort, but instead you were there for me. I… I’m…” Viktor was interrupted by a pair of lips pressing against his.

Yuuri pulled back. “Go on, go be there for Yuri.” Viktor turned and headed for the door. He had his hand on the door knob when Yuuri stopped him. “Viktor…? Would I be able to see him?”

Viktor smiled. “I think he will like that. I will come get you when he is awake, if he is up for visitors.”

Yuuri could see Viktor forcing himself to stand up tall. He wiped his eyes one last time and fixed his hair. Putting on a brave face, Viktor opened the door and went out into the wolf’s den.

*             *             *

Yuuri peeked his head through the opened door. The room was bare, just a chair to one side and the bed Yuri was on, in the middle of the room. Yuri lay still in bed, his body still strapped down tightly. 

_They couldn't even give him some slack._

Yuuri raised a hand to knock on the door but hesitated. He knew Viktor had to convince the nursing staff to let him in. It was unheard of for other patients to want to visit another in restraints. In the end Viktor had at least won that battle. Taking a deep breath, Yuuri raised his hand once again and this time followed through with the knock. Feeling silly since the door was open, but felt it was still necessary out of politeness. Yuuri received no response. 

_Is he asleep? No, Viktor said he was awake._

Yuuri knocked again. "Yuri?" Still nothing. Yuuri decided to skip the formalities and walk in. As he got closer he could see Yuri's eyes were red and swollen, and he was staring straight up at the ceiling. On a closer inspection some redness and bruising was forming on his wrists and ankles around the restraints. His feet and hands were slightly discoloured and swollen due to the lack of blood flow. 

_This is awful. They are way too tight on him._  

"What do you want pig?" Yuri spat out. 

Yuuri was startled by the sudden noise in the room, which drew him away from his thoughts. "I wanted to see how you were doing, if I can do anything for you."

"Can you take off these restraints?" Yuri turned his head to look at Yuuri and gave him the full weight of his stare. 

"N-No"

"Then get out." Yuri turned his head back to stare at the ceiling. 

"No, I won't. I came to give you some company and to see if you wanted to talk." Yuuri's certainty was bubbling to the surface.

"There's nothing to talk about."

Ignoring what Yuri just said, Yuuri went on. "We spoke to Otabek. We told him what happened." Yuuri whispered Otabek's name so no one could overhear. 

Yuri's head snapped back towards Yuuri. "Why the fuck would you do that?!"

"Wha?! I-I thought... he should... he cares and loves you. You wouldn't want him coming in tomorrow and find out or even worse, see you like this without a little warning." Yuri didn't say anything, so he continued. "He asked how you were doing. He's angry at what happened, but not at you. He’s frustrated Yuri, he wants to be here for you."

A tear rolled down from the corner of Yuri’s eye to the side of his face towards his ear. "I want him here." He whispered. Yuuri reached over and grabbed Yuri's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

"What happened? What made you so angry?" 

"I was denied a Leave of Absence, a LOA. I wanted to go for the weekend to see my grandfather." Yuri took a shaky breath. "He's dying, and he doesn’t have much longer to live. And they fucking denied me. I might not ever be able to see him before he... he..." Yuri paused to compose himself. “My grandfather was the only constant person in my life. Everyone else just left me or treated me like shit, just used me and tossed me aside. My own mother didn’t even want me. And now he’s leaving me, and I can’t even say goodbye.” Yuri took another shaky breath. His face turning from sorrow to anger. "That stupid bitch of a nurse, she passed it off like it was nothing. Like I don't have any feelings, and that it's no big deal that I didn't get my LOA approved. I'm tired of being treated like a piece of shit. Like I'm a fucking nobody." 

"Yuri..." Yuuri breathed out, holding back his sobs. 

"Don't give me that. I don't want your fucking pity." 

Yuuri wiped away his tears. "Do you know why you were denied?" 

"Apparently I'm untrustworthy to be out in the community just yet. Load of fucking crap. Dr. Feltsman is heartless bastard."

"Oh? It was Dr. Feltsman that denied it? Did you tell Viktor? Maybe he can help change..."

"I just told him now. I didn't tell him that I asked for the LOA, I wanted to prove to Viktor that I can do it. That I can be out in the community, and be a functioning member of society and all that shit, but... No one sees me like that. They see the screwed-up asshole." Yuri tried shifting in the bed, the straps holding him down immobilizing him. "I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. It hurts too much, all the time." Tears flowed freely down the sides of his face.

"I don't see you like that Yuri. You're thoughtful and honest. As much as you play up that you don't care or how angry you are all the time. I know it's a front. You figure if you hurt people first they can't hurt you. But you do care and you do love. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith with people." Yuuri wiped away Yuri's tears with the back of his knuckles. He leaned down and kissed Yuri on the forehead. Yuri's eyes went wide with the sudden display of affection. Something he wasn't used to from a friend, unless they wanted sex.

"Yuuri, it's time to go. You have your privileges to go on now." A nurse popped her head in the doorway.

"Mhmm. I'll be right there." He turned back to Yuri. "I'll try and be back, if they'll let me."

"Whatever." Yuri whispered.

Yuuri smiled and headed out the door.

*             *             *

Yuuri was walking by the nursing station on his way to his room to get ready for his privileges. He glimpsed in the nursing station and noticed Viktor working at one of the computers. Thinking back to the conversation he had with Yuri, he knocked on the window without a second thought.

“What do you want, Yuuri?” One nurse said opening the door to his knocking.

Yuuri winced at the abrupt tone of the nurse. “I-I n-need to talk to V-Viktor. Please.”

“Well, he’s a little busy at the moment, and doesn’t have any time to talk to you.” The nurse replied with the same annoyed abrupt tone.

“Mel, I don’t need you talking for me. I always have time for my patients, and you should never talk to them like they are beneath you. Now if you would excuse us.” Viktor’s eyes were cold and held a fury that was not to be reckoned with, his tone behind his words threw poison in her face.

“I-I’m sorry, Viktor.” Mel carefully slithered away from the door and returned to one of the computers.

Viktor stepped out of the nursing station and guided Yuuri to the activity room that was close by. Still silent he pulled out a chair turning it around and did the same with another one, so they were facing one another. Viktor started to reach out to grab Yuuri’s fidgeting hands but stopped himself. The activity room they were in had cameras, whereas the other one does not. Yuuri followed Viktor’s eyes up to the camera and understood why he stopped. He inwardly cursed himself for choosing the wrong activity room. “What’s the matter, Yuuri?”

“I’m sorry to bother you, Viktor; I know you’re very busy.” Yuuri looked down at his hands, feeling like a child.

“My Yuuri, please don’t apologize. I’ll always have time for you. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I spoke to Yuri and he told me what was wrong, why he got so upset.” Yuuri paused, gathering up the courage. “I-I just thought you could help him in some way. Maybe talk to Dr. Feltsman. Anything.” Yuuri’s voice was barely a whisper.

Viktor looked into Yuuri’s pleading eyes. He felt he fell in love with Yuuri just then, though he always knew he loved him, but it was like discovering it for the first time again. “I want to help him. Had I known, I would have spoken to Dr. Feltsman before he made the decision. I’m outraged that he was even denied in the first place.” Viktor pinched the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb. “I already want to have a few choice words with Dr. Feltsman.” Viktor sighed. Yuuri could see the stress starting to show around his eyes. “Now that Yuri is in restraints he has lost all of his privileges. I’ve been trying to work my schedule in order to fill in time for Yuri, so I could take him to see his grandfather. But with JJ gone and having to take over his case load along with mine, I’m stretched too thin.”

“Yuri can take some of my time.” Yuuri blurted out suddenly. “We don’t have to go to the dance studio, we can cancel that, and you can use that time to take Yuri.”

“No, Yuuri. That is part of your recovery plan. I am not taking that away from you.” Viktor said sternly.

“What if we cut it shorter? He can come with us to the studio. Half the time will be at the studio, the other half can be used for Yuri to visit his grandfather.”

Viktor sat back in the chair. “You would do that?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Well I could make it work. The hospital his grandfather is at is close to the dance studio. You would still have dance, as part of your recovery. Yes, I think I can make it work. I would just need to convince Dr. Feltsman.” Viktor seemed to stop talking to Yuuri and was more thinking out loud. Yuuri’s face softened and he smiled towards Viktor, fascinated at the way the gears were working in his head as he thought. Viktor’s voice drew him out of his thoughts. “I could absolutely kiss you right now.”

Yuuri suddenly felt and hand around his upper arm pulling him up from the chair and pulled out of the room. Viktor dug his keys out and opened the other activity room and pulled Yuuri in, closing the door behind him. Doing a quick scan of the room, to make sure no one was in there, Viktor pulled Yuuri closer to him, their bodies connecting down a single line. Viktor hovered his lips over Yuuri’s, he felt his breath quickening.

Yuuri’s heart pounded in his chest. The anticipation was killing him. Finally, he closed the last few millimetres between them. The kiss was slow and chaste, but Yuuri wanted more. With a hand going behind his head, Yuuri forced Viktor’s mouth to open for him, sliding his tongue in, exploring every part. Their tongues twisting and dancing around one another.

Viktor’s body heated up in an instant with Yuuri’s boldness. His one hand cupped the side of Yuuri’s face. The other went around to his back, while Yuuri’s hands lowered and went low on Viktor’s hips and lower back. The kiss grew deeper and needier.

Viktor pulled back first, connecting their foreheads together. “Thank you, Yuuri. I… I don’t know… It’s just that…” Viktor stumbled over his words.

Yuuri cupped a hand to Viktor’s cheek and placed a kiss on his lips. “I will be here for you any way I can Viktor, just like you are for me.” He leaned up and planted another kiss on his lips.

Viktor sighed and relaxed in Yuuri’s arms. “I better go; I want to talk to Dr. Feltsman about this new plan before he leaves for the day.”

With one last squeeze, Viktor left with his plan and some hope to help Yuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I was sorry <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a brief warning, there are some mentions of hospital restraints in this chapter. If this upsets you please skip this chapter, or just be cautious of your emotions and limits.
> 
> This chapter is also focused on Otabek and Yuri, let me know what you guys think and if you want more chapters like this :)
> 
> Thanks <3

Otabek arrived the next morning to discover, during shift report, that Yuri was still in restraints. When in restraints, Yuri gets assigned a one-to-one nurse, and he needed to be with Yuri. The assignment sheet for the day had him assigned to other patients. A quick lie and a little convincing, he had the nurse that was assigned to Yuri switch with him. While reading the notes from the day before on what happened, Otabek also learned that they had Yuri on a sedative due to him thrashing around the bed and screaming to be released. Otabek read in horror, he knew Yuri was scared. He checked when his last injected sedative was given.

_Good, it should be wearing off by now. I can go see him._

Otabek entered the isolation pod. The pod was a circular space with a metal table and 5 stools attached to it, in the middle of the room. In the back of the pod were 5 bedrooms in a row and one bathroom. The bedrooms were empty aside from a bed and a heavy wooden/plastic chair. Everything in the pod was visible from the nursing station and there were cameras in each room for when the doors were closed. Otabek entered the first room, closing the door behind him and making sure to keep his back to the camera.

His heart felt like it broke to a million pieces and the sight of Yuri. Rage boiled through his veins.

_How could they do this to him. He didn’t hurt anybody._

Yuri was still asleep, so Otabek took the opportunity to check on his restraints, making sure everything was okay. He gently pulled down the bed sheet and looked at his wrists in dismay. They were severely bruised and raw, most likely from Yuri flailing around in bed. He checked the tightness of the restraints.

_The bruising is not just from him, the bastards have it on too fucking tight._

Otabek checked his hands, which were discoloured and swollen. The condition on his wrists and hands were the same on his ankles and feet. The waist restraint luckily was over his shirt and didn’t cause too much damage, although it was bruised and red from the pressure.

Yuri twitched when he felt hands brushing lightly along his stomach. He slowly opened his eyes, through a haze he could only see a dark figure standing over him. In a panic, Yuri tried moving away from the figure, only to realize his hands and feet were bound. Yuri started screaming. “Get away! Get away from me! Don’t touch me please!” He could feel hands on his shoulders pinning him to the bed.

“Yura! Yura! Its me! Its Otabek!” Otabek started panicking as well, at Yuri’s behaviour, even through he knew it was due to the heavy medications he was on, along with not being fully awake yet, it made Yuri confused, but it still frightened him. Otabek kept repeating Yuri’s nickname in hoped he would recognize it.

Familiarity clicked when he heard the name Yura after a few more times. No one calls me that, except… “Otabek?”  His voice was hoarse from all the screaming from the past day. He blinked a few times but was still foggy and was blinded by the light above him. “Too bright…” He managed to whisper out.

Otabek clued in to what he meant and reached to turn off the light. “Its me, Yura. I’m here.” He smoothed out Yuri’s hair from his face and wiped the tears that spilled down.

When Yuri’s vision finally cleared he could see Otabek leaning over him. “G-Go away… please.” Yuri turned his head to the side away from Otabek. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Shut up, I’m not going anywhere.” Otabek said lightly. “Now, when was the last time you were out of these?”

“I-I haven’t.”

“WHAT?! Have any of your limbs been released for a limb check?” Otabek’s rage was bubbling back up to the surface. Yuri shook his head ‘no’ in response. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” Otabek scrambled to get his restraint key out. “A person in restraints should alternate having their limbs freed and complete range of motion exercises, in order to prevent stiffness and allow proper blood flow.” Otabek mumbled to himself. “The fucking bastards did nothing.” Otabek moved around the bed, taking off the straps.

A relief spread throughout Yuri. He quickly tried getting up; a hand on his chest stopped him from going further. “Take it slow.” Yuri nodded. With the help from Otabek, he sat up in bed, swinging his legs over the side. “Okay, good. How are you feeling?”

“Alright, I guess.” Yuri took a few deep breaths. His body felt like he was beaten up.

“We’ll start with a few range of motion exercises, and then you can stand up.” Otabek lightly grabbed Yuri’s right hand and massaged it, attempting to get the blood back into his hand. The colour was slowly returning to normal. He gradually lifted Yuri’s arm to go above his head. When he brought it back down, he bent his arm at the elbow and few times, along with the wrist, and repeated the process a few more times.

Yuri winced at the stiffness and soreness radiating from his joints. They both remained silent, as Otabek moved to his other arm and then to his legs. “Feel any better?”

“A little.”

“Wait right here.” Before Yuri could answer, Otabek darted off back to the nursing station. Yuri used the time to look at his body. There were large dark reddish-purple bruises all the way around his wrists, his skin was raw and held some cuts where the edges of the straps bit into his skin. His ankles looked no better.

After a few minutes, Otabek returned, carrying two small baskets. Yuri peeked in, when he set them down on the bed. “I brought you some of your hygiene stuff, in case you wanted a shower and to brush your teeth. I also brought you your breakfast. You should eat something before you go shower. Wait! Before you do.” Otabek dug into his pockets of his scrubs and pulled out a small tube. He squeezed a dollop of the antibacterial ointment onto his fingers and ever so gently rubbed it into Yuri’s wrists and ankles.

Yuri looked at him with love and devotion. No matter how crazy he got, Otabek was always there for him, picking up the pieces and taking care of him. A few tears rolled down Yuri’s cheeks. “T-Thank you, Beka.” When he finished rubbing in the ointment, Yuri grabbed the piece of toast and nibbled on it slowly.

“I’m going to set up the shower for you, okay? When you’re finished, we will reapply the ointment.” Otabek grabbed the other basket off the bed and went towards the shower, grabbing towels from the linen closet, in the pod, on the way.

Yuri continued to nibble on his breakfast. His head was feeling clearer now that the medication was wearing off. Otabek came back into the room. “Shower is set up. Ready?” He stood in front of Yuri. “We’ll take it nice and easy.” Otabek grabbed both of Yuri’s hands into his and helped him stand up.

“I think I’m okay.”  Otabek let go of his hands. He hovered next to Yuri all the way to the shower, just in case. The bathroom had a locker room style shower in it, making it easy to step into rather than a tub. Yuri started undressing as soon as he entered the bathroom, leaving his dirty hospital clothes strewn across the floor. Otabek went behind Yuri and picked them up placing them in the hamper to be sent out to wash. With Yuri standing naked, Otabek could see more bruises that formed on his legs, arms, and back from being pinned down to the floor. Otabek’s blood boiled at the sight.

_He must have fought them, to get those bruises._  

Yuri turned on the tap to the shower head and let the spray of the hot water soothe his aching body. His hand supported him against the wall as he bowed his head letting the spray of water hit along his neck and back. Soon after he felt arms going around his waist. “Beka! What are you doing? You’re going to get wet.” As soon as he said his warning, he saw or rather felt that Otabek was naked as well.

“I’m helping you shower of course. Plus, you’re on constant monitoring, which means I have to have eyes on you all the time.” Otabek whispered in Yuri’s ear and in between kisses on his neck, making him shiver. He grabbed a wash cloth with some of Yuri’s soap on it and started washing him. He took his time using the wash cloth to massage his entire body. Yuri let out moans and whimpers as Otabek’s hands released the tension within his muscles. Lips found one another when Yuri turned around, the kiss was slow, deep, and passionate. They broke apart, breathless. Otabek continued with the washing, grabbing Yuri’s shampoo and squirting some of the fragrant liquid into his palm. He spun Yuri back around. His hands massaged the shampoo into his hair, kneading his scalp. Yuri became putty under his touch, letting out soft moans. Once the shampoo was rinsed out, Otabek repeated the process with conditioner.

Yuri needed more from Otabek, needed him close, needed him to help him forget. Sex was always a tool for him to help forget about his terrible life. With all the conditioner rinsed out, he spun back around, sliding his arms over his chest and around his shoulders. He stepped back until his back was against the cold tile of the shower wall, pulling Otabek with him. He resumed their kiss from earlier, this time sliding a leg up and going around Otabek’s hip, pulling him even closer. He could feel Otabek getting excited against his own. The kiss they shared became needier.

Otabek ground his hips into Yuri, thrusting slowly into him over and over. “Beka.” Yuri moaned out, after pulling away from the kiss and his head thrown back. “I need more, Beka. Please. I need to feel you.” He whispered against his ear.

“Are you sure, Yura? I don’t want to hurt you, and if your already sore and in pain…” Otabek stepped back a bit to look into the emeralds.

“Yes, I’m sure. Please.” Normally Otabek loved it when Yuri begged him, but instead he was worried about him. He resumed their kissing, feeling the desperate neediness from Yuri.

Otabek reached between them grabbing their cocks together and pumped. He started tantalizingly slow, hearing every moan and groan from Yuri and wanting more. “Beka… please…” Yuri pleaded through pants. Otabek, stopped what he was doing and reached around to Yuri’s back, tempting with his hand as it trickled downwards. Yuri wrapped his arms tighter around his neck, pressing their chests together, and arching his back slightly, sticking out his ass. Otabek teased around Yuri’s hole, feeling it tighten and throb with each pass, until he finally, slowly slid a finger in. Yuri cried out a groan from the feeling. Otabek worked his finger in and out, until he was able to add a second, and third, stretching him wider.  

Otabek pulled his fingers out and turned Yuri around. Yuri pressed his cheek against the cold tile of the wall, with his arms on either side for support. Otabek grabbed his hips and pulled them towards him, bending Yuri down a little. He lined up to Yuri’s hole and gently pushed in, spreading him further. Yuri moaned and groaned as Otabek filled him up. One arm went around Yuri’s waist angled up to his chest, when Otabek started thrusting a steady rhythm. He reached out and laced his fingers with Yuri’s, that rested on the wall.

“Ah… Yura…” Otabek moaned out, when Yuri altered his hips. Yuri cried out when Otabek hit that sweet spot within him. Hitting it over and over again.

Otabek’s ministrations went faster, eventually becoming more erratic. He groaned with the effort and from the pleasures. “Fuck Beka… I’m… so close…” Yuri’s hand sought out more pleasure, he gripped himself and pumped his own cock in time with Otabek’s thrusts. Otabek had removed his hands from their placements to Yuri’s hips, pulling him into him with each thrust he made. A few more pumps and Yuri released, screaming with the rush of pleasure surging through him. Half a pump more and Otabek followed Yuri to completion. The feeling of Otabek filling him, made him writhe.

Still panting and breathless, Otabek pulled them back so they were directly back under the water, rinsing off any evidence of their deed. Yuri’s arms encircled around his shoulders and neck and burrowed his face into the crook of his neck. Otabek could feel Yuri’s body shaking against him with sobs. “Hey. What’s wrong?” He gently stroked his back and held him tighter.

Yuri kept his face in the crook. “I… I don’t… deserve you. I’m too crazy. You… deserve… better than me.” Yuri stuttered between muffled sobs.

“Hey. Don’t ever say that.” Otabek put his hands-on Yuri’s shoulders and gently pushed him back so he could see his face. “I don’t want to hear that from you. You are not crazy.” He said more sternly. He placed his thumb and forefinger on his chin and pushed his face up, meeting the emerald eyes. “Whether I deserve better or not, is a question I care nothing about. I know what I want, and I know who I want to be with.” He kissed Yuri’s cheeks, kissing away the tears. “You treat me with love, and you care for me. What more could I ask for? You’re the most remarkable person I have ever met. I’m thankful that you’re even with me and couldn’t ask for anyone better.”

Yuri leaned back in and sobbed into Otabek’s shoulder. After a few minutes, the sobs quieted. Otabek reached behind Yuri and turned off the water. “Come. Let’s get dressed.”

After drying and changing, Otabek found himself squatting under the hand dryer, drying his hair so no one would notice it was wet and start to ask questions. With his hair relatively dry, he sat Yuri back on the bed and applied more of the antibacterial ointment to his wrists and ankles.

Just as he was finishing up, they were interrupted by another nursing staff. “What is he doing out of restraints?” She demanded; her voice cold and bitter.

“No one completed a limb check on him yesterday, so I let him out in order to have a shower and move around a little.” Otabek simply put, cleaning up the remnants of Yuri’s breakfast off his bed to take back to the kitchen.

“He needs to be back in the restraints. Now.” She snapped back.

“Why? He’s calm and co-operative. His mental status is at his normal.” Otabek stopped what he was doing and argued back. “The restraints only hurt him and upset him.”

“His order is for him to be in restraints, until Dr. Feltsman orders otherwise, he is to remain in them. I will go get more staff to help put them back on.” The nurse started to turn to walk out.

“It’s fine. I’ll do it, I don’t need help.” Otabek knew she was right, he had to go back. Yuri’s eyes widened towards Otabek.

“Fine. Call if you need help then.” The nurse said over her shoulder and continued out the door.

Otabek turned to Yuri. His heart ached in his chest, seeing the fear across Yuri’s face. “I-I’m sorry, Yura. But I have to. Just for now. I will get you out later, I’ll work on it, I promise.”

“I can’t. I won’t. Please don’t make me Beka. Please!” Yuri was shaking his head ‘no’. His whole body was trembling, and tears fell from his wide fear-stricken eyes.

Otabek turned and peeked from the window in the room towards the nursing station. No one was in there. He turned back to Yuri cupping his hand to his cheek. “Don’t be afraid, Yura. I’m here with you. I promise I will stay with you.” He gave a chaste kiss on Yuri’s lips.

Yuri swung his feet back on the bed and laid his head on pillow. Otabek moved silently around the bed reapplying the restraints. The sound of the restraint locks clicking in place were deafening in the stillness of the room. Yuri stared straight up at the ceiling, putting on a brave face, his quivering body and the silent tears gave him away. Otabek applied them a little looser around the limbs and readjusted the straps attached to the bed, to give Yuri more room to move.

The last restraint was put in place. A wet spot formed on the top of it. Otabek wiped away his own tears. “I’m sorry, Yura. I hate seeing you like this. This isn’t good for you.” Otabek straightened up and took in a deep breath. “I’m going to do everything I can to get you out of these.”

“Whatever. Just go.” Yuri turned his head away, the only thing he could do, the only power he had.

Otabek felt like his heart had been ripped out. He gave a squeeze to one on Yuri’s hands, who just pulled away from the touch. Otabek’s shoulders slumped and he turned at left the room, leaving Yuri in the dark, alone and bound.

*          *          *

A loud knocking came at the door, startling Viktor. “Come in.” He said a little viciously. He was in a terrible mood from yesterday and this morning. Yuri was still in restraints and Dr. Feltsman still hasn’t approved his new plan for him to take Yuri to see his grandfather. He spun his chair around to face the door to see Otabek entering his office. “Before you say anything, I am doing everything I can.”

Otabek plopped himself in the chair next to Viktor’s desk. “I know you are. I just came here to see how I can help.” Otabek leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “He hates me now.”

“What do you mean he hates you?”

“I took him out this morning, but then I had to put him back in. I… I… didn’t want to… now he hates me. Fuck, Viktor, he was so scared.” Otabek sat up. “Just tell me what I can do to help you. Please.”

“Oh Otabek. Well I spoke to Dr. Feltsman last night about an idea that I had. Actually, it was Yuuri’s idea. My Yuuri.” Viktor continued and told him what he planned to do.

“Yuuri would do that?”

“Yeah, he said he has no problem with it. He wants to help.” Viktor said with pride in his voice and written across his face.

Otabek was about to speak when Viktor’s phone rang. “Viktor Nikiforov, how can I help you?... mhmm… yes of course, I will be there shortly.” Viktor hung up the phone. “That was Dr. Feltsman, he wants to see me to discuss Yuri, and wants me to get you because you are assigned to him. He wants a report on how he is today.”

Otabek stood up. “Let’s do this then.”

*          *          * 

Viktor and Otabek sat in front of Dr. Feltsman in his office. They waited patiently as he finished tapping his fingers on the keyboard. He turned towards the two men when he finished. “Otabek, how is Yuri today?” He clasped his hands together in front of his face.

“Put simply, sir, he’s scared. With his history, being in restraints is the last place he wants to be. I took him out this morning, he was calm when I let him out and he was co-operative. I completed a mental status assessment and he was at his normal. In my opinion, he doesn’t need to be in them, or to have even been in them.”

“Hmm… I was afraid he would react like this.”

“Then why allow it?” Otabek was getting angry. He tried to keep his voice even.

“My hands were tied. The nurses that were involved in the situation, went above me and Lilia. They demanded he be left in restraints for safety purposes. When I tried to explain his history, I was ignored.” Dr. Feltsman turned to Viktor. “About your proposal yesterday, I will permit it and add accompanied town privileges to his orders. I think that is a great idea. I was waiting to talk to the higher ups before I gave you an answer.” Dr. Feltsman sighed, the stress of the last 24 hours showed in his face. “I was finally able to address the concerns with the higher ups, this morning. I will be cancelling his order for his restraints as of right now. I will also be adding to his Plan of Care restraints are prohibited to use on Yuri going forward.”

Otabek struggled to contain his excitement. “That’s great Dr. Feltsman.”

“Thank you Dr. Feltsman. But I do still have questions to ask you.” Viktor paused, waiting for his attention to be drawn onto him. “Why did you deny Yuri’s request for a LOA? Why did you deny him to see his dying grandfather?”

Dr. Feltsman looked confused. “I didn’t deny him to go see his grandfather. I denied his LOA, but my request was that he be accompanied by staff and he can go for the day. Was that not explained to him?”

“Really? Yuri had told me that the nurse that spoke to him had only said that he can’t go on his LOA and that he won’t be able to see his grandfather.”

Dr. Feltsman turned to his computer and made a few clicks of the mouse. He turned the computer screen around. “This was the email I sent to his nurse for the day. I outlined my reasons and alternatives.”

Viktor and Otabek leaned forward to read the email. Lo and behold Dr. Feltsman was telling the truth. The lengthy email outlined his reasoning for denying the LOA but had suggested that he speak to Viktor, the Occupational Therapist, or even the Recreational Therapist to schedule a few dates to take him. “Obviously the nurse did not give him the correct information and ended up treating him unfairly. I will be having a conversation with her.” Dr. Feltsman said in a not-so-happy tone.

“There have been a few cases of Yuri being mistreated by some of the staff here. Some staff don’t like him because he is loud, obnoxious, and rude, but it’s still no way to treat someone. When I saw him this morning, the straps attached to the bed were pulled all the way, giving him no room to move. The restraints around his ankles, wrists, and waist were on too tight. I could barely get one finger in between. His body is all bruised and his wrists and ankles are raw.” Otabek held back the tears that threatened to spill out. He wanted to show he cared as a nurse to patient to Dr. Feltsman, not as a boyfriend.

Dr. Feltsman shook his head in dismay. “This is serious. Thank you, Otabek, for bringing this to my attention. I will discuss this with Lilia and we will come up with a plan of action. In the meantime, why don’t you go and release Yuri.”

“Yes, I will.” Otabek, stood and headed out of the office, Viktor followed suit.

“I want to be there and talk to Yuri, but I think you’re the best person for him right now. I will come see him later.” Viktor stated before the parted ways.

“I’ll let him know. Thank you, Viktor.”

*          *          *

Otabek barged into the Yuri’s isolation room. Yuri was sleeping, he tired himself out from crying. He looked back into the nursing station, making sure no one was in there to see him or the cameras. Otabek leaned forward and pressed his lips onto Yuri’s. After a few seconds, Yuri’s lips pressed and moved against Otabek’s, releasing a moan.

“I’ve got great news, Yura.” Otabek whispered against his lips when he pulled away. “You’re coming out of these binding pieces of crap.”

“I am!” Yuri exclaimed, forgetting that he was mad at Otabek due to the exciting news.

Otabek chuckled. “I spoke with Dr. Feltsman. Apparently, there was a huge miscommunication. The nurse that spoke to you yesterday and put you in here will be reprimanded for it.” Otabek lifted himself back up and started working on taking off the restraints as he spoke. “Dr. Feltsman did deny your LOA, but he told the nurse to tell you of some alternative ways to go see your grandfather, like asking some of the staff here to take you.”

“That bitch never told me that!” Yuri sat up now that his wrists and waist was free.

“I know she didn’t. Viktor was there to back you up. Also, Viktor, or rather Yuuri, suggested that Viktor take you to see your grandfather when they go to the dance studio. Yuuri will be cutting his time short so you can have some time as well.”

“He… he said that?” Yuri swung his legs over the side of the bed. Tears welled up in his eyes. He wasn’t used to having so many people care about him.

“Yes, Yura. He did.” Otabek knew what the tears meant and what he was feeling. He cupped his cheeks with both his hands. “From now on, you will not be put into restraints, Dr. Feltsman made it so. We spoke about the mistreating’s you receive from some staff. Both he, and Lilia are looking into it.”

Yuri threw his arms around Otabek’s neck and started sobbing. He cried tears of happiness and relief. “Thank you, Beka. I love you.”

Otabek stroked his back. “I love you too, Yura.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing against Mental Health Nurses. It may have seemed like that during this chapter, but most of my good friends are Mental Health Nurses and I work right alongside them.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone! Just want to add a warning. There's sexual assault that takes place within this chapter, it is very brief. If this upsets you in any way please skip that part (it's mainly in the beginning) and then read the rest.  
> Thanks! <3

Yuuri was thankful when he got to the conditioning room, there was only a handful of people in there. It was his third time going, and his first time going alone. Viktor had met him once more and expressed that he should try and go on his own. Yuuri felt he was doing well, Viktor had drawn on his heart on his palm earlier that day. He was anxious, and his eyes kept darting around the room, but he wasn’t at the level of panic attack. He pressed and held his drawn-on heart to his chest and thought of Viktor instructing him to use his coping strategies.

As his workout progressed, he saw the male patient from the first time he was here with Viktor walk in. The male patient saluted to Yuuri and gave him a wink. Yuuri quickly darted his eyes away and focused on the machine he was using. Yuuri bounced from machine to machine, working through a little circuit he created for himself. The male patient kept glancing towards Yuuri’s way. He would get closer to him, only for Yuuri to get up and move to another station when he was done. Yuuri was starting to feel uncomfortable around the patient, and his anxiety level was started to raise.

_I got to calm down. Just keep ignoring him and focus on your workout._

Yuuri repeated this mantra over and over. He become aware of how many more times he was pressing and using his heart since that patient walked in. He had to take minibreaks in between sets to calm his anxiety down. He rushed through the rest of his work out, not wanting to spend any more time in there around him as necessary. When he finished, he asked the staff in the conditioning room, if he could borrow a mat, so he could do some stretches.

With the mat under his arm, Yuuri rushed out to the gym court to complete his stretches. No one was using the court, which meant Yuuri had it all to himself. He took a deep breath to relax, relieved to be out of eyesight of that patient.

Yuuri didn’t hear anything, since he had his earbuds in connected to his music player, while he was stretching. He didn’t see anything, since he had his eyes focused on the floor in front of him, while his head was down as he completed a downward dog pose. He only felt hands sliding along his back, inching closer to his rear. Yuuri startled and fell to the ground. Turning over so he was sitting on his butt, he looked up to see that male patient looming above him. Yuuri’s eyes widened, and he started crawling backwards slowly.

“You have perfect form. I’m Josh by the way.” Josh’s eyes looked Yuuri up and down. “Please don’t let me stop you.”

“I-I-I’m ac-actually all done. I h-have to get back to m-my unit now.”

Josh squatted down, so he was at Yuuri’s level. “Oh, come on, I’m sure you didn’t get all your stretches in. I could help you to get that good. Deep. Stretch.” Josh moved in closer with each word he bit out at the end. His upper half was hovering over Yuuri’s legs. His arms were on either side of his knees.

Yuuri had placed the foot of the mat against the wall. With his body now off the mat and the wall next to him, he used the wall to help him off the floor. With one hand still on the wall, he backed up a few steps. With every step back Yuuri took, Josh took one larger forward. “I-I really do ha-have to go. M-my time is up.”

Josh was fast, too fast for Yuuri to notice what was happening until it was too late. Josh turned his and Yuuri’s body, he had him pinned to the wall with his back against it. He held onto Yuuri’s wrists by his side, jammed against the wall. Yuuri’s eyes widened and his breath quickened in fear. The sound of his heart pounding was deafening in his ears. He darted his eyes around, trying to look for someone to help him, but no one was around.

Josh shoved his knee rather roughly in between Yuuri’s legs, spreading them further. He pressed his body against Yuuri’s and lowered his head. Yuuri’s could feel his breath on his neck. Josh took a large inhale, breathing in Yuuri’s scent. “You’re so beautiful.” He whispered into Yuuri’s ear. Yuuri shook with panic. His head was tilted up and he scrunched up his face shut his eyes as tight as they could be, wishing he would leave him alone.

“Let him go. Now.” A voice called out. Yuuri recognized that voice. His eyes popped open.

Josh whipped his head towards the voice. “Or what?”

Viktor stood with his hands on his hips. His body shook with rage, invisible to everyone. “I will call a code. I’ll hit my panic alarm and security and more staff will come running. They will know what you did, and you will remain in the hospital longer and probably lose all your privileges, maybe even go into seclusion. Or, you can let him go and we will go our separate ways and forget this happened. Its up to you.”

Josh abruptly let go of Yuuri and took a few steps back with his hands in the air, as if to say he means no harm. Yuuri ran over to Viktor and cowering behind him. He grabbed onto his arm trying to steady himself and control his breathing. The last thing he needed was have a panic attack right now.

“I suggest you leave.” Viktor held strong facing the other patient.

Josh started for the exit, passing by Viktor and Yuuri. He stopped beside them. “Next time, he won’t be here to save you.” Yuuri cowered further into Viktor’s back. Viktor turned his body to block him from Yuuri. Josh continued walking and left the gym.

After a few seconds, making sure he left for good, Viktor turned around and grabbed Yuuri by his upper arms. “Yuuri! Oh, my Yuuri! Are you alright?” Viktor burned with jealousy at another man touching his Yuuri, but his wellbeing took precedence.

“I-I’m not hurt. I’m just a little sh-shaken.” Yuuri focused his eyes on Viktor’s button shirt. “T-Thank you, Viktor. H-How did you know?”

“I was walking by, heading home for the night when I looked through the glass and saw you.” Viktor pointed to the glass wall that separated the main hallway and the gym.

“Oh.” Yuuri’s chocolate eyes met with the calming sea of Viktor’s blues. A heavy silence fell before them.  Both men wanted to reach out and embrace one another, but being in the public space, increased the chance of getting caught. Viktor glanced down at Yuuri’s lips as he licked them. He stepped in closer, and his hands tightened around Yuuri’s upper arms. Their breathing got heavier as well as the air around them when they got closer.

“Come on, lets get you back.” Viktor whispered hoarsely. Reluctantly he stepped away and picked up his messenger bag from the floor and escorted Yuuri back to the unit.

“Viktor, you’re back. I thought you left for the night.” Otabek called out from the day area, and set off towards them.

“Uh, yeah. There was an incident at the gym. I’ll explain later. I’m going to take Yuuri to the single therapy room.”

“Yeah, of course.” Otabek could see some distress on Yuuri’s face and in his body language. He gave a supportive smile to him.

Viktor hurried Yuuri along to the single therapy room. He made sure the group therapy room was empty and the door was locked, then when they entered the single therapy room, he shut the door and locked it.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Viktor was on Yuuri. He pulled him by the arm towards him and in the same movement locked their lips together. Yuuri was stunned at first, he didn’t know what was happening, and then he gave in to the kiss. Viktor pushed Yuuri back until the back of his legs met the couch. With his hands on his hips, Viktor gently guided Yuuri onto the couch. He knelt on the couch with one knee between Yuuri's legs, the other leg was straight and planted on the floor. Viktor loomed over him with his one arm on the back of the couch to support himself, while the other caressed Yuuri's face. That hand slithered down his face to his neck, chest, and stomach.

Yuuri's breath hitched when he felt his hand skim down his body. He reached up trying to find lips, granting access to his mouth when the search claimed successful.

Memories from earlier, flashed in Viktor's mind. The other man’s lips so close to Yuuri's, his hands on him, hurting him. The rage and jealousy coursed through his veins, enticing his libido, making him want Yuuri even more. Viktor’s mouth travelled along his jaw to his neck, where he saw the other man lingering. He kissed, licked, and bit, trying to erase the other man’s presence. He travelled back up to meet Yuuri’s lips. He hovered over the soft lips. “You’re all mine, Yuuri.”

“I’m all yours, Viktor” Yuuri breathlessly panted. The declaration Viktor made pulled things tight within Yuuri’s body, making him instinctively grind his hips into Viktor’s knee that pressed between his legs. At the same time their lips met in a searing deep kiss.

As Viktor pulled away he spread Yuuri’s legs further apart and placed himself on his knees between them. With his shirt raised up by one hand, he kissed and licked down his chest and stomach, feeling the muscles bunch and twitch at the touch. He rolled his eyes up meeting the chocolate browns. The look Viktor gave while licking down his stomach made Yuuri moan out Viktor’s name. He wanted and needed more.

“Do you trust me?” Viktor’s face got suddenly serious. He let go of the raised shirt and placed his arms along the side of Yuuri’s legs, his hands resting on his hips.

“Y-Yes.” Yuuri replied with a confused look his face. Wasn’t it obvious that he trusts him?

Viktor smirked devilishly, pulling things tight within Yuuri. Viktor gripped Yuuri’s waistband at his hips and started nudging his pants down. Yuuri had to lift his body slightly off the couch, so the pants could be pulled down. With those off and out of the way, Viktor’s prize was still hidden and confined in the briefs. Deft fingers moved the briefs down enough to release what he has been craving. He looked up towards Yuuri and saw a small blush form on his cheeks. He absolutely loved how Yuuri got embarrassed by such things.

Still looking into those chocolate eyes, his one hand gripped Yuuri’s hardened leaking length. Savouring the moan that escaped between those lips. He rolled his eyes up, while is head went lower and lower, until he reached what he sought. His tongue darted out and he licked the leaking head of Yuuri.

“V-V-Viktor!!!” Yuuri gasped with both surprise and pleasure, pushing his back off the couch. He was internally debating whether he wanted Viktor to continue or not. He was thinking how embarrassing it might be for Viktor to be there and letting him do such things to him. But before he could decide, Viktor had made it for him.

Viktor continued licking his hardened member, starting at the base and trailing his tongue to the head. Yuuri let out soft moans and whimpers, wanting and needing to feel more. He relaxed back into the couch and brought his hands up to tangled in Viktor’s silky strands.

Viktor enveloped the head and sucked further down until he reached his hand at the base of Yuuri’s cock. Yuuri arched his back, lifting off the couch, and his head went back, moaning out. Viktor slid and sucked his member in and out of his mouth, moving in time with his hand at the base. His other hand slightly pulled down his undone pants and reached in, pulling out his own hard cock. He pumped his length in time with this mouth around Yuuri. He couldn’t see Viktor pleasuring himself, since the couch and his knees were in the way, but he could see his arm moving with the rhythm. The thought of Viktor doing such things added to the desires he was feeling.

Yuuri’s grip in Viktor’s hair went to a near painful tight hold, making Viktor hum and moan around the cock in his mouth, adding vibrations which sent little shots of pleasure throughout Yuuri. He removed his hand from the base and downed his length further in his mouth and throat, until his nose nuzzled the tuft of hair for a few passes.

“Ah! V-Viktor… I’m… so…”

Adding his hand back to the base. He sucked and rubbed faster, feeling the already hard member go even harder. Yuuri was unsure what to do, but it was too late he already started releasing in Viktor’s mouth with a loud moan of Viktor’s name escaping him. Feeling Viktor suck harder and squeezing his hand slightly and seeing him swallow down his seed, made his orgasm last a little longer. After a few pumps Viktor’s groaned his orgasm around Yuuri’s sensitive cock.

Yuuri fell further into the couch, panting with euphoria. Viktor crawled up Yuuri’s body and placed a kiss onto those gasping lips. Yuuri could taste himself on Viktor’s tongue and mouth. “Mine.” Viktor breathed out and then connecting their lips once more.

*          *          *

They had cleaned up and moved to Yuuri’s room. Viktor lied and used the excuse that Yuuri was not well and close to crisis as his reason for staying late past his shift ending.

Yuuri laid on his bed curled up against Viktor. His head rested on the middle of his chest, listening to the steady heart beat. Viktor stroked his back in small circles.

“Viktor?” Yuuri asked quietly.

“Yes, my Yuuri.”

“Why don’t I feel anything? After what happened earlier at the gym, I normally would be a mess, but I don’t feel anything. I should feel something shouldn’t I?”

Viktor paused his small circles on Yuuri's back for a quick second, and then resumed, too short of a time for Yuuri to notice anything. The question he asked had him worried. He was scared that Yuuri was suffering from Acute Stress Disorder and was now developing dissociative symptoms, by having a decrease in emotional responsiveness from the event.

_How could I not have noticed it?_

Viktor immediately regretted what they had done in the therapy room. The idea that he used Yuuri for his own selfish reasons made him sick to his stomach. He was disgusted with himself at the slightest conception he made Yuuri’s condition worse.

_I let my jealous possessive side take over and was unable to see how much Yuuri was hurting. Even though he said he was fine, I should have known better. I’m such an idiot._

It was only a matter of time before Yuuri’s brain makes the connection to what happened, and the floodgates would open.

_What if I’m not here when that happens._

He had no idea what to say to Yuuri. “Maybe, maybe not. Our brains can process information very differently. This might not be a situation that triggers your anxiety.” Viktor paused, hoping that was the right answer to settle some of his ease. “If it does at any point, you will tell me, okay Yuuri?”

“Yeah… I guess.” Yuuri seemed to be lost in his thoughts. “I will tell you, I promise.”

Viktor placed a kiss on the top of Yuuri’s head. The only thing he could do was to keep a closer eye on him.

Yuuri sat up suddenly and peered over his shoulder to Viktor. “Can I show you something?”

“Of course.”

Yuuri jumped off the bed and grabbed his music player from the closet. He resettled on the same side of the bed, but sat up next to Viktor, sitting cross legged. Viktor put both his arms under his head and waited patiently for Yuuri, as he scrolled through his player.

“I think I found a song I want to use for my free program. Could you listen to it and tell me what you think… please?” Yuuri looked sheepish, which Viktor thought was extremely endearing, especially with the small blush that formed on his cheeks.

“I would love to.”

Yuuri gave him both earbuds to place in his ears. Once they were comfortably in, Yuuri hit play. Viktor kept his eyes closed, focusing on the melody and the lyrics of the song.

**_(Listen to Coldrain – The Story {Acoustic version})_ **

_This is perfect for him._

The song ended, and Viktor pulled out the earbuds. Before he could say anything, Yuuri spoke. “It’s not good. I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t use it.”

Viktor sat up, his legs still splayed out, crossed at the ankles, and he rested on his arms that supported him from behind. “I think this song is great for you. I can picture you skating to this already.”

“Really?” Yuuri asked self-consciously. “What if its too slow? What if people don’t like it? What if people get bored from the routine? What if…” Yuuri was cut off with lips pressing against his.

“Do you like it?” Viktor asked when he pulled away.

“Y-Yeah”

Viktor cupped Yuuri’s cheek with his hand. “Then that’s all the matters. If you can create a beautiful routine, like _History Maker_ , and I know you can, then what does it matter what others think? Everyone is going to have their own opinions. Some will like it, others won’t, but what matters the most is your opinion.” Yuuri leaned into the touch. He turned his head slightly and kissed the palm that was on his cheek, meeting his lips to the drawn-on heart. Viktor softly smiled. “Out of curiosity, what made you choose this song?”

Yuuri’s eyes started to sparkle with his thoughts, as they drifted away from Viktor. “ _History Maker_ is about achieving your dreams and overcoming your insecurities to reach that dream. To me this song is about overcoming your inner battles and not letting them control your life.”

“Then its perfect.”

Yuuri smiled his small smile, meeting his eyes with the blue sea. Viktor placed another chaste kiss on Yuuri’s lips. “Viktor?” Yuuri asked.

“Yes, Yuuri?”

“Can… Would you… I want…” Yuuri closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He pressed his thumb of one hand onto the drawn-on heart of his other hands palm. Viktor noticed what he was doing and grabbed the hand with the heart and placed it over his chest, so Yuuri could feel his heart beating. With enough courage gathered, Yuuri continued. “Would you help me with the choreography? Please?”

Viktor’s eyes widened, and he squeezed the hand that was over his heart. “I would love to, Yuuri!” Viktor could feel excitement bubbling up inside him. He wrapped his arms around Yuuri.

They stayed like this for a few minutes, taking pleasure in the embrace. “I should go, Yuuri. It’s going to start looking suspicious if I stay here any longer, and I’ve already been here too long.” Viktor whispered into his ear. Yuuri nodded, clutching onto him a little tighter before letting go. They shared one more, deep, long kiss before Viktor left his room.

Viktor made his way to the nursing station to speak to Otabek to update him on the event that occurred. He spoke of what he saw when he went to the gym and his worried belief that Yuuri had some dissociating symptoms.

“What did you say his name was? What did he look like?” Otabek asked, after quietly listening to the story.

“His name is Josh.” Viktor gave a description of the patient. “I don’t know what unit he is from though.”

“If it’s the guy I am thinking of, Yuri has mentioned him to me before. He’s from the forensic unit. Viktor, he is not good news. The stories Yuri has told me… Yuuri needs to be careful.”

“ _Yebat_ ” Viktor cursed. With a sudden idea, he commandeered Otabek’s computer and searched on the hospital’s directory for a phone number.

“What are you going to do?” Otabek inquired.

“I’m going to call the Social Worker for that unit and leave a message to briefly say there was a situation and that we need to speak right away.”

“Just, be careful, Viktor.”

After Viktor made his phone call, he left to go home. During the night, he tossed and turned, even with his cuddles with Makkachin. His thoughts always returned to Yuuri and the circumstances that happened. Yuuri’s frightened face seared into his closed eyelids, and the small whimpers he made played in a loop in his ears. Then the guilt of his selfish act took over.

_I need to make this right._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, tell me what you are thinking. I love hearing from you guys!  
> <3


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! If you have any questions or comments, let me know! Or leave a Kudos, so I know I'm on the right track :)
> 
> <3

Yuuri knocked on the door and waited for a response, nothing. He tried again. Nothing. “Yuri… I’m here if you want to talk.” He waited a few seconds and heard no response. Feeling discouraged he turned and went back to his own room.

Yuri has been in his room for the past few days. When he did come out, it was only for Otabek. But even then, Yuri was like an empty shell roaming around. His eyes would remain vacant and lost. He was nonresponsive to any sort of verbal or physical cues. It was like he was on the verge of a catatonic state. On days Otabek wasn’t working, he wouldn’t get out of bed, and refused to eat.

A few days after that, Yuri was up and about. He was not his typical self, loud and demanding. Instead, he was quiet and reserved. Yuuri still tried reaching out to him, letting him know that he was not alone and that he was there to support him. Yuri would only look at him with his vacant eyes and then turn back to what he was staring at.

_At least its progress._

Yuuri sat in the single therapy room for his session with Viktor. Ever since that night in the same room he was in, he was finding it harder and harder to not run his hands all over Viktor. To feel his body against his, and his lips teasing and searching. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, needing to hold onto something. His mind drifted, Viktor sure was distracting today.

“Yuuri…?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry. What was that?” Yuuri blinked a few times.

“You seem distracted today, what’s on your mind?” Viktor saw Yuuri's cheeks go a shade pink and knew instantly where his distracted thoughts were taking him.

“I-I'm sorry" Yuuri hid his face behind his legs. His eyes popped up above his knees.

_He’s so adorable when he’s embarrassed._

“I know we haven’t had a talk-session like this for a while. I do apologize for that.”

“That's okay, Viktor. I know you’re busy, and you have an extra patient load.” Yuuri lifted his head and rested his chin on his knees.

“What’s been on your mind lately?” Viktor uncrossed and crossed his legs.

Yuuri gulped and felt his cheeks go hot. He had no idea why that simple act got him going, but he tried to push it out his mind. Viktor smirked with a guilty look on his face. Yuuri cleared his throat. “I… I… I’ve been worried about Yuri.”

“I hear that you’ve been trying to reach out to him. I’ve been reading the notes. Thank you Yuuri, I’ve been working with him the most since he came out of restraints. It definitely helps him to have a peer such as yourself helping as well.” Viktor half expected Yuuri to start talking about the situation at the gym, but it’s been almost a week and be hasn’t said a word, he's pretending like it didn’t happen.

_I got to keep a close eye on him. I don’t want to bring it up, I need him to process the information on his own. I’ll be here when he needs me._

They continued the rest of the session, going over his coping strategies, adding new ones, and the progress Yuuri has made. Throughout the session, Yuuri kept getting distracted by Viktor. His thoughts drifting to inappropriate images of all the things he wanted Viktor to do to him.

_What is going on with me? I’ve never had these types of thoughts this bad before._

*          *          *

The entire drive to the dance studio was filled with an awkward silence. Yuri sat in the back seat of the van leaning against door, staring out the window. Yuuri and Viktor both tried to engage him in conversation with no success. Yuri would just turn his head away. Viktor made quick glances in the rear-view mirror to check on him. He felt like he was at a loss with Yuri, not sure how to approach him and bring him back.  

They arrived at the dance studio. Yuuri bounded out of the car, excited to get dancing and release all the stress and the anxiety from the past week. Yuuri excitedly went to slide open the van door for Yuri. He went to grab Yuri's hand to pull him out and bring him into the studio. Yuri pulled his hand out of reach, shrinking in on himself with a horrified look on his face.

Yuuri pulled back, a bunch of emotions ran through his head. Shocked and scared were at the forefront. “Yuri… I… I… I’m so sorry.”

“Is everything ok?” Viktor came around the back of the van to the two Yuri's.

“I… I tried to grab his hand to bring him inside, and he… he…” Yuuri stumbled on his words. He held his hands to his chest, wringing them together.

“Hey Yuri, its okay. No one is going to hurt you.” Viktor kept his voice soft, like he was trying to talk down a rabid animal.

“I know that shithead. I just… can’t be touched right now, please.” Yuri spat out.

“He speaks!” Viktor exclaimed. He thought it was interesting that Yuri used the word ‘can't’ instead of saying that he ‘doesn’t want’ to be touched. He tucked that thought away for later.

“Of course, I speak. I just don’t want to.” Viktor thought that was even more interesting. Putting that thought with the other in the later pile.

“No one is going to touch you then. How about we head inside, instead of wasting precious time.” Yuri stepped out of the van and followed the other two into the building.

_I wonder what’s wrong with Yuuri. He can’t be that upset over what just happened._

Yuuri's whole demeanor had changed. He went from the excited, bouncing Yuuri, to reserved, anxious Yuuri.

Once inside the dance studio, Yuri was given his cell phone from Viktor, which was normally kept in the nursing station, and he parked himself on the front foyer bench. He grumbled something about not needing to be apart of what they were doing. Viktor granted his request and made a promise to check on him.

Yuuri proceeded to the open dance floor area, settling his bag down by the front, he pulled out his dance shoes. Viktor watched Yuuri as they both began their warm up stretches. “Is there anything specific you want to work on? Or do you just want to dance?” Viktor filled the silence.

Yuuri shrugged his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter.” Yuuri changed to a new stretch. “I’ll practice _History Maker_ for a bit then move on, I guess.” Yuuri sounded weary.

“That sounds like a great idea! I’ll set up the music for you.” Viktor tried getting Yuuri excited, like he was before, but it seemed he was in a slump.

Yuuri got into position in the middle of the floor and waited for Viktor to press play. He started dancing when it was time for him to. Yuri heard the music from the bench and was immediately captivated by the melody and lyrics. He snuck up to the entrance to the dance floor and leaned against the opening, watching Yuuri dance. Viktor had his back turned to him and was too enchanted by the elegance and grace of Yuuri’s dancing to even notice. Yuri was getting just as mesmerised by the man’s dancing as Viktor was.

_I knew he could dance and figure skate, but I didn’t know he was this good. He’s so… spellbinding, I can’t take my eyes off him. It’s like his body is creating the music and demanding all the attention._

_I miss dancing._

When Yuuri finished his routine, he saw Yuri behind Viktor with a face of pure awe and gave him a small smile. Yuri’s face went bright red, he felt like he was caught with his pants down. Turning, he quickly retreated to the front foyer to resume fiddling with his phone.

“That was amazing Yuuri, as always.” Viktor excitedly clapped and bounded his way over to Yuuri, wrapping him up in his arms and noticing the dusting of pink spreading across his cheeks. “I was thinking, when you were dancing, if you wanted to work on the choreography for your free program. I have some ideas.”

“Maybe near the end? I think I just want to do some mindless dancing right now.” Yuuri said small and childlike, afraid he would get chastised for disagreeing.

“Of course, my Yuuri. This is your time, remember. You are to use it however you please.” He placed his forefinger and thumb on Yuuri’s chin, lifting his head and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Thank you, Viktor.” Yuuri whispered against his lips. Viktor retreated to his phone and handed it to Yuuri. Thumbing through playlist after playlist, Yuuri finally chose a song. Returning to the middle of the floor again, he waited until Viktor hit play.

**_(Listen to ‘Incubus – Dig’)_ **

Yuuri waited in a pose until the words soothed through the speakers. He started swaying his body, twisting, and turning. His graceful movements incorporating ballet and contemporary.

Viktor became entranced once again in Yuuri's dancing. Partway through the song, Yuuri started to slow down. Viktor quirked an eyebrow and placed a finger onto his lips in thought.

_He can’t be tired already._

Yuuri suddenly stopped dancing. The music continued, but his body remained still. “Yuuri?” Viktor called out. No response. “Yuuri, everything okay?” No response.

Yuuri took in a shaky breath and fell to his knees. He leaned over until his forehead met the floor, and he started sobbing uncontrollably. Viktor was by his side in a heartbeat. He sat in front of him with his legs around Yuuri’s kneeling form. He lifted Yuuri's head up by his shoulders. Yuuri clutched onto Viktor's shirt and buried his face into his chest. Tears and other fluids soaked his shirt, but Viktor didn’t care, holding him tightly and rubbing small circles on his back, was the only thing he could do at that moment. He knew this was going to happen. He knew that Yuuri's emotions would burst open, and his delayed reaction from the incident in the gym would be set free.

The music had stopped, and Yuri could hear crying from where he sat. He got up and peeked around the corner to see Viktor consoling a hysterical Yuuri. Viktor made eye with Yuri, still at the doorway. Viktor mouthed that he was fine, and that he would explain later. Yuri nodded and went back to his perch.

The sobbing lessened, with the last few hiccups, Yuuri whispered. “I’m scared.”

Viktor squeezed Yuuri’s trembling body closer. “I know you are. I know.” He whispered back. “Do you want to talk about it now? I’m here for you Yuuri, always.”

Yuuri settled in against Viktor. He always felt so safe within his arms. “I don’t want to go back out there, please don’t make me, Viktor. Please.” Yuuri pleaded, with fresh tears forming in his eyes. “What if I go out there and you’re not there? What if he does more to me? What if… What if I…”

“Shh Yuuri, it’s okay. I won’t make you go out again…”

“I can still feel him.” Yuuri interrupted. He kept his head against Viktor’s chest, it was easier to talk without looking at him, without feeling shame and disgust. “I can still feel his hands tight around my wrists, his breath against my ear, and his lips against my neck.” He could feel Viktor take in a hissed breath. “This is all my fault.”

“Yuuri!” Viktor gently pushed him back by his shoulders and kept his hands around his upper arms. “This is not your fault. He was…”

“It is!” Yuuri shouted. He squirmed away from Viktor’s hold. “If I wasn’t so weak and pathetic, this wouldn’t have happened!!” Yuuri yelled, banging his fists on his leg. “I… I feel so powerless all the time.” New tears streamed down his face. He lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Viktor’s waist, sobbing into the already soaked shirt.

Viktor could feel a pit forming in his stomach and his heart sinking into it. He held onto Yuuri as tightly as he could, enveloping his arms around his shoulders. He stroked his hair and planted kisses on top of his head. “I love you, Yuuri.” He whispered in Yuuri’s hair. The confession fell on deaf ears between the sobs and screams.

*          *          *

They decided to pack up afterwards, Yuuri didn’t feel like dancing anymore and it was almost time to leave to visit Yuri’s grandfather. They piled into the van, Viktor looked over at Yuuri beside him in the passenger seat. Yuuri leaned his head against the window, his eyes were blank as he stared at the dashboard of the van.

Yuri sat in the back, becoming livelier and more himself. He hasn’t seen his grandfather since he was admitted to the hospital. His grandfather was too sick to travel and visit, and Yuri couldn’t leave. He wished it was under better circumstances, but at least he can still see him.

After 10 minutes of driving, Yuuri fell asleep, exhausted from the breakdown he had earlier. Viktor poked him lightly on his leg to make sure he was really sleeping. Yuuri didn’t stir or indicate otherwise. Looking in the rear-view mirror at Yuri, he called his name.

“Hm?”

“Can I ask you something? About another patient. Otabek said you knew him.” Viktor asked, focusing his attention back on the road.

“What do you want to know?” Yuri leaned forward in his seat. “Does it have to do with him? And why he broke down back there?” Yuri pointed his thumb towards the sleeping Yuuri.

“Yeah, it does. I’ve already contacted this patient’s Social Worker, but she is away at a conference. She comes back in a couple days.” Viktor stopped at a red light. He turned in his seat to look towards Yuri. “Do you know a Josh? He’s from the forensic unit.”

Yuri’s eyes widened a little bit at the sound of the name, he tried to recover from his reaction. Viktor caught the action and knew it must be bad. “What do you know about him?” Yuri asked.

“I know that he’s not good news, and that you have told Otabek some stories about him. When you had your privileges.” Viktor eased the car forward when the light turned green.

Yuri looked at him darkly for the last remark. A reminder of what he lost. “He is not good news at all. He approaches people and solicits for sex, and preys on the weak. No one stands up to him because of how big he is, and the connections he has. He tried it with me once. He approached me and… touched me, but I didn’t let it get too far. Taught him that I’m not weak, and he can’t get what he wants out of me. Never came back around. But I’ve heard other stories from other patients around the hospital. There have been some cases where he’s… gone too far.” Viktor gulped and gripped the steering wheel tighter.

_That could have been Yuuri, if I hadn’t walked by. Would anyone would have helped him?_

“Why do you ask? What happened?” Yuri inquired, bring Viktor out of his thoughts.

“I can’t go into detail, but this Josh guy sexually assaulted Yuuri in the gym last week. I so happened to be walking by and witnessed the interaction. I was able to stop him. When I brought Yuuri back he had some dissociation due to the traumatic event, and he felt nothing about it. It was dancing to that song that made it all come out.”

“That piece of shit! He would go after someone like Yuuri. Someone who is vulnerable and won’t fight back.” Yuri banged his fist on his seat. “I’ll fucking kick his ass when I see him.”

“There will be no ass kicking from you.” Viktor scolded, meeting Yuri’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. “Besides I already reached out to his Social Worker, as I said. Together we will come up with something.” Viktor looked over to Yuuri. “This is going to set him back. He was doing so well, we were talking about discharging him soon too.” Viktor sighed and engrossed himself in his driving.   

After another 10 minutes of driving through traffic, Viktor pulled into the visitor’s parking area at the general hospital. He payed for parking and after countless circles and aggressive driving while looking for a parking spot, Viktor finally parked the car. He turned around in his seat to look at Yuri. “I’m not going in, unless you want me to. I trust you enough to go in on your own and come back. You have your phone with you and you have my number, so you can keep me updated.”

“Really? I can go by myself?”

“I don’t think you would want either of us there anyways. This is your time; visit your grandfather and take all the time you need. Like I said, I trust you.”

“Thank you, Viktor.” Yuri said quietly.

Viktor nodded. “But if you do need me for anything, call me, and I will be right up. I’m going to let Yuuri sleep a little longer.” Viktor’s face softened when he looked over at the man in question, quietly snoring.

“I will.” Yuri slid open the van door and hopped out. Heading towards the hospital in front of them, he turned and waved at Viktor. Viktor smiled and reciprocated the wave. He got comfortable in the driver’s seat, pushing the back of the seat down a bit, and pulled out his phone to play the long waiting game.

Yuri made it through the complicated maze-like hospital. He stood just outside of his grandfather’s room, out of sight. Taking a deep breath to compose himself. He wanted to show his grandfather he was doing alright and there was nothing to worry about. He needed to be strong for him. Taking one slow step at a time he reached the doorway. “Grandpa?”

“Yuratchka, my boy!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry...? Please don't hate me.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I really struggled writing this chapter for some reason, but then I started getting into it mid-way and now I'm actually pretty proud of it. So, I hope you guys like it. I was also feeling a little angsty when I wrote it lol.  
> Leave a comment, question, or concern if you have any!! Thanks a million!!! 
> 
> <3

Viktor released Yuuri from their customary ‘hello’ hug and kiss. It felt different, a little weird. Yuuri seemed distant and a little lost. Ever since his breakdown the other day at the dance studio, he hasn’t been himself. Viktor knew this to be normal, and it was still something they have to work through.

At the skating rink, Celestino even noticed the difference in Yuuri and commented that he has gotten worse. Due to patient confidentiality, Viktor was unable to explain the situation that happened, and he accepted Celestino’s accusation that it was his fault for Yuuri’s regression. During the whole time at the skating rink, Yuuri mainly stuck to elementary drills. When Celestino made him perform his _History Maker_ routine, it was sloppy and incomplete. Yuuri missed steps and his spins were lazy. Viktor recalled to a particular moment that ran through his head over and over.

_“Yuuri! Show Celestino your song pick for your free program” Viktor had exclaimed excitedly._

_“What’s the point?”_

_“Yuuri…” Viktor sounded shocked. “Its for you to create your program so you can compete. That’s your goal.”_

_Yuuri scoffed. “Fine.”_

Through the whole night, that moment replayed in Viktor’s head, until he reached for a certain bottle of clear liquid to help him get to sleep. It was within that moment, Yuuri declared he has given up.

_What’s the point?_

_What’s the point?_

He knew something like this was to be expected after a traumatic event that happened to him, and especially with his diagnosis, it seemed inevitable. He just didn’t want to see it happening to his Yuuri.

Viktor sat down in the chair across from the couch Yuuri occupied. He recalled another moment from the day before.

_“What’s wrong with him?” Celestino sounded concerned. “He was doing much better last week, he was almost his old self.”_

_Viktor sighed. “I’m sorry, I can’t go into detail about his recovery, unless I get consent from Yuuri.”_

_“What did you do to him? You promised me last week that you were going to do your best to help him. Now look at him.” Celestino pointed to Yuuri, who was doing lazy circles on the ice, his eyes lost and vacant._

_“I’m sorry. It's my fault. I… I…”_

_“You better get him well. His family is not here to advocate for him, so I will.”_

_Viktor nodded and looked down at the ice, avoiding the hard stare he was receiving._

Viktor shook his head, to remove the memory from his head. “How did you sleep last night, Yuuri?” Viktor asked, trying to pull his thoughts towards the present.

_Maybe something will change today._

“I haven’t.” Yuuri mumbled into his knees that were pulled up to his chest. Viktor could see the dark circles under his eyes. His eyes were also rimmed with red and slightly puffy. Viktor considered it was probably from crying. Yuuri’s hair and clothes were disheveled. Pangs of guilt stabbed at Viktor’s side.

_You did this._

“If you are having trouble sleeping, which is normal, you can ask the staff to give you something to help you sleep.”

“Another thing to rely on…” Yuuri muttered, too quiet for Viktor to hear. He just shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes.

Silence stretched between them. For once, Viktor was left without words. He didn’t know how to approach Yuuri or what to even talk about. He searched his brain for a topic but came up empty. What he wanted to talk about, needed something to lead up to it, a buffer so to speak. He felt Yuuri was uncomfortable around him, which Viktor believed that he had every right to be. “Are you excited to start choreography for your free program? Since Celestino approved your song choice for it. Do you have any ideas yet?” Viktor sounded excited, in hopes it would get Yuuri talking.

“No. Not really.” Fail. “What’s the point?” There it was again. Those three little words that haunted Viktor.

Viktor took a deep breath in. “What do you mean by that Yuuri? You’ve said that twice now.” He wanted to know. Needed to know.

_Please don’t give up Yuuri. I will never give up on you. Don’t quit on me!_

“It means exactly what it means. There’s no point in practicing. No point in dreaming of gold medals, I will never win. I’m not competing anymore. Everything was taken from me. It’s useless.” Yuuri looked frustrated. His brows furrowed when he stared down Viktor as he spoke. His eyes were cold and vacant.

More guilt panged at Viktor. “Yuuri, you can’t mean that. We can work through this together. You need a goal to work towards, to look forward to. We can start with smaller goals and work our way up.” Viktor paused and straightened himself in his chair. “You cannot give up, Yuuri Katsuki. Because I’m not.” Viktor’s voice was stern and forceful. Challenging him.

Yuuri flinched under Viktor’s hard stare. He eventually lost and looked away from Viktor, unable to maintain his composure. How could he keep going? He was fearful of everything and everyone around him. Who was next in line to hurt him? To take advantage of him? How could he trust anyone? He settled his forehead back on his knees, and he stared at his thighs.

Music started playing. Yuuri knew it instantly, he’s heard it a million times. He lifted his head and followed the music. Viktor sat in the chair in his normal posture, with his notebook on his lap and his one leg crossed over the other. The music, his free program song, played on Viktor’s phone that rested on the coffee table between them. He closed his eyes and let the music wash over his body and soothe his aching soul. The lyrics rang in his ears, fitting words for his circumstance. Tears silently rolled down his cheeks as he listened. This was why he chose this song, to give him strength to fight, to keep fighting.

But what if he couldn’t fight anymore, what if he had no more left in him. What if every time he gets up, he gets pushed back down, until finally he stays down. The looming shadow, his old friend, lingered behind him. It slowly crept up, covering his body with darkness. Yuuri’s breathing faltered, his eyes clenched tight, his heart raced, forcing itself out of his chest. He hasn’t seen this shadow in a while and it returned with more force than before.

Viktor could see the subtle changes in Yuuri. At first, he looked to be in bliss, almost. Then his face changed to fear and panic. His body crumpled in on itself and trembled. Yuuri fell to his side on the couch, still clutching onto his knees. Viktor ran over to him as fast as he could. He knelt beside him, calling out his name, stroking his hair, and kissing small pecks into his hair. He did everything he could to get Yuuri back to him. Minutes passed by, Yuuri was cold and clammy with sweat, his face stained with tears, and his breathing never returned to normal. Viktor monitored his heart rate and his respirations. He kept trying everything to get him back.

_I can always bring him back. Why can’t I now?_

Viktor almost started panicking, but knew it wouldn’t do either of them any good, and swallowed it down to focus on his Yuuri. Well he tried almost everything. A thought came to his head, something completely opposite of the current state Yuuri was in. A complete surprise to turn the switch in his brain. He lowered down and locked his lips with Yuuri’s.

A small light shone through all the cold darkness. Yuuri followed it, wanted it. The beam of white hot light got bigger and bigger, until it broke through. The shadow retreated into its depths. Yuuri could feel something soft and wet against his lips. His breathing was returning to normal and his body shook less and less, but the soft wetness on his lips remained. He slowly opened his eyes only to see a blurred Viktor ever so close to him.

_He’s kissing me… Why?_

Yuuri reciprocated the kiss. He leaned into those soft lips. Viktor pulled back, breaking the kiss. “You’re back.” He whispered.

“I-I-I’m sor…”

Viktor cut him off, knowing full well Yuuri was apologizing for something, which was not necessary. He interrupted him with his lips on his. “Please don’t apologize. There’s no need for you to.” He placed one more kiss and then pulled away, sitting back on his heels. “How about we try sitting up.”

Yuuri nodded, and slowly complied with the instruction. He sat fully straight on the couch. His whole body ached, his muscles were tense and sore, and his head hurt from crying. “Take a few deep breaths with me.” Viktor instructed, sitting on the coffee table in front of Yuuri. He took Yuuri’s hands into his and gave a gentle squeeze. Yuuri breathed with Viktor, copying his deep breaths. His head felt a little better and his muscles weren’t as tense. “Do you want to continue our session? Or would you like to go back to your room?”

Yuuri took a few seconds to think about how he was feeling and what he wanted to do. “I-I think I can c-continue.” He stuttered out quietly.

“Okay, Yuuri. I just want you to know that we can stop at anytime, alright? You just let me know.”

Yuuri nodded. “Mmhm, I will.” Viktor stood, placing a kiss on the top of Yuuri’s head, before retreating to his chair.

Picking his notebook from the floor, where it fell, he settled back in taking a few deep breaths for himself, and decided to dive right in. “I want to talk about what happened at the gym. But before we do that, I wanted to let you know that I spoke to Josh’s social worker. I explained the situation and he will no longer have his privileges. He has already been criminally charged for sexual assault and rape from other… individuals. You have that option to if you want to.”

Yuuri shrunk in on himself, pulling his knees back up to his chest. “Why? I already relive it in my head, ever since the dance studio. Why do I have to talk about it now? I just want to forget it.”

“I understand, Yuuri. It’s best to talk about it, so we can find ways to help you through it.” Viktor almost pleaded through his words.

“You don’t understand!! How could you!?” The sudden outburst from Yuuri, startled Viktor. “It didn’t happen to you, it happened to me! Because I am weak, I’m pathetic. I can’t even stand up for myself! I let people hurt me!” Yuuri was practically screaming at Viktor. Tears streamed down his face once again. “You can’t fix me, Viktor! It’s useless.” Yuuri started sobbing.

Viktor’s heart dropped to his stomach and smashed to a million pieces. “Stop.” As much as it pained Viktor to see Yuuri in his state, it also angered him. “You are not weak, nor are you pathetic.” Yuuri looked like he was about to interrupt him, but Viktor held out his hand to stop him. “Even if you did stand up for yourself Yuuri, he is twice your size and can overpower you, which would have made the situation worse. I was only able to stop him because I work here.” Viktor sighed. “I’m not trying to fix you, Yuuri. You don’t need to be fixed, you were never broken. I am only trying to help you, trying to help you become a better version of yourself, one that you love. If you don’t want the help, I understand. I only make things worse for you, I cause you more pain and suffering. I don’t want that for you.” Tears rolled down Viktor’s cheek.

“V-V-Viktor…”

“I’m sorry, Yuuri. I am one of those people that hurt you. I used you for my own selfish desires. I’m a very… jealous person, and after seeing that guy all over you, I wanted you. I wanted to prove to you that I am the only one that could make you feel good, not anybody else, even though his advances were unwanted. It wasn’t just him that caused you pain, it was me as well.”

“You didn’t… hurt me.” Yuuri choked out between sobs. It took a few breaths and continued. “I could have said ‘no’ to you, and I know you would have stopped, you have before. I let you do that to me because I wanted it.” Yuuri hugged his legs tighter around himself. “You didn’t do anything hurtful to me, Viktor. You have done nothing but support me.”

“You mean that?” Viktor asked, wiping away his tears with a tissue.

“I do.” Yuuri whispered. “I don’t know where I would be right now, if it hadn’t been for you.” Yuuri hid his face behind his knees, but Viktor saw the small blush creeping up on his cheeks.  

_I love you._

It was on the tip of Viktor’s tongue. He wanted to say it, wanted to blurt it out and smother Yuuri in kisses as he said it over and over. But he had to stop himself. He didn’t want to scare Yuuri away, or make him over think things, causing his anxiety to spike.

_I love you._

It was rattling in Yuuri’s brain. He kept think about those three words ever since the night Viktor saved him. He didn’t know if those feelings were true or if it was his mind telling him a false grandiose truth. He kept those words to himself, no matter how badly he wanted to say them. He was too scared.

They continued to talk about the incident. Yuuri kept to simple and short answers to Viktor’s questions. Yuuri admitted that he hasn’t been able to sleep or eat. He has no interests in anything anymore, not even skating. Viktor could already tell these were true, just by looking at Yuuri. In the last few days Yuuri had lost some weight and he looked exhausted. The three words that haunted Viktor, ‘What’s the point?’, was proof enough that Yuuri had lost interest in the things that he loves. Yuuri admitted, because of that, he felt that Josh stole everything from him, and continues to do so. The touch and feel of Josh still lingers on Yuuri’s body, making him disgusted with himself.

“Next time you start to feel… Yuuri? What’s that on your neck? I didn’t notice before.” Viktor pointed to the one side of Yuuri’s neck. Yuuri was wearing a hoodie sweater, and when he shifted around and moved in his seat the hoodie pulled down a bit to reveal more of his neck.

Yuuri quickly covered up the area with his hand, only for the sweater to expose his wrist. “I-It’s umm… uhh…”

Viktor stalked over to Yuuri and sat on the couch next to him. He gently pulled the sleeve of his sweater up to show more of his arm. He tugged on the arm to lower the hand covering his neck. Both areas were red and raw, with little scabs dotting over the area. Yuuri looked down in shame, afraid of what Viktor would say. “Did you do this, Yuuri?” Yuuri nodded slowly, still avoiding eye contact. “How did you do this?” Viktor asked quietly. He was angry, but not at Yuuri, at Josh, for making him do these things to himself. Viktor pulled up the sleeve of the other arm, seeing the same wound on the other wrist.

“In the shower. I tried to rinse him off me.” Yuuri continued to look away. “I can’t get rid of the feeling, like… like he’s still on me. I-I’m sorry.” Feeling the guilt of his poor behaviour.

Viktor sucked in a breath. He gently lifted both if Yuuri’s hands into his and placed soft kisses on the reddened area. He peppered his kisses all around both of his wrists. Yuuri just looked at him with wide tear-filled eyes. Viktor then shifted and leaned in closer to Yuuri, moving his soft kisses to Yuuri’s neck, where the most damage was. Yuuri closed his eyes and let out a sigh, tilting his head to the side to give Viktor better access. Viktor continued the kisses until every reddened surface was covered.

When Viktor started to pull away, Yuuri pulled on the front of his shirt to bring him closer. He locked their lips together. When they pulled apart, Viktor whispered against his lips. “Please, don’t ever apologize, Yuuri.”

Yuuri nodded and released the man’s shirt. Viktor repositioned himself on the couch, rather than going back to his chair. He turned his body, so his one leg was bent on the couch while the other remained off the couch and his foot planted to the floor. He pulled on Yuuri, so he could lean against him. Yuuri ended up with his head on Viktor’s leg and his legs bent, with his knees in the air.

Viktor tenderly ran his fingers through Yuuri’s hair, they stayed like this for what seemed like forever, until Viktor finally spoke. “I want to talk to you about your privileges.”

“What about them?” Yuuri asked cautiously.

“When will you be utilizing them again? I know you asked to not go when we were at the dance studio, but the circumstances have changed. He won’t be around.”

Yuuri shot up in an instant and twisted his body to look at Viktor. “It’s not just about him. What if someone else tries what he did, or worse!”

“I understand that Yuuri, but you can’t hide yourself from everything and everyone. That’s why we practice our coping skills and continue with therapy.” Viktor tried reasoning with Yuuri.

“Stop saying that! You don’t understand, Viktor! How could you!? You’re perfect in everyway!” Yuuri stood up from the couch, yelling down at Viktor, who remained silent and still. “You could never understand!” Yuuri turned on his heel and darted out of the therapy room.

“Yuuri!!” Viktor called out, uselessly reaching out to him as if it would magically pull him back. Viktor gathered his things, and left the therapy room, knowing exactly where Yuuri was heading, since there weren’t many places he could go.

Viktor didn’t bother with knocking, he took out his key and unlocked Yuuri’s bedroom door. Yuuri laid on his side clutching a pillow around his arms, starring at the wall ahead of him. Viktor sighed, and casually walked in, and planting himself on Yuuri’s bed, by his feet. Yuuri made no attempt to acknowledge Viktor’s presence.

“I do understand, Yuuri, more than you know.” Yuuri didn’t bother looking his way, but Viktor continued anyways. “I told you I had depression after I hurt myself and could no longer dance. I was in and out of mental wards and hospitals. But what I didn’t tell you, is that I battled with depression even before that, along with Acute Stress Disorder. I was in the same situation you were in. So, I do understand what you are going through.”

Yuuri finally redirected his eyes from the wall onto Viktor. He opened his mouth to say something, he wanted to ask, ‘what happened?’ but thought it was too straight forward.

“It was when I first came here to America, a few weeks after I started at the New York City Ballet Company. Another dancer cornered me, and he… took advantage of me. I was new and didn’t want to start any problems. But it happened again, and again, it wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was admitted to a mental health hospital, like this one, and I received the care I needed.”

During the story, Yuuri sat up in front of Viktor, clutching onto the pillow in his lap. “What happened to that the guy?”

“Not sure. All I know, is that he got kicked out of the company once they found out what happened. I don’t know what happened to him afterwards.” Viktor traced invisible patterns on Yuuri’s bed with his finger. He suddenly felt arms around his neck, squeezing him tight. He returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s waist.

Yuuri started sobbing against Viktor’s neck. The smell of the ocean and musk did little to calm him this time. His sobs turned into screams and muttered words. Viktor was unable to pick out everything he was saying except the words ‘I’m scared’ and ‘powerless’. Viktor held onto him closely, not wanting to ever let him go. Viktor muttered soothing words in English and Russian, while stroking his hair and back.

Eventually Yuuri settled and fell asleep in Viktor’s arms, exhausted from the days emotional rollercoaster. Viktor gently laid him down in bed and tucked him in. Placing a kiss on Yuuri’s forehead. “I love you.” He whispered and quietly left the room, leaving Yuuri to finally sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy ;)

Yuuri continued to struggle. He spent most of his days in his room, lost in thought and nightmares. The ever-looming shadow was constantly present, consuming him in darkness. It was not entirely what happened, it was the thoughts of what could have happened that scared him the most. Anyone who entered his room was met with his wrath. Yuuri would yell at anyone to leave him alone, including Otabek and Yuri. No one could touch him, he would scurry away, huddling and trembling in the corner of his room. On several occasions, security and extra staff were called to hold him down to provide him an injection for him to sleep, his blood curdling screams could be heard throughout the unit. The screaming continued when he would wake, his nightmares haunting him with Josh’s words ringing in his head on repeat.

_Next time, he won’t be here to save you._

_Next time, he won’t be here to save you._

_Next time, he won’t be here to save you._

Most evenings were spent with Viktor in his room holding him, providing him with reassurances and false promises that no one will hurt him again. Silent tears would fall from Viktor’s eyes while soothing a crying Yuuri. A sense of helplessness would consume him, along with guilt and pain.

Yuuri refused to leave the unit. After countless times of Viktor encouraging him to leave, even with him, Yuuri still refused. He missed a week of time at the dance studio and rink, afraid that someone would be there waiting for him. Dr. Feltsman changed his medication dosage, and by the end of the week Yuuri was becoming less irritable and almost back to state he was before.

Viktor barged into Yuuri’s room, stomping his way over to Yuuri, who laid motionless on the bed, he tore off the blankets. “Get up.” Viktor commanded. “Enough is enough Yuuri, you have to get out of bed now. You missed your dance studio time last week and you are not missing it again.” Viktor’s voice was stern and demanding, which made Yuuri flinch. He thought maybe a little tough love was what Yuuri needed to get motivated again. Viktor was out of options.

“But... but...”

“No buts.” Viktor sat on his bed, next to Yuuri’s legs. “I don’t want to see you like this anymore, Yuuri.” He sighed. “You’re letting him win.” He said quietly.

Yuuri’s eyes went wide. He never thought about it that way. “I’m scared, Viktor.” He whispered, mainly into his pillow.

“I know you are, I will be with you the whole time. No one will be at the dance studio anyways, it will just be me and you.”

There was a long pause between them. Finally, and reluctantly, Yuuri agreed. He took a quick shower, cause after a few days of not having one, he definitely needed it. After 20 minutes, he was ready to go. He stood by the door to leave, waiting for Viktor.

Viktor jogged over to Yuuri, with his dance bag hanging off his shoulder. They had put Yuuri’s clothes and dance shoes in there already. “I forgot one more thing.” Viktor pulled out a pen from his breast pocket. Yuuri looked at him in question. “Give me your hand.” Viktor gently took Yuuri’s hand in his and drew the little heart on his palm. He then did the same on his own hand. “I will be with you the whole time, I promised you and I meant that. But I still want you to use this, to know that I will always be with you, no matter what. Whether I am with you or not, use this.” Viktor pointed at the heart drawn-on his palm.

Yuuri’s eyes welled up with tears. He nodded his head, causing some of those tears to spill down his cheeks. “I will.” He whispered. 

They arrived at the dance studio. The ride there was in complete silence. The silence continued during their warm up stretches. Yuuri didn’t feel like speaking, he was too focused on his breathing to even think about what to say. It was Viktor that finally broke the quiet. “I’ve always said that this was your time and you can do whatever you want. But today, I want to do something a little different.”

“What do you mean? What are we going to do?” Yuuri asked a little nervously.

“I want to do a little dance therapy, so to speak. You are still dealing with the occurrence that happened in the gym.” Yuuri flinched at the reminder. “Which is perfectly normal. Now it’s time to work through it, through dance.”

“I don’t understand what you mean, Viktor.”

“We are going to dance together.”

“That’s it? Okay.” Yuuri shrugged.

“Let me show you the music first and then maybe you can get an idea.” Viktor pulled out his phone and hooked it up to the speaker system. The music started playing, Yuuri closed his eyes, listening.

“This is very... uhh...”

“That’s the point, Yuuri. I want you to use this as a way to take back control. Take back your sexuality and own it. Show yourself that he, nor anyone else can take that from you. That you do have power.” Viktor stepped in closer to Yuuri, almost touching him.

Yuuri’s eyes widened at the last remark. Remembering he told Viktor that he felt powerless. “I can’t, Viktor. I don’t know how to... express... that.” Yuuri looked sheepishly at his feet.

“You do, Yuuri. You may think you don’t, but you show it to me every time we are together. This is just for us, no one will be watching, and no one will watch it. This is for you, to help you recover and become stronger.” Viktor slithered his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. He pecked a kiss on his nose, and witnessed a blush forming on the man’s cheeks.

“I’ll try... I guess.” Yuuri buried his face into Viktor’s chest. “How will we do this though? Should we talk about choreography for it or something? How will this work?”

“We’ll just wing it. See how it goes. We already did something like it already.” Viktor shrugged. Yuuri blushed at mention of the last dance they did together. They danced in sync with one another, it was like they had practiced it for months and months, when neither knew what the other was doing, but they were as one. They listened to the song one more time, before moving to the middle of the dance floor.

Yuuri was trembling with nerves, his anxiety rising. Viktor leaned down and whispered in Yuuri’s ear. “No need to be nervous, _moya lyubov’_.”

“I can’t help it. I don’t want to mess up.” Yuuri retorted back with a shaky voice.

Viktor brushed Yuuri’s hair off his face. “Nonsense. Remember, this is just a way for you to take back control. It does not need to be perfect. You can do the chicken dance if you wanted.” Yuuri giggled at the last remark. It was a sound Viktor hadn’t heard in a very long time. He missed it. Smiling at Yuuri, he took his hand and guided him to the middle of the floor.

Viktor stood behind Yuuri, feeling his chest pressed against his back. No other parts of their bodies were touching. Viktor pressed play on the remote and the music started. Yuuri took the lead and started dancing around Viktor while he stood still. Yuuri kept in contact with Viktor by the slightest of touches.

_Live to believe, I’m alone._

Yuuri stepped away from Viktor, his back turned to him, and paused. When the voice soothed through the lyrics again, Yuuri started dancing.

_Worth the wait to give you my heart._

Yuuri jumped on Viktor, his legs wrapping around his waist and his arms around his neck and shoulders. He buried his head within the crook of Viktor’s neck. Viktor caught him with his arms around his waist, finally moving out of his position with Yuuri in his arms, spinning him around.

_I turn to wax and melt like this._

Yuuri slid his legs down Viktor’s body, until they touched the ground. Viktor grabbed onto his hands, holding them above his head and Yuuri spun on his toes for a few revolutions. Yuuri stopped and paused facing him. Viktor took the lead during the second verse.

_I found you in pieces you’d been torn apart_

Viktor took his hand on Yuuri’s forehead and pushed him back, cradling his head with his other hand as he bent backwards. He guided Yuuri around the dance floor. He grabbed onto Yuuri by the waist, and hoisted him up, Yuuri placed his hands on his shoulders and his legs and feet went up in the air for a few seconds, while their heads remained close together.

_No matter what in the end, it’d be me and you_.

Viktor set Yuuri down on the ground and spun him, so his back was against his chest. He slid his hands around Yuuri’s front. One arm going across the stomach, the other hand went up on his chest on an angle towards his shoulder, clutching onto his shirt.

The chorus came, and Viktor let go of Yuuri’s shirt and slithered his hands down his body, going along his waist and hips, to his thighs and back up again. Yuuri put his hands on-top of Viktor’s and put his head back so it rested on his shoulder. Yuuri tried to ignore his beating heart, trying to tell himself that it was from the dancing.

_Lavender Haze…_

Viktor crossed his hands and grabbed Yuuri’s wrists and spun him around, so they were facing one another. He held the wrists to Yuuri’s eye level, side by side, a single line meeting along his forearms. Viktor lowered him down, Yuuri got half way to into a side split, when Viktor dragged him back up. They twisted and turned together around the dance floor.

_Caress my knees with your tongue…_

Yuuri progressed into a biellmann spin position. He lifted one leg up into a vertical split, and bent that upwards leg towards his head, he grabbed onto his foot, rather than the skate he would normally grab at. He tilted his head back, arching his back, meeting his forehead to Viktor’s mouth who was standing beside him. Yuuri let go of his foot and tangled his fingers in his hair. Viktor wrapped one arm around Yuuri chest to support him, his other arm cradled his leg in the crook of his arm and chest, while his hand slowly glided down the upward legs thigh down to his ass to the other leg. Yuuri’s breathing hitched and told himself once again it was because of the dancing. Even though he knew it wasn’t true.

Yuuri lowered the upwards leg so it was parallel to the floor. Viktor moved his hand to the inner thigh of upwards leg. With the arm still around his chest he hoisted Yuuri up to his shoulder where he rotated to go onto his stomach on Viktor’s shoulder. He slid down going back, Viktor bent his back backwards to move with Yuuri, until his feet touched the floor.

_We kiss the dusk goodnight… Goodnight._

Yuuri stepped and turned away from Viktor. He caught Yuuri’s hand in his, he leaned forward planting his feet to the floor. The chorus started again and Yuuri kicked his one leg out and spun all the way around, with his leg up and bent. Viktor grabbed onto that leg and his waist and hoisted him on Yuuri’s back on his shoulder. Yuuri kicked up the other leg into the air straightening it out towards the ceiling. He curved his back until he was almost in line with Viktor’s back, he spread out his arms above his head. Viktor gently placed him back on the ground, keeping his one arm around his waist. His other hand went around Yuuri’s front to the opposite side of his face and turned his head towards him. Yuuri slithered to the floor, gracefully crawling away from Viktor.

_Lavender Haze…_

Yuuri kicked one leg up in a semi-circle to the other side of his body, and his other leg following suit. Viktor completed a few revolutions of a pirouette. When he stopped, Viktor darted to Yuuri and death dropped onto him. Stopping himself with his hands, so he was in a push up position. Yuuri bowed his back and wrapped his arms and one leg around Viktor’s back, rolling them over twice. Viktor slid his hand along Yuuri’s side, burying his face into his chest. Yuuri stretched his arms above his head, arching his back further, pressing his hips into Viktor.

The music ended and neither them moved. Both panting and their hearts racing from the exertion or something more, neither was sure which. Yuuri was the first to move. He tangled his fingers in Viktor’s hair and pulled him up and met their lips together in a deep kiss, immediately opening his mouth to him. Viktor moved a hand from Yuuri’s waist, to go underneath his back and grip onto his shoulder.

Everything went fast and slow. Yuuri pushed his leg on Viktor’s back deeper, which ground his hips into his. Soft moans escaped their mouths, their hands were desperate for one another, feeling each other but unable to feel everything all at once. Viktor was the first to pull away from the kiss. “Yuuri... I...” He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. He wanted this more than anything but did not want to hurt him in the process or push him further into his dark depths. “When I meant to take back your sexuality I meant as in a therapeutic dance.” Viktor tried to joke and make light of it, testing the waters.

Yuuri smirked devilishly, something Viktor as never seen before on Yuuri, and wanted to see more of. He took that leg that was around Viktor’s back, and hooked it around one for Viktor’s legs, flipping them both over so, Yuuri was now on top. Yuuri giggled at the sight of Viktor’s face, his eyes were wide, and his mouth was open in a ‘O’. Yuuri resituated himself so he straddled Viktor’s thighs. With his hands on his chest, he lowered himself meeting his lips to Viktor’s.

After taking a moment to recover, Viktor’s hands slid up Yuuri’s thighs to his hips and settling on his waist. He still felt out of place and was unsure what to do with Yuuri. It was usually the other way around where he took control, now he didn’t know how far he could take it without hurting him.

Yuuri shifted further up Viktor’s legs, until his hardened length met Viktor’s. He curved his back and started grinding himself against Viktor, eliciting a moan from deep within his throat. Yuuri pulled away from Viktor’s lips, moving down to his neck. Licking, kissing, and biting down to his collarbone. Viktor groaned above him, Yuuri could feel the vibrations against his hands.

Yuuri nuzzled into the space under Viktor’s ear. “I want you.” He whispered into his ear.

Viktor shuddered, feeling his breath tickle his ear. “You have me, Yuuri.” His hands went up Yuuri’s back and settled back down on his hips.

Yuuri shook his head. “I mean... I... I want more.” He buried his head into the crook of Viktor’s neck. He could tell Yuuri was blushing, by feeling the heat of his cheeks against his skin. Yuuri hoped Viktor caught his meaning, he was too embarrassed to say it out loud.

After a second, Viktor’s eyebrows shot up. “A-Are you sure?” He gulped what was left in his dry mouth. “I want you to be 100% sure, Yuuri.”

Yuuri sat up, keeping his hands on Viktor’s chest. He nodded, sheepishly, trying to avoid eye contact with Viktor.

“W-We can do that.” Viktor suddenly felt nervous, gulping his suddenly dry mouth. He didn’t understand why, it wasn’t like he was new to this. But something felt different with Yuuri, compared to all the other’s he’s been with.

“Here. Now.” Was all Yuuri could manage to say. Viktor was surprised for the second time by Yuuri in the last few minutes. “Please.” Yuuri whispered out.

Without saying anything more, Viktor lifted himself up and connected their mouths together. He pulled away. “Are you sure, Yuuri?” He whispered against his lips.

“Yes.” Yuuri whispered back and pressed their lips back together. “I... I don’t...”

Viktor smiled knowing what exactly what Yuuri was trying to say. “I know, it’s okay. I’ll guide you.” Viktor propped himself on one hand set behind him. The other caressed the side of Yuuri’s face. He tangled his fingers in Yuuri’s hair and pulled him closer to press their mouths together. They focused on kissing, working and building each other up again. Yuuri could feel their lengths getting hard again after the moment of talking and both going soft. Viktor sat straight up, making Yuuri wrap his legs around him, he moved both his hands to Yuuri’s ass, pulling him into his hardened length.

Yuuri grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it away. Wanting to feel more skin, he did the same with Viktor’s shirt, ripping it off above his head and discarding it somewhere on the floor behind him. Viktor’s words echoed in his head.

_Take back control._

Yuuri’s hands roamed over Viktor’s back, sides, chest, and stomach. He could feel the muscles twitch and bunch with each caress, feeling the heat rising off his body. He parted their lips and with his hands on Viktor’s shoulders he pushed him back down to the floor. Shifting his legs to straddle him once again, Yuuri licked and kissed Viktor’s neck, down to his chest. Remembering what Viktor had done to him, he took one of his pink nubs into his mouth, flicking it with his tongue and biting it gently. Viktor hissed in a breath and released a moan. Yuuri moved onto the next pink nub and doing the same thing. He trailed more kisses down to his stomach.

Viktor couldn’t take it anymore, the want was building, overflowing out of him. He manoeuvred his body and flipped them over so Yuuri was flat on his back. Viktor propped himself on one of his forearms, while the other roamed and slithered along Yuuri’s side. He resumed their kiss from earlier, while grinding his hips into Yuuri, eliciting a loud moan from him. “Wait here a second.” Viktor sprang up and jogged over to his bag.

Yuuri looked at him curiously from the floor, propped up on his elbows. Viktor returned, with something small in his hand, and losing his pants in the process. He lowered himself to the floor crawling over Yuuri, grabbing his waist band and slowly sliding them down his hips and legs. Yuuri’s breathing hitched and his heart started beating so loud in his chest, he was sure Viktor could hear it. His body started shaking slightly. “Are you okay? Do you want to continue?” Viktor asked, noticing the changes in Yuuri.

“Y-Yes. I-I’m okay.” Yuuri replied with a shaky voice.

“Okay. If it’s too much at any point, tell me and we can stop.” Viktor planted small kisses down his legs.

Yuuri nodded and let himself be consumed by the feeling of Viktor’s lips against his skin. Viktor grabbed onto Yuuri’s hard length, stroking it slowly. After a few pulls, he lifted his legs, so they rested on his shoulders, and grabbed the half-empty small bottle that he got from his bag. “Where d-did you get that?”

“I had it in my bag already.” Viktor’s face turned red.

“Why?” Yuuri asked.

“Just in case I ever need it.” Viktor said sheepishly. Yuuri shook his head in sarcastic dismay. He squeezed the tube and spread the clear liquid all over his fingers. “I’m going to... prepare you. Have you ever done that before?” Viktor felt a bit awkward explaining what he was going to do. It was never a necessity, with the anyone else.

“Just once. I was... curious.” Yuuri covered his eyes with an arm across his face, but Viktor could still see the blush spreading across his cheeks.

“Just relax the best you can.” Viktor hovered his fingers over Yuuri’s hole, testing how he was going to react. Yuuri nodded, as if giving him the go ahead. Slowly, Viktor entered a finger. Yuuri arched is back and screamed a moan. Viktor’s finger slowly pushed its way in, until it was completely enveloped. Pulling it back out drew out another moan from Yuuri. Viktor continued, until he was able to add a second finger.

With the second finger added, Viktor grabbed onto Yuuri’s leaking member and guided it into his mouth. Yuuri’s hips jolted forward, shoving it further down his throat. With the distraction and the added pleasure, Viktor was able to add a third finger, stretching Yuuri, and adding faster movements. He took out Yuuri’s member from his mouth and changed the angle of his hand and pressed in, finding the bundle of nerves. Yuuri screamed out, throwing his head back and digging his heels into Viktor’s back. After a few passes, he pulled his fingers out and stood up onto his knees. He absolutely loved the site before him, Yuuri was flushed with a light sheen of sweat glistening across his skin and panting heavily. A wicked grin spread across his face. He lowered, holding himself down, his hands on either side of Yuuri, pressing a deep kiss on to his lips.

With that diversion, Viktor used one hand to guide Yuuri’s legs to go high around his waist. Viktor’s member pressed against his entrance. “I’m going to push in. Are you okay?”

Yuuri nodded. “Please.” He whispered against his lips. That one word was all Viktor needed to hear. His eyes went dark and filled with lust.

He lined himself up and slowly pushed his hard-leaking length into Yuuri. He had to control his breathing and his movements, Yuuri was tight and squeezing around his cock. Yuuri screamed out his name, arching his back and bracing his arms around Viktor’s neck. Feeling the length filling him was an odd but incredible feeling. Viktor was sheathed into Yuuri, they took a moment to breathe and feel each other. He leaned down and kissed him, a slow, deep, and passionate kiss. Viktor tried to put all his feelings that he felt for Yuuri into that kiss.

Pulling out slowly, Yuuri pulled away and groaned. “Are you okay?” Viktor asked again.

Yuuri nodded again. “More.” He pleaded. Viktor started at a slow pace, not wanting to hurt him. His heels dug into Viktor’s back with each thrust in. “More.” Yuuri pleaded again.

Viktor quickened his pace. Yuuri raised his arms above his head, the room filling with moans and pants from them both. Viktor buried his face into the crook of Yuuri’s neck planting kisses and licking along his collarbone. His one arm slid down his side to grope the side of Yuuri’s ass. Viktor changed his angle until his member bumped into the sweet spot within him, making him scream out. Passing over it again and again.

“Ah! Vi-Viktor!” Yuuri panted out. Viktor pounded into him faster and deeper. “I’m getting... ah!... close...” After a few more thrusts, Yuuri came, shooting all over his stomach and chest. Viktor continued to plunge into Yuuri, and with a few pushes with the feeling of Yuuri throbbing around him, he shouted his pleasure into his chest as he shot inside him. Their foreheads connected as they both panted, while Viktor remained sheathed.

Viktor pressed his lips to Yuuri’s. He separated their lips. “I love you.” He whispered, brushing their lips together. Yuuri sucked in a breath, shocked to hear the words he has been thinking about for some time.

“I love you too.” Yuuri whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave any comments or questions, I love hearing from you!! 
> 
> <3


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fun :)

Viktor and Yuuri were in the hospital van heading to the dance studio. It has been a week since their last time there, where Yuuri and Viktor danced. Yuuri was doing better. He was back to himself, minus waking up in the middle of the night screaming. The nightmares still came but were thankfully lessening. Viktor had increased their amount of talk-therapy sessions for the week to help Yuuri through, and the medications Dr. Feltsman prescribe seemed like they were working.

When they arrived, Yuuri glanced towards the spot on the floor where they were first together. Heat filled his body and rose up to his cheeks, making them red.

Viktor noticed where Yuuri was looking. “Are you blushing, my Yuuri?” Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s waist from behind and placed small kisses along his neck. With that action, it only made Yuuri blush even harder, hiding his face in his hands. Viktor let go of him laughing.

However, Viktor was thinking the same thing Yuuri was. Reminiscing that day, that moment. Viktor has had his fair share of partners in the past, but none like Yuuri. It was different, he didn’t know how to describe it, other than different. He craved him now, wanting to touch him, hold him, kiss him, anything. He held back in the past week, not wanting to get caught by anyone and especially not making the same mistake he made the night of the incident. Viktor wonders if what they did last week, could have been a mistake, but Yuuri hasn’t shown any indication otherwise, so he kept those thoughts to himself.

They went through their warm up exercises, both getting very distracted. The other catching the other watching and blushing. The blushing was usually done by Yuuri. “Okay.” Viktor clapped his hands together. “Shall we work on your free skate? Celestino said last week that you have a little over a month to get ready for competition. I know its not a lot of time and you don’t get a lot of time to practice, but we can do this.”

“Sure, that sounds like a good idea. I-I actually started thinking about some ideas.” Yuuri looked sheepishly at the floor.

“You have! Oh, this is exciting! We can put our ideas together and create the most amazing routine for you!! I’m so excited!” Viktor started pirouetting and hopping around Yuuri in anticipation. What he was more excited about, but would not say it out loud to Yuuri, was that he was now starting to get his motivation back. Those three haunting words, ‘What’s the point?’, were not even mentioned again.

“Okay, okay, settle down, Viktor. You’re going to run out of energy before we even start.”

“Never!” Viktor picked up Yuuri from underneath his butt, his arms wrapped around his thighs and swung him around. Yuuri giggled and pretended to hit Viktor on the shoulders. When he put him back on the ground, he planted a big wet kiss on Yuuri’s cheek. “Love you.”

Yuuri blushed. “Love you too. Now get the song set up.” Yuuri was surprised how easy those words came out now. It was as easy as saying ‘hello’ to someone. Those words just seemed right.

Viktor plugged in his phone and soon his free program resonated through the speakers, slightly dampening the light-hearted mood they were both in, but they needed to get down to business. They listened to the song once and decided that Viktor would dance to it showing his ideas to Yuuri and then Yuuri would do the same.

Viktor placed himself in the middle of the floor getting into position. It dawned on Yuuri, that he hasn’t seen Viktor dance. He danced with him, and saw him do a few Ballet moves, but not dance solo, not where he could sit and watch him. Excitement bubbled up in Yuuri.

**_(Coldrain – The Story [Acoustic])_ **

Viktor started dancing, twisting, turning, jumping, and spinning across the dance floor. Yuuri couldn’t take his eyes off him. His extensions, his leaps, his lines, everything about Viktor’s dancing was flawless and it captivated Yuuri.

_No wonder he was the principal dancer. He’s absolutely… incredible. I-I..._

The music finished along with Viktor’s dancing. A stab of sadness filled Yuuri at that thought, he could sit and watch him all day. Beads of sweat dripped from Viktor’s forehead, splashing onto the floor as he made his way over to Yuuri.

“What do you think?” Viktor asked panting from exertion.

“Perfect.” Yuuri said still in awe of Viktor. “Your dancing is... is... amazing! I... I...”

Viktor blushed at Yuuri’s reaction. It was rare to see Viktor blush, so he savoured it. “Thank you, Yuuri.” Viktor said taking a bow. “But what did you think of the choreography? Anything you liked or want to use?”

“Oh... right. I loved it all. Some of it I may have to change and adapt to the ice. But it was a beautiful piece.”

Viktor blushed again. “Thanks. I’m not too sure how to choreograph for figure skating, so I kind of stuck to what I know.”

Yuuri shook his head. “No, no. Don’t worry about that. Sometimes I do the same thing. I create a dance and then interpret it to the ice.”

Viktor smiled his big bold smile. “Well, now let’s see what you got.” Viktor said as he wiped his face with a towel.

“Are you nuts! I’m not showing you anything. Yours was perfect, I can’t compete with you!” Yuuri waved his arms back and forth wildly.

Viktor tilted his head to the side. “Do you honestly not see how good you are? Yuuri, your dancing and skating is incredible. I love watching you perform. I see you dance and you create music with your body.” Viktor ran his hands down Yuuri’s sides, eliciting a shiver from him. “I get completely enthralled in your performance. I know I can’t be the only one.”

“I’m not as good as you are.” Yuuri said quietly into Viktor’s chest.

Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s waist. “Don’t compare me to you. I’m not a professional... anymore and this isn’t a competition. Your talented enough to win gold, Yuuri. How don’t you see that?” Viktor stroked the side of his cheek with the back of his knuckles, sliding down until he turned his hand and cupped the side and back of Yuuri’s neck. He leaned down and placed a gentle chaste kiss to his lips. Viktor pulled away and could see tears welling up in Yuuri’s eyes. “Now, can you please show me what you’ve come up with. I want to watch you dance.”

Yuuri rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He scoffed. Yuuri brushed past Viktor to go to the middle of the floor. As he walked by, Viktor gave him a smack on the ass. Yuuri jumped and gave a little yelp. He turned to see Viktor grinning and then wink at him. Yuuri shook his head in dismay, as he rubbed his smacked ass cheek.

Viktor started the music, and Yuuri started to dance. Viktor sat on the floor with his back against the wall with his knees drawn up. He rested his chin on his knees and his eyes followed Yuuri across the dance floor. His face softened and was in a dreamlike state.

_How can he not see how amazing he is? I know he’s insecure, but if he could only see what I see._

Yuuri finished and posed at the end. Viktor leaped up from his seat and bounded his way over to Yuuri, clapping wildly. “That was fantastic, Yuuri!” He gathered him into a tight embrace. Yuuri looked embarrassed and blushed. “I think you should do your routine that you created, its more… you.” Viktor set a small kiss on the tip of Yuuri’s nose.

“No, I think I want to mush them together. Take elements from mine and yours to create one.”

“That’s a great idea! May I ask why? Especially when yours is so much better.”

“The song is about overcoming your inner battles and not letting them control you. I could not and cannot do that without you Viktor. You’re part of _my story_.” Yuuri’s brown eyes met with the calming sea blue of Viktor’s. The blue eyes welled up with tears and he squeezed Yuuri tighter in his arms, burying his face in the crook of Yuuri’s neck. Yuuri could feel wetness form on his shoulder.

“A-Are you crying, Viktor?” Yuuri asked, gently stroking the man’s hair.

“No. I just have something in my eye.” Viktor muffled back.

Yuuri giggled. “Alright, Viktor. Whatever you say.” Yuuri kissed the side of his head in his hair.

For the next couple hours, they worked together on the routine until it was finished. Both choosing different elements they liked the best from both their routines and putting them in the song. When they were finished, they had enough time to practice a few run throughs. They danced side by side executing the routine they created together. During the time spent at the dance studio, Viktor noted the smiles and laughs Yuuri expressed, more than he’s ever seen. His heart swelled at the sight of Yuuri returning and coming out stronger than before.

They finished up, both dripping with sweat. “Viktor?”

“Yes, Yuuri?” Viktor replied, taking a drink of water.

“C-Can I t-take a shower here?” Yuuri twisted his towel in his hands, wringing it and then smoothing it out. “The shower at the hospital is terrible, there’s barely any hot water and the water pressure sucks...” Yuuri rambled on.

“Yuuri… Yuuri… Yuuri!” Viktor tried interrupting him. Yuuri stopped talking, realizing he was rambling. “Its alright, Yuuri. Of course, you can shower here. You don’t have to be scared to ask me.” Viktor rubbed his hands up and down Yuuri’s arms, in an effort to calm him.

“Sorry.” Yuuri looked down in shame.

“Don’t be.” Viktor lifted his chin with his forefinger and thumb, placing a kiss on his nose, eliciting a smile from Yuuri.

Yuuri turned to gather his stuff from his bag, he already packed some shampoo and body wash. The change room was like any typical change room at a gym or studio. Lockers were lined up against the one wall with benches in front of them. To the right was the private change rooms and beyond that were the communal showers, with each stall separated by a half wall. He hung his towel on the hook at the end of the half wall and stepped into the shower.

_Perfect._

Yuuri sighed and enjoyed the hot water and high pressure loosening his muscles. He grabbed his body wash from it’s place on the half wall. He started lathering his arms and chest, when he felt arms go around his waist, startling him. “Need help?” Viktor whispered into his ear as he pressed his body against Yuuri’s back. Yuuri could feel that Viktor was half ready pressed to his backside. Viktor had watched him undress and step into the shower, his face showing pure bliss. The sight made Viktor, want him and think of all the things he wanted to do to him.

Viktor ran his hands along his stomach and chest, spreading the soap around. Yuuri put his head back to rest on Viktor’s shoulders, releasing a moan. His hands left marks of heat across Yuuri’s body. Viktor’s hands moved to his back, he pressed and massaged his fingers into the tight knots on his shoulders and neck. Yuuri bent his head down to allow him better access, moaning out Viktor’s name. After Viktor loosened the knots, he kissed up and down the back of his neck going along to the side, his hands slid down to his hips, pulling him back to him.

Yuuri could feel himself getting hard and could feel Viktor getting harder pressed against him. Viktor slipped his hands to the front of Yuuri, grabbing onto his half-hardened member and rubbing it slowly, feeling it get firmer with each pass. Soft moans escaped Yuuri’s lips. Feeling bold, he pushed his ass into Viktor’s front, touching his hardened length slide along his cheeks. Viktor groaned, the sensation Yuuri grind against him, left a tingling heat. Yuuri, reached his arm to wrap around the back of Viktor’s head, feeling his hot breath along his neck.

More, Viktor needed more. Craved more. He took his other hand and he stepped back. With Yuuri’s, back arched and his ass towards him, Viktor easily slid a finger in his entrance, while he continued to rub his hard length. The soap added to the lubricant needed to easily slip inside. Yuuri moaned loudly with the feeling of Viktor’s finger sliding in and out.

“More… ah… more…” Yuuri moaned out. Viktor added a second finger, stretching and scissoring, until he was able to add a third. He turned Yuuri around to face him, satisfied that he was stretched enough, he turned him around and placed his hands under Yuuri’s ass and picked him up. His legs instinctively went around Viktor’s waist. He suddenly felt the cold tile on his back making him hiss in a breath. Viktor guided with his hands on the back of Yuuri’s thighs, pulling them up to go higher on his waist. With Yuuri in a better position, he steered his cock to Yuuri’s hole and pushed in slowly. Feeling him stretch to accommodate him tightly. Yuuri moaned out, scratching his nails along Viktor’s back, as he was getting filled by him.

Viktor gripped and groped Yuuri’s ass as he moved in and out of him in a slow and steady rhythm. “Faster… ah… Viktor… Faster." Yuuri panted out. Viktor did as he was told. Thrusting into him deeper and faster. He altered his hips, and Yuuri cried out, throwing his head back to the wall behind him. More nail marks reddened Viktor’s back in deep ribbons. Viktor groaned out from the pleasure and pain he felt. Burying his head into Viktor’s neck he muffled out "close” before he screamed his pleasure biting down onto Viktor’s neck, making him thrust harder into Yuuri, the he shot between their chests and stomachs. Viktor could feel Yuuri throbbing and squeezing him, and after a few more thrusts he released into Yuuri, screaming out his pleasure and pain.

Viktor slowly slid out of Yuuri, he supported them with one arm on wall behind Yuuri, as they both panted. Yuuri reached up and met his lips with Viktor’s. The kiss started slow and lazy, growing deeper, tongues twisting and dancing together becoming heated. Viktor lowered him to the ground their lips never separating. Until Viktor pulled back. “We better stop, or I’ll want to go again.” He smiled wickedly against his lips. “We better clean up and get going back to the hospital.” Yuuri nodded, feeling his knees still weak.

Viktor stroked water off his face and resumed their kiss. They finished cleaning up and got dressed. Yuuri sighed when leaving the dance studio. “What’s wrong?” Viktor asking, squeezing Yuuri’s hand that was in his as they walked to the van.

“I just don’t want to go back, that’s all. I’m ready to leave that place.”

“I know you are Yuuri, you will soon.”

“I can see this being part of our lives, together.” Yuuri’s cheeks tinted with pink as he looked away from Viktor, realizing he muttered what he was thinking out loud.

Viktor stopped walking and swung Yuuri to face him, snaking his other arm around his waist. “I can see that too. I want that, for us.”

“Viktor?” Yuuri whispered.

“Yes, my Yuuri.”

“What will happen?” Viktor quirked his head to the side in question. “I mean… with us. Will we still be… What will it be like when…” Yuuri struggled to ask the question, afraid to hear the answer he didn’t want to hear.

“I’m not sure what it will look like.” Yuuri’s face fell in disappointment. “I cannot predict the future anymore than you can.” Viktor smiled softly and stroked his cheek. “What I do know is that I want to be with you. I have never been so sure about anything in my life. No matter what our lives look like, I will make it work with you. I love you, Yuuri Katsuki.” He leaned down and kissed his lips, cupping his neck and back of his head with both hands.

Yuuri’s eyes threatened to spill tears. “I love you too, Viktor.” He whispered back.

*          *          *

Yuuri laid on his bed perusing his music playlists. He was bored and there was not much else to do. He already spent time on the computer updating his family, and there were only so many readings from school he could do before his brain explodes. He turned on the song _Withdraw_ and thought back to when he danced with Viktor to this song. Yuuri was getting lost in the music when a loud bang startled him. He jumped out of bed and fell to the floor. He peeked from the side of the bed and saw Yuri marching his way over. Yuuri pulled out his headphones from his ears and sat back on the bed. The other Yuri plopped himself on the bed next to him.

“Hi…” Yuuri cautiously said, drawing out the word. It dawned on him that he must have left the door open.

“So, when were you going to tell me that you and Viktor finally did it?” Yuri leaned back on the bed, both arms behind his head. One knee was bent up with the other leg crossing it and his foot dangling.

“Wha??!?! What do you mean?? Nothing happened!!” Yuuri frantically waved his arms around, his voice went to a higher pitch. Yuri stared at him and quirked his eyebrow. Yuuri sighed, he knew there was no fooling him. “How did you know?”

“I’ve notice a change in you, subtle but there. So, I figured they changed your meds or you got some good dick. I guess I was right though, you did get the dick.”

“Yuri!” Yuuri yelled out. He hid his reddened face in his hands. “My meds did change though.” He said muffled and quiet behind his hands.

“Yeah, but this is, _I got laid and I’m happy about it_ , kind of difference.”

“Aaaahhh… stop!” Yuuri’s face turned a deeper shade of red.

Yuri laid there laughing at him. “Stop being so embarrassed. It’s not a big deal. Was he any good? Just by looking at him, I would say Viktor is be very good in the sack. I wouldn’t mind having a go with him.”

“Yuuuuuurrriiii!!!” Yuri continued to laugh at the expense of Yuuri’s torment.

“No, but seriously though. How was it?” Yuri sat up, he crossed his legs and rested his elbows on his knees with his head resting on his hands.

Yuuri sighed and slowly uncovered his face. “You’re not going to leave me alone about this are you?”

“Nope. So, get talking.”

“It was amazing, I guess. I don’t have anything to compare him to, remember? I was nervous and scared, but I trust him, and he made me feel…good… and safe.” Yuuri’s eyes got distant when thinking back to that moment.

“Was his dick huge?”

“Yuri!!” Yuuri covered his face again in embarassment, while Yuri laughed at him. “He told me he loves me though.” Yuuri pulled his hands down to speak.

Yuri stopped laughing. “He what?!”

A knock came at the door followed by it opening. Otabek appeared in the door way. “What’s going on in here?” Otabek strolled into the room, after closing the door behind him, and stood by the end of the bed.

“Yuuri and Viktor finally did it, and Viktor told him he loves him.” Yuri pointed his thumb at Yuuri’s direction, who was now hiding his face in his pillow and screaming.

“He said what… wow… This is serious for him then.” Otabek mumbled the last part, mainly to himself. “Are you okay with everything Yuuri?” Otabek questioned knowing how Yuuri can get when overthinking.

“I am, actually. I feel like its right. I said it back to him and it felt good and normal.” Yuuri hugged his pillow tight to his chest.

“My little Yuuri is all grown up!” Yuri exclaimed, throwing his arms around him. Otabek crossed his arms around his chest and chuckled.

“What are you talking about? I’m older than you.”

“Yeah, but now, you’ve finally done the dirty.” Yuri said with a wink.

“Twice.” Yuuri tried his best looking smug but failed.

“Oh, my goodness! You sex fiend!” Yuri overdramatically grabbed his chest with one hand and put the other on his forehead pretending to faint. Both Yuri’s laughed and giggled, Otabek continued to chuckle. He was proud of his Yuri with his recovery and ability to make a friend in Yuuri, especially now seeing his grandfather on a weekly basis, he’s been much happier. He was astonished with Yuuri’s recovery as well and how much he’s grown since he first came to the hospital. Yuri interrupted his thoughts. “Otabek and I just did it 10 minutes ago.”

“Yuri!!!” Otabek yelled, it was his turn to be embarrassed with his face turning pink. Yuuri laughed even harder.

Yuri tisked with his tongue. “You guys are such prudes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave any comments or questions you might have, I want to hear from you. Thank you for reading!
> 
> <3


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! We are coming up to the end of the story. I'm not too sure how many chapters yet, cause I'm still writing them, but it should be soon! Thank you so much!
> 
> <3

Yuuri laced up his skates, eager to get onto the ice. He dashed out onto the ice as soon as they were done and immediately went into his warm up exercises. While in the middle of his warm up, he saw something move in the corner of his eye. Viktor was attempting to get on the ice but looking like a baby animal walking for the first time instead. “Viktor! What are you doing? You’re going to… fall.” As Yuuri said the words Viktor fell flat on his butt. Yuuri raced over to him, to help him up.

“Ow.” Viktor stated while rubbing his ass.

Yuuri giggled. “We already established that you can’t skate well.” Yuuri held onto him so he wouldn’t fall again.

“I know, but I wanted to be on the ice with you and help you with the choreography for your free program.”

“Thank you, Viktor.” Yuuri stroked the back of his knuckles against his cheek, Viktor’s eyes fluttered at the feeling. It felt odd but nice, this action was something he normally did to Yuuri. “How about you skate along the wall to get used to it, while I continue with my warm up. I’ll stick close by to you, in case you fall.”

“Mhmm, okay, Yuuri.” Yuuri guided him to the wall so he can hang on. He planted a quick kiss on Viktor’s cheek and took off. Staying true to his word he warmed up close to Viktor, eyeing him from time to time to make sure he was okay. He smiled to himself when he saw Viktor getting the hang of it.

Once completed, Yuuri skated to Viktor, stopping just in front of him. He grabbed onto his hands and guided him around the rink, while slowly turning and rotating in place. Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s waist. “You should start practicing your free program before your coach gets here.” He whispered in Yuuri’s ear, which made him shudder.

Yuuri sighed and leaned his forehead on his shoulder. “I know, I know.” Yuuri stood straight up to his full height. “Alright. Let’s do this.” He guided Viktor back to the half wall near his phone and speakers, then got into position. “I’ve already thought of how we are going to interpret it onto the ice, tell me what you think.” Yuuri called out from the middle of the rink.

“Okay! Ready?”

“Hai!” Viktor hit play on his phone.

_He’s so different today. He seems so… confident… sure of himself… He’s making decisions without a second thought, he’s even telling **me** what to do. _

Viktor smiled at his thought. He was finally able to break through Yuuri. His skating was even better, something more relaxed about it. Watching him skate and hearing the surety in his voice made Viktor fall in love with Yuuri all over again.

Yuuri completed a quad salchow with grace and fluidity that he has never managed before. He landed it with such ease, whereas before he would fall flat on his face.

_Something’s different. I landed that salchow perfectly, I’ve never been able to do that._

Yuuri finished his program and two sets of hands were clapping. He turned his gaze to Viktor who was clapping wildly and attempting to skate towards him, and just behind him was Celestino, poised as usual, but with a huge smile on his face, clapping.

Viktor caught up to Yuuri and tripped over the toe pick. Yuuri caught him before he crashed to the ice, with his hands grabbing the sides of Viktor’s waist. Viktor flung his arms around Yuuri’s neck. “That was… incredible… amazing… wow! I don’t have any words.” Viktor exclaimed loudly, his arms flying around in excitement.

Yuuri giggled and laughed. “Thank you, Viktor.” He said sheepishly. “Was this version okay? I had to change some of our elements in order to complete it on the ice, but I don’t want you to think I didn’t like it…”

“Yuuri!” Viktor cut off his rambling. “It was perfect, but I am no coach, so let’s go talk to yours and see what he says. He was able to watch the whole thing.”

“Okay.” Yuuri went to grab Viktor’s hand, but he pulled away. Viktor gave him a subtle signal with his eyes, reminding him that his coach was there, and they were no longer alone. Yuuri nodded, and skated close to Viktor, in case he tripped again, well, that’s what he told himself.

“Hi, Ciao Ciao!” Yuuri bowed slightly to his coach.

“Ciao, Yuuri, Viktor.” He nodded once at each of them. Viktor nodded once in return. “What was that performance you did on the ice just now?”

Yuuri suddenly got nervous. His hands were wringing together in front of him and he looked towards the floor. “That was… It’s what I… _we_ created for my free program.” Yuuri was able to stumble out, quietly.

“That was some of your best skating I’ve ever seen you do.” Yuuri looked from the ice to Celestino, with a sparkle of tears in his eyes. “If that was your free program, your bound to win gold if you keep that up.”

“Thank you, Celestino!” Viktor felt a huge sense of pride for Yuuri. He was so proud on how far Yuuri has came and battled through, and to see the happiness radiating off him was better than anything.

“What did you mean by we?” Celestino suddenly asked with a hand to his chin.

“V-Viktor h-helped with the choreography.” Yuuri sounded like a child getting scolded.

“You did?” Celestino looked stunned and turned his gaze to the therapist in question.

“Yes, sir. I used to be a ballet dancer until I got injured. Yuuri asked me to help with some of the choreography, so I did.” Viktor shrugged with one shoulder.

“Well then, you definitely have some talent. It’s a shame you can’t skate.”

Viktor chuckled. “Thank you, but it was all Yuuri. He was the one that put most of it together. I just gave him a few ideas, that’s all.”

“Well, what are you waiting for, Yuuri? Let’s see it again and see if any changes need to be made.” Celestino waved him towards the ice.

“Yes, sir!” Yuuri gave a fake salute and turned towards the middle of the rink. Viktor got off the ice and slipped on the blade guards, he took a post leaning against the half wall next to Celestino.  

“I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for Yuuri. He’s back to his old self. I know there’s plenty of challenges ahead for him and the way he is right now is not permanent, but… thank you.” Celestino confessed while looking out onto the ice at his pupil.

“You’re welcome. He is… extraordinary.”

“Mhmm. Do you know when he will be able to be discharged? I’m worried about his practice time. He doesn’t have much time left until competition starts, and he is already behind. I’m grateful you have allotted this time for him, but it’s not enough. I fear he won’t qualify.” Celestino expressed.

“I understand. I cannot give you a date, but I believe it should be soon. As you said he is doing well, so there is no need for him to remain in hospital. I have a meeting regarding Yuuri coming up in the next few days, I will bring this concern forward.”

“Thank you, Viktor.” Celestino met Viktor’s gaze, and then turned back to his student. “That was great, Yuuri. Come back here and we can discuss some things.”

“Haaaaaiiiii!”

The rest of the rink time was dedicated to Yuuri’s free skate. Viktor would slowly make his way across the ice and assist Yuuri in perfecting the choreography, through his lines and body posture. He would show him as best he could how some elements are executed. Celestino rearranged some of the program to fit components better suited to compliment Yuuri’s skating and stamina, and to get the most points. By the end of the practice, Yuuri felt more confident in his program and in himself. He realized he wasn’t alone in his fight for gold as he always felt he was, and that he doesn’t have to be. There will always be someone there to help and fight along side him. He had his coach to help along the way and to guide him, but it wasn’t enough, something or someone was missing. He locked his eyes with Viktor’s across the rink, and knew he was that someone.

*          *          *

Yuuri walked onto the unit, returning from his skating practice when he heard his name being shouted. He only had a second to see Yuri running and jumping. He landed on Yuuri, and then both fell to the ground in a tangled heap. Yuri laughed while untangling himself from Yuuri. He stood up and reached out a hand to help the older man up. “What was that for?” Yuuri asked, rubbing the soreness out of the back of his back.

“I got my privileges back today!” Yuri screamed out excitedly, throwing his arms up into the air.

“Congratulations! I know you’ve been working hard to get them back. You did it!” Both Yuri’s started walking through the day area towards the bedroom corridor.

“Thanks.” Yuri smiled a genuine smile towards Yuuri. He was proud of the younger Yuri, he’s changed since the first time they met, he’s a little less angry all the time and livelier. He figured it was due to seeing his grandfather and actually participating in his therapy and group therapy sessions. “How was skating today?” A question Yuri would have never asked before.

“It was great. I finalized my free skate. Just have to work at it and perfect it.” Yuuri put down his bag of clothing on his bed and emptied out the contents. He added the practice clothes to his pile of dirty laundry.

_I really got to do laundry._  

“When are you going out?” Yuuri asked, flopping on his bed.

“Later, probably after dinner or something. You should come with me. I know you still have your privileges.” Yuri sat at the head of the bed with his back against the headboard.

“I… uhh… I don’t really want to. I don’t think I’m ready.” Yuuri turned to his side in a fetal position. Memories and false ‘what could have happened’ thoughts flooded his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to rid of the images.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s alright. It’s something I need to work on.” Yuuri tried reassuring Yuri. He sat up sitting cross legged facing Yuri. “Maybe I should though. It may be the only way to help me work through it. I’ll think about it.”

“Okay! I can show you all the good dark places you can go to, to shack up with Viktor.” Yuri winked.

“Yuri!” Yuuri’s face went bright red, while Yuri laughed at his expense. “How’s your grandfather?” Yuuri asked, once they settled.

“Grandpa is stable. He’s not getting any better, but he’s not getting worse either. I’m happy I get to see him though.” Yuri paused, suddenly finding his nails were the most interesting thing on earth. “I never properly thanked out for taking time out of your dance studio time for Viktor to take me that day. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I saw him. So… thanks.”

Yuuri reached out and placed a hand on Yuri’s knee. “You’re welcome. That’s what friends are for.” For the second time ever and within 10 minutes, Yuri smiled a genuine smile at Yuuri.

“Shit! What time is it?” Yuri bellowed.

“It’s… uhh… 12:37. Why?”

“Fuck! I’m late for group! Fucking shit!” Yuri jumped out of bed, startling Yuuri. Yuri was always late for group and never cared about going, Yuuri found it odd that he was screaming and cursing about being late now. “I’ll see you later! Think about using your privileges tonight! Bye!” Yuri darted out of Yuuri’s room.

_Hm. He has changed._

*          *          *

Yuuri spent the rest of the afternoon in his room. He was thinking about Yuri’s offer. Through moments of his thinking process, memories flashed causing Yuuri to go into bursts of panic. He was able to calm himself down using some coping and relaxing techniques Viktor had taught him.

At dinner time, Yuuri barely ate. He sat twirling his food together. “Aren’t you going to eat?” Yuri asked, who sat next to him at one of the round metal tables.

“No, not really hungry. I don’t even know what this is anyways.” Yuuri pushed his tray away and rested his head on his arms crossed on the table.

“Did you think about earlier?”

“Yeah, I don’t know yet. It terrifies me to go out there. I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

“Well, if you do decide to come join me, I will most likely be in the cafeteria.”

“Alright. Thanks.” Yuuri grabbed his tray and brought it back to the servery window, emptying the contents into the garbage. He sighed and headed back to his room.

After about an hour of lying in his room like a starfish, starring at the same spot on the ceiling, Yuuri bolted out of bed.

_Enough is enough already._

He knocked on the nursing station window, thankfully Otabek was working this evening. “Hi Yuuri, what can I do for you?”

“Hi Otabek, I… uh… I want… I want to use my privileges… please.” Yuuri stumbled on his words.

“That’s great Yuuri! Of course, you can!” Otabek turned and headed for the door to leave the unit. Yuuri grabbed him by the hem of the back of his shirt to stop him. Otabek stopped and turned towards Yuuri, who was wringing his hands together.

“I… I don’t want to go alone.” Yuuri asked quietly, almost whispered.

“Oh. I understand. Unfortunately, I can’t go with you. One of our staff members was a no show and we already had a sick call. We are working two people short with no other staff to fill in, I can’t leave.” Otabek scratched the back of his head. “Sorry, Yuuri.”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll go another time.” Yuuri started to turn to walk back to his room, when he was startled by Otabek.

“Viktor! Viktor can take you. I completely forgot its his evening shift tonight. Let me go call him and see if he is available. Even if he is swamped with work he will still take you. Give me one sec!” Otabek used his card and went back into the nursing station to make the phone call. Yuuri forgot it was Viktor’s evening as well. Otabek came back out in a few seconds. “He’ll be here shortly to go out with you.”

“Thanks, Otabek. Sorry to bother you. I’m going to get my shoes.” Before Otabek could say anything, Yuuri spun on his heels and went back to his room.

Yuuri was slipping on his shoelace free shoes when a knock came at the door. “Come in!”

Viktor entered his room with the biggest smile planted on his face. “Otabek tells me you want to go out for your privileges. I’m so happy Yuuri!!”

“I’m sorry to bother you, Viktor. You’re probably busy, and here I am being a child about going out for a walk and needing someone to go with me.” Yuuri sighed and turned his head away from him. “I’m so pathetic.”

“Yuuri Katsuki! Enough off this pathetic talk business.” Viktor’s voice was booming and stern, making Yuuri flinch and his eyes go wide. “You have every right to feel the way you do. It does not make you weak or pathetic. Asking for help when you need it gives you courage, staying in here and running from your problems makes you weak, something you are not doing.” Viktor’s voice softened as he approached Yuuri. He grabbed his chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting his head up towards him. They starred into each others’ eyes for what seemed like an eternity. The air around them grew heavy and their bodies heated between them. Viktor moved first and leaned down placing a chaste kiss on his lips. Yuuri had other ideas and opened his mouth to Viktor, quickly taking control of the kiss and deepened it. A soft moan escaped Viktor’s mouth, Yuuri swallowed it down and savoured it.

They pulled apart breathless, their foreheads and noses still touching. Yuuri threw his arms around Viktor’s shoulders and neck, tangling his fingers in his hair. He pulled the tousles, eliciting a groan out of Viktor and his eyes to flutter. He used his hand in his hair and pushed Viktor’s head back towards him, connecting their mouths together.

Yuuri taking control of the kiss and the forcefulness of his wants, made Viktor’s desire explode through his body. He slid his hands around Yuuri’s waist, lowering them, and grabbing a handful of his ass. He pulled him closer to him, feeling how hard Yuuri was already against his already hard member. Yuuri moaned into Viktor’s mouth. “God Viktor.” Yuuri sighed out as he kissed down Viktor’s jaw, down to the curve of his neck. Viktor tilted his head to the side to allow better access for Yuuri.

“Yes, Yuuri.” Viktor breathed out as Yuuri licked along a part of his neck where it met his shoulder. He gripped his ass harder pulling Yuuri into him.

“I want you so badly right now, Viktor.” Yuuri whispered out against his throat. He could feel Viktor gulp and groan.

A door closed in the hallway and voices were heard close by, and Viktor had left the door open to Yuuri’s room. They separated from each other in an instant, Yuuri stumbled back almost falling on his bed. Viktor took a few steps away from him. Both hearts were racing from the heated moment they shared, now their hearts pounded because they were almost caught. “We… should get going.” Viktor panted out, admiring the pink swollen lips Yuuri sported.

“Yeah… I just need a… moment.” Yuuri’s cheeks blossomed a light shade of pink.

“I do too.” Viktor chuckled.

After taking a few moments to settle their bodies, they headed out off the unit. “So, what would you like to do? Did you want to go to the gym?” Viktor asked, swiping his access card on the little black box next to the door. The light turned green and Yuuri took a deep breath. His thumb pressed into his palm with the drawn-on heart.

“I-I’d rather not go there quite yet. Can we just walk around?” Yuuri voice was quiet and shy.

“Of course, Yuuri. Anything you want.” Viktor swung the door open. They stepped out turning away from the gym.

They walked in silence for a while. Yuuri focused on his breathing and his heart on his palm. He badly wanted to reach out and grab onto Viktor’s hand, to feel the warmth he gets when he touches him, but he knew he had to remain in the cold until they were alone. Viktor’s hands itched with want to touch Yuuri, a hand, a shoulder, an arm, anything.

After 10 minutes of walking and doing a couple of laps through the hospital, Yuuri started getting more comfortable. He realized he was safe and that Viktor was there to protect him. He started some small talk with Viktor, asking him about Makka, which Viktor gladly spoke about, any chance to talk about Makka he took.

After another 10 minutes and Yuuri was talking excitedly about a story of his family and friends back in Hasetsu. His arms flailed wildly with the story, he had to pause to catch his breath from laughing so hard. Viktor chuckled and listened to every word Yuuri shared. They passed by a section in the hospital that was a little more isolated, due to the lack of social areas, the section was mainly forensic units.

Yuuri continued with a different story and focused his attention on Viktor as he spoke. Viktor suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes went wide. He reached out and grabbed onto Yuuri’s arm to stop him. “Viktor?” Yuuri turned his head to look at what Viktor was staring at straight ahead of them. Everything happened all at once, his breathing stopped, his eyes went wide and filled with fear, his body instantly started trembling. His heart beat against his ribcage so hard he feared it would explode in his chest.

Viktor pulled Yuuri by his arm and moved him, so he was behind him. Yuuri gripped onto Viktor's arms from behind.

. . .

“Hey! Shut up a second.” Yuri was in the cafeteria with some of his acquaintances from within the hospital. At that time of evening it was closed but they could still sit in the eating area. “Did you guys hear something? I think I heard screaming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> <3


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!! I just want to give a warning for this chapter. There are descriptions of violence and sexual assault in the beginning. If this makes you upset in any way, please skip ahead.   
> Thank you! <3

Josh charged towards them at an unbelievable speed for a man his size. Viktor sheltered Yuuri with his body as they backed up. The look in Josh’s eyes showed a fire of determination and a burning hatred. Viktor forgot about his badge at first with the fear coursing through him, finally he reached for his staff alarm on his lanyard around his neck. As his hand moved up Josh bounded forward and grabbed the lanyard, ripping it off Viktor’s neck. He tossed it away down the hall, both losing their chance to call for help. They were trapped in an area with blind spots in the cameras and offices with no one in them for the evening. Viktor considered that Josh had planned this and was watching them walk in the hospital for some time. Josh stood before them with an evil smirk on his face.

Viktor knew deep down they had no chance against Josh, he was twice their size of pure muscle and taller than Viktor. “Yuuri, run!” Viktor backed them up further. Before he could turn around, before he could even react, a fist flew towards his face landing hard against his cheek. Josh then grabbed him by his shirt and tossed Viktor aside like he was a bag of feathers. Viktor hit the wall and fell to the floor in an unconscious heap.

“NO!!!” Yuuri screamed. A giant hand enclosed around his throat, cutting off anymore screams. Josh slammed Yuuri into the wall, hitting the back of his head, and seeing spots in vision. Yuuri struggled against the larger man, trying everything to get out of his hold, but he just squeezed tighter.

“I told you, next time he won’t be here to save you.” Josh moved his body aside so Yuuri could see Viktor lying on the floor behind him. Tears filled his eyes. Josh leaned in close, his lips brushed alongside his cheek moving along to his ear. “I want you to cry for me.” He whispered, Yuuri could feel his breath against him. Yuuri squeezed his eyes tight, trying not to give him the satisfaction. Josh slammed Yuuri’s head against the wall once again. “Open your fucking eyes!” His hand around Yuuri’s throat tightened.

Yuuri opened his eyes only to see Josh’s grey dead orbs an inch away from him. Josh forcefully rubbed at Yuuri’s cock, pressing hard and firm. Pain shot up through Yuuri, his face flinched showing how much it hurt. Josh smirked. “You’re just my type, Yuuri. Weak, pathetic. Useless to everyone and everything around them, but to me. You can make me feel good, can’t you, Yuuri?” Yuuri’s body shook, the fear rising in his body.

With the hand still wrapped around Yuuri’s throat, Josh forced him to his knees. Yuuri’s eyes widened in terror as he watched Josh unzip his pants and pull his cock out. The hand around his throat moved to the back of his head, gripping his hair in a painful hold. At the same time, Josh reached and grabbed both of Yuuri’s wrists pulling them up and over his head into his other hand, he was able to hold them together so easily, making Yuuri feel small and useless. Yuuri still tried and writhed against those hands, anything to get away, but he was trapped against the wall on his knees, there wasn’t enough room for him to get up. It was useless, he couldn’t hold back anymore; a sob escaped his lips and tears fell down his cheeks in rivers. A smiled formed on the lips of his attacker. “That’s more like it.” With the hand gripping his hair, he guided him closer to his cock, forcing it against Yuuri’s mouth. He tightened his mouth to a thin line, fighting as much as he could. “Open up, you piece of shit.” The hand pulled tighter in his hair, feeling a sharp pain at the back of his head and then suddenly the pain and the pressure were gone.

Viktor opened his eyes slowly, the light forcing its way in, making his already aching head worse. Memories of what happened flooded his brain. His eyes shot open in an instant, taking in the horrid picture before him. Without a second thought, Viktor bolted up and ran towards them and jumped on Josh’s back. He knew he didn’t have the strength to fight against Josh, but it was the only thing he could think of to stop what he was doing to his precious Yuuri. He also knew that he shouldn’t even fight the other patient. He was trained, by the hospital, to use certain techniques to block and get out of danger, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to hurt Josh. No one hurts his Yuuri, and he had no idea where his badge and alarm went, they were on their own.

“Viktor!!” Yuuri yelled out. Viktor wrapped his arms around the man’s neck, attempting to put him in a choke hold, while straddling the man’s back. With his long legs, Viktor managed to bind them together around his waist.

Josh laughed at Viktor’s effort. “You really think this will stop me?” Josh took his large hands and grabbed hold of Viktor’s arms around his neck. As quickly as he advanced before, he moved backwards with force, slamming Viktor’s back against the wall. Pain radiated and exploded in his back, crying out in agony. After the third slamming, Josh let go of his arms and Viktor fell to the floor.

Yuuri was frozen in place, he knew he should move but his body wouldn’t listen. Viktor slid his body along the floor towards Yuuri, the pain in his head and back were unbearable. Josh strolled towards Viktor and stood above him. Viktor could only see his shadow on the floor before him to signify he was close. The shadow moved, and pain exploded on his side. Swift hard kicks with Josh’s boots landed on Viktor’s side and chest repeatedly. Viktor heard a crack and he screamed out, spitting up blood. Josh leaned down and picked him up by the front of his shirt in a sit up position and landed a few punches to Viktor’s face. His face instantly swelled and caused him to spit up more blood.

The grotesque sight before him, clicked in Yuuri’s brain. He was finally free of his frozen fear and he lunged forward. “STOP!” He screamed. He jumped onto Viktor to shield him from any more blows. Josh landed a kick to Yuuri’s face, throwing him of his love. Yuuri tasted blood along his tongue. Josh let go of Viktor, who fell to the floor with a groan.

Josh stalked his way over to Yuuri. “Now that he’s out of the way. Let’s finish what we started.” Yuuri backward crab crawled away from him, sneaking a few glances to Viktor.

“HEY ASSHOLE!” A voiced bellowed out from behind Josh. Yuuri couldn’t see who it was behind the mountain in front of him but recognized the voice. Josh spun around on his heels to face his new challenger. Yuri stood with his feet in a wide stance and his hands in fists at his side. All the anger and rage Yuri felt boiled through his veins. He pointed at Josh. “I’m going to fucking kill you for what you did to them.”

Josh laughed it off. Yuri was about the same height as Viktor, but much thinner and lankier. “I would love to see you try.” Yuri bounded towards the man. Josh thought he was ready for the attack, but Yuri moved to the side and jumped in the air last second and landed a punch to his face with the weight of his body behind it. Josh was rattled, but it wasn’t enough to bring him down. He went after Yuri, swinging his arms around in sloppy punches. Each time Yuri was quick to dodge the fists, he was too fast for Josh to follow. With every dodge he made, it created an opening in Josh’s defence, making Yuri able to land kicks and punches where he could.

Yuuri watched from the floor, in awe of Yuri fighting the monster. He was swift with a burning intensity in his attacks, like a tiger, like every bit of his tattoo represents. Yuuri crawled around on the floor, attempting to move unnoticed. He made his way to Viktor, who was lying bleeding and unconscious on the floor. “Viktor! Viktor!” He gripped onto his shoulders and shook them faintly to rouse him. “Please wake up.” Yuuri sobbed out. He laid his head on Viktor’s chest, tears and sobs escaped him, while listening to the steady beating of his heart.

A hand stroked against Yuuri’s shoulder. “My Yuuri.” Viktor was able to choke out, before coughing up some blood.

“Viktor!” Yuuri squeezed him tighter, eliciting a groan of pain from Viktor. “Sorry.” Yuuri lifted his head to look at Viktor’s face, when something caught his eye. “Viktor! Y-Your badge!” Underneath a bench several feet away, Yuuri saw the reflection of light off his card and the green of his lanyard. Yuuri scrambled away from Viktor to retrieve the badge. Once in his hand Yuuri hit the staff alarm button without a second’s hesitation.

A loud shrieking ringing sounded overhead, accompanied by a woman’s voice ‘ _Code White. Building 7, level 2, main hallway.’_ Within seconds, staff from units around the hospital and security came running. Josh and Yuri separated from their assault from one another. Yuri went down to the ground willingly, while Josh fought and struggled against staff and security. They eventually had him pinned down to the ground. More staff surrounded Viktor and Yuuri. A million questions were flown at Yuuri, but he couldn’t hear a single one. He glanced up and saw security strapping walking restraints onto Yuri. Yuuri scrambled up, not listening to the protests to sit still from the staff around him and made his way to Yuri. “Stop! Please! This wasn’t his doing. He was helping us. He did nothing wrong!”

A security officer paused and looked skeptical. He was trained to never believe the patients, they will say anything to get out of trouble. “It’s true.” A raspy voice choked out. Everyone turned towards the voice. “He helped us.” Viktor struggled to speak with his face swollen. The security officer, who seemed to be in charge, recognized Viktor and nodded once to his staff and they removed the walking restraints.

A staff member, who Yuuri could guess was a manager, since they had a walkie talkie and was directing everyone, approached them. “Ambulance was called, they are on their way to take both of you. You, what unit are you from, we need one of your staff to go with you.” She pointed her walkie talkie to Yuuri.

“I-I-I’m from…”

“He’s with me. I’ll go with him when the ambulance arrives.” Otabek jogged from behind them, switching with another staff member in pinning Josh down. In all the chaos neither Yuri’s noticed he was there. He glanced over at his Yuri, reassuring him the best way he could with his eyes. Otabek badly wanted to reach out and embrace his Yuri, shielding him, but he couldn’t. Yuri gave a small nod, telling him that he was okay.

The duty doctor on shift finished his assessment of Viktor and moved onto Yuuri. He sat him down on the bench and examined him, asking him simple questions and shone a pen light into his eyes. The doctor ran his hands through Yuuri’s hair, checking for any lacerations. Yuuri made a hissing sound when he ran his hand at the back of his head. The doctor pulled his hand away and was greeted with blood on his gloves. Turning Yuuri around he examined the area and concluded that he would need stitches. “Do you feel any pain?” Yuuri shook his head ‘no’. “Hmm must be from the adrenaline. I’m going to recommend they give you something for pain when you get to the hospital. Are you allergic or addicted to medications?” Yuuri shook his head ‘no’ again. The doctor quirked an eyebrow, still unsure to trust the patient before him.

As if on cue Otabek was there to help him again. “No, he doesn’t have any allergies and no addictions.”

“Thank you.” The doctor scribbled his notes on his clipboard and moved onto Yuri, who batted him away.

“I’m fine.” Yuri was given a cloth to help stop his bleeding nose and some ice to calm the swelling in his cheek. Yuri sustained no other injuries from Josh, which Yuuri and Otabek were thankful for.

A stretcher came with restraints attached to the bed. With a collective effort, twelve staff lifted and strapped Josh in restraints, and wheeled him away to his unit. A small sense of relief washed over Yuuri as he watched him go. His eyes wouldn’t leave Viktor’s unmoving body. He was awake but surrounded by other staff telling him not to move. He wanted to go over there and be next to Viktor, every fibre in his body was screaming at him to move, but he couldn’t. Yuri plopped down next to him on the bench. “You okay?”

“I will be.” He replied, without taking his eyes off Viktor. “Thank you for helping us. I… I don’t…” Yuuri choked on a sob forming in his throat.

“Don’t be, I’ve wanted to kick that guys ass for a long time. My only regret is that I didn’t get enough time.” Yuri nudged his shoulder at Yuuri.

Yuuri sob laughed at Yuri. “Still, thank you.” He wiped away his tears from his cheeks. “How did you know?”

“I was in the cafeteria with some buddies. I thought I heard screaming, so I went to check it out, and there you two were, with him.”

“Yuri, its time to go back to the unit.” Otabek interrupted. “I can’t take you back, but some staff here will. Can you let the unit staff know what happened and that I will be going to the hospital with Yuuri?”

Yuri stood standing dangerously close to Otabek. “Do _you_ have to go? Can’t someone else? Please?” Shielded by their bodies and the wall next to them, Yuri intertwined their fingers together.

“I’m sorry, Yuri. I want to be here with you tonight. And I will, I promise, just first I have to…”

“I know. I’m just being selfish. Come to my room when you get back.” Yuri looked down at his chest.

“I will.” Otabek squeezed his fingers. Yuuri coughed signalling someone was coming. They separated their hands and gave a thankful look to Yuuri.

“Yuri, right?” The male staff approached. “I’m going to take you back to your unit.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get the fuck out of here. Later guys.” Otabek shook his head in dismay, but he knew full well that Yuri was putting on a brave face. As much as Yuri acts tough, Otabek knew he was hurting and that he’s a big softy deep beneath the layers.

The manager from before stalked to Yuuri and Otabek. “You. What happened?” She stared down at Yuuri, making him feel like it was his fault.

“V-Viktor and I w-were w-w-walking.” Yuuri fidgeted with his hands in his lap, finding them very interesting.

“Come on, spit it out. I don’t have all night.” The manager grew impatient.

“Anne, stop.” Otabek stood in front to face the manager. “He’s been through a lot this evening and he has an anxiety disorder on top of that. Have a little sympathy and not make it seem like you’re the one inconvenienced.”

Anne scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Fine. Continue.”

“W-we were walking, when he went after us. Viktor shielded me from him but took the brunt of it…” Yuuri went through the events, Josh sexually assaulting Yuuri, Viktor stopping it but getting hurt in the process, all the way to when Yuri showed up, and then finding the badge. Yuuri left out the part about Viktor jumping onto Josh’s back and putting him in a choke hold, he didn’t want him to get in trouble. All the while Anne took notes of the series of events. Otabek stood beside her, glancing at the paper to make sure she took it down correctly.

“Why would he go after you two in the first place?” Anne asked once Yuuri finished.

“H-He sexually assaulted me a few weeks ago and Viktor had stopped it then. He lost his privileges, I guess until now.”

“Hmm, okay then. Glad you two are alright.”

Yuuri nodded. “What will happen to Josh?”

“Well, cops have been called, he will be going back to jail. Judging by the way the system works, he will most likely end back here.”

“Thanks.” Anne’s radio buzzed to life. The voice on the other end informed her that the ambulance has arrived, and the paramedics are on their way. After a few minutes, the paramedics were strapping the safety straps around Viktor on the stretcher.

“Can you walk? Or do you need a wheelchair?” One of the paramedics asked Yuuri. He shook his head and announced he could walk and followed them towards the ambulance truck with Otabek next to him.

The ride to the hospital felt long, even though Yuuri was sure it was only a 15-minute drive. He sat next to Viktor in the truck. Both made eye contact with one another through the whole ride, it was the only way they could reach out to one another for comfort. Even though the paramedics were not affiliated with their hospital, they didn’t want to risk it.

Once they arrived at the hospital and registered, they were taken to separate rooms, neither one wanting to leave the other. Yuuri paced in his hospital room, the gown he was forced to put on bellowed around him, leaving nothing to the imagination behind him. “Yuuri, you have to sit down. You have a concussion and a head wound.”

“I can’t sit down, Otabek. This is all my fault and I don’t know if Viktor is okay.” He wrung his hands in front of his chest.

“This is not your fault, no one knew he got his privileges back and you had no idea he would be there.” Otabek tried his best to reassure Yuuri.

“If I wasn’t so scared of leaving the unit, Viktor wouldn’t have been with me and wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

“And you would have been badly injured or dead.” Otabek reminded him. A nurse and a doctor came in interrupting their conversation.

“Hi, Mr. Katsuki? I’m Dr. Whyte, I’m going to look at the wound at the back of your head. Please have a seat.” While the doctor cleaned and put in the stitches on Yuuri’s head wound, he continued to fidget.

Otabek went in front of Yuuri. “How about I go check on Viktor for you and tell you how he’s doing.”

Yuuri looked up at his with pleading eyes. “Thank you, Otabek.” Otabek nodded once and left the room.

Otabek returned just as the doctor finished putting in the stitches and going over the care needed for the wound. The doctor and nurse left the room. “H-How is he?” Yuuri asked quietly.

“He has two broken ribs, a hairline fracture in his cheek, a concussion, and a few stitches. But other than that, he is cleaned up and he said he is doing well and feels no pain. He told me to tell you not to worry.”

“Psh. It’s like he doesn’t know me at all.”

“He said you would say that and told me to… ugh this is embarrassing.” Otabek moved towards Yuuri and pulled a pen out of his breast pocket. He grabbed Yuuri’s hand and drew a small heart in the middle of his palm. “He said to use it.”

Tears formed in Yuuri’s eyes, making the heart on his palm blurry. “Thank you.” He whispered out. He curled his hand into a fist and held it against his chest as the first few sobs escaped him.

Yuuri didn’t know when he fell asleep or for how long. He slowly opened his eyes to Otabek standing over him shaking him by the shoulders. “What’s going on? How long have I been asleep for?”

“About an hour. Come with me.” Otabek helped Yuuri sit up in the bed and stand. The adrenaline finally left his body and now the aches and pains of the nights turmoil unfolded. The pain medication only dulled it enough for him to move. He stood up and his head swam with dizziness. Otabek caught him by the elbows before he fell. “You okay?”

Yuuri nodded and then stopped, that action making his head hurt more. “Yeah, I’m good now.” Otabek walked beside him with his hand on Yuuri’s elbow just in case he went down. “What’s going on? Where are we going?” Otabek didn’t answer, instead he guided him out of the hospital room. The area they were in was quiet, most patients were sleeping.

Otabek guided him to another room, and slowly open the door. The room was dark, except for the line of light flooding in from the open door. Yuuri still couldn’t see anything but could hear the steady beeping of a machine. “Go on in. I’ll cover for you.”

Yuuri looked at him with a confused look but followed his instructions. As he walked further into the room he saw a sleeping Viktor, lying on his back with one hand at his side and the other across his stomach. Yuuri’s eyes widened and glanced back on Otabek, who gave him a wink and closed the door.

The steady beeping of the machine reassured Yuuri that Viktor was alright. He went to the side of the bed and reached for Viktor’s hand, squeezing it tightly in his own. The warmth from Viktor’s hands radiating up his body. Viktor had a bandage wrapped around his head, like he did, he also had a square piece of gauze taped to his cheek. Both his eyes were swollen and purple, the bruising was stark against his pale skin, and there was cut on his lip which made his bottom lip protrude out with swelling.

He sat on the chair next to the bed and laid his head on his stomach as silent tears fell from his eyes. He closed his eyes shut to whisk the tears away, when he felt a hand caress his head. “Don’t cry _moya lyubov’._ ”

“But its all my fault that you’re hurt.” Yuuri whispered out.

“Nonsense. This is nothing but his fault. I’m just angry at myself that I couldn’t do more to protect you.” Viktor continued to stroke Yuuri’s head, cautious of the bandage. Viktor slid his hand under his head and lifted him up. “Come here.” He whispered out. Viktor shimmied his body over and winced in pain as he moved. He patted the small space next to him. Yuuri slipped next to him, lying on his side. His one arm went around his stomach and his legs intertwined with Viktor’s.

Viktor held onto the arm that was draped across his stomach and the other arm went underneath Yuuri. He could feel Yuuri’s breath against his neck where it rested on his shoulder. He turned his head and placed a kiss at the top of Yuuri’s forehead. “You’re safe now. I got you. Go to sleep.” He whispered as his lips brushed against Yuuri where he kissed him.

Yuuri let out a heavy sigh and relaxed into Viktor’s body, drifting off into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, leaving Kudos, and comments. I really do love them. I do love hearing from you, so keep them coming! 
> 
> <3


	28. Chapter 28

The sound of beeping filled Viktor’s ears. Confusion hit him first, wondering what that beeping sound was. The next moment, he opened his eyes to a white tiled ceiling. Yuuri’s smell was the last thing to hit him, before he remembered where he was and how he got there. He turned his head to the side to see Yuuri sleeping peacefully on his shoulder. The weight of his arm on his stomach and the entanglement of legs was reassurance to Viktor that he was okay. Physically anyways.

_I wish I could have done more. This is all my fault. I’m so sorry Yuuri._

Viktor placed a few light kisses, just a brush of his lips on Yuuri’s forehead, who remained sleeping. Viktor took this quiet moment to look and admire his Yuuri. Wishing that everyday could be like this, waking up next to each other, but without the hospital room. He took in his blissful face as he slept. The muscle between Yuuri’s brows was soft and lax. Viktor’s eyes travelled down to his lips, studying the contour of his cupid’s bow, it was then he noticed the slight pout of his bottom lip as he slept, which he thought was adorable. The feeling of wanting to feel those lips against his came suddenly, feeling the soft fullness of them pressing firmly. Unable to reach his mouth with his, he settled for touching instead. The IV needle gave a slight pinch to his hand when he reached up and gently stroked Yuuri’s hair off his face.

Yuuri let out a soft moan and sigh, and his eyes fluttered open. “Good morning.” Viktor said lowly. Yuuri shifted his head to look up at Viktor, initially forgetting what happened and where they were like Viktor had done, a pang of guilt stabbed at him when he saw the condition Viktor’s face was in. He tried to hide his reaction as best he could, but Viktor saw it. He reached over with the hand under Yuuri’s chin and moved it back up to face him.

Before he could say anything Yuuri spoke. “I’m so sorry, Viktor. All of this, everything is my fault. If I wasn’t so chicken shit I would have gone by myself, and you never would have gotten hurt, and... and...” Tears filled Yuuri’s eyes and a sob formed in his throat.

“And you would have been hurt worse. This is not your fault, I told you last night, this is nothing but his fault, and I meant that. I know it’s easier for me to say ‘don’t feel guilty’ then for you to feel that way, but I want or need you to believe me. Nothing has changed between us. If I could go back to yesterday, I would do the same thing all over again. I don’t regret trying to protect you. I wish I could have done more.” Viktor looked away from Yuuri, ashamed. He felt he wasn’t strong enough to protect him.

Something soft and wet brushed against his neck. It took him a moment to realize, Yuuri was leaving small kisses. The chaste pecks of lips turned into something more, a lick of his tongue, a lingering of lips, a graze of his teeth. The beeping of the machine went from a steady rhythm, to a faster pace as his heart started beating wildly in his chest. Yuuri lifted himself up on his elbow and met his lips with Viktor’s. The machine started beeping even faster.

A knock came at the door before it opened. Neither heard the knock until it was too late. They turned their heads towards the open door and breathed a sigh of relief. Otabek stood in the door way. His eyes looked all around the room, except for the scene that displayed before him. “I... uh... sorry to bother you guys, but Yuuri you have to go back to your room now. The doctor should be here soon to do a final examination before your discharge from here.”

Yuuri sighed and slid off the bed. “What about Viktor?” Yuuri grabbed onto his hand and squeezed it.

“Well Viktor’s injuries are more serious than yours, so he is going to have to stay a little longer.” Otabek scratched the back of his head and shifted on his feet.

Yuuri looked down at the bed, at the space he had occupied. A spot of wetness formed on the bedsheet. Viktor reached up and brushed away the tears that were spilling down Yuuri’s cheeks. “Remember what I told you. I wouldn’t have this any other way. I will be fine Yuuri, I’ll be back in no time. You will be fine without me too. You’ll have Otabek and Yuri to help you, if you need it.”

“I’m scared, Viktor.” Yuuri whispered. Otabek could barely hear him, but didn’t intervene, he let them share their moment. After a minute or so, Yuuri turned away from Viktor and headed out the door to go back to his room.

“Otabek...” The man in question turned to the voice. “Can you help me move over, before you go? The meds wore off and I’m in a lot of pain.” Without a word, or question, Otabek assisted Viktor to shift his body over to the middle of the bed. He raised the head part of the bed a little more up-right to get Viktor more comfortable, mumbling about taking pressure of his chest. “Thanks.”

Otabek nodded once. “The doctor should be coming in to see you after Yuuri.” With that, Otabek left the room, guiding Yuuri back to his.

The doctor finished Yuuri’s examination and gave him the clear to be discharged. Yuuri changed into his clothes that he wore the night before. He saw some blood stains on his shirt and was immediately reminded of the incident. The sound of Viktor’s bones breaking, the pain of his head smashing against the wall, the smell of Josh’s breath so close to him, the copper taste in his mouth, and the sight of blood spraying from Viktor’s mouth. The room started getting dark around him as his breathing quickened. He clutched onto his chest and bent forward, trying to regain his senses. The shadow consumed him in whole. He could hear his name being shouted, but it sounded so far away, and he couldn’t reach it.

Otabek called out to Yuuri, seeing him clutching his chest and slowly moving down to the floor. He grabbed onto his arms and pulled him up to sit him on the bed. He called his name over and over and no response. Yuuri held his eyes tight shut, tears sprouted from the corners and ran down his cheeks. The doctor and nurse that came in earlier also had brought them a wheelchair for when he is ready to leave. Otabek picked Yuuri up and gently placed him into the wheelchair and wheeled him to Viktor’s room. He decided to forgo niceties and barged into his room, rather than knocking.

“Otabek? What’s going...”  Viktor stopped talking when he saw the state Yuuri was in. He was hunched over with his chest flat against his thighs in the wheelchair, gripping onto his legs, his breathing was still ragged, and sweat dripped down his neck. “What happened? When did this start?” Viktor winced in pain when getting out of bed, to go to Yuuri.

“Don’t get...” Otabek was cut off by a glare from Viktor. “He was getting dressed when it happened. I don’t know what triggered it. It started a few minutes ago.”

Viktor nearly stumbled onto Yuuri from the pain that shot throughout his body and the dizziness in his head. A wave of nausea struck him, and he focused his breathing to help it pass. He crouched down with the help of Otabek to be eye level with Yuuri. He grabbed onto his hands, peeling them away from his shins. “Yuuri, Yuuri, it’s me Viktor.” He stroked Yuuri’s sweat soaked hair off his face and then pulled him into an embrace. He whispered reassuring words in Russian into his ear.

Yuuri was lost in the cold and dark, but he got a faint whiff of something, something familiar. He concentrated on the smell and it got stronger and stronger, until the scent of ocean and musk filled him. Light poured in flooding him with warmth. “V-Viktor?” His voice came out raspy and in a whisper.

“Yes, my Yuuri. I’m here.” Viktor stroked the back his head with one arm and the other held him tight to him. Pain was radiating from his chest with the added pressure of Yuuri pressing against his broken ribs, but Viktor didn’t care. He would endure any type of pain for his Yuuri.

“What are you doing out of bed, Viktor?! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for you to get out of bed.” Yuuri started panicking.

“It’s okay, Yuuri. I’m fine.” Viktor reassured Yuuri. He pulled back from the embrace but held his hands in his own. “Tell me what happened.”

“I remember the doctor coming in and checking up on me. He said that I was okay to go. Then I started getting dressed...” Yuuri furrowed his brows trying to remember his thoughts before his panic attack. Then his eyes went wide. “It was the blood, on my shirt. I remember looking at it and everything from yesterday came flooding in, and then it went dark.” Viktor looked down at his shirt and saw the blood stains splattered all over it. A sense of guilt and anger washed over Viktor. “How did I get in here?” Yuuri asked looking down at the wheelchair he was sitting in.

“I saw you were going down to the floor, so I put you in the wheelchair and brought you to Viktor’s room.” Otabek piped up behind Yuuri.

“I’m sorry, Otabek. Thank you.” Yuuri looked down in shame and embarrassment.

Viktor picked up his head and raised it with his thumb and forefinger on his chin and slowly shook his own head. “Don’t apologize, Yuuri. You did nothing wrong.”

“It’s not that I feel I did something wrong. I just feel like I’m a constant burden.” Yuuri threw his head to the side, releasing Viktor’s grip on his chin.

“You are not a burden, Yuuri. We help you because...”

“Because it’s your job.” Yuuri said angrily. A tone that Viktor hasn’t heard too much of.

“No. It’s because we love you.” Viktor responded quietly but with a stern force. Yuuri whipped his head back towards Viktor and his eyes went wide. “You know I love you, Yuuri. When I say it, I don’t just say it and it mean nothing. It means everything. I have been intimate and in relationships with a lot of people...” Yuuri’s face fell in disappointment, but Viktor continued. “...But I have never said those words to anyone before. I have had some say it to me, but I have never said them back, and I run far away as soon as I hear them. You’ve taught me how to love, and that its okay to be loved in return.” Yuuri turned his face towards Viktor, tears formed in his eyes at his confession. “Otabek wouldn’t be here if he didn’t love you in his own way, as a friend and protector.” Viktor glanced over Yuuri’s shoulder to Otabek, who just nodded his confirmation. “His shift ended hours ago, but he’s still here with you.”

Yuuri twisted his body around. “Viktor’s right, Yuuri. I was offered to leave in the middle of the night and have someone take over here to supervise you, but I didn’t want that. I want to be here for you. Plus, I would have had to pull you out of Viktor’s bed and bring you back to your own and then I would have been out a bed to sleep in.”

Yuuri sob laughed at Otabek’s joke. Viktor spoke, regaining Yuuri’s attention. “You are not a burden, Yuuri.”

Yuuri nodded slowly and then started sobbing. He wrapped his arms around Viktor’s neck and buried his face in the crook there where it met his shoulder. Viktor held onto him, providing what ever comfort he needed. After a few minutes, Yuuri finally settled. Otabek had walked out of the room at one point during Yuuri’s breakdown, giving them their privacy. Yuuri pulled away from Viktor, but just far enough that he could see his face. “Better?” Viktor asked, wiping away the remaining tears.

“Thank you.” Yuuri whispered.

“I love you, Yuuri Katsuki.”

“I love you too.” Yuuri leaned in meeting Viktor half way and connecting their lips together in a kiss. “Where did Otabek go?” Yuuri wondered when they parted.

“He went to call the unit, so you guys can get a ride back.” Viktor tried getting up from kneeling on the floor. Grunting and wincing in pain. Yuuri helped him up the rest of the way and guided him back to bed, and tucked him in.

“What’s going to happen to you?” Yuuri smoothed out some of the wrinkles on the blankets covering Viktor’s legs.

“I’ll be here another night or two and then go home. I’ve already arranged for a friend to watch over Makka and the same person will pick me up. I’ll be off from work for a while though.”

“Oh.” Yuuri’s face fell. He knew that Viktor would be off to recover but the reality didn’t sink in until Viktor had said it.

“I’ll be back before you know it. Here, take this.” Viktor shoved a small piece of paper in Yuuri’s hands. “It’s my cell number. You can call me anytime you need me.” Yuuri leaned over and wrapped his arms around Viktor’s neck and whispered a thank you. They held still for a long while, until a knock came at the door, and Otabek appeared in the doorway.

“Cab is here, Yuuri. We gotta get going.” Yuuri nodded his response and turned back to Viktor.

“I will see you soon, I promise. Nothing can stop me from seeing you.” Viktor cupped the side of Yuuri’s neck, his thumb brushing along his cheek, and pulled him down, meeting their lips together. “ _Ya lyublyu tebya._ ” Viktor whispered against his lips.

“ _Ai shiteru_ ” Yuuri whispered back.

*          *          *

Yuuri sat in the back on the cab, he rested his elbow on the door with his head resting in his hand. He stared at world passing him by through the window. The rain beat against the car and created river patterns on the window. “You okay, Yuuri?” Otabek asked interrupting the tranquility of the car.

Yuuri sighed and face Otabek who sat next to him the cab. “I’m okay, for now. I think I just feel numb at the moment. It’s hard to explain.” Yuuri paused to think about how to describe what he was feeling, Otabek sat patiently waiting. “I felt devastated, guilt, violated, hurt, when I saw my shirt and all the blood on it. But I still don’t feel like its completely hit me yet. Part of me still feels numb to it and the other part just wants to break down. I think a fraction of that reason is because Viktor was there with me, now that he won’t be around for a while, I don’t know how I feel.”

“Hmm... I think I get what you’re saying. If you ever need anyone to talk to or yell at, I’ll be there for you. I know I am no Viktor, but I can do my best.” Otabek reached over and patted Yuuri’s knee.

“Thanks, Otabek.” Yuuri turned his focus back to the road. “Can I ask you a question?” He asked softly.

“Of course, I’ll do my best to answer.”

“Have you ever thought about what will happen to you and Yuri, when he gets discharged?”

“Sure, I do. I think about it all the time, but I’m not too worried about it. You worried about you and Viktor?” Yuuri shrunk in on himself and nodded slowly. “I can say don’t be, but that’s easier said than done. What I can tell you is, I have known Viktor for some time now and I have never seen him act the way he does with you, with anyone else. He truly loves you and is completely devoted to you. It will be a little different for a while, cause of the different environments and situations, but I know you two will figure it out.”

“It’s hard not to worry though. I’m scared. How are you not worried about you and Yuri?”

Otabek softly smiled. “Because of fate.” Yuuri looked at him confused. Otabek chuckled. “I normally am not a believer of fate and destiny. I only believe in what I can see, and we make our own fate, not some predetermined path. Anyways, I met Yuuri once before and thought he was cute, in his own way, and felt some sort of attraction to him. I missed my chance to really talk to him, but then I came into work one day and there he was. Everything just kinda fell into place.”

“Whhaaa? Yuri told me you two met when he was admitted.” Yuuri was stunned at this new information.

Otabek chuckled and scratched the back of his head. “Of course, he would say that. He doesn’t remember meeting me before and I’ve never told him.”

“Really? Why? Where did you guys meet that he wouldn’t remember?” The slew of questions came out of Yuuri’s mouth in a fast succession.

“I think I haven’t told him mainly to save him from embarrassment. I met him at my last job, I used to work as an ER nurse almost two years ago now? or so, anyways, Yuri came in as one of my patients.” Otabek paused thinking about that moment. The memory was fresh in his mind. “I remember pulling back the curtain and seeing this beautiful blonde angel lying in the bed, unconscious.” Otabek’s cheeks tinted with pink at the admission but continued. “He came in with multiple lacerations and contusions; he had been badly beaten. As I was cleaning and treating his wounds he came to and freaked out the only way Yuri can freak out. Turned out he was also high. I was able to talk him down and he let me finish treating his wounds. He wouldn’t tell me how he got them or what he was high on. Due to his head injury, the doctor wanted to keep him overnight. We talked for a bit until he fell asleep, but it wasn’t the same, seemed like the drugs were getting in the way of the real Yuri. Later that night he woke and when I was changing some of his dressings, the drugs he was on had long worn off.” Otabek paused thinking back. Yuuri silently listened beside him. “The look in his eyes as he pleaded… He wanted me to give him something, anything. He looked to be in so much pain, not just physically… but emotionally too and the drugs were the only thing keeping him alive. He even solicited me for sex a few times to help him get his next fix. I refused and left the room. When I went back an hour later to check on him, he snuck off and left. That was the last time I’ve seen him, until he was admitted to this hospital which was a year after that.”

Silence grew between them, Otabek turned to face Yuuri to make sure he was still awake. Yuuri finally spoke. “I had no idea. Poor Yuri.” Yuuri shook his head. “I can see what you mean by it being fate. He was admitted as your patient twice now, it’s like you were meant to help him.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” The cab pulled up to the mental health hospital. “Stay here a second.” Otabek jumped out of the car and opened the door for Yuuri to help him out. “Are you feeling okay? Any dizziness? Nausea? Headache?”

“No. I feel okay.” Yuuri walked beside Otabek back to the unit. Out of the corner of his eye, Otabek could see Yuuri trembling and concentrating on his breathing, while his eyes darted around. It was only until they got back on the unit and into his room that Yuuri relaxed a little bit.

“You should get some rest. I’m going to check on Yura before I go home for the day. I’ll be back tonight, so I’ll see you then. Bye Yuuri.”

“Bye, Otabek. Thank you.” Yuuri said sheepishly. Otabek nodded once and closed the door.

As soon as the door clicked shut, a coldness swept over Yuuri along with the feeling of loneliness. He pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his shins. He burrowed his face into his knees and wept. The crumpled-up piece of paper falling from his hands, landing beside him on the bed.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!!! Talk to me guys! I love to know what you guys are thinking, I love it! 
> 
> <3


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone!! So, I went slightly darker in this chapter. Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Warning: Brief mentions of sexual assault and violence. Those parts, the font will be in italic, so if you are uncomfortable reading them you can skip down to the normal text. 
> 
> <3

_Cold clammy hands squeezed around his throat, closing off his air way little by little. He was gasping for air to fill his lungs, but it was getting harder and harder to fight. His vision was slowly going dark, it started at the outer edges and moved inward until he could see little pinholes. Pain was radiating from somewhere in his body, but it was hard to tell because his whole body ached and screamed in pain. The back of his head throbbed, and he could feel a wetness there moving down his head to his neck. With his vision dark and blurry, he could feel a hot breeze along his face and neck, mixing in with the cold clammy hands, making him shudder. A deep rumbling occurred next to his ear, the exact words were unclear. Fear coursed through his body as his vision went black._

Yuuri woke in a panic, screaming and clawing at his neck and felt that nothing was there. A cold sweat dripped down his back and covered his heated body. He gasped for air, finding that he was able to breathe fine, he then concentrated on evening it out. Otabek burst into the room. “Are you okay?”

Yuuri nodded. “Yeah.” His voice was raspy from the screaming. He cleared his throat. “I thought you were leaving for the day?” It was the same day from when he returned from the hospital. After crying for some time, Yuuri fell asleep.

“It’s the start of my shift, Yuuri. I just got here almost an hour ago.” Otabek looked at his watch and sat near the foot of his bed.

“Oh! I’ve been asleep that long?!”

“Seems like it. You must be hungry. I think they saved you your dinner if you want it.” Otabek patted Yuuri’s foot which laid beside him.

“I’m not that hungry actually.” Yuuri admitted quietly.

“Did you want to talk about the nightmare?” Otabek could see fresh scratch marks in long angry red ribbons down Yuuri’s neck, mixing in with the purple of his bruised throat. Yuuri shook his head no and looked down at his lap and his fidgeting fingers. “Hmm. I’ve got an idea. Come with me.” Otabek stood up and headed towards the door.

Yuuri swung his blankets off his legs and stood out of bed. “What are we doing?”

“You’ll see.” Yuuri followed Otabek to the visitor’s room. Without explanation, he picked up the patient phone that was in there and dialed a number and handed the receiver to Yuuri.

“What? Who?” Yuuri could hear ringing on the other end. He nervously held the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” The voice soothed through the receiver.

“V-Viktor?!” He immediately recognized the voice. Yuuri completely forgot that Viktor had given him his number and told him to call him, Otabek clearly didn’t forget. He used his nightmare as an opportunity to call him. Yuuri’s face turned shocked, hearing Viktor’s voice through the phone, that tears welled up in his eyes.

“I’ll leave you to your phone call.” Otabek whispered and silently left the room.

“My Yuuri.” Viktor purred. “How are you my love?”

“I-I’m okay. I just woke up from a nap. How are doing? When are you leaving? When can I see you?” The questions spilled out of his mouth before he had time to even think about them.

“Relax, Yuuri. Take a deep breath with me.” Viktor audibly inhaled and exhaled for Yuuri to hear. He completed this task three times, when he could here Yuuri’s breathing change. “Feeling better?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“Now, to answer your questions. I am doing fine, in a bit of pain, but nothing I can’t handle. The doctor told me that I will most likely be good to go tomorrow. Which I can’t wait. I hate these types of hospitals, I never feel comfortable, and it brings up too many bad memories. Finally, I wish to see you soon, my love. There is a case conference scheduled in a couple days, and it’s about you. I will be attending that meeting with or without my managers approval.”

“A-A meeting about me?” Yuuri asked suddenly nervous.

“Yes, we do it for all the patients. It’s basically a way for the staff to get together and see how much progress has been made and where some things can stand to improve on. Things like that. Did I not tell you? I thought I did.”

Yuuri shook his head, and then realized that Viktor couldn’t see the motion. “No, you didn’t.”

“I apologize. Usually at the end of the meeting we sometimes include the patient that is being discussed so they can have some input as well.”

“I trust you.” It was all Viktor had to hear from Yuuri. His heart swelled up and his body filled with joy.

“Thank you, Yuuri, for putting your faith in me. I will do my best. Now, tell me what is troubling you, I can hear it in your voice.”

Yuuri sighed, since he been caught. “I d-don’t w-want to trouble you. You need to get better.”

“I will get better, once I know what’s wrong. I will sit here worrying about you and may get even worse because of it!” Viktor tried joking and added a chuckle for good measure.

Yuuri talked about his nightmare that he had just before he called him. He told him how real it felt and that when he woke, it was like he could still feel Josh’s hands at his throat. All the while, Viktor actively listened to every word. He would add a few _mhmm’s_ and _hmm’s_ to let Yuuri know he was still there. He was surprised how much memory Yuuri still had of the nightmare. After about a hour of an impromptu therapy session, both men said good night to each other.

Yuuri hung up the phone, feeling a little lighter, and now a little hungrier. He set off to the nursing station in search of Otabek to lead him to food.

*          *          * 

_He could feel a pressure leading towards pain on his wrists and lower body. The weight added on top of him was too much, it was crushing him. He opened his eyes to see the grey dead eyes staring back at him and a sneer across those lips. “I want you to watch me.” Those lips spoke, breathing hot air across his face. A finger stroked down his face before the weight on his body was lifted. He turned his body around to follow figure. He couldn’t recognize anything around him, it was too dark and the figure ahead of him remained like a shadow within the dimness of the room. Suddenly the figure stopped and in front him was an illuminated Viktor. Light seemed to shine from nowhere and shone only on Viktor. “NO!” He yelled and reached out, but neither the figure or Viktor responded, it was like they couldn’t hear him at all. The shadowed figure knelt in front of Viktor, consuming the light in its path. He could see Viktor’s fear on his face, his eyes wide and his mouth was screaming out words of protest, but he couldn’t hear a single one. He saw Viktor’s chest rise and fall at a rapid rate, as the figure lowered himself on top of Viktor, pinning him to the ground. He screamed at the figure to stop over and over with no prevail. He tried running towards them, but wasn’t getting any closer, he felt like he was on a treadmill, running but with no destination. The sight before him made him flinch. The figure ripped off Viktor’s clothing with such force he could see Viktor’s body jerk with the movements, which now left him open and vulnerable. He was suddenly stopped by an invisible wall in front of him. Viktor was so close, but the barrier prevented him from getting any closer. Viktor’s muffled screams could be heard as the figure spread his legs, exposing the most vulnerable area, the figure slowly slid his fingers down Viktor’s body towards that part. He could see Viktor’s tears flow down his face, as he tried everything to get away. He punched and kicked at the barrier, trying anything to break it, to stop the grotesque scene before him._

Yuuri could feel his fists and feet hitting some sort of soft surface. His name was being called, but it sounded like it was far away. Finally, his eyes opened, and he was fully awake, but everything was still a blur. He was on his back with his arms being pinned down by strong hands at the sides of his head. A heavy weight was pushed down on his thighs. Yuuri, instantly went into panic mode, squirming every which way. “YUURI! It’s me! Stop!!” The voice sounded familiar. Yuuri clenched his eyes tight when he started to panic. Slowly he opened them, one eye at time. He waited a few seconds for his vision to clear. The first thing he saw was a waterfall of blonde hair, cascading down towards his face. The next thing he noticed was the shining of emerald eyes looking back at him.

“Yuri?” Yuuri asked, his voice dry and hoarse.

“I’m going to get off you now.” Yuri stated cautiously. Yuuri nodded, and slowly Yuri lifted a leg and swung it over his body to join his other leg, next came the hands and he gradually removed them. “You okay now?”

“What’s going on? Why were you on top of me?” Yuuri sat up and scooted his butt backwards, until his back met the headboard. He bent his legs towards his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

“You were having a nightmare. You were screaming, kicking and punching in your sleep. It was the only way to stop you.”

“I was? I don’t…” All at once the memory of the nightmare came back to him, bit by bit. He lowered his head to his knees, hiding the tears flooding in. Suddenly he felt arms go around his back, pulling him to the side. He leaned against Yuri and sobbed. While Yuri remained a pillar for him to lean against, silent tears fell from his eyes, and recollections of his past and his nightmares played in his head.

When the crying stopped, Yuuri turned his head upwards to look at his pillar. “I’m sorry, I just… What happened to your jaw! Oh my god, did I do that?!” Yuuri saw, even in the dark, a large red mark on Yuri’s jaw that was slowly turning a different colour. “I’m so sorry, Yuri!!”

“You have a pretty good right hook.” Yuri grabbed onto his jaw and moved it side to side. “It’s alright, Yuuri, don’t feel bad, I’ve had worse. I’ll live.”

“I can get some ice! I’ll go get some ice!” Yuuri started panicking again, not hearing a word Yuri just said.

“It’s fine Yuuri, honest. I’ll get some from Beka, later.”

“Wait. What are you doing in my room? How did you get in here?” Yuuri sat up, Yuri’s injured jaw, forgotten.

“You don’t remember?”

Yuuri shook his head. “No, sorry. I’ve been so tired these last couple days. I haven’t been sleeping well, because of the nightmares. I don’t even know what day it is.”

“That’s why I was here. Beka, mentioned to you that you might feel better with a sleeping partner, sometimes it helps people with nightmares, knowing they have someone there. I volunteered to be your sleeping buddy, so Beka snuck me in. Man, you love to snuggle in close.” Yuri reached over and poked at Yuuri’s sides, teasing him.

Yuuri blushed and giggled. “Stop. Okay, okay, I give.” The poking and tickling ceased. Yuuri’s face went serious. “Thanks, Yuri.”

“Anytime. It’s nice sleeping next to a warm body again. Even if you’re not Beka.” They heard footsteps slowly making its way down the hallway, stopping every several feet. Finally, the footsteps reached Yuuri’s door, and the ‘privacy’ curtain on the window was lifted, and a light shone through. Both men, raised their hands to block the bright light being shone on their faces. Next moment, the door was being unlocked.  

“Everything okay?” The voice asked. Yuuri was unable to see who it was.

“Yes, Beka. Now can you lower the light, you’re blinding us here.”

“Oh, sorry.” Otabek lowered the light. “Did you have another nightmare, Yuuri?... Yuri! What happened to your face?!” Otabek whisper shouted, while marching over to inspect it.

“It’s fine, Beka. I just got caught in the crossfire.” Yuri released his chin from Otabek’s grasp.

Otabek looked over at Yuuri, who looked apologetic. “That bad, huh?” Yuuri nodded slowly. Otabek sighed. He was at a loss, on how to help Yuuri.

“Now, if you would excuse us, I’m going to snuggle up to Yuuri and we are going back to sleep. Shoo, shoo.” Yuri flicked his hands at Otabek, waving him away.

Otabek rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine. I’m leaving. Hope you still at least remember me while sleeping with another man.”

Yuri wrapped his arm, from behind, around Yuuri and hooked his leg in between his. Yuuri’s eyes went wide with shock. “He’s a lot firmer, not as soft as you.” Yuri ran his hands down Yuuri’s side, with a smirk plastered to his face, teasing Otabek. Trying desperately not to laugh.

“Y-Yuri!” Yuuri stuttered out. “I-It’s n-not what y-you think!”

“Oh really?!” Otabek put his hands on his hips. Although, he kind of liked the display before him, he went along with the teasing. “Maybe I should get myself a man like that then. Someone who is a little less bony, that can handle this softness, as you put it.” Otabek ran his hands down his body. In all reality, Otabek was in great shape. He was fit, lean, and toned. But he had a little more softness around that muscle than Yuuri did.

“I guess your lucky, that I like my men a little softer. Muscular with a little cushion.” Yuri pouted and rolled over to his other side, with his back against both men.

Otabek laughed and turned to leave. “Goodnight.” He closed the door with a soft click.

*          *          *

Viktor had been home for a couple days, bored out of his mind. His broken ribs prevented him from doing much. Most of the time he just sat in bed with Makka and realizing that daytime television wasn’t all that great. He was able to convince Lilia to give him the okay to do some work from home. It was a nice distraction for a while, but it still wasn’t enough. His mind kept drifting to Yuuri, and his current state, and then a few other inappropriate thoughts would sneak in there. He needed to see his Yuuri. “I’m so bored, Makka! It’s only been two days since I’ve been home!” He squished the dogs face and then ruffled the top of her head and ears. Makka let out a woof in agreement and jumped off the bed. “Great! Now your leaving me by myself. Thanks a lot, Makka!” Viktor crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m talking to a dog. I gotta get out of here.”

Viktor waited for his phone call every night to talk to Yuuri. It was the only thing in his day that he looked forward too. Unfortunately, his talks with Yuuri was like a double-edged sword. He could hear the pain and the anxiety in the man’s voice, and then the feeling of helplessness consumed Viktor. The idea that he couldn’t be there for his Yuuri when he needed him the most, was more painful then the physical abuse he endured. What Viktor found even more disheartening was Yuuri trying to hide his pain from him. Viktor found himself reaching for that familiar clear liquid bottle after his conversations with Yuuri and mixing it with his prescribed pain medicine. The emotional pain was too much for him bear, setting him towards a dark path. He knew he needed to see him soon or do something before he gets completely consumed by it. He was counting down the days, hours, minutes, seconds, until the case conference for Yuuri, and he would be able to see him. Until then, Viktor forgone a glass and drank straight from the bottle till he fell asleep.

*          *          *

_He was standing in the dark; alone. The silence was deafening in his ears, he could hear his own blood running through his veins and every pump of his heart. A light shone, suddenly, in the abyss. He squinted his eyes against the brightness, allowing his eyes to adjust. Viktor was laying in the light, a pool of dark red blood puddled around him. Viktor was covered in the same red. He screamed Viktor’s name and started running towards him. But as he got closer, he noticed the light was getting dimmer. He continued to run, picking up speed, when a large mountain stood before him, blocking his way. He looked up and up to see the grey dead eyes glaring back at him. A hand came swiftly towards him, he had no time to move. The hand grabbed hold of his throat and started to squeeze. He clawed at the hand around him, but the man in front of him just laughed. He was pushed down to his knees, and from his vantage point he could see Viktor and the light growing dim. His vision started to blur and darken, his lungs burned for air, and pain shot through his neck. “Help…” Viktor gurgled and turned his head towards him. Viktor’s eyes weren’t the same vibrant blue, they were clouded and a milky blue. He reached out, knowing it was useless to try anything to save him. Meanwhile, the man in front of him laughed louder and gripped his hand tighter. “Help… Yuuri…” Viktor gurgled, coughing and spitting up blood. His eyes widened as he saw the light shining around Viktor go out and he was gone. The hand around him tightened once again, his vision becoming pinpoints, and then black. The last thing he saw were those grey dead eyes._

Yuuri woke up to himself screaming. He could feel a weight around his waist and a soothing voice in his ear. Rivers of tears flowed from his eyes and down his cheeks onto the pillow beneath him. His arms were pinned down against his chest, underneath the arms wrapped around him. His screaming ceased when he realized he was in his bed. His breathing was fast and deep but was regulating. “Yuuri? You okay now?”

“Mhmm.” He hummed, not trusting his voice. The arms loosed around him and turned around to face Yuri. “Wha..” He cleared his throat. “What did I do now?”

“You were screaming and crying in your sleep. It also sounded like you were gasping for air at one point. Did you want to talk about it?”

Yuuri shook his head ‘no’. He suddenly shot up, sitting up in bed and pulling out of those arms. The dream returning and fresh. “Viktor! I have to talk to him.” Yuuri looked back at Yuri, who had a confused look on his face. “Please! I have to know he’s okay!” Yuuri pleaded and panicked.

Yuri didn’t ask why, he assumed it was because of whatever he dreamed about. He understood completely, being there himself at one point in his life. “You don’t need my permission, its morning so he should be awake. If you hurry, you could catch Beka before he leaves for the day, or else no one is going to let you make a phone call until later.”

Yuuri was out of bed and in the hallway in a flash. He banged on the nursing station window. Otabek rushed over to the door, seeing the wide frightened eyes Yuuri had. “Yuuri? What’s wrong?”

“I-I need to make a phone call, please!” Otabek looked past Yuuri and could see his Yuri in the distance who just nodded towards him.

“Of course, come with me.” He led Yuuri to the visitor’s room and passed him the phone. Yuuri memorized Viktor’s number by heart, but when he tried dialing his hands were too shaky and he kept messing up. Otabek grabbed his hand to stop him from dialing a third time. “Let me.” Yuuri looked at him with a thank you in his eyes. Otabek, pressed the numbers for Viktor’s phone number and left the room.

“Hello?” A lazy, groggy voice filtered through the earpiece.

“Viktor?! Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay?” Yuuri was hysterical and his voice was shaky like the rest of his body.

“Yuuri? Yes, I’m alright. What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” Viktor sat up in bed, frightened something has happened. He forgot about his broken ribs and winced in pain when it shot through his chest.

“Oh! Thank god!” Yuuri felt a weight lifted off his body when he heard the words from Viktor’s mouth that he was alright. “I-I was so scared.”

“Yuuri, tell me what happened. Was it another nightmare?”

“Yes.” Yuuri whispered into the phone. He told him about the dream and what he felt and saw. More tears and sobs came as he explained it all. Viktor did his best to reassure him that he was well and that it was a nightmare, and it wasn’t true. It was the only thing he could do for his Yuuri, and it pained him that he couldn’t do more.

“Today is your case conference. I’ll be coming in to go to that, I am not missing it. I finally get to see you.” Viktor chuckled. “It feels like forever, but its only been like what? Three, four days?” Yuuri huffed a laugh at that. “I will show you in person, that I am well.”

“Thank you, Viktor. What time is the meeting?”

“Eleven a.m. Would you like to join the meeting after?”

“No. Like I’ve said, I trust you.” Yuuri could feel his body start to relax, and Viktor could hear it in his voice. They spoke a few more minutes, then said their goodbyes. Yuuri hung up the phone feeling exhausted, but too afraid to go to sleep. He exited the visitor’s room and headed back to the nursing station to gather his things and get ready for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? I want to hear from you!   
> Thank you to everyone's support for this story! You guys are amazing!
> 
> <3


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness! I can't believe its chapter 30 already. Thank you for everyone's support, kudos, comments, everything! This chapter is a little longer than the others, I had to stop myself from continuing, and save some for future chapters lol. Hope you enjoy :) 
> 
> <3

Viktor pulled up to the hospital and turned into a parking spot. Driving proved to be a bit difficult with his broken ribs, but he had made it. He turned the key to shut off his car but didn’t move any further. He suddenly felt nervous, which he couldn’t understand why. He’s been to case conferences before, but none about Yuuri. He prepared last night what he was going to say and propose to the clinical team. He finally gathered his courage and slowly made his way out of the car. Viktor swung his legs out first and put one hand on the door and one on the frame to help support and pull himself up. His face scrunched up in pain, and he took a few even breaths to ride through it. Finally, he made his way into the hospital.

Viktor tapped his card on the little black box next to unit door, the green light flashed signalling his access. He quickly made his way to the nursing station. “Hey, Otabek!” He called out.

Otabek sat at a computer in the nursing station, completing some charting. He spun his chair around to face the voice. “Oh, hey, Viktor. You’re looking well. How are you feeling though?” As Viktor approached he could see the dark purplish-greenish bruises under his eyes and around his nose, and his cheek was still slightly swollen and bruised. He also noticed the stiffness in his walk.

“Liar, I look like hell, but I’m alright. Just a bit a pain.” Viktor pulled up a chair to sit, slowly lowering his body to the seat. Otabek, being a nurse, quickly bounded forward and assisted Viktor into the chair.

“You shouldn’t be here, Viktor.” Otabek chastised, moving back to his own chair.

“You know I want to be here for Yuuri.”

“I know you do. I’ll be going into the meeting as well, since I am his prime nurse. So, if there is anything you need, or have any ideas, I will back you up on it.” Viktor nodded his thanks. “What’s going on here?” Otabek poked at Viktor’s cheek where he had the stitches and a bandage covering the wound. It was red around the stitches that had spread out from under the bandage. Otabek peeled back the gauze and could see a small amount of cloudy-yellowish fluid seeping from the wound. “It looks infected. Are you cleaning it properly?” Viktor shied away from his patronizing glare. “Viktooor.” He said elongating the ‘o’ in his name.

“I try!” Viktor caved. “I just get so squeamish when I do it.” Viktor did a fake shudder to emphasize his disgust, but then realized how much of a mistake that was.

“Let me do it.” Otabek sighed and turned on his heel heading into the Med room. He returned with some saline solution, gauze, and anti-bacterial ointment, and set to work cleaning Viktor’s cheek. With gloves on, he poured some solution on gauze and gently pressed and cleaned the area. Every so often Viktor grimaced with an ‘ow’ under his breath. “Oh, suck it up. It doesn’t hurt... So, what are you going to say at the case conference?”

“I have a plan. I just hope they agree to it, but I think this would be the best option for him.” Viktor sighed. “I just want what’s best for him.”

Otabek threw away the gauze and moved onto the ointment, squeezing a small amount onto his index finger and lightly dabbing the area. “I want that for him too.” He replaced the old bandage with a new one.

Viktor went into an explanation of his plan. Otabek sat patiently in front of him listening. “He scratched the back of his head. “I like it, it’s simple enough, and I will definitely back you up on it. I believe this would be the best option for him, if he sticks to it. Are _you_ willing to do this though?”

Viktor sighed again, wincing when he did. He looked around the nursing station, they were the only two in there. “I think so. I want to see him happy, to see him shine.” Viktor smiled softly. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes, and if doing this will help him, then that is what we will do.”

“Alright, good.” Otabek stood from his chair and held his hands out to Viktor. “We better get going then. Let me help you.” Viktor looked at the hands in front of him, considering the help, but finally accepting the assistance, and both slowly made their way to the conference room.

*          *          *

“You two have worked with him the most.” Dr. Feltsman faced Otabek. “What do you think about Viktor’s plan?”

“I think this will be best for him. Pharmacologically speaking, as you said, there’s nothing else that can be done. He will benefit from therapy, which has proven true in the past for him, while he’s been here. It is just unfortunate that he has been through too much while being here to really make a difference.”

“Hmm.” Dr. Feltsman paused, scrolling through notes and reports on his tablet. “I think you may be right, Viktor. Let’s follow through with this then. Was there anything else regarding Mr. Katsuki that needs to be discussed?” Everyone shook their heads. “Good. Does he want to join us now? We can go over his recovery plan with him and see if he has any concerns or questions.”

Viktor cleared his throat. “Yuuri has expressed to me that he does not wish to be involved in this meeting and would like to be told any information afterwards.”

“Alright. Then that concludes that then. Otabek will you relay the information to Mr. Katsuki then please?”

“Actually Dr. Feltsman, I would like to be the one to tell him.” Viktor spoke softly.

“Technically, you are not supposed to be here. I cannot allow you to deal with any patients and risk getting hurt further. I won’t allow it.” Lilia Baranovskaya, the clinical manager, expressed.   

“Yuuri is not violent in any sense. He would not hurt anyone, not on purpose anyways. I will be quick, in and out. I won’t interact with any other patients, just Yuuri. I think it would be best coming from me.” Viktor pleaded to Lila. He had to be careful though, he didn’t want to sound too desperate or they would start asking questions.

Lila sat back in her chair, pondering the safest option for Viktor. “Fine, on one condition.” Viktor perked up. “You have this conversation with him in your office. I know, normally, we do not allow patients in the back offices, but as you said, Yuuri is not violent or disruptive. I will allow it just this once. I cannot afford to have you walking around the floor and getting hurt, got it?” Lila’s hard stare forced Viktor to flinch under it.

“Yes ma’am, absolutely. Thank you.” Lila waved it off. The rest of the team dispersed and Otabek helped Viktor up and to his office.

*          *          *

 Viktor sat at his desk, checking emails and rearranging appointments when a soft knock came at the door. “Come in.” He called out without looking back at the door.

“I brought Yuuri here to see you, Viktor.” Otabek popped his head in. “Is this a good time?”

“Perfect timing, actually.” Viktor pressed one more key on this keyboard with flourish and spun around. “Come on in, Yuuri.” He could see Yuuri standing behind Otabek looking nervous.

Otabek opened the door further and stepped aside, allowing Yuuri to have access. He stepped in timidly, with his hands wringing in front of his chest. “Call the nursing station when you’re done, and someone will come and get him.”

“Thanks!” Viktor waved. Yuuri inched his way further in the office. “Have a seat.” Viktor pointed to the chair next to his desk.

“Why do I feel like I’ve been called to the principal’s office?” Yuuri admitted, lowering himself to the chair.

Viktor chuckled and then winced. “Ow. Don’t make me laugh!” He continued laughing, clutching onto his ribs. “You’re not in trouble, Yuuri. On the contrary this is quite good news. I wanted to be the one to tell you what happened at the case conference and this was the only way Lila would agree for me to see you. Technically, I am supposed to be on sick leave, so I can’t be on the floor.” Yuuri nodded his understanding. “Other than the nightmare’s you told me about; how are you doing?”

Yuuri shrugged. “I’m alright, I guess.” He paused to think about it. “I’m still a bit jumpy and get some panic attacks here and there. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Hmm, pretty normal responses. You are not staying in your room all day?”

“No…” Yuuri tilted his head and thought. “I haven’t actually. That’s usually what I do.” Yuuri sounded confused that his normal responses to his anxiety was something he wasn’t doing.

“Could be because of the medication. It seems to be helping you a little bit, making you more functional than what you normally would be. Good. This is great progress, Yuuri. I know it may not seem like it to you, but it is. I was reviewing all our notes, and the nurses notes from when you first came here to now and there are a few changes, good ones. I’m proud of you.” Viktor reached out and touched Yuuri’s knee, his thumb stroking back and forth. It was the only part of him he could reach without leaning forward. Yuuri looked down at the hand on his knee but wasn’t focused on it. He was too lost in his thoughts.

_Am I better?_

_I feel the same though, don’t I?_

_When I’m with Viktor I’m different. I have noticed some difference I guess._

_But am I better though?_

“Yuuri…” Viktor’s singsong voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Yuuri mumbled a sorry and looked embarrassed. Viktor waved it off. “No need to apologize. So, I want to talk to you about what was discussed in the case conference.”

“Okay. I’m ready.” Yuuri straightened his back and took a deep breath. Viktor smiled at the adorable gesture.

“I came forward with a plan to improve your recovery. Dr. Feltsman, Otabek, and everyone else agreed with me. Before I go into the details, I just want you to know that this will be initiated as soon as possible. I, and everyone else feel that delaying this will not make things any better.”

“Viktor, please. You’re starting to scare me now.” Yuuri’s hands shook as they fidgeted in his lap. If it wasn’t for the small chair, Yuuri would have his knees pulled up.

“I’m sorry.” Viktor rolled his chair closer to Yuuri, so he was in front of him. He spread his legs, and moved in, so Yuuri’s knees, that were tightly pressed together, bumped into his chair. He put both hands-on top of Yuuri’s knees and gently caressed them, in an attempt to calm him. “You are going to be discharged from here.”

There was a long pause. Viktor wasn’t sure if he heard him at all. “WHAT?!” Yuuri suddenly blurted out. “W-W-What do y-you mean d-dis-discharged?” Viktor could see Yuuri start to visibly shake. “I-I can’t be discharged. I’m still a mess! What will happen to me if I leave? Am I even ready? Wait… What about you? What’s going to happen to us? What if I never see you again? What if I never get better? Are you guys discharging me because I’m useless, that there is no hope for me?”

“Yuuri! Stop! Take a few deep breaths with me.” Every time Viktor took a deep breath, a stabbing pain shot through his chest. He ended up showing Yuuri his breaths he needed to take, with the rise and fall of his hand. Slowly Yuuri started to calm, but it didn’t seem enough. Viktor went through another calming exercise with him.

“Better?” Yuuri nodded. “As soon as possible, you will be discharged from here, Yuuri! I thought that’s what you wanted?”

“It is… I just thought I wasn’t ready yet. Wait… Why do I feel like there is a but?”

“Because there is…” Viktor tried to give him his best smile. “You will be discharged, but you must agree to certain terms. You got to go see our outpatient therapist three times a week, who will then update Dr. Feltsman and myself. If you don’t agree to that, then Dr. Feltsman will not discharge you.”

“Oh, I see.” Viktor could practically see the cogs spinning around in Yuuri’s brain. “Why do I have to see this other therapist? Why can’t I just see you?”

“Typically, Dr. Feltsman and I don’t follow patients once they leave here. We are only for inpatients. Since, we are discharging you sooner, I had to put these conditions in for you to see the outpatient therapist, in order for the both of us to follow your progress without actually being directly involved. It’s kind of like…” Viktor rotated his hands in front of himself to help him think of the best way to explain. “…A test. We want to stay in the background and see if this discharge was the right choice or if you need to be back in hospital.” Viktor placed his hands back on Yuuri’s knees, which have now stopped shaking.

“Why though? I don’t quite get it. If you think I’m not better, then why am I leaving and not continuing with you as my therapist? What happens if I don’t do any better out there?”

“I came up with this plan because I think this _place_ is what’s holding you back. Look at everything that’s happened to you since you came. You won’t even leave the unit now. Also, with you continuing your daily routines and schedules, it will help with your recovery. If we see no change in your recovery, then unfortunately you come back here. But Yuuri, there’s nothing for you here, except pain and suffering.”

“There’s you.” Yuuri said quietly, looking down at his lap. A tear rolled down his cheek.

Viktor smiled softly and stroked his thumb across Yuuri’s cheek, wiping away the tear. “You have me. I’m not going anywhere. Just because you’re leaving _here_ does not mean you’re leaving _me_. I won’t let that happen. Sorry, but you’re stuck with me.”

Yuuri looked up into the sea blue eyes and smiled. His hand went up to cover Viktor’s hand against his cheek, as he leaned into it. “That’s all I wanted to hear.”

Viktor smiled widely. “Now you can focus on your skating, and train more than once a week.” Yuuri nodded and mumbled a ‘yeah’. “What’s even more exciting…” Viktor continued. “…Is that we can be ourselves. We won’t have to hide anymore. You technically won’t be my patient.”

Yuuri’s eyes widened and sparkled. “Really?!” Viktor nodded in quick successions. Yuuri leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Viktor’s neck and burrowed his face into his neck, breathing in the ocean. “I think this is the best plan you’ve ever come up with then.” He mumbled into his skin. Viktor chuckled.

Viktor ran his hands down Yuuri’s arms and pulled him back from the hug, his face going serious. Yuuri gulped from the weightiness of the look, suddenly feeling nervous. “There’s just one more condition that you have to agree to. It’s the most important one. I want you to really think about your answer. It may not be an easy decision, but unfortunately I need an answer today.”

“O-Okay. W-What is it?” Yuri started to stutter and tremble.

Viktor sighed, and gave Yuuri the full weight of his serious stare. “You have to agree to go out on a date with me.” Viktor held back his smile that was trying to force its way on his lips.

Yuuri blew out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Really!? Yes! Of course, I will!” Yuuri answered Viktor’s smile that burst open when he said yes, with a smile of his own. “You had me so nervous there for a second, Viktor!” He lightly slapped Viktor on his thigh.

“I couldn’t resist. I do mean it though, I want to take you out. I know we kind of did things a little backwards, but I want to take you out on a real date. You deserve it.”

“Then I accept.” Without any more hesitation he did what he’s been wanting to do since he walked into the office, he leaned forward and met his lips with Viktor’s. The kiss started out slow, then quickly built into something deeper. Gently, he pushed himself out of his chair and climbed on to Viktor’s lap sliding his hands over his shoulders and tangling his fingers in his hair.

Viktor’s hands glided along Yuuri’s thighs to his hips and curved around to his ass, copping a feel of the firm globes. Yuuri lifted himself slightly, so Viktor can get a better hold. They pulled apart from the kiss, breathless. “God, I missed you.” Viktor breathed in his ear. He planted eager quick kisses along Yuuri’s jaw, making his way back to the full plump lips he was craving.

Yuuri moved in closer to Viktor, connecting their bodies in a single line. Viktor let out a gasp and a groan, pulling away from Yuuri’s lips. “I’m sorry! Did I hurt you! Oh my god! I didn’t mean to, I got carried away.” Yuuri started panicking.

“It’s okay, Yuuri. I’m fine. It was just startling that’s all. I just can’t move around that much or have too much pressure on them.” He rubbed Yuuri’s back to reassure him. Yuuri started to get off his legs. Viktor stopped him with his hands on his hips. “I didn’t mean this has to stop.” Viktor smirked, and pulled Yuuri back to his lap. They resumed their kiss which quickly went back to a heated desperate exchange of lips and tongues.

Yuuri skimmed across Viktor’s jaw to his neck. Reaching down and licking along his Adam’s apple, then kissing, and biting along his neck up to his ear. He darted is tongue out and licked behind his ear, causing the man beneath him to moan out. “I want to taste you.” Yuuri whispered into his ear and then taking a nibble on his earlobe.

Viktor’s eyes went wide, and his breathing hitched at the same time his heart started pounding harder in his chest. “Y-You… w-want… Are you su-sure?” Viktor became a blubbering mess.

Yuuri pulled back to look at Viktor, he nodded his answer. “I-I want to try.” He said sheepishly, losing all sexiness from before but gaining points in being adorable.

“Only if you’re sure.” Viktor said before pressing his lips to Yuuri’s. After a few seconds, Yuuri pulled back and started sliding down off the chair to kneel in front of him, between his spread legs. Viktor gulped at the image before him, exploding his desire through his body.

Yuuri stood on his knees and lifted Viktor’s shirt to his chest, where he saw the bandages. There were purple-greenish bruises all along Viktor’s stomach reaching around to his back and going up beneath the bandages. A pang of guilt stabbed at him, upon seeing the visual pain written on his body. Yuuri went around his stomach planting soft kisses on the bruises, until every one of them was touched. As he kissed down his stomach, his hands worked at the button and zipper of Viktor’s pants and slid them down as far as they could go. Viktor was still trapped inside his briefs but Yuuri could see that he was already hard through the bulge that was before him and paused.

Viktor reached down and cupped the side of Yuuri’s face. “You don’t have to, if you’re not ready. I saw what Josh was making you do.” He whispered out.

“That’s part of the reason why I want to. You’re not him, I know you will never force me, I trust you. I want to get over that fear.” He looked up at Viktor. “Plus, I want to make you feel good.” He murmured out, too embarrassed to say out loud, as he looked down at Viktor’s stomach. “I-I don’t know what I’m doing though.”

“I’ll guide and help you. Listen to my reactions when you do something, helps you know what I like and what I love.” Viktor stroked back Yuuri’s hair. “This might make it a bit easier to you too.” Viktor carefully reached to the side of the office chair and pulled on a lever, pushing the back of his chair a little further back, which gave Yuuri more room to work with.

Yuuri took a deep breath and slid his hands up along Viktor’s thighs. That slightest touch, the anticipation of what was to come made Viktor’s breathing catch. Yuuri, finally released Viktor’s now semi-hard member from its confinements. He gently gripped the length and tugged it slowly up and down, adding a little twist at the top. Viktor groaned above him and uttered out Yuuri’s name. He could feel how nervous Yuuri was, his hand was trembling as he rubbed him.

Flashes of Josh and that horrid night went through his brain, the panic started rising. Yuuri tried to breathe through it, ignoring the images, and tried to focus on the man before him. He closed his eyes and directed his thoughts to when Viktor did this to him, trying to copy the same actions he did to him. Yuuri leaned forward and licked up Viktor’s cock. His tongue traced a pattern from the base to the head, then dipping the tip of his tongue in the slit.

The first touch of Yuuri’s warm tongue made Viktor throw his head back and moan out. It was way too much, the heat radiated off Yuuri onto him. He tried to relax, not wanting to release too soon. Behind all the pleasure was the slightest bit of confusion. He has never reacted that way with just a simple lick of someone’s tongue. He pushed that thought aside and focused on the feeling of Yuuri’s tongue sliding around just underneath the head where it meets the shaft, and then sliding down along the vein to the base once again. “Ah… Yuuri. Th-that feels so good.”

With that little confidence boost, Yuuri stood up straighter on his knees and slipped Viktor’s head in his mouth. He pulled it out and looked up at Viktor, who nodded that he was okay. Yuuri placed it back in his mouth, but this time going further down. He stopped when he could feel like he was going to gag and came back up. “Oh god, Yuuri. Keep going.” Viktor panted out. Yuuri remembered how Viktor had done it to him and mimicked his movements. He grabbed onto the base, and slipping his mouth back over his hard member, he met his lips with his hand. He moved his mouth up and down in rhythm with his hand. He hollowed his cheeks, twisted his hand and added some pressure with his tongue when he would reach the top. The moans and groans from Viktor, turned to music in Yuuri’s ears. The more he went, the faster Viktor started breathing.

Viktor’s hand was in Yuuri’s hair as his head bobbed. He tightened his grip in his hair when he could feel himself getting closer. He didn’t want to finish, not yet, he wanted more. “Yuuri… ah… stop… I don’t want… ah… to come yet.” He panted out. The wet hot mouth drew from his cock leaving it cold and lonely. Yuuri looked up at him with confusion and pang of guilt in his eyes. He could tell what Yuuri was thinking. “You were doing amazing, Yuuri. It felt incredible.” A small smile spread on Yuuri’s lips as Viktor pulled him up get back to straddling his lap. Yuuri’s hands instantly went back to their favourite place in Viktor’s hair. He pushed their mouths together, tongues dancing and twisting against one another. He could taste his pre-cum on Yuuri’s tongue, which ravished him further. His hands eagerly went to Yuuri’s waistband, slipping his fingers just inside his sweats, Viktor pulled them down as far as they would go. Without their mouths disconnecting, Viktor grabbed hold of Yuuri’s leaking member, snatching some of that fluid onto his fingers, he danced his hand around to his rear.

Yuuri arched his back and jutted out his ass for Viktor, as one finger slipped in slowly spreading and driving its way in. Yuuri broke away from the kiss and moaned out loudly, throwing his head back. Viktor scrambled and with his other hand, pushed Yuuri’s head back towards his and muffled the moan with his mouth. “Shh… Not too loud, Yuuri. We can’t let anyone hear us.” Yuuri nodded and his cheeks turned a bright pink. Viktor continued his ministrations. Slipping his finger in and out of Yuuri, until he was able to add a second. Yuuri pulled his shirt up over his head and threw it down to the floor. He then kissed, licked, and sucked along Viktor’s neck. At the same time, he reached down and gripped both their cocks together and tugged them up and down lazily.

Viktor was able to add a third finger and was satisfied but how stretched Yuuri was. Unable to move that much, due to his broke ribs, Viktor had to guide Yuuri into a position. He placed his hands on Yuuri’s waist and pushed him off his lap and spun him around, so he was facing away from him. Yuuri followed with Viktor’s physical prompts with some slight confusion but went along with it anyways. Viktor pulled Yuuri’s pants down further, until they fell to his ankles. With a hand in the middle of his back, Viktor guided Yuuri to bend forward just slightly, and then moving his hands back to his hips guided him to move back. Viktor wiggled into a better position, ignoring the pain shooting from his chest. He sat Yuuri back down to his lap slowly, his cock squeezing its way into Yuuri’s hole, stretching further to accommodate him. Yuuri groaned out with the feeling of getting full. Once he was fully sheathed, Yuuri leaned back, straightening out, which changed the angle inside him slightly, making it feel deeper, making him moan out Viktor’s name.

Both men didn’t move just yet, wanting to feel the other for a moment or two. Viktor kissed and sucked on Yuuri’s back, leaving little red marks in random places. With his hands back on Yuuri’s hips he guided him to start rocking his hips. The rolling of his hips quickly turned to bouncing. Yuuri used his muscular thighs to bounce on Viktor’s lap, slipping his cock in and out. Yuuri gripped onto the desk in front of him for support, as Viktor’s grip on his hips tightened.

Viktor gave a little nudge on Yuuri’s hip for him to change his angle. When he did he screamed out, quickly muffling that scream with his hand. Yuuri went faster, making Viktor hit that sweet spot with him repeatedly. Viktor thrusted upwards meeting his hips into Yuuri’s ass and matching his rhythm. Yuuri moaned out Viktor’s name and his breathing quickened. His ass squeezed around Viktor’s cock as he came, shooting all over his chest and stomach. Viktor pressed one hand into Yuuri’s lower back and after a few more thrusts, he came inside Yuuri, filling him.

Yuuri bent forward resting his forehead on his arm that was on top of the desk. Breathless and exhausted both men didn’t want to move. “We should… clean… up…” Viktor said between heavy breaths. Eventually both men started moving and cleaned up with the tissues Viktor had in his office, which were usually saved for crying family members of patients.

With the endorphins wearing out, Viktor was starting to feel the pain his chest and back start to creep up. He over did it and now was going to pay for it. He figured it was totally worth it though, while watching Yuuri bend forward to put his pants back on. He opened his drawer and pulled a bottle of over the counter pain meds. It was the only thing he had until he was able to take his prescription pain meds at home. He turned back to Yuuri and pulled him into an embrace. “I should get going back. They are going to start asking questions if we take any longer, or someone will check up on us.” Yuuri mumbled into Viktor’s shoulder.

“I know. I just don’t want to let you go quite yet.” Viktor placed a kiss into Yuuri’s hair. “I don’t know when I’ll be back and be able to see you again.”

They spent the next hour and a half with Viktor sitting on his desk and Yuuri half lying on Viktor’s legs, half lying on the desk, talking and learning more about one another. Each spoke about stories of their past, some humorous, some a little serious. All the while, their hands constantly exploring each other’s bodies, through little touches and kisses, until it was time for Yuuri to go back.

Viktor moved all his desk items back to their place, since they moved them all for them to sit. He then called the nursing station for someone to come and bring Yuuri back to the unit floor. As they waited, Viktor held Yuuri in his arms. Yuuri, feeling the warmth exuding from Viktor, and imprinting the ocean and musk scent to memory.   

A knock came at the door. “Be right there.” Viktor called out with a sigh. He leaned down as Yuuri pushed up meeting their lips in the middle for a passionate kiss. Viktor pulled away first. “I’ll miss you. Promise you’ll call me every night?”

“I promise.” Yuuri whispered against Viktor’s lips, pressing them back together.

Viktor pulled back again. “I guess I should answer the door.” Yuuri giggled and withdrew from Viktor’s warmth. Viktor turned and answered the door. “Hi, Sheryl.” Viktor put on his best professional smile. He turned back to Yuuri and played the therapist for show. “Now, Yuuri, if you have any questions you can ask Otabek while I am away.”

Yuuri nodded. “Yes, I will. Thank you, Viktor.” Yuuri stated as part of the show and brushed past him. Sheryl turned away to start leading the way back, so Viktor took the opportunity and entangled their fingers and gave a light squeeze for a quick second. A final reassuring touch for both. Yuuri looked back at Viktor and smiled his small smile and continued out the door and down the hall.

Viktor closed the door to his office and softly slumped against it, his eyes filled with tears and his arms felt empty.

Yuuri walked with his head down towards the floor and his shoulders slumped forward. His eyes welled up with tears and fell down his face. A coldness swept over him as Viktor’s warmth dissipated, along with the sense of loneliness filling his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think? 
> 
> <3


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of growth... :)
> 
> <3

Yuuri walked through the door out of the back offices, onto the unit floor. Yuri was close by leaning against a wall waiting for him. “Well?” He asked, kicking off the wall. As he got closer he saw the tears down his cheeks. He sighed and put an arm around Yuuri. “Come with me.” He led Yuuri back to his room, asking a nurse to unlock it for them. Once inside, he gently guided Yuuri to sit on the bed. “Otabek wouldn’t tell me anything, he said it wasn’t his information to tell. Jerk.” He sat in front of Yuuri. “You don’t have to tell me either if you don’t want to. But if it’s this bad and you want to talk about it, I’m here.” He gently placed a hand on Yuuri’s knee to assure him, a gentle reminder that he was there.

After a few silent minutes, Yuuri spoke. “They want to discharge me.” His voice was raspy, and it came out as a whisper. Yuri had to lean in to hear.

“That’s amazing! Why are you so upset?”

“I’m not upset at the idea of leaving here. I’m upset because of Viktor.” Yuuri lifted his head, meeting Yuri’s emerald eyes.

“What did that piece of shit do?! I’ll fucking kick his ass. Did he break it off with you cause your leaving here?!” Yuri started getting riled up and went to get off the bed. Yuuri stopped him with a hand on his arm and shook his head.

“No, nothing like that.” Yuri visibly sighed, his body relaxing. He remained quiet so Yuuri could explain. “I had to agree to certain conditions in order to get discharged. They want me to see the outpatient therapist three times a week, and Dr. Feltsman and Viktor will be following my progress.”

Yuri tilted his head to the side. “That’s odd. I’ve never heard of a conditional discharge. Why are they doing that? Also, Viktor and Dr. Feltsman are only for inpatient.”

“This was Viktor’s idea. He said that it was this place that keeps making me worse. He explained it by saying it was like a test to see if I actually do need to be in hospital or not.”

“Hmm… I get it. It’s smart of Viktor. A lot of shit has happened to you in the short time you’ve been here. Still doesn’t explain why your upset. Did you agree to it?” Yuri shuffled on the bed, so he laid down next to Yuuri. He put his hands behind his head and crossed his ankles.

“I did. At first, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to lose Viktor as my therapist. I felt like I was going to lose him in my life completely, and I didn’t want that. He then explained that even if he’s not going to be my therapist, I wouldn’t lose him. It made me feel better and then I agreed. Then we just stayed together in his office, we talked and…”

“Fucked.” Yuri cut in before he could continue.

Yuuri’s face went bright red, he grabbed his pillow and hit Yuri with it before burying his face in it. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“I’m not wrong, am I?” Yuri laughed and shrugged.

“Anyways…” Yuuri continued, not denying the fact that Yuri was right. “It was nice talking and learning more about one another. It felt… normal. Like, I wasn’t here anymore, that I’m not fucked up in the head, and neither of us got hurt.” Yuri understood far too well. He leaned over and wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s waist, his face squishing against the side of his ribs. Yuuri was startled at first with the action and hugged him back. “He’s not coming back for a little while, I’m just really going to miss him. These last few days were hell, I can’t imagine any longer.”

“Geeze are you that whipped already?” Yuri pulled back from the hug, and lightly punched Yuuri’s arm.

“Okay then, what if I said you can’t see Otabek for two weeks.” Yuuri looked smug and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Fuck off.” Yuri turned away from Yuuri. In that action he knew he would be in the same boat as Yuuri. Lost and drifting to somewhere unknown. He by far was not dependant on Otabek, but at the same time, he was his rock, his constant, the one that made everything in the fucked-up world Yuri knew, to be alright and bearable. He could tell Viktor was to Yuuri, as Otabek was to him. “So… When do you leave?” Yuri sounded small and childlike.

Yuuri shrugged. “He didn’t tell me a date. He just said that it was going to be as soon as possible. Why you going to miss me?” Yuuri leaned over Yuri, batting his eyes.

Yuri rolled his eyes. “Psh, like I’d miss you.” He lied.

Yuuri smiled a knowing smile. “I’ll miss you too.”

After a few minutes of comfortable heavy silence, Yuri broke it. “Oi, what you going to do when you get out?”

“Geeze you make it sound like I’m in prison.” Yuuri turned all serious. “I want to go back to my life. Continue with my skating and compete, continue school, see my friends and family. The only difference would be, is I want to share all that with Viktor and want him to share his life with me. I’ve never wanted that before, I was too afraid to.” He turned back and looked at Yuri. “What about you?”

“To fuck Otabek all day and all night.” Yuri made a thrusting motion with his hips. Yuuri screamed and buried his face in the pillow he was holding onto. Yuri clutched onto his stomach laughing.

“Be serious!” Yuuri swatted him with the pillow.

“Alright, alright.” Yuri settled and wiped away some tears he had in his eyes from laughing. A few breaths passed between them. “I want to dance again.” His voice went serious, a complete 180 from his silliness before.

“Eh?!?” Yuuri turned his whole body around to face Yuri. His eyes were wide, and he was utterly shocked to hear that Yuri used to dance. “You dance!”

“Used to. I did ballet up until I was 16-17. Dancing was everything to me, it was my whole life. I dreamed of being the best.” Yuri looked lost in his thoughts and memories.

“What happened?”

“Shit happened. My grandfather got sick and I had to take care of him. We didn’t have enough money to hire a caretaker for him, so I did everything.” He sighed. “I doubt I would be able to now. So, I guess my next step would be to go to college. I just finished getting my high school diploma while in this dump, I couldn’t finish back then. I just want my life to be different. I want it to mean something to me. I want to matter.”

Yuuri felt a twinge of sorrow for Yuri. “Why doesn’t Viktor help you? He used to be a dancer as well. That’s how we were able to get the dance studio. Does he know that you used to dance?”

Yuri shook his head. “No, he doesn’t know. Even though he’s my therapist, I never told him. I guess I was too embarrassed. I knew his name as one of the best principal dancers, everyone looked up to him, and everyone wanted to be him, myself included. When I came here and discovered he was my therapist, it fucked me right up, but I got to ashamed of everything and hid that part of myself from him. He was idol.”

“I think you should tell him. He might be able to help you. If Viktor taught me anything, is that having a goal, something to achieve, will make you move forward. I think that’s what you need Yuri.”

“Maybe you’re right. I’ll think about it.” A knock came at the door informing them of dinner. Yuri rolled off the bed. “Thank god, I’m starving.”

“One thing I’m not going to miss here, is the food. Its absolutely disgusting. How can you eat it?” Yuuri followed suite and headed for the door. “I grew up at hot spring resort, and we had a restaurant inside, I guess it just spoiled my palate.”

“If you’ve been where I have, you’ll eat anything.” Yuuri wasn’t entirely sure on what Yuri had meant, but he let it go and shrugged. Both heading out to their deliciously disgusting meal.

*          *          *

It’s been a week since Viktor had been there. Yuuri was starting to get impatient and was wondering if he was ever going to leave. He had spoken to Viktor every night, and he had no answers for him. The phone calls helped a little bit, but Yuuri still moped around the unit, missing Viktor. Of course, no one knew that was why he was moping, except for Yuri and Otabek, he just let everyone assume it was because he hasn’t been discharged yet. Some nurses were nosey and asked who Yuuri was calling every night, since he never made phone calls before. He would lie and tell them he was calling his coach or his roommate, Phichit.

Yuuri still had nightmares and panic attacks and shared them with Viktor when they spoke on the phone. He would encourage him to see the therapist they had to cover for Viktor on the unit. Yuuri refused each time. He knew he would be getting someone new after he leaves, and he could wait until then. Yuuri explained that he still isn’t open with just anyone and didn’t want to go through the whole process twice of introductions and debating on if he can trust that person, it was too overwhelming for him. He assured Viktor that their impromptu sessions on the phone were enough. Even though half the time the conversations ended up with Viktor telling him how much he missed him and all the things he wanted to do to him, making Yuuri’s face go red and body burn with heat.

“We are just waiting for the outpatient therapist. She’s got a full load of patients already, we’re not sure if we can get you in.” Viktor’s sigh passed through the phone. “Dr. Feltsman and I are searching private therapists in your area that are willing to create a partnership with us. So far, I have a list of three therapists that look promising. I think these individuals will suite you to what you need. I’m going to make some phone calls first thing in the morning.”

“I hope this works. I was scared to leave here, but now I’m excited and all I want is to be with you and move on from here. I want to get back on the ice.” Yuuri said with a sigh, leaning his head back on the chair.

“I know, Yuuri. I want to be with you too. I miss your smile, your laugh, your body. God your body, Yuuri.” Viktor breathed through the phone. “I want it pressed up against me. Slide my hands down your waist, to your hips, and finally to your tight firm ass.”

“V-Viktor…” Yuuri whispered out. He could feel those words like they were Viktor’s hands sliding along his body. His member twitched to life and was growing harder. Viktor purred through the phone all the nasty things he wanted to do to him. Hearing Viktor’s breathing get laboured as he went on. Yuuri was finding it harder and harder to resist. He looked up at the camera, knowing he was being watched from the nursing station, and turned his back, angling his body so they wouldn’t see what he was doing or his arm moving. He closed his eyes and put Viktor’s words to images in his mind. Every caress, every kiss, every thrust, it was like he felt it on his body. He was getting closer to the end.

Viktor continued with his dialogue. “I want to feel your cock against mine, Yuuri. Both our hands rubbing them together.” Viktor could hear Yuuri’s breathing increase and could tell he was getting close, as was he. “I would lick along your neck to that spot just below your ear that you love so much.”

“Oh god, Viktor… I…” Yuuri panted out, trying desperately to be quiet. The panting and moaning from Viktor through the receiver made him rub faster, if he held his breath for a second he could hear the squelching noises from Viktor stroking his cock. “I…” Before he could finish sentence, Yuuri came in his hand, letting out soft moans and whimpers. Viktor loudly let out his moans, screaming out Yuuri’s name as he came. Both stayed silent for a few minutes as they caught their breaths. “I can’t believe I just did that with you on the phone.” Yuuri looked down and realized he had a bit of a messy problem. “Hang on a second, Viktor.” He set the receiver down and took off his zipped-up hoodie and used it to clean his hand the rest of himself up. “Hi, sorry. I had to take off my sweater. I don’t have anything else to clean with.”

Viktor chuckled, leaving shivers down Yuuri’s spine. “That was a little… unexpected.” Viktor’s voice was soft and lazy. “I better let you go. I’ll let you know what I hear tomorrow with the phone calls. I love you, _lyubimaya.”_

“I love you too, Viktor.” They hung up at the phone with a click. Suddenly exhausted, Yuuri left the visitor’s room and went to bed.  

*          *          *

Yuuri laid in bed, it was well into the afternoon and he hasn’t moved an inch. He had no where to go and no reason to get up. Today would have been his rink day, but with Viktor not here, he couldn’t go. He sighed and rolled over to his other side, eyeing his skating bag, which only contained his clothes, his skates were locked up in Viktor’s office.

A painful stabbing went through his body, reminding him of a bodily function. “Fine. I’ll get up.” With slow lazy movements, Yuuri made his way to the washroom to relieve himself. After coming out of the washroom, he heard his name being called from down the hallway, from the nursing station. Otabek waved his hand to beckon him. Yuuri slouched his shoulders and made his way over, wanting nothing more than to go back to bed.

“Yeah… Here he his… hang on.” Otabek had the nursing station door propped open with his foot and the phone in his hand. He stopped and realized his predicament of how to pass the phone to Yuuri, since the cord wasn’t long enough. “Fuck it. Come in here. The phone is for you and I don’t feel like transferring it to the visitor’s room.”

“What?! I can’t…”

“It’s fine, Yuuri.” Yuuri hesitantly stepped into the nursing station and Otabek closed the door behind him. It was like a whole other place in there, it even smelled different, nicer even. “Here, have a seat.” Otabek rolled a chair to Yuuri. “It’s Viktor on the phone for you. He has some information about your discharge and wants to tell you.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks.” Yuuri seized the phone from Otabek and pressed it to his ear. He turned around to face away from the glares he was catching from the other nursing staff. “Hi, Viktor.” Sounding nervous, but casual.

“Hi, Yuuri.” Viktor purred through the phone. “How’s your day been?”

“It’s alright. Missing going to the rink today.” He said honestly.

“I’m sorry about that, my love. I wish I could take you today.” Viktor sounded sad and disappointed.

“No, no! It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I said something.”

“It’s okay, Yuuri. I’m not disappointed in you. I’m just upset at the whole situation. I love to watch you skate, so I’m missing it too. But I do have some good and bad news for you. Which do you want first?”

“Ummm… Bad?”

He could hear Viktor take a deep breath. He knew it was bad, really bad, if he had to prepare himself to tell him. “Josh is being released from jail and will be going back to the hospital.”

“WHAT?!” Yuuri yelled into the phone. Otabek rolled in his chair from across the nursing station to his side. He looked up at Otabek with wide eyes and his body started quivering as fear ran up his spine. “H-How? W-Why? W-When?”

“Within the next few days. He used his _connections_ to get out of jail and paid off others, so he could come here. Apparently, this is a resort to him. Yuuri, I don’t like this anymore than you do. I’ve been scrambling all morning to find a way to get you out of there. Logically, he can’t hurt you physically if you stay on the unit. But mentally, he’s going to destroy you. Which brings me to the good news.”

Yuuri felt sick to his stomach. Memories from that night flashed before his eyes. He could barely hold on to the receiver and his vision was going blurry. He cleared his closing throat. “I-I don’t think a-anything you s-s-say will make me feel better.”

“I know, Yuuri. I didn’t want to tell you, but I didn’t want you to hear it from some of the other patients either. I’m sorry, _lyubimaya._ ” Viktor softly purred.

“So, what is this supposed good news.” Yuuri was started to get angry. He was scared, but that’s exactly what he was mad at. He was tired of being scared, tired of feeling the constant anxiousness, bubbling within his gut.

“I found you a private therapist that’s willing to take you on and create a partnership with Dr. Feltsman and I.” Viktor paused, waiting to hear some sort of reaction on the other end, when nothing came he continued. “Once the paperwork is finished getting filled out, you will be discharged. I’d say within the next couple of days.” Viktor sounded hopeful and excited.

“Are you being serious?” Yuuri was stunned to disbelief.

“Yes, Yuuri. It’s all true.”

“I was starting to think it wasn’t going to happen. But you did it Viktor. Thank you!” Yuuri started sounding hopeful as well, but the underlying fear still simmered beneath the surface.

“I’ll let you go now. I know your in the nursing station and cannot talk like we normally do. I have some instructions to give to Otabek anyways. Plus, I want to get a start on some of the paperwork and reports that the therapist needs. Love you, I will see you soon.”

“You too, Viktor.” Yuuri passed the phone back to Otabek, who raised a brow. “He wants to talk to you.” Yuuri stood from the chair and exited out of the nursing station, feeling the urge to move and to release some of the anxious energy.

*          *          *

Yuuri changed his clothing and headed back out to the nursing station, knocking on the window. “Hey, Otabek. Can I go in the activity room please? The one with just the tables and chairs.”

“Sure, Yuuri. No problem.” He stated, a little confused. Yuuri had never asked to go in there, he hasn’t really had a need. But he led him there anyways. “There you are. Need anything? The closets are locked.”

“No, I’m good, thank you.” Otabek left and Yuuri turned around facing the room. It was a large room with three large round folding tables in the middle, a computer against one wall, and a pile of chairs against the adjacent wall. Yuuri set to work folding and rolling the tables away to lean them against the chairs. He wasn’t even sure if, he was permitted do this but, he didn’t care. He needed this. Once those were out of the way he took off his hoodie and pulled his dance shoes out of the pocket. After slipping them on, he logged onto the computer to play some music.

Yuuri stood in the middle of the floor, he closed his eyes and let the music take over. He pushed everything from his mind and just concentrated on his body. He let the music control his movements, the placement of his limbs, and the pace.

**_[Sia – Alive]_ **

The first few piano notes played through the speakers. Yuuri stood straight and still, his shoulders slightly slumped, only moving his head in a circular motion. The lyrics began, and he raised his arms slowly and dramatically. He stopped moving in his position when the lyrics and music paused. The tempo picked up slightly and Yuuri kicked off where he was, twisting and turning around the floor.

_But I surviiiiiiived…_

Yuuri raised his arms, bent at the elbows and hands into fists. The lyrics continued and Yuuri gracefully slid to the floor. He flipped and twisted on the floor dramatically. He sat up with his legs spread a little more than shoulder width apart, with his knees bent and he flared his arms out.  

_No hope just lies, and you’re taught to cry into your pillow…_

Yuuri flopped back down, turning onto his stomach and banged his fist on the ground for a few beats and then reached out like he was struggling and there was a weight being pressed on him.

_I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing…_

Yuuri turned onto his back and raised his chest high, by arching in back with each word on breathing. His arms splayed out to the side and his head remained attached to the floor. The chorus burst through the speakers and Yuuri was on his feet in an instant. He leaped around the room his arms raised, expressing a pain hidden beneath.

Yuri stood outside the activity room, upon hearing the music, being nosey, he went to check out what was happening and saw Yuuri start to dance. He wanted to get closer, he checked the door handle, unlocked. With a silent thank you to whomever accidently unlocked it, he silently went in. Yuuri was dancing through the second verse when Yuri tucked himself in the corner to watch him.

_I saw my life in a stranger’s face, and it was miiiiine…_

Yuuri was on his toes, his knees bent in a sort of squat position, his arms were bent and were pushing forward slowly as the lyrics paused. Yuuri twisted and turned across the floor, his legs and arms creating beautiful lines and extensions. He paused again during another break in the music.

_I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing…_

Yuuri pirouetted in place, kicking out his free leg on each word of ‘breathing’ to give him momentum. The chorus played again and Yuuri elegantly threw his arms up in the air and then bounded across the floor performing grand jete’s with a spin in between each jump. The chorus got to the climactic part and Yuuri stopped leaping and stood in place, reaching out and up towards something, but not quite grasping.

_You took it all, but I’m still breathing…_

Yuuri thrust a hand forward and pointed and then swung his arms out wide. He drew them back in, holding them against his chest, and kicked out his leg in a wide arch. He stepped back, on his toes with small steps and repeated his movements at different parts of the room.

_I have made every single mistake that you could ever possibly make…_

Yuuri fell to his knees and spread his knees out wide and sat back on his feet. His hands went into his hair, pretending to pull at it, as his torso made a wide circular motion.

_But you never noticed that I was in pain…_

Still on his knees, he lowered his torso to the floor and glided his arms in wide arcs across the floor, his finger splayed out.

_And all in spite of you…_

He flung himself back, with a hand behind him by his feet to support. The other hand pointed straight above him as he looked up at the hand.

_I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing…_

He flung himself back down, his torso between his spread-out knees, his arms were slightly bent and spread out above his head on the floor. He rounded his back on each word of ‘breathing’. The chorus started again, rising and falling his upper body his arms gracefully making patterns in the air. He banged his fists on the ground, when the lyrics stopped, and all the listener could hear was the drum.

_I’m alive…_

Yuuri stood up once again and made his way across the makeshift dance floor. Kicking, spinning, leaping, all the movements now expressed a new-found strength, pushing away at what ever was holding him down. The music ended, and Yuuri posed the same as he had in the beginning. But this time his stance was straight and strong.

Yuuri fell to his knees, breathless. A sheen of sweat coated his body and some dripped down his head. He took the hem of his shirt and wiped his face. Once he caught his breath and turned back to the computer and saw something out of the corner of his eye. “Yuri?” Yuri was crouched in the corner with his knees drawn up. He was crying into his knees as the tears flowed freely down his cheeks. Yuuri crouched down next to him and pulled him into a hug. Yuri let go of his own knees and replaced his grasp with Yuuri’s torso. He slowly quieted, and Yuuri broke the silence between them. “Want to dance with me?”

“I-I haven’t danced in years. I’ll be no good.” Yuri softly confessed. His face showing just how vulnerable he was feeling.

“Who cares? No one is here. This isn’t about anybody else, this is about you.” Yuuri stood up and reached a hand out to Yuri. “Come on. I wanted to do another song to go with the last one. I think you’ll like it.” Yuri reached out and grabbed hold of the hand and hoisted himself up. Yuuri made his way to the computer to set up the song.

**_[Sia – Bird Set Free]_ **

Piano started to play. Yuri mimicked Yuuri’s movements. Until the drums set in and lyrics followed soon after. Yuri tried hard and kept up with Yuuri. Feeling the familiar burn of his muscles as they stretched and lifted.

They danced together through the beginning of the song. Using each other as anchors for certain moves and jumps. Relying on one another as they made their story through their movements with their bodies. By midway of the song Yuuri slowly pulled away, giving Yuri his chance to dance and tell his story. Yuuri leaned against the wall by the computer, in complete awe of Yuri’s dancing. He was strong and powerful in his lines, every extension showing just how sure of himself he was. He trusted his body to know what to do, and never faltered.

_For someone who hasn’t danced in years, is incredible right now. He’s beautiful._

The song ended, and Yuri collapsed to the floor panting heavily as he laid on his back. He curled up into a ball and sobbed. Yuuri sat on the floor beside him and pulled his head into his lap, reassuring him that he was there. The sobs turned into hiccups, Yuri whispered into Yuuri’s legs. “Thank you.” Yuuri didn’t say a word, he continued to stroke his hair and back, letting his actions speak for themselves.

Otabek could hear the music playing from the activity room. Through a screen on the other end of the unit, he seen his Yuri dance beautifully from the security camera. He watched as his beautiful blonde angel sprout his wings. Otabek wiped a tear that rolled down his cheek and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, questions, or concerns are all welcome!   
> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> <3


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! It's discharge day!! :D

Two days had past since Viktor had told Yuuri of the good and bad news. Yuuri woke that morning with excitement bubbling in his gut. He threw his blankets off and raced to the washroom to shower and get ready for the day. As he got ready, Yuuri counted all the lasts that he was going to do, last time showering in this shower, last time seeing that patient, last time doing this and that. Yuuri kept his mind occupied with those thoughts, instead of the other ones about Josh returning to the hospital that were in the back of his mind, pacing and waiting to be released.

He was packing up his clothes into his duffel bag when Yuri barged into his room. Before Yuuri could turn around, Yuri jumped on his back, arms going around his neck. “I don’t want you to go!” Yuuri giggled at the childlike whiny voice Yuri produced. “I want you to go, you deserve to the get the fuck out of here, but who am I going to mess with now?” Yuri climbed off his back and sat on his bed in front of him. “I’m going to be sooooooooo bored.” He then flung himself backwards lying starfish on the bed.

Yuuri giggled at his dramatics. “I’m going to miss you too. Do you know when you get to be discharged?” Yuuri continued folding and neatly placing his clothes in the duffel bag. He didn’t know why he was making everything so neat. He was going to wash them as soon as he got home, even though they’ve been laundered and clean, he just wanted to wash the place away.

“Viktor told me soon. They are setting up therapy and social supports for me, so when that’s all done, I’m getting the fuck out of here.”

“That’s great news! Did Viktor call you and tell you?”

“Yeah, he called yesterday. I can’t believe that idiot is still working from home.” Yuuri laughed at that comment. “Anyways, I told him about how I used to dance, and that I want to continue.” Yuri said softly and more seriously.

“You did! What did he say?” Forgoing the folding, he sat next to Yuri on the bed, intrigued by what he had to say.

“Yeah, I can’t stop thinking about dancing the other day. I missed it so much.” Yuri huffed and cradled his head in his hands that were propped on his knees by his elbows. “He said he was surprised I never told him before. When I told him why I didn’t, he just laughed at me and called me cute! What a dick!” Yuri huffed. “He said he’s going to help me though. He wants to see me dance first.”

“That’s great news, Yuri!” Yuuri half hugged Yuri from the side. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Okay mom.” Yuri said sarcastically, rolling his eyes, while pushing Yuuri off him.

Yuuri laughed at the embarrassed Yuri. It was his turn now. After he settled he turned around to grab something off the end of the bed. “Here, this is for you.” Yuuri handed him a small piece of paper. His hands started fidgeting and he avoided all eye contact with Yuri. “Its my contact information. I thought we could still be friends after this.” Yuuri said quietly, barely above a whisper. His face turned red with embarrassment.

Yuri looked down at the piece of paper with wide eyes. The numbers and letters slowly becoming blurry. “You want to be friends with me? Why?”

“I-I thought w-we were already f-f-friends. Aren’t w-we?” Yuuri suddenly became nervous, and thoughts of his wrongdoings swam through his head.

“I guess...” Yuri hunched his shoulders. “I haven’t had a friend in a long time. I guess I forgot what it was like.” A tear fell down his cheek and landed on the corner of the paper, creating a wet spot that spread out. “Thank you, Yuuri. I’ll keep it safe.” He wiped away his tears and sat up a little straighter.

“I put my email there too, so we can keep in touch through email until you get discharged.” Yuri wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s neck from the side and planted a big wet kiss on his cheek. “Yuuuuurrrriii!” Yuuri wiped off the saliva from his cheek with the palm of his hand, while Yuri laughed at him.

Yuri stood up from his spot on the bed. “I got to get going to group. I’ll see you before you leave, kay?” Yuri neatly folded the paper and put it into the pocket of his tight black skinny jeans, and left Yuuri’s bedroom. Yuuri sighed when he left and continued packing his things.

*          *          *

Yuuri finished packing all his things and set them by his door to his room. He laid spread out on his bed, with a huff and starred at the ceiling.

_I can’t believe I’m finally leaving._

_What’s going to happen when I leave?_

_What if I mess up and got to come back here?_

_What if I get worse?_

_What if..._

The questions started pouring in, clogging and clouding Yuuri’s brain. He sat up quickly and crossed his legs. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

_I can’t think like this. I got to get better, I got to **be** better. _

He completed and went through a few more calming exercises. He was in the middle of one when a knock came at the door, followed by it opening. He tried to ignore it and continued with what he was doing. Luckily the person had an enough common sense to leave him be until he was done. Yuuri slowly opened his eyes and turned towards the door. Otabek stood by the doorway with the it closed behind him, scrolling through his phone while he waited. “Hey Otabek. Sorry I was...”

“It’s alright, Yuuri. Getting anxious about leaving?” Otabek pocketed his phone and sat next to Yuuri on the bed.

Yuuri took a deep breath and hunched his shoulders. “Yeah. I just want to do good out there.”

“I understand. I think you will. Viktor is right, its this place that’s preventing you from succeeding. You’re going to do well, I know it.”

“Thanks, Otabek.” Yuuri whispered sheepishly.

“I came to tell you that Viktor should be here in an hour to get you.”

Yuuri raised his head quickly to meet Otabek. “What?! Viktor is picking me up? I-I thought Celestino was.”

Otabek chuckled. “Viktor spoke to Celestino and said that he would instead. Lied about needing to discuss things with you and take you to the new therapist for introductions. But, I guess you guys don’t really need to lie anymore eh?” Otabek turned his head away and his eyes grew distant.

Yuuri reached over and put a hand on Otabek’s arm. “You and Yuri will be like that soon.”

“I know, I just wish it was now. Guess I’m just a bit jealous.” Otabek suddenly rummaged in his pocket. “I almost forgot to give you this.” Otabek handed Yuuri his cell phone and a post-it note stuck to it. “I never do this, but I like you Yuuri, you’re a pretty decent guy and you’ve helped my Yuri a lot.” He pointed to the post-it note. “That’s my number, you can call me anytime if you need to talk, or if you just want to meet up or hang out.”

Now Yuuri felt like the other Yuri when he gave him his number. A tear rolled down his cheek, splashing onto his hand. “This really means a lot to me Otabek. Thank you.” Yuuri awkwardly wrapped his arms around Otabek’s shoulders and neck in an embrace. Otabek reciprocated the hug with one arm and patted his back a few times. After Yuuri pulled away, he turned on his phone and waited for the thousand notifications to finish popping up. Most were from his fans on social media wishing him well, since news of his admittance was leaked, some messages were from acquaintances in the skating world. Yuuri ignored them all and inputted Otabek’s number into his phone. “There.” He said, turning off the screen to his phone.

“What do you want to do while you wait?” Otabek asked him, standing up from the bed.

“I think, I just want to stay in here. If that’s okay?”

“Doesn’t bother me. Do whatever you want.” Otabek shrugged. “I’ll come get you when it’s time.” Otabek left the room, and Yuuri fell back on his bed with a sigh.

_I got one hour._

*          *          *

Yuuri carried his duffel bag on one shoulder towards the door to leave the unit. Otabek was ahead of him leading the way. “I’m going to walk you out of the hospital. Viktor is just in the parking lot. He’s still not allowed on the unit while he is on sick leave. Lilia even banned him from entering the hospital.” He tapped his card on the little black box next to the door. It sounded a small beep and the red light turned green. Otabek opened the door for them, but Yuuri couldn’t move. He was completely frozen in place. Otabek turned around. “Yuuri?”

“I can’t... I can’t do it.” All the thoughts about Josh and his impending failure was released from the back of his mind and pushed and shoved and killed every positive thought in its path. Yuuri started shaking where he stood, and his eyes glazed over staring at a spot on the floor. He felt large strong hands curl around his upper arms. He lifted his head to meet the eyes attached to the hands. He let out a breath when he saw brown, almost black eyes staring back at him, rather than the grey dead eyes he was expecting.

“Yuuri, you can do this. I’ll be with you the whole time. Viktor is outside waiting for you. Don’t you want to go see him?”

“W-What if he’s out there? What i-if he’s waiting for me?” Yuuri’s eyes drew wide and panicked, his breathing came out laboured. “W-What i-if he already got Viktor?!” Otabek tried to reassure Yuuri that he and Viktor are okay. Yuuri heard none of it, the voices in his head were loud enough to drown out everything Otabek was telling him.

Otabek pulled out his phone and tapped a few buttons on the screen with his thumbs and waited. After 30 seconds a notification came through. Otabek turned his phone around and placed it in Yuuri’s line of sight. It took a few heartbeats for Yuuri to focus, but when he did he whispered Viktor’s name. Otabek had texted Viktor the situation and had asked him to take a picture of himself.

Yuuri reached for the phone and held it, staring at a picture of Viktor with a heart-shaped smile and the sun shining behind him, making it look like he was radiating some sort of light. “See Yuuri, he’s alright. So, will you. Josh isn’t even in the hospital yet.”

Yuuri lifted his eyes from the phone to look at Otabek. “You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure, Yuuri. We planned it this way so that you can leave before he even shows up.” Otabek took back his phone and placed it back in his pocket.

“WAIT!” Both Otabek and Yuuri turned around to follow the voice that yelled. Yuri came running from the activity room and pounced on Yuuri. This time Yuuri was waiting for it and braced himself. Yuri pulled back from the hug. “Fucking group took fucking forever. Some people just don’t know when to shut up.” Yuuri smiled his small smile. “Everything okay? You should be fucking ecstatic! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Yuuri didn’t say anything but looked down at the floor. Yuri made the connections in his head at the possible reasons. “Oh, I get it. He’s not here yet Yuuri. He’s not coming until tomorrow. You’re perfectly safe.”

“How do you know he’s coming tomorrow?” Otabek interjected.

“I have my ways.” Yuri said with a wink. He turned back to Yuuri and hugged him once more. “I’ll email you later. Now, get the fuck out of here.” Yuri spun Yuuri by his shoulders and smacked him on the ass to push him forward.

Yuuri let out a yelp and jumped. He turned to look over his shoulder. “See you later, Yuri.” He followed Otabek out the door, after taking one more deep breath.

Yuri waved at him from inside the unit. A few tears escaping.

_He said, ‘see you later’. He didn’t say bye, he said he was going to see me later._

Once Yuuri heard the door close behind him, he felt an odd sense of lightness throughout his body. Like the weight of all his problems were left behind in that place. The heaviness dissipated more and more with each step he took, until he was finally at the doors to the building.

Otabek stopped at the doors. “Viktor is just outside.” He pointed outside, Yuuri shifted his body and could see a pacing Viktor by the columns that supported the long overhang. “Call me sometime, yeah?”

“I will. Thank you for everything.” Yuuri pulled Otabek into a hug.

Otabek was startled at first and then relaxed into it, returning the hug. “Good luck, Yuuri. I’ll keep an eye out for you at your skating competitions too.” Yuuri mumbled a thanks and stepped out of the building.   

Viktor heard the whoosh of the automatic sliding door and perked up, halting his pacing in between two columns. His mouth formed the biggest smile, upon seeing his Yuuri who paused just outside the doors. Without words, Viktor stuck his arms straight out in front of him, his palms up and finger’s splayed. Yuuri took that action as an invitation. He dropped his duffel bag and ran towards Viktor, leaping at the last second into those waiting arms. Viktor lost his balance and fell back with an ‘oomph’ and then a whimper of pain from his back and healing ribs. Viktor didn’t care, he wrapped his arms tight around him and embraced the weight of Yuuri on top of him. He could feel his neck and shoulder getting wet with Yuuri’s tears. Still no words were exchanged between them. Yuuri lifted himself enough to look at Viktor, and into the blue eyes that reminded him of the sea. After a few breaths, both men started laughing and fell back into an embrace. “We should get going.” Viktor finally breathed out into Yuuri’s ear.

Yuuri nodded, not trusting his voice, and lifted himself off Viktor. He stuck out his hands to help Viktor up off the ground. With a few moans and groans of pain, Viktor finally made it to standing. Yuuri paused and really looked at Viktor, remembering that he was still healing. The bruising around his eyes and nose were a faint green, much like the bruising around his neck, and the cut on his cheek was a light scar. “I’m sorry, if I hurt you.” Yuuri whispered out.

“Don’t be. I was about to jump on you before you did.” Viktor said with a chuckle. “I’m practically all healed up. Just the fractured ribs, they take a bit of time.” Viktor grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeezing. “Go grab your bag and let’s get out of here.” Yuuri did exactly that. He grabbed his bag, placing it back on his shoulder and followed Viktor to his car. Not the hospital van.

*          *          *

Yuuri gave directions as Viktor drove to his apartment. They pulled in and headed into the building. He didn’t live in anything extravagant like Viktor did, but it was home. The old non-descript seven floor building, stood in a busy area close to the city. It was between the rink both he and Phichit trained at and the university they both attended. Yuuri put in the passcode to enter the building and led Viktor through the doors to the elevator. With each passing second, he was getting anxious. Viktor was coming up to his apartment, he hasn’t been there since he was admitted, he has no idea what state Phichit had left it in, and Viktor was going to be in his apartment. The old and loud elevator spread its doors open, with a deep breath Yuuri stepped on and pressed the button for floor seven. The ride up was painstakingly slow. Viktor hasn’t said a word since arriving, which made Yuuri more anxious.

_Does he hate me now, because of where I live?_

_What if he leaves me because of where I live. I can’t afford a nice place like he has._

Yuuri’s thoughts were interrupted by a ding and the doors opening once again. The long narrow hallway was painted in a boring cream colour with stained brown carpeting on the floor. Yuuri turned left and stopped at the first door on the right to apartment 702. Shaking hands took out his keys from his duffel bag and trembled as he opened the door, missing the key hole several times. Viktor placed his hand over top of Yuuri’s, steading his hand, he helped guide the key home and turned it to the left. Yuuri looked up at Viktor the whole time.

They entered the small two-bedroom apartment, and Yuuri sighed. A warm feeling rushed over him as he felt the comfort of home. “This is it.” Yuuri spread out his arms showing the whole apartment in one go to Viktor while they stood in the front by the door. To the right was the living room, enough space for a television set, coffee table, a couch and a chair. In front of them was the entry way to the galley kitchen, and beyond that a small breakfast nook. Large windows covered the back wall behind the breakfast nook and continued down to the living room. To the left from where they stood was a narrow hallway leading to the two bedrooms and a bathroom at the end. All the walls were painted an off-white cream, with the only colour in the apartment being the accent pieces, like the couch, pillows, and chairs.

“It’s perfect.” Viktor whispered.

“Huh?” Yuuri looked at him with a quirked eyebrow. “It’s nothing fancy and nice like your place, but it works for Phichit and I.”

Viktor hugged Yuuri from behind, his arms encircling around the man’s waist. “It’s your home. So, it’s perfect.” He placed a few kisses on the side of Yuuri’s neck, tracing them to his cheek. Yuuri turned his head and met Viktor’s lips with his in a chaste kiss. They pulled away from each other, Yuuri’s cheeks burning pink. “I… uhh… Phichit should still be away. He goes back home to Thailand every summer for a month or so.” Yuuri busied himself with moving around the apartment with no real purpose. He looked at the calendar on the wall in the kitchen and on one date Phichit drew a heart around it with the words ‘Phichit returns’ in the middle of it. “Yeah he wrote here on the calendar. He comes home in a few days.” Viktor wondered into the living room, looking at the various pictures they had in frames on the wall and side tables. “Make yourself at home. Do you want anything? I don’t really have much though. With no one being home, I don’t have a lot of groceries.” Yuuri popped his head from behind the wall separating the kitchen and the living room.

“No, I’m alright, thanks. Viktor sat down on the couch. Yuuri came out of the kitchen and sat on the other end of the couch, feeling nervous, and unsure of what to do and what to expect. “You know, I won’t bite. Well, not hard anyways.” Viktor said with a chuckle. He slid over on the couch to the middle cushion that divided them.

“I’m sorry. I’m just feeling nervous all of a sudden.” Yuuri decided to go with honesty. Viktor quirked his eyebrow, waiting for Yuuri to elaborate. “I… I feel at home here, but I feel lost. It’s like I don’t even remember what my life was like before I was hospitalized. I don’t know where to begin, or if I even have to begin something.”

Viktor moved Yuuri’s bangs from off his face. “I understand. That’s why I’m here, to help you transition back. To go over how your life is going to look.”

“Do you do this for all your patients?”

Viktor huffed a laugh. “No, just you _moya lyubov’.”_ Viktor leaned in a little, their faces coming closer together. Yuuri readied himself for a kiss, but nothing came. Viktor grabbed a folder from the side table beside Yuuri and sat back. Out of the corner of his eye while he looked at the folder, Viktor could see Yuuri’s face with bewilderment written across it, and he smirked. “Business first, then maybe play.” Viktor chuckled. Viktor then handed him some papers out of the folder. “Here is the information about the therapist that I have set you up with. She is held in high regard with dealing with patients with anxiety. I think she will be a great fit for you.” Yuuri looked down at the paper before him. The name Yuuko Nishigori, was written at the top. “You have an appointment with her tomorrow. I can take you there if you would like, might help with the introductions.”

Yuuri nodded. “That would be nice, thank you.”

“I took the liberty of setting up a schedule for you, until the summer is over. You will be seeing Yuuko every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 11 am. Celestino will have your skating schedule for you when you see him. He has agreed to work around these times. When school and competition start, you will have to schedule in time to see her. At this point Dr. Feltsman and I agreed that it would be alright for you to move down to two days a week, so not to overwhelm you with everything. Are you okay with this so far, Yuuri?”

“Yeah, it’s just a lot to take in I guess.”

“I know, and you’re doing great.” Viktor gave him a reassuring squeeze on his knee. “I just have a few papers for you to sign. One of these is a consent form for Yuuko and I to share information about you, another is regarding information between her firm and the hospital. The last form basically states that you understand these terms and conditions, and yada yada nonsense.” Viktor passed him the papers and a pen.

“Oh, okay.” Yuuri leaned forward to the coffee table and signed all three papers and handed them back to Viktor.

“There, all done. That was easy, right?”

Yuuri heaved a sigh. “Yeah. Easy.” They both sat in silence for a few heartbeats. Viktor had turned his body to face Yuuri, so his one leg was curled on the couch while the other hung off it, resting his foot on the floor. He propped his one elbow on the back of the couch and leaned his head on his fist. Yuuri remained straight backed and stiff, staring at the black television screen.

“What are you thinking about?” Viktor breathed out. He took his free hand and rubbed it up and down Yuuri’s upper thigh.

“A lot, actually.” Yuuri admitted. “I don’t know how to organize my thoughts. I just don’t want to think right now either.” Yuuri paused for a moment. “I won’t be able to settle what’s going on up there right now. I think I just need to keep busy and do something.” Yuuri turned his head to the side to face Viktor. He then shifted his body, so he was on his knees and facing him. He slid his hands along his shoulders, bringing them closer together. He connected their lips together in a kiss. He slipped his tongue out and licked along Viktor’s lips, beckoning him to open his mouth to deepen the kiss.

Viktor pulled apart. “That was rather... suave.” Viktor whispered against Yuuri’s lips.

“Shut up.” Yuuri giggled. “It worked didn’t it?”

Viktor had no answer to that, mainly because Yuuri was right. So, before he could verbally respond to him, Yuuri connected their lips together in a slow kiss. But Yuuri, wanted a bit more. He boldly and gently pushed at Viktor to back up. With their mouths still connected Viktor moved his bent leg back down to the floor, as Yuuri turned his body and swung a leg over Viktor’s lap, to straddle him. The kiss got deeper and heavier. Their bodies raging with heat as they continued. Yuuri’s hands went all over Viktor’s body, wanting to feel every curve and dip of the man, and finally settling them in his hair. Viktor’s hands soothed and massaged Yuuri’s thighs and hips.

Yuuri pushed him further down into the back of the couch, leaning his body forward, taking control of the kiss. Viktor moaned into his mouth, only adding fuel to the fire. Yuuri pulled away first, breathlessly moving along Viktor’s jaw to his ear, and then down his neck. He traced his tongue along his collarbone, eliciting a groan from him. Yuuri’s hands found their way underneath Viktor’s shirt, his fingertips brushing along his abs making them twitch under his touch. Yuuri smirked and slithered his hands lower and lower. He was able to palm Viktor, feeling his hardened length underneath his jeans, when Viktor’s hands stopped him. Confusion was written across his face, then a sort of sadness and disappointment filled his eyes.

Viktor knew where Yuuri’s thoughts were heading. “Not yet.” He was still breathless from the attention he received. “I want to, Yuuri. Trust me, I really want to. But...” Viktor paused trying to think of how to explain. He knew Yuuri was going to start to think that he didn’t want him, now that he was out of hospital, but that wasn’t the case at all. “I want to do this right. I don’t know how to explain it.” Yuuri leaned back on Viktor’s legs, still straddling them, but gave more space between their bodies. “You just got discharged from the hospital and I don’t want to take advantage of you. You just told me your mind is racing and you can’t organize your thoughts. I don’t want you to use this as a distraction. Plus...”

Yuuri knew deep down Viktor was right. He was using this as a distraction and he didn’t want that. “Plus, what?” He whispered.

“I don’t want to do this with you until I’ve taken you out on our first official date. Call me a hopeless romantic, but you deserve so much better. Especially better than distraction sex on your couch.” He placed his thumb and forefinger on Yuuri’s chin and lifted it, so he could look in the chocolate eyes. He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry.” He whispered against them.

Yuuri shook his head. “You’re right though.” He swung his leg back over and sat next to Viktor, cuddling into him. He loved how his body moulded and fit against him, while Viktor’s arm went around him, which steadied and protected him, providing him a warmth. They stayed like that for a few minutes, while Yuuri tried to manage his thoughts. He finally broke the silence. “I think I’ll take a shower and do some laundry. Maybe even clean up a little in here. Do the real boring stuff to distract myself.”

Viktor chuckled. “I guess, I’ll leave you to your boring stuff. I have to get going anyways, I have a few errands to run and make some phone calls for work.” Viktor slowly got up from the couch, Yuuri followed close behind to the front door and waited while he put on his shoes. Viktor slithered his hands along Yuuri’s waist and pulled him into him. He leaned his head down and nuzzled into Yuuri’s hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow, my love.” He placed a small kiss in his hair. “Please call me if you need anything.” He connected their lips in a chaste kiss.

“I will, Viktor.” He tugged Viktor back down by the back of his head and kissed him one more time. He needed that connection, craved it even. They stayed in an embrace for a few heartbeats, until Viktor turned away first. He opened the door and they said their goodbyes. Yuuri closed the door behind him, leaning his back against it, he slid down to the floor with a deep breathed sigh.

_Now what?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, and questions are welcome! I love hearing from you!
> 
> <3


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of process :)

Yuuri groggily woke the next morning. He thought he would feel better being in his own bed, in his own apartment, with the stillness of his home, but he was wrong. The nightmares still bombarded him throughout the night. He woke three times drenched in sweat and panting, and it took him forever to get back to sleep. He had gotten used to the noises of the hospital that the silence in his apartment was deafening to him. Throughout the evening and night, he reached for his phone, wanting to call Viktor, and each time his hand hovered over the phone, never making the connection. Viktor was no longer his therapist, so he didn’t want to disturb him with such silliness anymore, as Yuuri saw it. He looked over at the bedside clock, the bight digital time reading 6:45 in the morning. There was no use trying to get back to sleep. Yuuri sighed and sat up, clutching his knees loosely to his chest. His fingers itched to call Viktor, just to hear his voice, but this was his problem, something he had to deal with.

_What are we? If he’s not my therapist anymore, is he my boyfriend? Are we just in the dating stage? Can I even call him that yet? Are we just lovers? Friends with benefits?_

More and more questions ran through his head with no answers to show for them. He flopped back on the bed, realizing this was not going to help either. Maybe he needed to talk to Viktor and clear things up with him. If he could just gather the courage to do so. With another dramatic sigh Yuuri slithered out of bed. He took a shower the night before, washing away the hospital from his body, but he figured another one wouldn’t hurt, especially after the cold sweats he experienced while sleeping.

After his shower, he walked down the hallway, his stomach grumbled and growled, demanding something to fill it with. Yuuri searched the fridge and cabinets. Nothing. “I guess I should have gone grocery shopping.” He found a slice of bread at the back of the freezer, almost shouting out with glee, and made himself some toast with the last of the peanut butter.

The quiet apartment still unsettled him. It was always quiet when Phichit wasn’t around, but right now it creeped him out. He sat on the couch and turned on the television, in hopes to chase away the silence. He settled on watching the 24 hours news channel, since nothing else was on. Halfway through his toast, which was stale and disgusting, his phone chimed, sounding that he got a text message.

**_Viktor:_ ** _Good morning! I hope everything is well. Your appointment today is at 11:00. I will come by at 10:00 to pick you up. See you soon my love <3_

**_Yuuri:_ ** _I will see you soon then. Thank you, Viktor <3_

Yuuri looked at the time, 9:00. He had an hour until Viktor would come. He left the other half of the toast abandoned on the coffee table.

Yuuri didn’t move from his spot on the couch, he only went from sitting to lying down, mindlessly watching the news. In the one hour that went by he saw all the breaking news repeat itself twice. Not like he was really paying attention to it. Too many thoughts and questions clouded his mind. The intercom on the wall buzzed to life, startling Yuuri, who then fell off the couch with an ‘oomph’. He scrambled to get up and stumbled to the intercom. “H-Hello?” He stuttered out.

“Good morning, Yuuri! It’s me!” Viktor’s voice purred through the speakers.

“Come on up.” Yuuri pressed the button to unlock the door for Viktor to get into the building. After a few minutes a soft knock came at the door.

“I brought goodies!” Viktor raised his arm, displaying a cardboard tray with two to-go cups in it, and hanging off his fingers under the tray was paper bag of deliciousness. The smell of the pastries filled his nostrils, making his stomach grumble once again. Yuuri recognized the name of the cafe as the one they went to on one of their first outings together. Yuuri lunged for the bag and coffee, without so much of a greeting. Viktor chuckled. “Well, hello to you too.”

“Oh, hi Viktor.” Yuuri’s face turned pink with embarrassment. “Come in, come in.” Viktor stepped over the threshold of the apartment and closed the door behind him and toed off his shoes.  

“Hungry?” Viktor laughed at Yuuri, who was already on the couch with a muffin in his hand and his cheeks filled like a chipmunk.

Yuuri swallowed what was in his mouth. “Starving. I didn’t go grocery shopping yesterday, so I have no food in the house. I managed to find this stale bread, but it was too gross.” He shoved the plate away from him as if it would tarnish and spoil his delicious muffin. Viktor went around the coffee table and sat next to Yuuri. He leaned over and kissed Yuuri’s cheek and brushed away a few crumbs from the corner of his mouth. Yuuri’s cheeks dusted with pink. He picked up his to-go cup and took a swig of the hot coffee, and he melted into the taste. Viktor loved the look of pure bliss expressed on Yuuri’s face, and he let out a little chuckle. “What?” Yuuri asked.

“You’re just adorable.” Viktor leaned over and pressed another peck to his cheek, before turning to his own muffin. They ate in silence for some time, enjoying each other’s company. Yuuri leaned back on the couch, his stomach satiated and no longer angry at him. He held his coffee cup with both hands, as he inhaled the strong bitterness. Viktor brushed off any crumbs he had from his hands and face with a napkin and sat back against the couch with his coffee as well.

Yuuri quirked an eyebrow and smirked, as he lifted his legs and placed them on Viktor’s lap. “That’s better.” He sighed.

Viktor laughed and kneaded up and down his shins. “We better get going soon. You don’t want to be late for your first appointment, do yeah?”

“No, I don’t. What should I expect? I’m starting to get nervous about it.” Yuuri swung his legs off Viktor, and sat up straight, feeling his muscles turn tense as his thoughts drifted to the upcoming appointment. The relaxed, calm, Yuuri he just was, was no more.

“Well...” Viktor sat straighter as well, matching Yuuri’s posture. “...Yuuko just wants to meet you, learn a bit about you and you learn about her. She probably wants to know what sort of therapies we’ve done and what we’ve already talked about. I have already given her a written report on my findings, but she may want to hear it from you. She actually messaged me this morning and asked if I could be present in this session to help with the transition and go over how this partnership is going to look, only if you agree and allow me to be present.”

“I would love it if you were there. I just feel... better... safer... less of an anxious mess, when your around.” Yuuri looked at the floor between his feet, his fingers fiddling with the cardboard sleeve of the cup in his hands.

Viktor smiled sweetly and rubbed Yuuri’s back soothingly. “Then I will be there for you.” Viktor stood with a little stiffness, Yuuri noticed. “Shall we go?”

Yuuri stood as well and gathered their garbage in his hands to throw away. After cleaning up, they headed out the door, and Yuuri’s nerves prickling throughout his body.

*          *          *

They arrived at the building where his new therapist was located. It was only a short 10-minute drive from Yuuri’s apartment. Viktor parked the car and undid his seatbelt and turned his body towards Yuuri. “I know I said that we don’t have to hide anymore.” He reached out and grabbed Yuuri’s knee. “But we do for Yuuko. If we let out that we were together during the time you were my patient, she could report me.”

Yuuri nodded his head. “I understand. I would never say or do anything to jeopardize your career, Viktor.” He covered Viktor’s hand on his knee with his, curling his fingers around his palm. Viktor lifted their hands and brushed his lips along his knuckles. Yuuri released a sigh, feeling the comfort and warmth of his hand in Viktor’s.

“Let’s go.” Viktor prompted. They climbed out of the car and headed towards the building. Yuuri stayed a step or two behind Viktor, his head remained low as he stared at the ground, seeing Viktor’s heels as he walked. The building was a typical office building, each unit had its own purpose. Some were offices of starting businesses, doctor’s offices, etc. They rode the elevator to the fourth floor. They walked down the narrow hallway, the light green walls started to close in on Yuuri. Feeling them get tighter, squeezing him from the sides. He reached out and grabbed Viktor’s arm, and stopped moving his feet, planting them where they laid.

Viktor turned around and saw all the signs that Yuuri was in distress. He could see a sheen of sweat along his fair skin, a slight shaking throughout his body, his eyes darting around every which way, and his chest rose and fell rapidly. “Yuuri, talk to me. Stay with me and tell me what’s wrong.”

“I just… need a moment.” He turned and leaned his back against the wall and bent forward putting his hands on his knees.

Viktor reassuringly rubbed his back. “Take some deep breaths. I’m going to be with you the whole time.” Yuuri stood up straight. Viktor reached out and brushed Yuuri’s hair out of his eyes. “I won’t leave you, I promise.” Yuuri smiled his small smile and nodded.

After a few moments, he pushed himself off the wall. “I’m ready.” Viktor didn’t want him to second guess himself, so he never asked if he was sure. He nodded and led the way to unit 412. Yuuri read the sign on the door before entering; ‘ _Centre for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy’_.

Viktor checked them in at the reception desk and sat in the waiting room next to Yuuri, whom already found a seat. Yuuri’s legs bounced up and down with nervous energy as he waited. Viktor’s body itched to race him back home and smother him in kisses and hugs, anything to help him feel better. He hated seeing Yuuri in this state, but it was a must if he wanted to get a better handle on things. His hand twitched in his lap, until he caved, and he reached out to grab Yuuri’s fidgeting hand in his, and gave it a small squeeze, reminding him he was there for him. Yuuri halted his bouncing legs for a second, startled by Viktor’s hand in his. He faced Viktor with a look of thanks. The warmth of Viktor’s hand travelled up his arm, warming his whole body, calming his beating heart and racing thoughts. A door closed, down the hall, and Viktor let go, leaving Yuuri to the cold.

A petite woman, with brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, and big brown eyes, turned around the corner. She looked down at a folder in her hand, and brushed back one side of her bangs, that couldn’t reach the ponytail, to behind her ear. “Yuuri Katsuki.” Her voice was high but demanding.

Yuuri practically jumped out of his seat. “Hai.”

A smile pulled to her lips. “Come with me. You as well Mr. Nikiforov.” She turned and led the way down the hall, opening the third door to the left. She stepped aside and gestured both men in. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Mr. Nikiforov. It’s good to put a face to the name.” She stated as she closed the door. She held out her hand to Viktor for a hand shake.

Viktor shook her hand in return. “Please, call me Viktor, and it’s nice to meet you as well Mrs. Nishigori.”

“Oh, pish posh, call me Yuuko.” She waved her hand in front of her. “That goes for you too, Yuuri. Is that alright that I call you Yuuri?” She faced the man in question and held out her hand.

Yuuri shook it timidly. “Y-Yes, that’s fine.” He stuttered out shyly.

Yuuko smiled widely. “Please have a seat.” She gestured to the two-seater couch next to them. Yuuri looked around the small room from his seat. The walls were painted a light powder blue, and pictures of nature scenes filled the spaces. The couch was a cream coloured linen two-seater, and a matching chair across from them which Yuuko sat in. The coffee table between them was low, and had empty notepads and pens, and a small gathering of succulent plants. Behind the couch was a large mahogany desk and a deep rich brown leather chair behind that. The desk was clean and tidy, everything had its place including the laptop that sat closed in the middle of it. Beside the desk were two book cases filled tightly with books. Yuuko’s sweet voice pulled Yuuri from his thoughts and drew his attention back to her.

“Now, Yuuri. This is going to be a quick and easy appointment today. Viktor and I do not want to overwhelm you too much, seeing as you just got discharged from the hospital and still settling in.” Yuuko grabbed a notepad and pen from the coffee table and sat more comfortably in her chair. “This is just going to be about introducing ourselves and getting over that initial awkwardness.” Yuuko giggled. “I understand from what Viktor has told me, is that you are uncertain… or rather untrusting of others you just met. That is why I asked Viktor to come with you today. You trust him, and therefore would make this introduction a little less… nerve-wracking.” Yuuri nodded along with what Yuuko was explaining and side glanced at Viktor, who kept his face neutral, but soft. “I want today to also be about your past therapies.” Yuuko continued. “I read Viktor’s reports, and know what he and you have done in the time you were in hospital, but I want to hear these things from you. Make a clean slate and start fresh. How does that sound to you?”

“O-Okay… I guess.” Yuuri paused fidgeting his fingers in his lap. “But what V-Viktor and I had done and t-talked about, h-helped a little.” He whispered out softly.

“Viktor has done a great job. Unfortunately, the timing and the environment just weren’t right. I don’t want you to forget everything you and Viktor had worked hard on, merely we are just going to build on them. Make a stronger foundation, something which Viktor was working on with you.”

“O-Okay.” Yuuri pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them tightly.

Yuuko pursed her lips slightly and glanced over at Viktor, who gave a slight nod. “We can always discuss those things later, little by little.” Yuuri remained silent, his nose pressed in between his knees and his eyes focused on the succulent plants. Yuuko still continued. “I’m assuming Viktor has told you why you are here, but do you understand how this is going to work?” Yuuri didn’t look up, he just shook his head no. “After every appointment I have with you, I will be filling out a detailed report and sending it to Dr. Feltsman and Viktor for review. The three of us are going to be working as a collective team in your recovery. I have reviewed the notes and reports and you have made great strides already, we just need to keep it up. If we see that there is no progress from when you were discharged, then the theory of the environment prohibiting your success, will need to be changed. Just based on what I’ve read so far, I believe I agree with Viktor… I…”

Yuuri stopped listening. His thoughts over powered any noise in the room. His heart slowly crawled up in speed, playing in tune to the words _FAIL_ in his head. ‘ _If we see that there is no progress from when you were discharged…_ ’ The shadow crept up twisting the sentence around. _‘If you FAIL…’_ replayed over and over. Yuuri felt the cold dark sweep up his body, starting from his toes, smothering and extinguishing any warmth.

“Yuuri? Yuuri?” Yuuri could hear Viktor’s soothing voice in the faint distance. Finally, the cold dark reached his heart, making it beat fast and hard, which made his lungs restrict, and he gasped for air. The shadow continued up and covered his head, making the world go blurry then dark, and the sounds muffled.

Viktor saw the warning signs of Yuuri having a panic attack. He tried to snap him out of it, but it was too late. He gently laid Yuuri out on the couch, remaining in fetal position, as he went to the floor. “He’s having a panic attack.”

“This is what his look like then.” Yuuko pondered. “It looks like he drowns out sensory inputs.” She bent down to the couch level, examining how Yuuri tightly closed his eyes and covered his ears.

“Sometimes, he cries during an attack. Other times he’s completely silent.” The rapid heaving breaths from Yuuri, filled the room. “Yuuri, I’m here, Yuuri. Everything is alright.” Viktor cooed in his ear after removing a hand from it. He stroked his hair and back, not caring what Yuuko thought.

At first Yuuko thought it was strange, the way Viktor softly spoke and stroked Yuuri out of a panic attack. It was until she saw his breathing slow, and him blinking his eyes open that she knew that this was the way to bring him back.

Yuuri could feel a warmth within the cold along his back. He turned and followed it in the dark, getting closer and closer to it, the warmth spreading down his body. Once he reached it, a light crashed through the darkness, exploding it around him and drawing it back away to its depths. “V-Viktor?”

“Hi, Yuuri. Do you remember where you are? What happened?” Viktor spoke quietly and softly.

Yuuri looked around, stretching is neck, to look past Viktor. “I-I’m at Y-Yuuko’s office.” Yuuri slowly pushed himself up to sitting position. He looked up at Yuuko, with an embarrassed look on his face.

“Good.” She said and sat down next to him on the couch. “You don’t have to be embarrassed Yuuri, this is a safe place for you.” Yuuri avoided her eyes and nodded sheepishly. “How about we end it here for today?

“O-O-Okay. I-I’m sorry.” Yuuri apologized.

“There is no need to apologize. I don’t want to overwhelm you further.” Yuuko responded, patting his arm. Yuuri nodded and glanced over at Viktor, still sitting on the floor. He gave Yuuri a reassuring smile and stood up, brushing off invisible dirt from his knees. Yuuri followed suit and stood from the couch. They all said their goodbyes, with promises of Yuuri and Yuuko seeing each other at his next appointment.

Yuuri and Viktor made it to the elevators, as soon as the doors closed, Yuuri broke down sobbing. Viktor caught him before he went down to the ground. No words were spoken between one another. Yuuri held onto Viktor like he was a life raft, drifting in the ocean. Viktor held onto him just as tightly. The doors opened for the ground floor, Yuuri took in a deep as they walked back to Viktor’s car, each with arm snug around the other, not wanting to let go for fear of drifting too far.

*          *          *

Viktor drove in silence, while Yuuri looked out the window. The sun shone through the car on Yuuri’s side, illuminating his features. Viktor wished he could take a snapshot of the picturesque view. Yuuri’s eyes sparkled in the light, he was thinking about something, searching for an answer. Viktor didn’t want to take him home quite yet. He wanted to distract him a little. “My apartment is that way. Viktor, you missed the turn.” Yuuri pointed out the window, following the road as it went by.

Viktor smiled. “I’m not dropping you off home quite yet.”

“Where are we going?”

“No where special. We’re almost there.” Viktor drove another kilometer and signaled left to go into a plaza. He glanced over at Yuuri, seeing the confused look on his face. “Here we are.” Viktor pulled into a parking spot.

“A grocery store?” Yuuri quirked an eyebrow.

“You need food in your apartment, don’t you? And you don’t have a car, so instead of lugging all your groceries by yourself on the bus, I will help you.” Viktor said with a wink before exiting the car. Yuuri followed Viktor into the store, grabbing a shopping cart on their way in.

“I haven’t an idea what I need. I didn’t make a shopping list yet, Viktor.” Yuuri pleaded behind Viktor following him through the produce section.

Viktor stopped and turned around. “You need a shopping list?” He asked with a finger on his lips and his head tilted to the side. “Just grab whatever you want. Who cares about a list.” Viktor grabbed a head of lettuce and threw up in the air, leaving Yuuri to catch it. He hoped Yuuri would see what his plan was. Not only was it to distract him, but to make him see that he can’t plan his life, surprises happen, even something mundane like grocery shopping. He’s taught this lesson to Yuuri once before, but he seemed he needed a refresher. Yuuri followed the excitable dancing Viktor through the aisles, who was like a child pulling random items off the shelf and either shoving it in Yuuri’s face or throwing it in the cart. All the while, Yuuri’s eyes still sparkled.

In Yuuri’s mind, this was too domestic, too mundane, too… normal. His earlier questions were swimming in his head. _What were they?_ Walking through the frozen aisle, Yuuri had had enough of not having the answers. He was never going to know them unless he did something about it. He stopped walking. “Viktor?”

Viktor followed suit and turned around. He met his blues with the sparkling and shining browns of Yuuri’s. He could instantly tell that he finally figured out something. “Yes, Yuuri?” He said gently, and lowly. An older couple walked passed, both stared at the awkwardness eluding from the men standing in the middle of the frozen aisle.

“What…” Yuuri took a deep breath. He avoided looking at Viktor, and fidgeting with his fingers in front of his chest. “What are we?” Viktor didn’t quiet understand the question and tilted his head to the side. “Are we lovers? Boyfriends? Friends with benefits? I don’t understand. Since you’re not my therapist anymore, I… I guess I’m just confused on what is happening between us.” Yuuri cursed himself for sounding so juvenile.

Viktor smiled softly and took the two steps to close the distance between them. He grabbed onto Yuuri’s upper arms gently, which triggered Yuuri to look at him. “We’re all of that.” It was Yuuri’s turn to tilt his head to the side in question. “I consider you my lover, my boyfriend, and my friend, so, yes that would include a friend with benefits.” Viktor giggled. Yuuri has never heard Viktor giggle, he savoured the sweet sound, feeling it shiver down his body. “You’re everything and everyone to me.” Viktor rubbed his hands up and down Yuuri’s arms and stepped in closer almost aligning their bodies. Yuuri let out a sigh, from hearing the words from Viktor’s lips. A wave of relief shuddered down his body, or it could have been from the cold in the frozen aisle, he didn’t know which. He closed the small space between them as he raised up on his toes and placed a chaste kiss on Viktor’s lips. He didn’t care that he was in the middle of the grocery store with people milling about. What matter was the man in front of him. Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s upper chest, pulling him tighter, and pressing their lips harder against one another. Their lips disconnected, resting their foreheads together. Yuuri let out a soft giggle and his cheeks dusted pink. Viktor chuckled and pulled him into a hug. Yuuri buried his head in the crook of Viktor’s neck.

“You still promised me that date.” Viktor said deeply into Yuuri’s ear, making him shudder. Viktor pulled back from the hug, enough to see the man’s face. “How about I pick you up tomorrow night. Say around 7:00?”

“A-A-A date? Yes, yes!” Yuuri’s body vibrated with excitement and nervousness. Viktor beamed at him and pulled him into another quick hug before moving away. They made their way to the cashier to pay for the full cart of items. Yuuri felt a new lightness in his body and in his heart. He stood on the back of the cart, while Viktor pushed it fast through the parking lot, laughing all the way to the car.

They were both reluctant to leave one another at Yuuri’s apartment, Viktor even offered to help him put the groceries away. Yuuri refused politely, and Viktor left with a promise to see him for their date the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support! You are amazing! I love to hear from you guys please write any comments or questions that you have! Thanks!!
> 
> <3


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Date night!!!! Hope it lives up to all of your expectations lol.  
> Enjoy! ;)
> 
> <3

Viktor tapped his phone ending a call. He had made the final preparations for his date with Yuuri. He wanted everything to be perfect for him. They skipped past the dating part and slammed into the relationship, so Viktor wanted to make this night special.

With a towel wrapped around his waist, hair still wet and dripping, he perused his closet for an outfit for the night. He sighed as he pushed clothes aside. “Makka, what should I wearrrrrrrr.” Viktor whined to his dog. Makka let out a woof and just panted. “Oh, you’re no help to me.”

If he had a few more days, he would have bought a new outfit, but he sprung it on Yuuri and on himself, being ever so impulsive. He thought about the itinerary he had planned for the date, which narrowed down his clothing options.  “Perfect!” He abruptly shouted, startling the sleeping poodle on his bed. “Ooh and it still has the price tag. I forgot I had this.” He spun around facing the poodle, holding the outfit still on the hangers in front himself. “What do you think, Makka?” She let out another woof and left the bedroom. Viktor rolled his eyes and hung up his clothes and trudged back into the bathroom to finish his hair.

*          *          *

Yuuri was doing worse. He sat, in his towel wrapped around his waist, on the bed. The doors to his closet were opened before him and he stared. The anxiousness was rising within him. He’s never been on a date before, and he had no idea what to wear, or say, or do, or anything. Trembling, he reached across his bed for his phone and punched in a few taps. Placing the phone to his ear, he waited.  

“Hello?” The deep voice vibrated through the earpiece.

“H-Hey O-Otabek. I-It’s Yuuri.”

“Oh, hey Yuuri. How’s everything?”

“It’s fine. I had a question for you?”

“ _Is that Yuuri?! Lemme talk to him._ ” Yuuri could hear a voice in the distance through the phone, and then some scuffling. “ _Hi, Yuuri!_ ” The voice yelled.

“Hi, Yuri.” Yuuri giggled back.

“ _Give it back! It’s my phone._ ”

“ _And you’re at work. You shouldn’t have your phone with you._ ”

“ _I shouldn’t be fucking you either, but I do that. Now give it back._ ” Yuuri heard more scuffling on the other end, he laughed at their antics. “Sorry about that Yuuri. What can I help you with?”

“ _Hey get off me! At least put it on speaker, asshole!_ ”

“Can I put you on speaker? He’s not going to stop unless I do.” Yuuri continued laughing, and said it was fine. “Now, what can I help you with?”

“Yuuri, the new guy that replaced you is a piece of shit.”

“Don’t say that Yuri.” Otabek scolded.

“What? He is.”

“What are you guys doing?” Yuuri asked and then realized it was a mistake. “Actually, don’t answer that. I hope I didn’t call at a bad time.”

“No, not at all. I’m hiding out with Yuri.” Otabek chuckled.

“Umm, I need your help with something. Well, both of you can help me.” Yuuri quietly said through the phone.

“Sure, what do you need?” Yuri willingly piped through the phone.

“I… uhh… I-I’m going on a date with Viktor tonight, and I don’t know what to wear or how to act, or anything! I’ve never been on a date before.” Yuuri blurted out the last part, his nerves getting the best of him.

“What do you got to wear? Describe your wardrobe to me. Did Viktor say how this date was?” Yuri jumped in quickly. Yuuri was waiting to be made fun of by him, but it never came, and he sighed in relief.

“He said casual.” Yuuri went into a description of his clothes, and after 10 minutes, they had an outfit planned out. Yuuri flopped on his bed, already exhausted. “Thanks guys.”

“Don’t mention it.” Yuri said. “Tell me how it went afterwards. I want to know all the dirty details.”

“Yuuri, just be yourself. Viktor already loves you for you. There’s no need to be nervous” Otabek said softly.

“Thanks again.” Yuuri took a deep breath. “Alright. I’m good. He should be here soon, so I should get ready.”

“Have a good time.”

“Don’t forget the lube!” Yuri yelled into the phone. Otabek scolded Yuri once again, before there was silence on the other end. Yuuri shook his head at them and chuckled. Its only been a couple of days but he missed them already. With a sigh, Yuuri got up and headed to the bathroom, to finish getting ready.

*          *          *

Yuuri was checking himself over one last time in the full-length mirror in his room, when the intercom buzzed. He padded down the hallway and pressed the button on the system. “Hello?”

“I’m here to pick up a Yuuri Katsuki.” The voice was static through the speaker.

Yuuri giggled. “Come on up, Viktor.” He pressed the other button, to unlock the door for Viktor. Yuuri padded back to the bedroom to make sure he had everything and give himself one more look over.

_Ugh I feel so stupid. Why do I care so much? It’s Viktor, that’s why._

There was a soft knock on the door. “Coming!” Yuuri called out, grabbing his phone and wallet off the dresser and strode back to the front door. As soon as he opened it, he paused. His body forgot how to move and even forgot how to breathe. His eyes drew wide, taking in the sight of Viktor. Like someone pushed his restart button, he moved to the side and let Viktor in. “C-Come in.” He was able to squeak out. Viktor was wearing black jeans that clung to his legs like second skin. They were narrow at the ankles, but wider than skinny jeans, that rested above black suede loafers. He wore a dark grey blazer made of a lighter material, and even Yuuri could tell it was tailored to fit his body perfectly. Underneath the blazer was a rich royal purple V-neck shirt tucked into his jeans, if he wasn’t wearing the blazer, Yuuri would be able to see every curve and contour of Viktor’s body. His mouth went dry as he kept staring.

“Hi, Yuuri.” Viktor said a little breathlessly. He too, was stunned by the look of Yuuri. He’s only ever seen him in sweats or practice clothes. Yuuri donned dark blue distressed jeans. Viktor instantly loved the jeans, they hugged Yuuri’s hips and ass, accentuating his curves. They hugged down his legs and were looser near the bottom, than his own jeans. He sported a navy-blue body-hugging t-shirt, that like Viktor’s showed off every ridge and dip of Yuuri’s body. Overtop of the shirt, was a suede shirt jacket in a caramel tan colour. Yuuri styled his hair different, he pulled back his bangs with gel, with some pieces falling forward, and he took off his glasses, exchanging them for contacts. “R-Ready to go?” Viktor stuttered out, he was a complete mess just by looking at Yuuri.

“Y-Yeah.” Yuuri slipped on a pair of navy blue slip on shoes and grabbed his keys from the hall table. “Let’s go.” Viktor walked out first and waited for Yuuri to lock the door.

As Yuuri had his back turned, locking the door, Viktor slipped his arms around his waist, placing a few kisses along his cheek and neck. “You look incredible. I’m about to cancel this whole date and shove you back into your apartment and take you right now.” Viktor breathed into his ear. Yuuri’s face turned a bright shade of red. His body burned with the thought of Viktor taking him. Viktor pulled back and sauntered down the hall. “Coming my love?” Viktor asked over his shoulder and with a little sway to his hips, acting like he didn’t just tease the hell out of Yuuri.

Yuuri fidgeted in the passenger seat of Viktor’s car. He stared out the window, watching the cars go by. The silence of the car was filled with the latest hit song on the radio. Viktor made side glances, not being able to take his eyes off Yuuri. He could tell Yuuri was nervous, he was nervous too. “So, where are we going?” Yuuri asked, breaking the quiet between them.

“To eat.” Viktor stated simply.

Yuuri rolled his eyes. “I got that, but where?”

“A restaurant.” A playful grin sprouted on Viktor’s lips.

“Fine. Don’t tell me.” Yuuri pretended to pout and crossed his arms over his chest.

Viktor chuckled and reached across the centre console to stroke Yuuri’s thigh. “Then it wouldn’t be a surprise now would it.” With that small burning touch on his thigh, Yuuri lost all focus.

_Why is his touch affecting me so much tonight?_

Viktor drove further into the city. He went around in circles with Yuuri and him searching for a parking spot. “There’s one!” Viktor sped up and pulled in.

“Wait here a second.” Viktor turned off the car and stepped out. Yuuri was very confused, until he showed up at his door, opening it for him. Yuuri blushed with the very cheesy, but very gentlemanly act on Viktor’s part. He mumbled a thanks when he stepped out of the car. “The restaurant isn’t far from here. Just a block that way.” Viktor led the way towards the restaurant, grabbing at Yuuri’s hand.

As they approached the restaurant, Yuuri recognized it as the new place that he wanted to go to, but would never be able to afford it, that he told Viktor about one day. “V-Viktor this is…”

Viktor smirked and led him inside. Inside was small, but very busy. The noise of various conversations and music blasted them as soon as they passed the threshold of the restaurant. There was a lineup outside, and people mingled inside, waiting for a table. “I have a reservation under Viktor Nikiforov.” He announced to the hostess.

“Yes, Mr. Nikiforov. Your table is ready, right this way.” The hostess grabbed two menus and led them to their table.

The restaurant was styled in a modern contemporary design. With clean lines, neutral grays, and modern art covering the space. The hostess led them to a room, which was not visible from the front, with only had a handful of tables and chairs. It was much quieter than in the main space, which Yuuri breathed a sigh of relief for. Once the hostess handed them their menus with a statement of their server would be with them shortly, Yuuri spoke. “Viktor I can’t believe you chose this place!”

“Why wouldn’t I? You told me you wanted to come here.” Puzzlement was clear on his face.

“But it’s so expensive here. I… I don’t…”

Viktor reached across the table and grabbed Yuuri’s hand in his. “I don’t care about that. We are here on our first date and I wanted to surprise you. Don’t worry about how much it costs, please.” Yuuri slowly nodded, still not entirely convinced. The server came, and Viktor ordered a bottle of wine for them both to share, while they perused the eclectic menu items.

With their food ordered, the conversation fell easy between them. The nervousness they both shared seemed to have diminished and settled into comfortable company, the wine appeared to have played a part in that. As dinner came and went, both filling their stomachs, and ‘ _vkusno_ ’ being yelled by Viktor, he ordered a dessert and specialty coffee for them both. A song played in the background in the speakers above, and a bright idea came to Viktor. He stood up from his seat, Yuuri looked at him questionably, and he reached a hand out to Yuuri with a slight bow. “May I have this dance?”

“W-What? Here? I don’t think there’s a dance floor, Viktor.”

“So, we’ll make one.” Yuuri looked around the small room they were placed in, there were two other couples enjoying their meals. He hesitantly put his hand into Viktor’s, who then pulled Yuuri up quickly and led him to a small open space, behind their table. Viktor slid his hand along his waist, as Yuuri nervously placed his free hand on Viktor’s shoulder. Yuuri’s eyes darted around the room, his hand trembling in Viktor’s. With a pull from his hand on Yuuri’s waist and back, he drew him closer, so they were chest to chest. Viktor leaned over and whispered into Yuuri’s ear. “Forget about the other people here. Focus on me.” Yuuri did. He focused on the vast sea blue that he drowns in each time he looks into Viktor’s eyes. His trembling quieted and he felt he could breathe better. Viktor led them in a gentle sway, turning around in the small space they had. “Do you know what this song means?”

“No, I don’t know the language.”

“It’s called _Stammi Vincino_. It’s Italian for _Stay Close to Me_.” Viktor breathed into his ear. Yuuri didn’t know why, but it made his eyes well up with tears. He blinked them away quickly before they fell. Their desserts were placed on the table, and they continued dancing. Yuuri’s heart pounded in his chest, but the warmth from Viktor’s body soothed him at the same time. He wanted to stay like this, he didn’t care about the other people eating anymore, he didn’t care where they were. At that moment it was him and Viktor. All his anxious thoughts and nerves calmed and went away. At the end of the song, Viktor leaned forward and placed a gentle chaste kiss on Yuuri’s lips and led him back to the table.

They walked hand in hand down the street, back to Viktor’s car. The wine and specialty coffee Yuuri had made him feel more relaxed. “Thank you, Viktor. Everything was great.” He said once they were in the car.

“We’re not done yet. I still have something else planned.” Viktor pulled out of his parking spot.

“You do?!”

“Of course.” He said with a smile as he drove to their next destination.

*          *          *

“An ice rink?!” Yuuri blurted as he pulled into the parking lot. “B-But its late, it would be closed by now.” Yuuri’s heart started to beat hard in his chest. He missed the ice and has been waiting to get back on it. Celestino had him scheduled for next week to start skating.

“It may be open…” Viktor said with a grin. “Wait here.” Viktor jumped out of the car and popped the trunk. Yuuri heard a _thunk_ when the trunk closed, and then his door opened. Viktor led him inside by his hand in Yuuri’s, opening the unlocked doors.

“How is it…? Why?” Yuuri was still in disbelief.

“Ah, you must be Viktor.” An older gentleman, probably mid 60’s, approached them. Viktor stated that he was indeed who the man assumed him to be. “Well then. The ice is yours.” The man swept his arm towards the ice and backed away, heading to the offices.

Viktor turned to Yuuri, seeing the man’s eyes sparkle and shine. “I booked us a late-night skating session. Just you and me, and the ice. There’re no worries of competitions, or training, or routines. Just skate.” Without any words, since Yuuri didn’t have any, he threw his arms around Viktor’s neck and held him tight. Viktor was startled at first, by the suddenness of the hug, but fell into it quickly. “Let’s get the skates on.” They sat rink side at a bench. Viktor pulled out Yuuri’s skates from the bag he was carrying and pulled out a different pair Yuuri had never seen before.

“My skates!” Yuuri exclaimed. “I forgot you still had these in your office. But whose are those.”

“Their mine.” Viktor said proudly.

“You bought skates?! But you can’t even skate.”

“Well. I can’t skate well. But… Celestino has been teaching me a little.” Viktor mumbled the last bit a little sheepishly.

“What?!” Yuuri started to laugh.

“I want to be on the ice with you, especially when you do the routine we created together, or even at times like this when its just us. So, I asked Celestino to help me when he had time here and there, and I bought myself a pair of skates, so I don’t have to keep renting them.”

Yuuri thought he looked absolutely adorable confessing, Viktor turned shy and awkward. Yuuri slid along the bench, closer to Viktor and grabbed his hand in his. “You did that for me?” Viktor nodded slowly. Yuuri leaned over and kissed Viktor on the cheek. “Thank you.” Viktor brightened up, his heart shaped smile shining bright.

They put their skates on and headed on the ice. Viktor was steadier getting on the ice and was more graceful than before. Yuuri smiled at his accomplishments, but due to his nature, he still worried and hovered close by him. Music started playing on the above speakers. “Can you show me some basic moves, Yuuri?”

“Hmm, let see what I can show you.” Yuuri showed him how to do forward crossovers. They started with simply crossing his legs by stepping. Yuuri held onto his hands in and completed the motion with him.

“So, what does this help do? I’ve never seen anyone do this.” Viktor asked, looking down at the ground trying to concentrate.

Yuuri let go of his hands. “Eventually you will be able to do this.” Yuuri went in as simple circle, gliding across the ice with forward crossovers. Yuuri went into a spin just for show and went back to Viktor.

“I want to try! Not the spin but before that.” Yuuri stayed in front of him holding onto his hands, as Viktor tried skating in a circle.

“Great now cross over this leg and drop your other foot to the outside edge.” Viktor was a little unsteady but was able to get his leg over the other. “Now, move this leg so your feet are together again.”

Viktor lost his balance and almost crashed to the ice. Yuuri caught him and held him up, both laughing. “I think I need to work on my balance first.” He slid his arms around Yuuri’s waist, while Yuuri’s slipped his arms around his neck. Yuuri led them around the ice in a dance, going in large circles and slowly spinning. They warmed their chilled noses with exchanges of kisses and whispers against each other necks.

It’s been a long time since Yuuri just enjoyed the ice, where he didn’t have to worry about an up coming competition, or perfecting a routine, and just felt the ice solid beneath him without having to care about anything around him. He felt free. Yuuri completed a few spins and small jumps, wanting to feel the cold breeze on his face. Viktor would stand off to the side with a flutter in his heart, overjoyed with the bliss on Yuuri’s face.

The rink manager called out saying they had 20 minutes left. Viktor waved and saluted to the older man, insinuating he understood. Viktor pushed off from where he stood and glided over to Yuuri, grabbing him by the waist, pinching at his sides. Yuuri used his momentum and spun them around laughing at the tickling he was getting. “Stop! I’m ticklish! Viktor!!” The laughter and tickling torture brought Yuuri to tears. Yuuri doubled over and Viktor lost his footing, and he dragged Yuuri down with him. Yuuri twisted his body, so he fell flat on his back, with Viktor falling right on top of him. Viktor was still injured and Yuuri wanted to absorb the impact of the fall. Yuuri let out an ‘ _oomph_ ’. Viktor propped himself up by his elbows, so he was nose to nose with him. Yuuri was getting lost in the sea. “Y-You okay?” He was able to stutter out.

Viktor didn’t say anything, he leaned the few inches down, and pressed a kiss to his lips. The cold of the ice helped cool their heated bodies, as the kiss grew deeper and needy. Viktor pulled away first, both breathless. “We should get going.” Yuuri didn’t quite trust his voice, so he nodded his response instead. Viktor got off him, remaining on his knees, so Yuuri could help him stand, with the skates and on the ice, Viktor didn’t trust his balance.

They skated off the ice and changed into their shoes. Their bodies still heated and wanting from the kiss on the ice. Viktor thanked the rink manager, while Yuuri, embarrassed, just waved a thank you from the door.

Viktor drove a little faster than usual to his condo, after that.

*          *          *

Viktor pulled into his condo, with a confused and shocked Yuuri in his passenger seat. Yuuri stepped out of the car, with Viktor once again opening the door for him, and they made their way to the elevator. Yuuri finally spoke when the doors closed in front of them. “What are we doing…” Yuuri was caught off by Viktor’s lips pressing hard into his.

Viktor straightened out and went back to standing next to Yuuri. “I thought we could have a glass of wine or two, before I drive you home for the night. I wasn’t ready to say goodnight after the rink.” Yuuri blushed and glanced down at the floor. The elevator dinged, and he followed Viktor to his door. Yuuri could hear whines from inside. As soon as Viktor opened the door, Makka jumped on her master, whining and licking his face. With a few scruffs on her head, and some pats on her belly and sides, she made her way to Yuuri. She bounded on him and licked the side of his face. Yuuri giggled and smoothed her curly coat on her back. Satisfied, she took off to the living room, grabbed a toy and laid in her dog bed. “Make yourself at home, while I go get a bottle.” Viktor instructed while they took off their shoes.

Yuuri fell back into the couch, feeling his body sink into the softness of the cushions. Viktor came around the corner with two wine glasses hanging upside down from between his fingers, and a bottle of red wine in the other hand. His blazer was taken off and the royal purple shirt clung to his body, showing the muscles move as he walked towards him. Yuuri’s nerves were on fire, but he couldn’t explain why. The first sip of the red liquid was strong and bitter down his throat. Half a glass later, Yuuri was calmer, and his body relaxed against Viktor. Their conversation flowed between them, laughter sang through the air, and little touches were felt on each others skin.

Three-quarters of the bottle and hours passed, Yuuri set his glass down and moved his legs, so they laid across Viktor’s lap. His body was turned to face him, and his side leaned into the back cushion. Viktor stroked up and down Yuuri’s leg, massaging and pressing his fingers into his calves, working his way up his thighs. Viktor set his glass down on the coffee table, next to Yuuri’s. Silence was growing between them, and the air was getting heavier. Viktor twisted his body to face Yuuri and leaned forward. He stopped, a few centimetres from Yuuri’s mouth, feeling his breath tickle against his own. He brushed his fingers up Yuuri’s neck, along the side, and curled around the back of his head. The anticipation vibrated through Yuuri, his breathing came out deeper, the need building and burning through him. At long last, Viktor closed the gap between them, and forced his lips on him. Yuuri’s mouth was already open with an invitation for Viktor, which he willingly accepted. Their tongues danced and twisted with each other, as the kiss got deeper and needier, tasting the sweetness of the wine on their lips. Their hands roamed across the plains of their bodies, feeling as much as they could, but it wasn’t enough.

Panting, Viktor parted. “Let’s… move… this…” He said between kisses and breaths. Viktor shuffled on the couch to stand and held is hand out to Yuuri. He took Viktor’s hand shakily and followed him down the hall to his bedroom. Viktor let go of Yuuri’s hand once in the bedroom and turned on a floor lamp in the corner of the room. The light that shone was dim, creating shadows across the room, and providing just enough light to see one another. Standing once again in front of Yuuri, he slipped his hands under his shirt jacket and slid it off his shoulders, until is fell to the floor. Without breaking contact, Viktor ran his hands down Yuuri’s torso, enthralled by the tightness of the shirt. His fingers snuck in between the shirt and his torso, removing it up and over his head. “ _Krasivyy_ ” Viktor whispered, as he bent his head lower planting a deep kiss on his lips. With his hands on Yuuri’s hips, he pulled him closer to his body.

Yuuri pulled Viktor’s shirt out from his pants to take it off, their lips only separating for a second, for the shirt to be tossed on the floor. Viktor backed them up, until his legs bumped the bed. He turned them around, until it was Yuuri against the bed. Parting their mouths, he lowered Yuuri to the bed, who used his foot on the bed to push him further up. Viktor slowly crawled his way up Yuuri’s body, placing kisses and licks along his naked torso, to connect their mouths once again. Soft moans, and the rustling of sheets were the only sounds of the room. Viktor dropped his lower half, to grind and push against Yuuri, he could feel his hardened member, but the amount of fabric between them was discouraging, he needed to fix that. Viktor stood up on his knees between Yuuri’s legs, slowly sliding his hands down his sides, until he got to the top of his jeans. Viktor teasingly undid the button, and ever so slowly pulled down the zipper. Yuuri, was getting restless and was squirming, wanting the jeans to be off. Viktor gave a devilish smirk, as his fingers wiggled the jeans and tight black briefs off his hips, to finally throw them to the floor, in their growing pile.

Yuuri went to sit up, wanting and needing to do the same to Viktor, but he was pushed down by strong hands on his shoulders. “Not yet.” Viktor almost growled. His eyes drew darker and Yuuri shivered with the look he was given. Viktor was no longer gentle but ravenous, he kissed and bit down Yuuri’s torso. He slipped his tongue out and licked up the length of Yuuri’s cock, eliciting a soft moan. He continued his licks and careful attention, until he felt he was ready and enclosed his mouth around him. Viktor released him. “I want to hear you.” He said lowly before shoving him back in his mouth.

Yuuri could feel his length going deeper down Viktor’s throat, feeling the warm wetness. He released a loud moan, as Viktor went fast and deeper, his hand rubbing in tune with his mouth. “Ah… Viktor… That feels… so good…” He panted out. His body felt like it was on fire and he squirmed and thrusted to free the heat. Suddenly, his cock was left cold, when Viktor crawled back up and placed a kiss on his lips. Yuuri pushed him to stand on his knees and went to the zipper and button, like he tried before, this time Viktor let him. Soon the pants were in the pile with the rest. Viktor pushed him back down to lie on the bed, kissing from his mouth to his neck. Yuuri reached between them and grabbed onto their hard lengths and rubbed them together. The slippery pre-cum provided a small amount of slickness. Viktor moaned with the attention, biting down onto Yuuri’s neck. He added to the pleasure, by thrusting and grinding. Viktor abruptly reached towards the bedside table and pulled out a small bottle from the drawer and placed it on the bed next to them, going back to Yuuri’s lips.

Viktor pulled away and uncapped the bottle, squeezing a sizeable amount on his fingers. Yuuri closely watched him as he did this and nodded once to state that he was ready when Viktor looked at him. His mouth provided a distraction, as his fingers moved down, finding and slipping into his hole. Yuuri, pulled back and screamed a moan, feeling the first of Viktor’s fingers entering him. He arched his back and groaned out for more. Which Viktor smirked and was happy to oblige. When the second finger was inserted, Viktor moved down and licked and sucked on one of Yuuri’s pink hard nubs, tasting the saltiness of his sweat. Viktor switched to the other nub when he pushed in his third finger, stretching and curling his fingers. “Viktor… please…” Yuuri, begged and moaned.

Satisfied, Viktor removed his fingers. Yuuri felt empty but it was only for a few short seconds, as Viktor lined up his hard member and gently pushed into him. Yuuri screamed out with the pressure and pleasure, his legs went up high around Viktor’s waist and back, digging his heels into him. Once he was fully in, Viktor paused, he needed to stop and settle, it was too much and too tight, he didn’t want to release just yet. He used the opportunity to distract Yuuri with some kisses. When he felt Yuuri relax a little around him, he started to slide out, only to thrust back in. He started at a slow steady rhythm, quickly building faster and harder. Viktor altered his hips and slammed into Yuuri and his prostate, making him scream and moan.

Yuuri was tingling all over, his body was on fire. He was getting closer; his body was tensing. Then the thrusting stopped. Yuuri looked at Viktor confused, but Viktor just pulled out and smirked. He grabbed onto Yuuri’s waist as he stood up on his knees and pulled him with him. “Turn around.” Viktor whispered roughly into his ear, shots of shivers went down his body. Yuuri did what he was told and turned around going on his knees as well. Viktor snaked his hands down his arms and moved them to rest against the large upholstered headboard. He slithered his hands down the rest of Yuuri’s body, along his sides and back, until he got to his hips, where he pulled them out. He bit his lip to the way Yuuri’s back arched for him, seeing the muscles, bunch and smooth in certain places. Yuuri looked back at Viktor from over his shoulder with a plea in his eyes. With one hand still on his hips, the other guided his cock back into Yuuri, filling him easily. He continued his thrusts hard and fast. Yuuri could feel the difference in this angle, it was deeper, fuller, and he breathlessly groaned and moaned with the feeling of it.

Viktor leaned forward and bit and sucked red marks along Yuuri’s back, ramming his cock into Yuuri and his prostate. He could feel Yuuri getting closer, as he was too. Leaning forward slightly, he curled an arm around Yuuri and stroked his cock, adding to his pleasure. After a few pulls and thrusts, Viktor was rewarded with Yuuri screaming his name, his cum covered his hand and Viktor could feel him throbbing around his cock. He continued to plunge into him, wanting to feel that tightness, and soon after he was shouting his own orgasm into Yuuri.

Yuuri fell against the headboard, thankful it was soft and padded. Viktor fell against Yuuri’s back, both struggled to catch their breaths. After a few heartbeats, Viktor slowly slid out of Yuuri, and they both collapsed on the bed. “We should… shower.” Viktor suggested. He was getting sticky from the sweat and among other things.

“Mm kay.” Yuuri mumbled back. Viktor chuckled and stood up first, dragging a worn out Yuuri. Halfway through the shower, of washing each other and small kisses and snuggles, Yuuri’s eyes were getting heavy. They got back to the room and Yuuri went to grab his clothes to put them on.

Viktor stopped him with his hands over his. “Stay here tonight.” Viktor paused for a moment or two. “Please.” He whispered out.

Yuuri nodded slowly and followed Viktor to the bed. With the blankets pulled up, and Viktor snuggled in behind him, with a protective arm around his waist and their legs entangled, Yuuri drifted off to sleep in seconds. He had the best sleep he’s had in months and for once was nightmare free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it okay? Let me know what your thinking. I love to hear from you!   
> Thank you for all of your support!
> 
> <3


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morning after ;) lol
> 
> <3

Yuuri woke the next morning with a steady beat drumming in his ear. The next thing he felt was the warmth radiating down his body and a weight tangled around his legs. His eyes fluttered open and seeing an expanse of a pale chest before him. Memories of the night before flashed through his head, as a smile pulled on his lips. His head was resting on Viktor’s chest, with an arm around Yuuri going down his back, holding him closer. Movement underneath him drew him back to the moment.

Viktor stirred awake and angled his head down to look at the man on his chest. “Good morning, my love.” He purred. He reached his free hand across and stroked the hair out of Yuuri’s face.

“Good morning.” Yuuri shifted so his head rested on the pillow, so he could look a him better.

Viktor rolled onto his side to face Yuuri. “You didn’t have any nightmares.” Viktor simply stated as fact and posed it as a question.

“No… I didn’t.” Yuuri said, just realizing that fact. “I slept great actually.” He whispered out, mainly too himself. With Viktor’s proximity he heard him, making a smile form on his full lips.

“Maybe you just needed a dose of Viktor.” He said as he nuzzled and kissed Yuuri’s nose. He wrapped his arms around his lower back and pulled him closer.

Yuuri giggled. “I think you might be right.” The giggles settled, and then a large grumbling noise came from Yuuri’s stomach, making Viktor chuckle and Yuuri’s cheeks go bright red.

“Well then, let’s get up and make some breakfast then.” They both rolled out of bed and put some clothes on. Viktor put on a pair of sweats that rode low on his hips, forgoing a shirt. He rummaged through his drawer and found a t-shirt for Yuuri and passed it to him as he was putting his briefs on. The shirt came to just pass his buttocks and slightly hung off his shoulders, since his weren’t as broad as Viktor’s.

Viktor decided in that moment that he loved to see Yuuri in his clothes, it gave him an odd sense of possession over him. They made their way to the kitchen with Yuuri insisting on helping, and Viktor finally agreeing. Viktor was setting out the items he needed to make some eggs and bacon, while Yuuri set up the little table for them to eat. Yuuri was reaching for a glass near the top shelf, his borrowed shirt rode up, exposing the tight black briefs underneath. Viktor almost dropped the carton of eggs, catching them before the fell. He set them down on the counter, and went up behind Yuuri, his one hand along his hip and the other reaching up to grab the glass. He pressed the front of his body to Yuuri’s back, leaving a trail of kisses along the back of his neck.

Yuuri melted into Viktor, his back pressing further into Viktor, and he could feel how ready he was getting. Viktor set the glass down on the counter and ran his hand along Yuuri’s chest, to the flat plane of his stomach and then curved around his hip. His kisses on the back of Yuuri’s neck became less chaste and needier. He started to lick, suck, and bite along his tender skin, occasionally moving down his back, releasing moans from Yuuri. Viktor ground his hips, into his backside, now fully ready and wanting. He slithered his hands up his hips and hooked his fingers into the waistband of his briefs, pulling them down slowly. Yuuri braced himself with both hands on the counter as he jutted his ass out further for Viktor.

Once the briefs were down around Yuuri’s ankles, Viktor played and teased with Yuuri’s ass. Following the curve up to his lower back. With his other hand on Yuuri’s shoulder and gently nudged him to lower. Yuuri did as he was prompted, and went to his elbows on the counter, spreading his legs a little further apart with a tap prompt from Viktor. He leaned over Yuuri and bit his earlobe, and then whispered. “Stay like this for me. I’ll be right back.” Then he was gone. Yuuri could feel the coldness sweeping down his back and ass.

Viktor came back after a few seconds, enjoying every bit of the view when he entered the kitchen. He clicked open the bottle he went and got from the bedroom and spread the clear thick liquid on his fingers. Yuuri looked over his shoulder at Viktor wondering where he went so fast until he saw the bottle and a smirk pulled at his lips. Satisfied with how slick his fingers now were, Viktor inserted one into Yuuri, feeling the tightness and throbbing. Yuuri screamed out a moan from the pressure of the first insertion, and he begged for more. Viktor continued stretching and thrusting his fingers into Yuuri, adding more until he could add three.

Viktor pulled down his sweat pants releasing his hard member, and with a new hunger he slowly thrust his cock into Yuuri, stretching him further around him. Yuuri groaned and gripped the counter. After a quick pause, Viktor started plunge himself hard into Yuuri, making him jerk with the movements. Yuuri could feel the edge of the counter digging into his abdomen, but he ignored it and basked in the feeling of Viktor filling him.

Viktor leaned forward and sucked red spots on his back. He took one hand from their placement on his hips, and grabbed onto Yuuri’s hand, and guided it to his cock. With his hand over Yuuri’s he gripped his cock and stroked it to the rhythm of his thrusts. Once Yuuri started, Viktor let go and moved his hand back to his hips and pull him towards him. Viktor plunged harder into Yuuri, at the sight of him stroking himself. At the same time, Viktor found and hit the sweet spot, making Yuuri cry out. Yuuri begged for release and screamed he was close. After a few more thrusts, Yuuri came all over his hand. With Yuuri’s ass clenching and squeezing around Viktor, he didn’t last much longer, and he shot inside Yuuri, yelling his orgasm. He collapsed on top of Yuuri, the counter both holding them up, as they panted and caught their breaths.

“You… should go shower… I’ll get… breakfast ready.” Viktor suggested, standing up on weak knees to let Yuuri up.

“Mmm kay.” Yuuri slowly stood up and turned around in Viktor’s arms. They exchanged a few sweet kisses, then Yuuri turned and headed back to the bathroom to shower.  

*          *          *

Yuuri and Viktor sat at the little dining table, enjoying their breakfast. Yuuri had returned from his shower, now wearing the clothes he had on the night before, Viktor was still in his sweats. The silence around them was comfortable, the only sounds was their utensils scraping their plates.

“Would you like me to go with you to your appointment today with Yuuko?” Viktor offered, setting his plate to the side and wiping his mouth with a napkin.

Yuuri looked up from his plate. His eyes sparkled as he thought. Viktor waited patiently. “I… I think I’ll be okay.” Yuuri said slowly, a little unsure of himself. Viktor looked at him questioningly, quirking an eyebrow, but he didn’t say a word. “I would love for you to be there, I actually would rather not go, but I think I want or rather need to do this on my own.” Yuuri paused, thinking of his next thought. “I don’t always want to rely on you. If I am to get a better handle on my mental health, I need to do this on my own.”

Viktor smiled, and his eyes shone bright. “That’s all I’ve wanted to hear from you, Yuuri. For a therapist to hear that from his patient, is like music to my ears. Even though you are not my patient anymore, but it’s still nice to hear. I will always be here to support you, and if you need me, I am a phone call away.” Viktor reached across the table to and interlocked their fingers, in a show of support. Yuuri smiled his small smile, his cheeks dusted with pink, and he lightly squeezed Viktor’s hand. Viktor stood up from his seat, gathering their plates. “Well, let me at least drive you home, so you can change before your appointment. Will you at least let me drop you off?”

“I think I could allow that.” Yuuri stopped Viktor from walking into the kitchen with a hand on his arm and gestured for him to lean down for a chaste kiss. Once the plates were away in the dishwasher and the pans were clean, Viktor left to shower and get ready.

Yuuri sat on the couch in the living room, waiting for Viktor when his phone rang. The number that came up was private, so he hesitated in answering. “H-Hello?” He quietly asked.

“ _Yuuri!!_ ” The voice almost shouted in the phone.

“Oh!” Yuuri almost dropped the phone, startled. “Hi, Yuri. How are you?”

“ _I should be asking you that? How was your date? What happened? Tell me everything._ ” Yuri demanded. “ _Is your ass sore?_ ” Yuri threw in at the last second.

“Yuri!” Yuuri whined. He heard a belting laugh through the other side of the phone. Yuuri looked down the hall, seeing Viktor was still in the shower. “I’m at Viktor’s still. He’s in the shower.” He said quietly in case Viktor came out.

“ _Why the fuck aren’t you in there then?_ ”

“I already took a shower, we took one together last night…” Yuuri said innocently, until he realized how it sounded half way through.

“ _Fucking knew it. Pay up Beka._ ”

“What?!” Yuuri almost shouted. He could hear laughing from Yuri and a shuffling in the distance.

“ _Beka and I had a bet going on how many times you and Viktor would go at it. I said two, he said one._ ”

“ _More like you forced me to bet you._ ” Yuuri heard from Otabek.

“ _But, seriously, how was it?_ ” Yuri asked, earnestly.

Yuuri went into a description of the date, telling them about the slow dancing at the restaurant, and the skating at the rink. Of course, he left out some details, keeping those intimate moments to himself. 

“ _That sounds so romantic!_ ” Yuri burst through the phone.

“I didn’t know you were the romantic type, Yuri.” Yuuri giggled.

“ _I can be. I have a soft spot._ ”

“ _It’s true, he does. He just doesn’t show it often._ ” Otabek piped up.

“How’s everything with you guys?” Yuuri asked.

“ _Well if you must know, I got some exciting news._ ” Yuri paused for a dramatic effect. “ _I’m getting the fuck out of here in a few weeks!_ ”

“What?! You are?? That’s amazing Yuri! I’m so happy for you!!” Yuuri sprang up from his seat on the couch, scaring Makka who was snoring in her dog bed. He almost jumped around the room in glee.

“ _Thanks, Yuuri. I’m super excited. I don’t know how Viktor got the supports he got me in place in such short time, but he did._ ”

Yuuri beamed at the sound of Viktor’s name. A sense of pride bloomed in his chest at the man. “Everything is going to be great Yuri. I can’t wait for you. You and Otabek can finally be together.” Yuuri heard some shuffling, he could only assume they were closer together now.

“ _Yeah, we can. Fucking scared shitless, but its worth it._ ” Yuri admitted.

“You guys are going to be great.” Yuuri heard a door open from the down the hall, and some footsteps coming closer. Makka got up from her bed to greet her master. “I better get going now, Viktor’s ready and I got to go to my therapist appointment.” Both Yuri’s and Otabek said their goodbyes and promises of talking soon.

“Who was that?” Viktor inquired, seeing the grin on Yuuri’s face.

“That was Yuri. He told me he’s getting discharged in a few weeks. I’m just really happy for him.”

“Oh good, the place got back to us then. I was going to follow up with them, if they didn’t get a hold of the social worker. So, then everything is set up then. Great! He’s done well in his recovery, he deserves it.” Viktor sounded genuinely proud of Yuri and his accomplishments. “Ready to go, Yuuri?”

“Mmhm.” Yuuri popped from the couch and followed Viktor to the door.

*          *          *

Viktor pulled up to Yuuri’s therapist building and parked the car. Having gone back to his apartment to change his clothes, they were running short on time, but luckily, they made it. “You sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Viktor asked one more time. He normally didn’t like to ask if Yuuri was sure on something, since he didn’t want him to second guess himself, so he can more confident in his decisions, but this time, it was different.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Yuuri took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I have to do this on my own.” Yuuri said with more determination than the first time he said. After having been asked a few times by Viktor, he was believing it more and more, and gaining more confidence from it.

“Okay. I’m just a phone call away if you need me.” Viktor said it like a worried mother dropping of her child on the first day of school. He leaned over and placed a few kisses on Yuuri’s lips.

Yuuri reciprocated the kisses and attempted to awkwardly hug in the car. “Thank you.” He whispered in return on Viktor’s statement. “I better go.” Yuuri leaned back and Viktor nodded his agreeance. Yuuri opened the car door and stepped outside the vehicle.

“Love you.” Viktor called out before he could close the door.

Yuuri bent down so he can see inside the car. “Love you too, Viktor.” He closed the door after that and made his way inside the building. Viktor waited by the curb in the car until Yuuri went inside. Before driving off he turned up the volume of his ringtone, just in case he calls.

Yuuri walked in the building with confidence straightening out his back and puffing out his chest. As he walked further into the building, approaching the elevators, that eluded confidence was slowly disappearing. He reached the door, taking a deep breath, he opened it. He didn’t feel as anxious as he did the first day, but it was simmering beneath the surface.

He sat in the waiting room for a few minutes until Yuuko called his name. He sat back on the same couch he sat in before, and nervously fidgeted with his hands on his lap.

“So, how are you doing today, Yuuri?” Yuuko asked, grabbing a notepad and pen from the coffee table between them. She clicked the mechanism at the bottom to release the pen and started chewing at it.

“I’m alright. J-Just a bit nervous.” He stated quietly. He avoided looking directly at her and glanced at her notebook in her lap.

Yuuko noticed this and decided to ask. “Does me taking notes bother you? I can put the notepad away.” She began closing it back up.

“No, no. It’s fine. I-I don’t mind.” He averted his eyes from the notebook to the succulent plants on the table.

“Okay then.” She replied sweetly. “I didn’t say this the other day, but I’m really excited that you’re here.” Yuuri glanced at her with confusion. She giggled realizing how it sounded. “Not like that, not like I’m happy that you have anxiety. I just mean that you, as Yuuri Katsuki. I follow you and other skaters. I’m absolutely obsessed with figure skating. So, when I heard that you were coming here, I was thrilled!” Yuuko exclaimed excitedly.

Yuuri blushed at her confession and started to squirm in his seat. Not only now was he nervous about the new therapist but she was also a fan. “Thank you.” He mumbled softly.

“I can’t wait to see what you have planned for this year! Your footwork is absolutely incredible, I don’t think there’s another skater out there that can match your footwork.” Yuuri mumbled another thank you, but Yuuko carried on, not quite listening to him. “I used to skate when I was younger. I was thinking of doing it professionally at one point, and I entered some competitions while in juniors. But I never followed through with it, I was too scared! I wasn’t all that competitive anyways, I just did it for fun.” She waved her arm in front of her. I was thinking about coaching and I still do teach classes to small kids, but that’s about it. My three girls…” She pointed to a picture on a small table next to the door, that contained a close up shot of three identical six-year-old girls. The picture looked as if they took it themselves. “Loop, Axel, and Lutz also follow skating and are in the classes I teach. You’re one of their favourites.”

Yuuri blushed harder and felt a pang of guilt. If he was their favourite, then he for sure let them down last season when he failed miserably. He hung his head in shame and raised his knees up to his chest.

“Everything alright? What’s on your mind right now?” Yuuko asked.

Yuuri paused, debating whether he should answer her honestly or avoid the questions all together. He decided to go with honesty. “I… I failed them.” Yuuko quirked an eyebrow and tilted her head to the side. “Last season, I failed them. I did the absolute worst anyone could have done. I would understand if they didn’t want to support me as a skater.”

“Ah, I see. Well, they tell me you’re still their favourite. Even though you didn’t do as well as you normally would, you’re coming back to competition, despite everything that’s happened. That’s why you’re still their favourite. They love your skating and your footwork, but they follow you because of your character and determination.”

Yuuri peered at her, over his knees. His eyes filled up with tears, trying to blink them away. Yuuko and Yuuri continued talking about skating and analyzing the most prominent skaters, until he pushed his legs back down to the ground and his hands stopped fidgeting in his lap. He started to lean forward when speaking, his shoulders remained lax, and at times became excited when speaking. The ice between them was officially broken, and Yuuri was getting comfortable around her. Near the end of the session, Yuuko brought up some therapies and strategies, and asked which ones he and Viktor had done. This time, Yuuri had no issues telling her, and he went into an explanation on the ones that worked and ones that didn’t. He further started talking about the topics of his life that was discussed with Viktor. Once Yuuri started talking, he found he couldn’t stop. There was something about Yuuko he established, she was carefree and sweet, and it made him feel relaxed, and that they were more like friends rather than therapist and patient.

The session ended all too soon, and Yuuri felt a stab of disappointment. He walked out of her office down the hall to the exit. He reached the end of the hall, when he abruptly stopped. His eyes drew wide, and all the colour drained from his face. A cold sweat formed on his skin, as his breathing increased. Before him stood a man, who turned around at the same moment, Yuuri was exiting the hallway to the waiting area. The man said something, but Yuuri heard nothing. All he saw was a smirk pulled at the man’s lips.

The reset button was pushed on Yuuri, and he quickly walked past the man, accidentally bumping his shoulder into him. He ran out of the office towards the elevators. He hastily pressed the button to call the elevator more times than was necessary. As soon as the doors spread open, he ran in and pressed the button for the doors to close. He grabbed onto his chest, as he heaved breaths and tried to stop his heart from jumping out of his body. The cold sweat dripped down his neck and back, making him shiver. The doors reopened and Yuuri ran out of the lobby to the outside.

In front of him, what he wasn’t expecting was Viktor and his car. Viktor stepped out of his car and peered over the roof. “I wanted to surprise you and pick you…” Viktor drifted off, finally looking at Yuuri. “Yuuri? What the matter? What happened?” Viktor ran around his car to the stalled Yuuri still on the pathway to the building. Viktor embraced him as soon as he got to him, holding him close to his chest, and wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s upper arms and shoulders. With one hand he stroked the back of Yuuri’s head smoothing down his hair.

At that point, Yuuri broke down, sobbing and screaming into Viktor’s chest. Without wanting to draw too much of a crowd, Viktor lead Yuuri to his car and slowly guided him in. Once the sobbing started to cease, Viktor asked him again. “What happened my Yuuri? Talk to me.” He grabbed a napkin that he had in the glove box and wiped away the tears streaking his cheeks.

Yuuri sniffled and wiped his nose, raising his wide frightened eyes to Viktor’s. “It… It…” Yuuri took a deep breath. “I saw…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I had to! Have to keep things interesting lol! Don't hate me!   
> Let me know what you guys are thinking! Thanks!
> 
> <3


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post! I've had a couple of weeks of hell right now, dealing with a lot of personal issues, which has affected my writing. I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things and post on time again.
> 
> Thank you so much!! <3

“It… It…” Yuuri took a deep breath. “I saw… JJ.” Yuuri finally sputtered out. Viktor’s eyes drew wide at the name. “H-He was standing in the front by t-the waiting room, h-holding a folder.”

Viktor cupped his hands on either side of Yuuri’s face. “Did he see you?”

Yuuri nodded. “He said something to me, but I don’t know what he said, I... I…”

Viktor pulled Yuuri into a hug. “It’s alright, we’ll sort this out. I promise.” Just as Viktor said that, JJ walked out of the building’s set of doors. He looked up and down the walk-ways and peered into the parking lot in front of him. With Yuuri’s back to the passenger window, and half of his face hiding behind Yuuri’s shoulder, JJ couldn’t tell it was them in the car. JJ finally gave up and went back inside, and Viktor released the hug. He kept what he saw to himself, not wanting to upset Yuuri even further. He also didn’t know what JJ’s intentions were. Were they nasty as they were before? Or was he reaching out to apologize? “Let’s get going, I’ll drive you back home.” Yuuri wiped his tears and buckled himself in as he nodded. “Did you have a good session with Yuuko otherwise?” Viktor asked pulling out of his parking space.

“I-I did. She’s a fan.”

“Really?” Viktor quickly glanced over at Yuuri with a shocked face. “I had no idea. Does that bother you?”

“I thought maybe in the beginning when she first mentioned it. But then we started talking about figure skating and other skaters, and it didn’t really bother me anymore. It was nice to talk to her about those things and get her opinions on my competitors. I like her, she’s… sweet.”

“I knew you would like her.” Viktor drove the rest of the short way to Yuuri’s apartment in silence. He could judge that Yuuri was still uncomfortable about the JJ sighting, and he used the silence to think of how he was going to help Yuuri. He knew the first thing he had to do was call Yuuko, before he made any assumptions. Viktor parked in the visitor’s parking area and they made their way in the building. When they stepped inside Yuuri’s apartment, Viktor broke the silence. “Why don’t you do some calming exercises. I’m going to make a phone call, so we can start to figure this out.” Yuuri nodded, his eyes remained down cast as he walked off to his bedroom.

Viktor sat on the couch in the living room and waiting until he heard the door close to make his phone call. Three rings went by when the receptionist picked up. Viktor stated who he was and the reason for his call. After being placed on hold he heard a high voice through the phone. “Yuuko Nishigori, how can I help you?”

“Hi, Yuuko. It’s Viktor Nikiforov.”

“Oh, hi Viktor. How are you?” Yuuko dropped her professional voice for a friendlier one, reserved for familiar people.

“I’m alright, thank you. How are you?”

“I’m great! I just saw Yuuri, he left not too long ago.”

“Yes, I’m aware. I actually picked him up from his appointment.” Viktor was starting to feel a little nervous.

“Oh? Is everything okay? He was in good spirits when he left my office.”

“Everything is fine there.” Viktor decided to go for it and ask her straight out. “Do you have Jean-Jacques Leroy working at your center?”

“JJ? Yes…” Yuuko hesitated slightly. “I just hired him. Why do you ask?”

_Here goes nothing._

Taking a deep breath, he went into an explanation. “I used to work with JJ at the hospital, he and I worked the same unit Yuuri was on. There was a misunderstanding between the three of us, which ultimately led to his dismissal at the hospital. During the events of this… mix-up, Yuuri’s anxiety was at a peak. When I picked him up from his appointment, he was terribly frightened, and his anxiety was very high. He had seen JJ in the waiting area on his way out. JJ did speak to him, but in the state Yuuri was in, he does not know what was said. He’s settled and completing some calming exercises at this moment.”

“Oh my. I’m so sorry, Viktor. I had no idea.”

“Please, this is not your fault, Yuuko. I merely wanted to explain the situation, in case he sees him again at the office, you know why. I think it’s best that they do not see each other, though that will prove to be very difficult.”

“May I ask what sort of misunderstanding?”

Viktor stayed silent, contemplating if he should tell her, how much, and what lies he should say. “JJ suspected foul play between Yuuri and I. He made claims that I was going against policy and ethics, and was sleeping with Yuuri, during his treatment. Which was untrue at the time.”

“At the time?” Yuuko asked suspiciously.

Viktor sighed into the phone. “After Yuuri left the hospital, we have started something of a relationship. But only after, since Yuuri is no longer my patient.” Viktor lied.

“Ah I see. So, how did this misunderstanding affect Yuuri?”

“Since JJ made these claims to Dr. Feltsman, he ended up performing an investigation of sorts. Yuuri was pulled from my care and into JJ’s, which made Yuuri’s anxiety spike and JJ’s treatment towards him was questionable. Eventually, Yuuri was placed back in my care and JJ was dismissed.” There, he can tell the truth… sometimes.

“I understand now.” Yuuko paused in thought. “As you said, unfortunately to keep both parties away will prove to be difficult. I think it comes down to two options. Maybe three. First option would be to have both, you and Yuuri, come back to the office, where some mediation and closure for Yuuri can be done. I can facilitate that and in hopes to make Yuuri more comfortable. Second option would be for me to drop him as a patient, which only means that he will be going back to hospital, and as conflict of interest and ethics, you will not be able to treat him. Besides, none of us would want Yuuri going back to hospital, the environment was not conducive to his treatment. Third option would be to leave it alone, not mention it, and see what happens naturally. But, we both know that Yuuri will not be able to attend without his anxiety increasing, or he may not show up at all.”

“I fear you may be right, Yuuko. I would personally like to try option one, but it would be up to Yuuri. I feel discussing the situation and challenging it head on, will help with his recovery.” Viktor paused. “When I picked him up, I saw JJ come out of the building looking for Yuuri, I don’t want to assume his intentions, but I hope they were good.”

“Let’s hope you are right. My schedule is open today, I usually am on these days to catch up on some reports and research. I am looking at JJ’s schedule as well, and he is available. Since he started a few days ago, he doesn’t have much of a case load yet. I think it would be best to nip this in the bud and resolve it today, rather than letting it stew in his head.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more. I will go speak to Yuuri about what we have discussed and will call you back when we will be coming by. Which is when I can convince him.”

Yuuko giggled. “Alright, that sounds good. Talk to you soon, bye for now.”

“Goodbye.” Viktor pulled his phone from his ear and tapped the end call button. Taking a deep breath, he stood up from the couch and made his way to Yuuri’s room.

Yuuri heard a soft knock at his door and mumbled for Viktor to come in. Yuuri sat crossed legged with his eyes closed in the middle of his bed engaging in his deep breathing exercises. He felt a dip in the bed in front of him as Viktor sat down and waited for him to finish. Yuuri fluttered his eyes open and relaxed his shoulders.

“Feel any better?” Viktor asked, almost in a whisper, so not to disturb the relaxed atmosphere.

Yuuri shrugged his shoulders. “A little. I’m thinking a little clearer, but I can still feel it there, bubbling under the surface.”

“Mm.” Viktor nodded his understanding. “I spoke to Yuuko.”

“What? Why?” Yuuri’s anxiety was now simmering and trying to resurface, after he worked so hard to contain it.

“I had to tell her, and you know that.” Yuuri nodded and looked defeated. He knew Viktor was right. “JJ just started at the centre a few days ago. Yuuko and I discussed two options, that you are going to decide on.” Viktor purposely left out the third option knowing that, that would be the one Yuuri would pick, which is the one that would not help him. Yuuri remained silent as Viktor continued. “Your first option is to go back to the office today with Yuuko performing a mediation of sorts, between the three of us. It would help get to the root of the problem, and a way for you to challenge it and maybe gain some closure.” Yuuri opened his mouth to speak, but Viktor held up a finger to stop him. “I don’t like him any more than you do, especially after the way he treated you, but this is probably the best option right now. You don’t have to forgive him, but at least get some closure from it. Your second option would be for Yuuko to drop you as a patient, which means you would go back to the hospital until we are able to find you therapist in the community that would be willing to work with Dr. Feltsman and myself. If you do go back to hospital, I cannot be your therapist, I had to disclose our relationship with Yuuko and I do not want her to report us.”

“Oh.” Yuuri pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his nose on top of his knees, burrowing his chin. He focused his gaze on his bedspread while the cogs in his head turned. He tried to keep his mind clear, so he could think properly. Viktor waited patiently. “Why can’t we just ignore it and hope I don’t see him there.”

This was the reason why Viktor left out the third option. “Yuuri, we both know that’s not going to happen. You’ll have too much anxiety and won’t go for fear you might see him there. You know that’s not an option, and if you kept missing sessions with Yuuko, you would end up back in hospital and possibly miss your skating season.”

Yuuri nodded. “I know. I guess I don’t really have a choice now do I.”

“Not really. Unless you want to go back to the hospital.” Viktor reached out and grabbed hold of one of Yuuri’s hands that were wrapped around his knees.

“No, I don’t want to go back. Do I have to go there today and do this? Can’t it be the next session I have with her?”

“Yes, it has to be today. She is available today and so is JJ. It’s best that we do this now, rather than later when you’ll be constantly thinking about it.” 

Yuuri groaned. “Fine. I hate it when your right.” Yuuri mumbled into his knees. Viktor smirked at that and let out a chuckle. He leaned over and kissed the top of Yuuri’s head. “Why did you have to tell her that we were together?”

“Oh right, I should probably tell you what I said. I told her that JJ suspected of us to have an inappropriate relationship while you were in hospital, and his treatment towards you was questionable. I told her about Dr. Feltsman and his investigation. I told her that I picked you up after the appointment today, it would be a little suspicious for an ex-therapist to pick up his ex-patient from an appointment, and I didn’t want to give JJ any more reason to create problems. So, I told her that after you left the hospital that you and I have started something of a relationship and that it only started after you have been discharged and no longer my patient.”

“Okay. Makes sense. Do you think it will still cause problems with JJ?”

“I don’t know. I can’t say what his intentions are when he saw you. We can only hope for the best and we will cross that bridge when we get there.” Viktor could see the anxiety filling Yuuri’s face. “I will be with you the whole time, I won’t leave your side.”

Yuuri nodded and uncurled his arms from his legs, only to put his legs down and wrap his arms around Viktor’s chest. Viktor reciprocated the hug and placed another kiss on top of Yuuri’s head. “I got to call Yuuko and let her know that we will be coming by.” Yuuri didn’t let go, instead held on tighter. Viktor smiled and pulled out his phone from his pocket, awkwardly. With one hand he pulled up his call list and called Yuuko, while his other hand stroked and soothed down Yuuri’s back. Viktor went through the receptionist on the phone and was able to get Yuuko. “Hi, Yuuko. It’s Viktor. I spoke to Yuuri and we will be stopping by in about 20 minutes or so. Will that be alright?”

Yuuri could hear Yuuko, she sounded chipper and said that it was alright. Viktor hung up the phone and snuggled with Yuuri a few more minutes until it was time to go.

*          *          *

They arrived back at the building, Viktor parking the car in a proper parking spot this time. They reached the office and went right into Yuuko’s room. Viktor and Yuuri, sat on the couch, a little closer than they were the last time. Yuuko sat in her normal chair, and there was another chair beside her, that she pulled in from somewhere. “Welcome back, Yuuri, Viktor.” Yuuko nodded to them both and turned back to Yuuri. “I’m sure Viktor explained to you, why you’ve come back. Viktor had also explained to me what had happened. From my perspective, I will explain to you what is going to happen here before I bring in JJ. I will be acting as a mediator between the three of you, I will remain unbiased and will not be taking any sides. This is merely to air out the laundry, so that you can move on and close the book on this chapter.”

Yuuri nodded, drawing his legs up to his chest. “Okay.”

“Is there anything you want to say before we get started?” Yuuko asked. Yuuri shook is head no and gripped his legs tighter. Yuuko got up and went to her phone on the desk. “Hi, JJ. You can come in now.”

A few short seconds went by and the door opened, and JJ stepped inside closing the door behind him. His face remained neutral as he sat down in the empty chair. Well, neutral to JJ was a smug arrogance. Yuuri squeezed his legs tighter, until he felt a pain radiating through them. His heart sped up and his body started trembling. Viktor reached out and grabbed one of Yuuri’s hands, prying it off from around his legs and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. JJ noticed the action and he glared at the intimate moment, and his lips curled into a sneer.

Yuuko started the session. “Alright, lets begin. We all know why everyone is here, so we can skip all that fun stuff. I am going to go through some rules, that we are all going to follow. If anyone breaks the rules, I will be stepping in.” Yuuko went through a set of 12 rules ranging from taking turns when speaking, to taking breaks when needed, to legal proceedings if necessary. They all agree to follow the rules, that were laid out. “First thing I think that should be discussed is the interaction that happened this morning. Yuuri has claimed that he did not hear what you said, JJ, when you spoke to him, because of the state of panic he was in. Can you please reiterate what it is you said?”

JJ cleared his throat and sat up straighter. “I simply asked him what he was doing here.” Yuuko seemed content with his answer, and Viktor relaxed a little, until JJ had to open his mouth again. “Are we not going to discuss what is happening here? I knew I was right at the hospital, and I lost my job over it, over them.” JJ pointed at Viktor and Yuuri holding hands on the couch.

“You lost your job because you were making claims that were not true, meanwhile you were the hypocrite and was engaging in foul play with a patient. Yuuri and I only got together after he was released from the hospital and no longer considered my patient.” Viktor burst, venom sprayed with his words.

“Like I would believe anything you say.” JJ spewed back, dismissing the truth about his firing. “This just proves it.” Once again, he pointed at them holding hands.

“This proves nothing. Only that we are together now, when it is appropriate and that I am here to support him.” Viktor raised their intertwined hands for emphasis. Yuuri buried his head deeper in his knees as Viktor argued back and forth with JJ.  

Yuuko caught on to Yuuri’s body language and interrupted the fighting. “Ok, enough!” She raised her voice slightly for her to be heard. “I do not want to have to remind you two of the rules. We are here for Yuuri, so he can gain some closure on this chapter, but instead you two are making it worse.” Viktor looked down in shame and mumbled an apology. JJ scoffed and rolled his eyes, while turning his body to the side. “JJ!” Yuuko scolded.

“I’m sorry.” JJ mumbled. He turned his body back towards Viktor and Yuuri and sighed. “I never intended to come here and cause more problems. I tried following you out, Yuuri, when I saw you earlier. I wanted to apologize for my inexcusable behaviour I bestowed on you, but when I made it downstairs, you were already gone.” Viktor started relaxing a little, remembering when he saw JJ come out of the building, his intentions were at least good. Viktor gave a slight shake of his head to focus back on JJ, who continued. “I realize my mistakes and where they were festering from.” He turned to Viktor. “I was jealous of you, you were better than me at everything. All the front-line staff loved you, and Dr. Feltsman cherished you like you were his own protégé. I am very competitive by nature and it came through at work. I thought I saw something that wasn’t there, because I was doing the same.” JJ fiddled with his hands in his lap, his head angled downwards as he stared at them. “I thought if I made the claims that I did then you would be gone, and I would get to be number one. In the process, I ignored my own morals, and a promise I had made to myself to be the best therapist I can be. With that I hurt and damaged Yuuri further. He needed help and I had the tools and the knowledge to do so, and I purposely caused harm to him, treated him like he was faking everything and spiked his anxiety. All for my own personal gain. I had a lot of time to think about what I did and all the pain I caused. Yuuri, you don’t have to forgive me, but I don’t want you to have anxiety when you see me in these halls. I’m sorry for the anguish I caused you. Victor, we could have made a great team working together, but my selfish reasons prevented us from doing that. I’m sorry for the claims I made against you and the trouble I caused you.” JJ took a deep breath once he finished his speech, holding back a sob.

While JJ spoke, Yuuri started loosening. He uncurled his legs, placing his feet on the ground, his free hand pulled and fidgeted with the end of his shirt. The hand holding Viktor’s slackened, instead of the tight vice he had earlier. “T-Thank you, JJ.” Yuuri took a deep breath, his eyes remained focused on the coffee table. “I-I don’t know if I can forgive you just yet, b-but I accept your apology.” Yuuri didn’t know what else he should say, or if he should say anything more. He kept his mouth shut and left it at that. He didn’t owe JJ anymore than that.

Viktor gave Yuuri’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “I, as well, thank you for your apology, and I appreciate the amount of strength it took to admit all that.” Viktor kept it short and simple, he too thought that JJ didn’t deserve anymore than that.

Yuuko gauged the silence in the room and broke it. “That was very productive. I want to thank you, JJ, for coming in and expressing and admitting to your mistakes. Viktor is correct, it takes a lot of strength to do what you did.” After a few mumbled thank you’s, JJ left the room. Yuuko turned back to Yuuri. “How do you feel about that, Yuuri?”

“I feel… better. I think part of what was causing my anxiety when I saw him was, what is he going to do now? After his apology, I feel better that when I see him next, I’m not going to be hurt by him, or Viktor. I meant what I said, I can’t forgive him right now, but maybe eventually.”

“That’s great Yuuri! Oh! I’m so glad!” Yuuko exclaimed loudly and clapped her hands. “This is fantastic news, I really didn’t want you going back to that hospital.” She smiled her bright warm smile.

Yuuri couldn’t help it, her smile was infectious, and he smiled his small smile back at her. Viktor gave him another squeeze of his hand. After a few thank you’s, and Yuuri promising on seeing her the following day, Viktor and Yuuri left.

Back in the car, Yuuri heaved a sigh of relief and slumped his shoulders. “I’m exhausted.”

Viktor chuckled. “I wouldn’t be surprised. How about I treat you to dinner.” He suggested, backing out of the parking spot.

“Where did you have in mind?” Yuuri was getting nervous, he wanted to go out with Viktor, but the thought of being out in public and dealing with more of his anxiety was mentally exhausting. He just didn’t know how to tell him.

“My place! I’m going to cook for you!” Viktor exclaimed excitedly.

Yuuri smiled a big wide smile. “I’d love that.” Within his chest, it felt like he fell in love with Viktor all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you are thinking! I'd love to hear from you!! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and all your lovely support!
> 
> <3


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh! Sorry its late! >.< But prepare for some fluff! Yay!
> 
> Also, I'm coming to the end of this story. I can't say exactly how many more chapters but it won't be long now. I love this story but I have the ending already planned and I'm actually excited to write it. 
> 
> In the meantime, enjoy!
> 
> <3

After a quick trip to the grocery store to gather all the ingredients needed for the nights dish, they headed back to Viktor’s condo. Viktor gabbed and blabbed about numerous things, Yuuri wasn’t paying that much attention, and only offered a few words here and there in return. He followed Viktor around the grocery store and then up to his condo in a sort of daze.

Viktor could tell the mediation with JJ earlier upset him. Yuuri said he was fine and felt better about the issue, but Viktor knew there was more. He tried distracting him by filling the empty silence with conversation, but nothing seemed to work. Back at the condo, Viktor tried distracting Yuuri with food, but even that didn’t work. Eventually Viktor told him to relax, while he made the meal. Yuuri accepted the offer happily and sat at a barstool at the kitchen island watching Viktor cook and sipping on a glass of wine.

Yuuri found himself start to relax a little, though it was mainly because of the wine. He also found watching Viktor move around the kitchen a little relaxing, and arousing. His plan was to make _Zharkoye_ , which Yuuri had never had before. As he was chopping, mixing, and stirring, Viktor’s hips moved to the music that played softly in the background. Yuuri couldn’t take his eyes off him. Which Viktor noticed, out of the corner of his eyes, so he continued with his subtle dancing, swaying his hips more here and there.   

Once everything was added to a pot to simmer, Viktor turned his attention to Yuuri. Walking over to the speaker system, Viktor turned up the music. He pulled Yuuri off the stool and gathered him in his arms, wrapping them around the other man’s waist. Yuuri giggled, partly due to the wine, and draped his arms around Viktor’s neck. The arms around his waist tightened and pulled him closer. Yuuri nuzzled his face in the crook of Viktor’s neck, breathing in his ocean and musk scent, feeling a calmness wash over him. The gentle sway of their dance made it feel like Yuuri was on that ocean with the waves rocking him. Viktor placed a few chaste kisses, in Yuuri’s hair, and felt him relax further in his arms.

Viktor was getting a little worried that Yuuri hadn’t mentioned the mediation, and what it was that was bothering him. He didn’t want to push him to talk about, which might shut him down further. He knew Yuuri would talk when he’s ready, but he was still allowed to be worried.

The song ended, and Viktor stopped their dance. He pulled away, so he could see Yuuri’s face. “I’m going to check on the food and get you another glass of wine by the looks of it.” Viktor chuckled.

Yuuri blushed and looked over at his empty glass. With a finger under his chin, his head was guided to look at the man holding him and getting trapped by the blue sea. Viktor leaned down, placing a chaste kiss on Yuuri’s lips, before turning away towards the stove, leaving him wanting. Yuuri plopped himself back on the stool with a sigh. His glass was filled back up with wine, and Yuuri took a large gulp. He blushed again when he noticed Viktor smirking at him.

They ate their meal, sitting across from one another at the table. Viktor had set up the table with candles burning in the centre and dimmed the lights. He wanted it to be romantic for Yuuri, but also relaxing for him too. Viktor kept on with the conversation, while Yuuri only responded in short answers. He figured he would calm by now, but there was something still holding Yuuri back. He didn’t know if Yuuri knew what it was yet or if he didn’t want to tell him. But judging by the sparkle in Yuuri’s eyes, he was thinking of something.

After they ate, Viktor decided on putting on a movie for them to watch. He was hoping the movie could be used as a distraction for him. Viktor sat on the end of the couch against the arm rest. Yuuri snuggled up against Viktor, leaning his body against him, craving comfort and closeness. His arm draped across Viktor’s belly, while Viktor’s arm went around Yuuri to soothe and stroke his back.

Every so often, Yuuri’s leg would bounce and shake, and his eyes would drift from the television to focus on something nondescript. Half way through the movie, Yuuri sat up and pulled his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around his legs. Viktor reached to the coffee table and turned off the movie with the remote, sitting back in his seat he looked silently over at Yuuri. Who, at this point burrowed his chin into his knees and hasn’t noticed the movie was off. Viktor counted the seconds it took for Yuuri to come to his senses. “Why is the movie off? It wasn’t over, was it?” Yuuri’s head shot up.

“No, it wasn’t over. Something is bothering you.” Viktor said as matter of fact.

“Sorry.” Yuuri looked down and ashamed.

Viktor turned his body, so he was facing Yuuri. “You don’t have to apologize. You can talk to me, if something is bothering you. I heard I’m a pretty good listener.”

Yuuri let out a small giggle. “That’s the problem, I don’t know what is bothering me. I feel something beneath the surface, but I can’t put my finger on what it is. I feel like I get a burst of anxiousness when I come close to a thought, or it just comes out of no where. But I don’t know why.”

“Hmm. You’re thinking too much.” Viktor put a finger to his lips in thought. Suddenly, Viktor snapped his fingers and jumped up from his seat. “Come with me.” He grabbed Yuuri’s hand and heaved him off the couch.

“Where are we going?”

Viktor led him to the front door, ignoring his question. “Put your shoes on.” He demanded and then left down the hall to his bedroom. Confused, Yuuri did as he was told. Viktor came back to the front, with a small bag in his hands. Still not answering Yuuri’s question, he led him out of the condo towards the elevator and pressed the down button.

Viktor led Yuuri to the second floor, and into the condo’s gym. At that time of evening, there weren’t a lot of people in there, only a small handful. They walked past all the machines and equipment, until they came to a small room. Viktor led Yuuri inside, turning on the lights, illuminating a small workout room. Complete with hardwood floors, mirrors along one wall and various workout equipment lined up along the walls, but besides all that the room was empty.

“What are we doing here Viktor?”

“You are going to dance. You think better when you dance don’t you? Use this as an opportunity to clear your mind of all the clutter and focus in on what you need to, without actually thinking about it.” Viktor reached into his bag and pulled out a small portable speaker and dance shoes. “These are an old pair of mine, they might fit you. They’re still in good condition.”

With a wide smile on his face, Yuuri grabbed the shoes and set to work putting them on and going through his warm up routine. Viktor chuckled and shook his head. He pulled out another pair of dance shoes for himself and went through his own warm up routine. He was going to let Yuuri dance his way through his thoughts, but just in case afterwards he wanted to dance with his Yuuri.

Viktor handed Yuuri his phone, which was connected through Bluetooth to the speaker. Yuuri scrolled the list of music, taking his time, guessing and second guessing his choices. Finally, he came to a song, and without hesitation chose it. He pressed pause before it could start and got into a position in the middle of the floor. He nodded his head to Viktor, signalling he was ready. Viktor looked down at his phone to hit play and smiled at the song choice.

**_(Imagine Dragons – Believer)_ **

Yuuri took a deep breath and cleared his mind of any thoughts. He only allowed ones about dance to enter. The music began and Yuuri started to move. He let his body do the thinking for him, he let it take control and connect with the music. He didn’t think about his next move or the ones after, he just did them. The lyrics covered him like a blanket, connecting to the meaning of the words and interpreting them into dance and relating them to his life.

Viktor stood against the wall, leaning his back against it. He was amazed at what he was seeing. This Yuuri that was dancing was different. He was bold and confident. His lines were strong and clear, and he took chances with his movements that Viktor had never seen him do. Chances that were daring, which caused Viktor to flinch from time to time. He knew Yuuri could do these moves, he knew he had the power and stamina, but it still worried him that Yuuri was pushing it too far.

Yuuri delved further into the music. His mind going completely blank to everything around him. His body felt stronger, more solid and powerful. He pushed it to its limits, leaping higher, spinning faster, and completing complicated footwork. He craved to be on the ice, to put this song and dance to the solid water, but he figured the hardwood floor of the gym would have to do.

A small pause came to the song and Yuuri rushed across the floor. The speakers boomed the word ‘ _Pain_ ’ and Yuuri completed a no handed cartwheel and the precise moment. Viktor pushed himself from the wall, completely stunned. Yuuri went to the ground, purposely, and flipped to his stomach. He lifted his top half of his body off the floor by his arms and dragged himself backwards, like his legs were jelly. He flipped his body again, so he was sitting upright, on his bum, his legs splayed out and pointed before him. With a hand supporting him behind his back, he pushed off, his legs lifted above him. His other arm came down to join his other hand to support him. Yuuri turned upside down, and his legs completed the splits in the air before slowly reaching down to the ground on the other side. From there Yuuri went straight into pirouettes.

Viktor looked at his phone, the song was almost over and Yuuri looked like he wasn’t close to quitting. He could see the sweat drip from his body, see his chest heave with exertion. But it was in Yuuri’s face, the determination, and the drive to continue, laid.

The song ended with Yuuri on his knees on the floor. His one hand reached behind him as he leaned back on it. After a few seconds of holding the pose, Yuuri collapsed backwards, his legs going out in front of him as he caught his breath. Viktor wildly clapped from the side and slowly made his way over to him. “That was… That was incredible Yuuri! I’ve never seen you move like that. You always seemed more cautious and reserved in your movements, but here you looked… powerful. Wow!”

“I don’t believe him.” Yuuri simply stated, looking up at Viktor who stood above him.

Viktor quirked an eyebrow. He sat down next to Yuuri on the floor, sitting cross legged. “Care to elaborate?”

Yuuri sat up and spun around to face Viktor. “That’s what was bugging me. I don’t believe JJ. Everything he said to me today seemed like a lie. Like he was only saying those things because he feared he would lose this job, or we would report him or something, I don’t know.”

“Hmm. I see what your saying. I too feel the same way. It was too…” Viktor rotated his hand in front of him, trying to search for a word. “…Rehearsed. How does that make you feel?” Viktor was being careful with his words.

“I feel okay now.” Yuuri paused, reflecting on his thoughts and feelings. “I think the idea that something was causing me this trouble, but I couldn’t figure out what, was more bothersome than the actual problem. I essentially don’t care that he apologized.” Viktor quirked his eyebrow and his went a little wide. “I think its more now that I feel he won’t do anything to you or me because of that fear.”

“Good. I’m glad this helped you.”

“Me too. I won’t lie though, I may feel some anxiety when I see him. Almost like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. But, I don’t believe it will be as crippling as I what I felt when I first saw him. It won’t stop me from seeing Yuuko, and it won’t stop me from improving myself.”

Viktor’s chest swelled up with pride. He scooted along the floor to go behind Yuuri and gathered him into an embrace. Yuuri leaned back into the hug and relaxed for the first time that night. “I’m so proud of you, Yuuri. You’ve come such a long way. I… I couldn’t be happier!” Viktor squeezed him tight around his stomach and kissed the side of Yuuri’s head. Yuuri let out an ‘ _oomph_ ’ with the pressure. Viktor slackened his arms around him, resting his chin on Yuuri’s shoulder instead.

Yuuri giggled moved his head to the side to give Viktor a chaste kiss on the lips. “Thank you, Viktor.” He gave him another kiss. “I couldn’t be where I am without you.” Yuuri’s eyebrow quirked when he saw Viktor. “A-Are you crying, Viktor?” Yuuri reached up and brushed a tear away that was about to fall.

“I love you more than anything, Yuuri. I… I…” Yuuri cut him off with another kiss, this one less chaste and much more passionate.

Yuuri turned his body around so his legs went over Viktor’s and around his body, with his arms going around his neck. Their chests and stomachs met in a single line. Yuuri’s lips were teasingly close, just lightly brushing Viktor’s. “I love you too, Viktor.” Yuuri whispered before joining their lips together. Viktor’s hands wandered from Yuuri’s hips to groping his ass and pulling him closer to him. Yuuri let out a soft moan. The kisses became needier and hungrier, as they felt their bodies get excited.

They pulled away from each other, breathlessly. Yuuri felt like his body was on fire, from the heat radiating off Viktor. Every touch Viktor gave was like a tingle through his body, he craved and wanted more. With some maneuvering, Viktor pulled down Yuuri’s pants enough to release him, Yuuri did the same for Viktor.

Viktor’s hand wrapped around his hardened length, eliciting a moan from Yuuri’s lips as his head went back, looking up at the ceiling. “Together… please… Viktor.” Yuuri panted. Viktor smirked and did as he was told. He grabbed both their lengths together in one hand and stroked them in a steady rhythm. More moans and groans came from Yuuri as he felt Viktor’s cock against his. He brought his head forward again, connecting their mouths in a deep kiss. Their tongues dances and twisted around one another. The stroking going faster, and as it did, Yuuri joined his hand with Viktor’s.

“Ah… Yuuri.” Viktor moaned.

“Viktor… I’m so close.” Viktor tightened his grip just in the slightest and picked up speed. After a few more strokes, Yuuri screamed his orgasm in Viktor’s mouth as they kissed. Viktor followed right after Yuuri. Their mess covering their hands, which they managed to contain. After a few huffs to catch their breath, Viktor untangled himself from Yuuri and went over to his bag and took out a towel. It was originally supposed to be used for their sweat when they danced, but a mess is a mess. Viktor helped clean Yuuri off, then himself, and helped Yuuri up.

“Did you want to go back upstairs? Or did you want to go home?” Viktor was hoping Yuuri wouldn’t go home.

“I actually… I want to keep dancing.” Yuuri sheepishly stated.

Viktor beamed with delight. “Then dancing is what we shall do. Anything you want to dance to?”

“I want to dance with you.” As if Yuuri didn’t think it wasn’t possible, Viktor’s smile went even wider.

“Well, I think we’re warmed up enough.” Viktor chuckled. Yuuri’s face turned a bright pink, which made Viktor laugh even more. “I think I have just the song.” Viktor walked over to his phone and scrolled through his music library. He gave a quick description on how he imagined this song.

**_(Arctic Monkeys – I Wanna Be Yours)_ **

Viktor started in the middle of the floor lying down on his back, his arms and legs relaxed. Yuuri started the music and the drum beat vibrated through the speakers. Viktor raised to sit up slowly, arching is back. He swung his torso around to go with the music. He reached behind him and kicked off the floor, swinging his legs up and while holding himself up with one arm. Once standing he kicked his legs out and swung them around. Yuuri slowly walked in from the side, taking large steps with his back foot dragging along the floor. Yuuri remained out of reach from him, Viktor desperately trying to grab hold of Yuuri, only for him to step away and move across the floor. Finally, Yuuri reached out to Viktor and they joined hands. Yuuri moved to his side, while Viktor dipped down and Yuuri wrapped his arm that was holding his hand around his neck, while his body went onto Viktor’s back. His legs kicked in an arch to the other side. Viktor continued to hold his hand and spun him in place.

_Secrets I have held in my heart…_

Yuuri stepped away from Viktor and pulled him towards him with their hands intertwined. Yuuri released their hands and they played a game of cat and mouse. Yuuri would leap and jump from one side of Viktor to the other, going around him, while he tried to grab hold of him. Once Viktor did, he enveloped Yuuri with his body, with his arms around his stomach. Yuuri crouched down, his back to his front, and Viktor bent over him.

_I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours…_

Yuuri erupted from his crouch, Viktor went along with the outburst throwing his arms up and dramatically falling to the floor, while Yuuri went into a vertical split. Viktor rolled on the floor until he was on his stomach, lifted on his arms, Yuuri was out of reach engaging in a solo dance, kicking and spinning his legs, as Viktor watched from the floor.

_Let me be your ‘leccy meter and I’ll never run out…_

Yuuri took a running start and leapt, his legs behind him and close together and his arms spread out to the sides. Viktor caught him by the waist and stomach and spun him on his shoulder. Yuuri’s legs went straight up in the air, his back arched down Viktor’s back and his arms were spread wide. Viktor turned slowly in place, letting the lyrics surround them.

_And let me be the portable heater that you’ll get cold without…_

Viktor set Yuuri down in front of him. Yuuri stepped around to go behind him, his hands came around Viktor’s chest, sliding them around the surface. He stepped out beside Viktor and grabbed his hand. They danced collectively around each other, holding hands. They pulled and pushed each other apart and together.

_Secrets I have held in my heart_

_Are harder to hide than I thought…_

Yuuri let go of their hands and walked away off to the side. Viktor melodramatically dropped to the floor on his back. After a few beats and raised to sitting, arching his back on the way up. He rolled around the floor until he stood, only to go back down slowly with the expression of pain on his face.

_I wanna be yours…_

Yuuri came back next to Viktor, he pirouetted and stopped with his back to Viktor and leaned back, kicking his leg out. Viktor held up both arms to catch Yuuri with his hands on his back and pushed him back up. Yuuri leapt away and Viktor followed, leaping to catch Yuuri but he soared out of the way. Viktor remained huddled, staring at his empty arms, while Yuuri spun in place and ending with the vertical splits. He went behind Viktor, running his hand across is back. Viktor quickly turned and went behind Yuuri, and seized both of Yuuri’s hands in his, that were up in the air. They twirled and danced with their hands together. Viktor pulled him to his body and twisting around so Viktor’s front was to Yuuri’s back. Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s middle and lifted him up just slightly off the ground, until their faces were in line. Yuuri kept one leg straight and the other leg bent so his toes were pointing to the other leg, he kept his hands-on top of Viktor’s around his stomach. They turned their heads, so they faced each other, as Viktor slowly spun them in place.

_I wanna be your Ford Cortina…_

Viktor set Yuuri down, so they were facing one another, and he cupped the side of Yuuri’s face. Yuuri grabbed onto his hand and slowly lifted it up in the air intertwining their fingers, standing up on his toes, he leaned forward. Viktor guided the hand, so it went behind his shoulder and his own arms went around Yuuri’s waist, pulling him close for an embrace as the song ended.

Yuuri moved back a bit to look up and Viktor’s face. They shared a tender kiss, pouring the love they have for one another into that kiss. “We should get going. I better drive you home, it’s getting late.” Viktor whispered, afraid to ruin the stillness in the room.

Yuuri cupped the side of Viktor’s face. Viktor covered that hand with his and leaned into the touch. “I want to stay with you.” Yuuri whispered back, his cheeks dusting with a light shade of pink. He raised up on his toes and pecked a kiss on Viktor’s lips.

Viktor smiled wide, joy filling through his body. Then that smile turned into a smirk. Yuuri cocked an eyebrow and before he could think anything, Viktor hoisted him up, bridal style. Yuuri let out a yelp, startled by the sudden lift. “Well then let’s go back up, my love.”

Yuuri giggled. “I can walk you know.”

“But this is more fun.” Viktor pouted. Grabbing the bag and everything else from the floor, Viktor carried Yuuri back up to his condo, as they giggled and shared sweet kisses all the way up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your support so far! I appreciate every comment, kudos, subscription, and read.   
> Let me know what you guys are thinking or if you have any questions!
> 
> <3


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special guest comes around :)
> 
> So, I figured out the rest of the story, and there are going to be only 2 more chapters after this. I think where things are going, it is a good place to end.   
> I will be adding to this story and creating a series. The next instalment will be Yuri's back story. I've already started writing it and super excited about it! :) After that I have Viktor's backstory planned. Hope you will stick around and read those too.
> 
> <3

The next morning Viktor dropped off Yuuri back at his apartment. It was his first day back at work since the incident with Josh. After a quick kiss and another and another and another, Yuuri finally was able to leave the car without being pulled back in by Viktor.

Yuuri slept great the night before, wrapped in the warmth. The worries and troubles from the day before were lifted from his heart and he felt he was able to breathe again. A new lightness and excitement bloomed within his chest that day, Phichit was coming back from Thailand. Yuuri bounced in place riding up the elevator. He wanted to get back into the apartment and make sure everything was clean and perfect for his best friend, and he had a few hours to do everything, which was more than enough time.

Yuuri spent the next hour or so cleaning and tidying up the apartment. Since it was just him the last few days and no one in the last month, there wasn’t much to be done. Instead he sat for a bit, eagerly awaiting his arrival. He hasn’t seen Phichit since he was admitted to hospital. Phichit wanted to visit him before he left for Thailand, but Yuuri refused. They became fast friends when they met and Yuuri found he was the easiest person to talk to, and with his smile, he always made Yuuri feel a little better and that everything would be alright. Phichit, of course, has seen Yuuri at his absolute worst, what Yuuri thought was his worst. It wasn’t until he was admitted to hospital that he realized that everything he endured before was nothing compared to what he was like in hospital. He didn’t want his best friend to see him like that, so he made the decision to keep him at a distance. But now, Phichit was coming back, and Yuuri was better. He had so many things he wanted to tell his best friend, so much has happened, and he wanted to hear everything that happened to him and about his trip home.

Yuuri was getting restless with anticipation, and he couldn’t sit still any longer. He figured Phichit might be hungry when he gets home, so Yuuri rummaged through the kitchen and decided on making one of their favourite meals. He luckily had all the ingredients necessary to make katsudon. It wasn’t as good as his mothers, which that thought made Yuuri salivate, but it was close enough. By the time he would be finished making it Phichit should be back.

Yuuri went through the motions of preparing and cooking the meal. The familiarity of the movements and the process returning to him, making him feel more tranquil as time went on. Thoughts floated around his head, but nothing stuck. Reflections about him and Viktor, his recovery, his future, and his competitions, all fluttered and floated, passing by in his mind. No anxiousness, no worries, no fear, came to him when he thought of these things. When that thought entered his mind, a small smile formed on his lips.

Everything was coming together, falling into place as they were. The new additions in his life like Viktor, Yuri, and Otabek, moulded and formed to fit the pieces that were already there. For once, Yuuri felt happy, excited, and eager to see where his new life was going to take him. He hasn’t felt happiness like this in the longest time, all the pain and worry crushing the joy to a pulp.

But now that happiness flourished and glowed, like the warmth Viktor gives him in the cold dark emptiness of his anxiety. He wanted more, he wanted to live now. He knew that cold dark place was still there in his mind, the shadow buried under the surface, and at any moment could rush up and swallow him whole. He knew everyday from now on will be a struggle, but the difference was, now he knew he wasn’t alone. He had people that loved and cared for him, and that will pull him out of the darkness.

Yuuri was pulled out his daze when he heard a bang on the apartment door. Yuuri jumped, startled by the loud noise in the otherwise quiet apartment. His heart beat steadily faster as the seconds passed.

“Yuuri! Open the door! My keys are in my bag and I don’t feel like fishing for them!” Came a light whiny voice, muffled through the door.

“Phichit!” Yuuri dropped what he was doing and ran to the door, which wasn’t far given the small apartment they lived in. He unlocked the door and swung it open so fast, making it nearly bang on the wall. “Phichit!” Yuuri cried out again in excitement.

“Yuuri!” Phichit cried out with the same joyfulness he always had. He dropped his bags and jumped on Yuuri, enveloping him in a tight hug. Yuuri just about lost his balance but was able to remain standing, reciprocating the tight squeeze Phichit was giving him. Yuuri closed his eyes, basking in the bliss of seeing his best friend, until he heard a noise. A familiar noise he often heard with Phichit around.

“Did you just take a picture?” Yuuri asked pulling away from the embrace.

Phichit giggled. “Of course, I did! I had to immortalize this moment forever!” Yuuri shook his head and chuckled at Phichit’s antics. “You look great Yuuri! I’m so happy to see you, I’ve missed you so much. You have to tell me everything!” Phichit went into a stream of questions, and comments, without even taking a breath, which made Yuuri’s head spin. “Is that Katsudon I smell?”

Yuuri giggled. “Yes, I was making it for when you come home. How about we get your bags in, so they’re not out in the hallway, and then we can eat and catch up.” Yuuri suggested.

“Sounds great! I’m starving! Thank you Yuuri!” Phichit grabbed and pulled Yuuri into another tight embrace.

*          *          *

“You did what?!? You mean the perfectly innocent Yuuri, did that?! I don’t believe it! I leave for a month and this is what happens!” Phichit cried out, his now empty bowl of food rattled when he banged on the table between them.

“Yeah…” Yuuri looked sheepishly at Phichit. “…It just sort of happened. I can’t explain it. It wasn’t like I made it happen between Viktor and I, it just did. I’m happier now.”

Phichit squealed and hugged his hands to his chest. “So, wait…” Phichit went back to being serious. “…Did you have to hide your feelings while you were in hospital?”

“Yeah, no one was allowed to know, or he could get fired.” Yuuri went into a story about JJ and all that happened with the investigation, and JJ becoming his therapist for a short period, and JJ getting fired.

“O-M-G! Yuuri! Your life was like a soap opera while you were there. I can’t believe it! Why would he do such a thing! The most exciting thing that happened to me when I was in Thailand was I was able to skate and practice.”

Yuuri giggled. “I also met another patient there named Yuri. I think you’ll like him. He’s a bit intense, but once you get to know him, he’s like a little kitten. Oh! And his boyfriend too, Otabek. He was one of the nurses there.”

“So, what you’re telling me is that all the staff were banging the patients? Cause that’s what it sounds like to me.”

Yuuri burst out laughing, fresh tears of hilarity pricked at his eyes and ran down his cheeks. “I guess I am. It definitely sounds that way.” He said between fits of laughter.

“I’m happy to see you smiling and laughing again Yuuri. I really missed this, I missed you.” Phichit became serious again, his bright smile turning sombre. “You really scared me.”

Yuuri slumped his shoulders, he knew this conversation was going to come up between them. “I know. I’m sorry, Phichit. I didn’t realize how bad my anxiety got. I was in denial about it and ended up putting you in the middle of it. That’s why I didn’t want you to visit me while I was there. I already put you through enough, I didn’t want you to bear more weight that you already had.” Yuuri reached out and grabbed Phichit’s hands, that were fisted together. “I am better now, I feel better. It’s not always going to be permanent, I am going to have my bad days, but now I will be capable to recognize when I’m going in a downwards spiral, and I’m getting regular help.”

“I’m happy for you Yuuri. I will always be here to help you.” Phichit turned his hands around and grabbed Yuuri’s in his. “I don’t mind bearing some of your weight, that’s what friends are for.” Yuuri pulled Phichit into a hug. Tears streamed down both their faces. “Just don’t hide on me Yuuri. You really scared me.” Phichit whispered, choking back a sob.

“I promise.” Was all Yuuri could say in return, squeezing his friend a little tighter. They pulled away from the hug, leaning back in their respective seats, both wiping away tears.

“So, when do I get to meet this Viktor guy?” Phichit asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “He needs to be Phichit approved.”

“Oh no, no. You are not going to interrogate him or threaten him in any way.” Yuuri grabbed their empty bowls and brought them to the sink. “I don’t need you chasing him off.”

“I won’t chase him off, but I need to know if he’s legit. It is my role after all.” Phichit got up from his seat and followed Yuuri to the kitchen.

“Ugh, there’s no stopping you is there?”

“Nope.” A bright toothy smile formed on Phichit’s lips.

Yuuri rolled his eyes. “You’ll meet him soon, don’t worry.”

“Yay!” Phichit twirled in place. “We should go to the rink!” He suddenly burst out. “I want to see what you have planned so far, and I want to show you what I’ve done! Come on Yuuri!”

Yuuri giggled at the childlike behaviour. “Sure! Will we be able to use it right now?”

“I think so, usually Celestino has it booked at this time for us anyways.” Phichit looked at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall. “We’ll have two hours of the rink to ourselves.”

“Then what are we waiting for!” Yuuri exclaimed with a wide smile.

*          *          *

They walked to the ice rink, as they usually do. It was only a 20-minute walk from the apartment, so most of the time they ran, as a warm up, but it wasn’t about practice today. Once they got inside, the place was fairly empty except for the staff. They stated who they were and were told they could go on the ice.

“You show me first, Phichit.” Yuuri stated, as they were lacing up their skates. He could see the excitement radiating off him. Phichit beamed at him and nodded. Yuuri took out a little portable speaker that they usually brought with them and placed it on the ledge of the half-wall, while Phichit connected to the speaker with his phone. With that done, they went around the rink a few times, warming up their bodies and stretching out their muscles by completing small elementary drills.

Yuuri was feeling free. The last time he felt this way, was when he was on the ice with Viktor on their first date, doing absolutely nothing that had anything to do with competitive skating. Now here he was on the ice again, about to go through his routines, and talking about the competitions coming up, with no crippling feelings of anxiety rummaging through his head. He was calm, serene, and free.

After their short warm up, Phichit got into position in the middle of the rink. He signaled to Yuuri that he was ready with a small nod of his head, and Yuuri hit play. The lyrics instantly started and Yuuri recognized the song in a second. The music was from one of Phichit’s favourite movies _The King and the Skater_. He knew this because of the countless times he’s seen him watch it and the number of times he was forced to watch it with him. Yuuri looked on with wonder and admiration.

_He always said he wanted to skate to this song, and now he’s doing it._

Phichit started skating as soon as the song began. He was graceful and elegant across the ice, and he added elements of his own native dance style, which added to the story of the song and skate. Yuuri’s nerves started to rise just slightly. He noted how much Phichit’s skating has changed. He was stronger, more daring, and was able to complete the jumps that he was struggling to complete before.

Once the song ended and Phichit was posturing in his final pose, Yuuri clapped and shouted wildly. “That was incredible Phichit!” Phichit got up and skated over to Yuuri. “You’ve gotten so much better, since the last time we trained together, before… before everything.”

“You really think so?” Phichit asked, grabbing his water bottle from the ledge.

“Absolutely! You’ll definitely make the Grand Prix Finals this year.”

Phichit beamed his bright happy smile at him. “Thank you, Yuuri. I’m going to do my best.” He set his bottle down. “Now, it’s your turn. Show me your short programme.”

Without hesitation Yuuri connected his phone to speaker and while dripping with eagerness he made his way to the middle of the rink. Phichit started the music, when Yuuri signalled. Upon hearing the first few notes, Yuuri waited until his signal to start skating. He cleared his mind of any thoughts and went through the motions of his routine. Even though this wasn’t officially a practice or a competition, Yuuri put all his energy into it. He wanted to be just as good as Phichit and didn’t want the fact that being hospitalized hindered him and his practice. He wanted to show his best friend, and himself that he was just as good, and just as worthy.

Yuuri finished his program and there was a moment of silence. He thought, for sure, that it was awful, that he messed up along the way. He then heard screams and shouts from the side. Phichit was clapping and banging against the half-wall while shouting his praises. Yuuri’s face turned a light shade of pink as he made his way over.

“O-M-G Yuuri! That was… amazing! You skated like you were a different person, I didn’t even recognize you at all. Did Celestino choreograph that?”

Yuuri scratched the back of his head looking bashful. “Umm, no. I-I actually thought up the choreography. I had this planned out in my head for a while, and it wasn’t until Viktor, that he said I should use it and pushed me to do it.”

“Well, I’m glad he did. That was something else entirely!” Phichit praised some more. Yuuri mumbled and thank you and grabbed his water bottle to distract himself.

“Alright, now you have to show your free skate.” Yuuri prompted.

“With pleasure.” Phichit bolted out to the middle of the rink. This time the music was from _The King and the Skater II_. The sequel to Phichit’s favourite movie, which he forced Yuuri to watch on multiple occasions, especially one right after the other. Phichit was just as strong and elegant, which Yuuri looked on with worry and wonder. Phichit finished his skate and Yuuri praised him even more. He was genuinely proud of his best friend and wished him all the best, but a small part of Yuuri wanted to defeat him.

Now it was Yuuri’s turn to show him his program for the free skate. “This one is a little different from what I normally do. You’ll see when you hear the song choice.”

“Did you choreograph this one too?”

“Kinda. I added some things, but Viktor was the one to choreograph it.” Yuuri said nonchalantly as he scrolled through his phone to find the song.

“What!?! How?! Why? What?!” Phichit lost his ability to form sentences.

“Oh, I thought I told you. He used to be a ballet dancer. While I was in hospital once a week he would bring me to a dance studio for dance therapy. Sometimes we would dance together.” Yuuri blushed at the memories of them dancing together. “He’s absolutely incredible to watch, so I asked him to help choreograph this program for me. So, he did.” Yuuri shrugged his shoulders.

“If that’s not the most romantic thing ever, then shoot me dead.” Yuuri rolled his eyes and laughed at him.  

Yuuri took a deep breath before the music started. His mind emptied, except for thoughts of Viktor. He imagined Viktor next to him as he started skating to the music. He pushed himself for the imaginary Viktor, wanting to do this program the justice it deserves. He wanted to prove that he was just as good, anxiety or not. He wanted to show everyone that he could be at the top with the best with this routine. More excited claps and praises happened when he finished in his final pose.

“That was beautiful Yuuri! And the song choice was perfect.” Yuuri sheepishly mumbled another thank you. Deep down Yuuri felt a sense of pride for himself and all the accomplishments he achieved. His thoughts were interrupted by Phichit continuing. “I’m getting really excited for this season. I think it’s going to be great. I definitely can’t wait to compete against you.”

“Yeah, I’m getting kind of excited for it as well. Oh, I’m definitely going to beat you.” Yuuri jested back, with a smile spreading on his lips. “We have a bit of time left, let’s have a little fun.” He suggested. They spent the time they had left practicing elements from their programs and helping one another with moves they were struggling with.

The hockey team that had the rink booked after them, started coming out of the changerooms. Which Phichit and Yuuri grudgingly left the ice and went back to their apartment. Along the way, Phichit yawned loudly and stretched his muscles. The jet lag was setting in, together with the skating they just did, he was exhausted. They spent the rest of the evening under a mountain of blankets and pillows on the couch watching movies. Without a care, they consumed snacks they were not allowed to have, but they were together again, so this one time wouldn’t matter.

Yuuri felt more like himself. He felt calm and a sense of peace. The happiness he felt earlier still bloomed in his chest and slowly spread throughout his body. They eventually fell asleep on the couch in an entanglement of blankets and limbs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Questions? Comments? Let me know, I love to hear from you!
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support and love! You guys are the best!
> 
> <3


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys asked for it, so here it is :)
> 
> One more chapter! I'm sad and excited. I hope you guys like the ending I have planned for next week. 
> 
> Thank you!!
> 
> <3<3

Yuuri was nervously getting ready in his room, with Phichit talking about his day and training while sitting on the bed. Yuuri was only half listening to what Phichit had to say. Viktor was taking Yuuri out on another date before he had to start his training regime on the next day. Celestino sent him the schedule through email, and between training and his therapy sessions with Yuuko, he doesn’t have much free time, and if he does, he’s going to be too exhausted to do anything. Celestino developed his training schedule to be more vigorous than Phichit’s mainly because of all the lost time while he was in hospital, and with the Grand Prix starting soon, Yuuri needed to get prepared.

So, in the meantime, before his crazy schedule begins, he’s spending one more night going out on a date with Viktor. He was getting nervous about it for some reason. He figured it was the word ‘date’ that made it more nerve wracking to him. Yuuri turned around and spread his arms out. “How do I look?”

“Meh. I still think you should wear the grey sweater, it looked much nicer on you.” As soon as Phichit finished his sentence there was a knock at the door. They made eye contact, and Yuuri knew exactly what Phichit was thinking.

Yuuri took a side step to his door to his room. “Phichit, no.” He pointed a finger at his direction.

“You still have to change. I promise I’ll be good.” Phichit held up two fingers. “Scouts honour.” Then he bolted passed Yuuri, squeezing his lithe body between Yuuri and the door frame, and ran down the hall in a fit of laughter. He opened the door, swinging it all the way open. “You must be Viktor. Come in, come in.” Phichit grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in. “Yuuri’s almost ready.”

“I’m so sorry, Viktor!” Yuuri called out from down the hall.

“I would have buzzed, but someone had the door open already. You must be Phichit.”

“The one and only.” Phichit beamed his brightest smile at Viktor.

Viktor chuckled. “It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Viktor held out his hand for a handshake.

Which Phichit reciprocated. “Likewise.” He then tugged on Viktor’s arm to pull him to his level. “So, what are your intentions with Yuuri?”

Viktor could see the light behind Phichit’s eyes, see the laughter hidden inside them, so Viktor went along with it. “My intention with Yuuri, is to woo him and love him, until the end of time.” Viktor said the cheesiest thing he could think of on the spot.

“Oh! My heart!” Phichit clutched onto his chest and threw his head backwards. He quickly fell into a fit of giggles. Viktor stood back up to his full height, chuckling at the dramatic man in front of him.

Yuuri came down the hall with suspicion his eyes. “What were you two talking about?”

“Oh, nothing.” Phichit replied casually.

“Uh huh.” Yuuri’s eyes darted between them. “Shall we get going?” He turned to Viktor. Their eyes met for an instant and then was broken as Viktor’s eyes travelled down Yuuri’s body, taking in every inch of him. Yuuri could feel his face going hot, with just that look, the look that said he was picturing him naked instead of the clothes he was wearing. He knew his face was a bright pink. When Viktor’s eyes met Yuuri’s once more, his lips pulled a little smirk, which confirmed what Yuuri was thinking, and his face went pinker. The moment was cut off by Phichit.

“Where are you guys going? What are you doing? Are you going to be home tonight? If so, what time? You shouldn’t be out too late. Are you doing anything after dinner…” The rapid questioning kept falling out of Phichit’s mouth, as Yuuri slipped on his shoes.

Yuuri turned Viktor around and pushed him out the door. “Goodbye, Phichit.” Yuuri huffed as he walked by.

“Nice meeting you! Bye!” Viktor called, looking over his shoulder and waved, while chuckling.

Phichit was doubling over in laughter. “Bye!” he was able to mumble out. Yuuri closed the door on his friend and guided Viktor down the hall.

Viktor pushed the button for the elevator. “Sorry about him. He can be a bit much.” Yuuri apologized.

“I like him.” Viktor simply stated.

Yuuri heard his phone ping in his pocket. He pulled it out and unlocked the screen to see a text message from Phichit. He simply wrote, ‘I like him.’ Yuuri smiled, feeling a warmth spread from his chest. The pieces of his life were moulding and forming together.  

*          *          *

A couple weeks went past, and the day finally came. Yuri was leaving the hospital. He shoved his clothes into his duffle bag, not caring about folding them or where they went. He wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. They gave him his cell phone back already, and he pulled it out of his back pocket. His thumb expertly going through the phone, until he reached what he wanted. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he pulled the phone up to his ear.

“Yurochka?” A gravelly voice sounded through the earpiece.

“Hi, Grandpa.” Yuri became a child again when he talked to his grandfather. Yuri had given him an old flip phone, so he could call him and stay in contact. His grandfather finally accepted it after grumbling about not knowing how to use new technology. Which was the reason why Yuri had given him a flip phone, it was easy to use. “How are you feeling today?”

“I’m alright today, my boy.” Yuri could practically hear the pain in his grandfather’s voice. Every time he heard it, his heart broke.

“I’m leaving the hospital today.”

“That’s great news!” His grandfather went into a fit of coughs with his excitement.

“You okay, Grandpa?” Yuri asked a little panicked.

“I’m fine, Yurochka.” He replied taking a few deeper breaths.

“I called to tell you that I’ll be leaving soon, and I’ll be coming by today.”

“Your going to do great. I’ll see you when you get here.”

Yuri’s eyes pricked with tears, threatening to spill down. “See you soon.” Yuri hung up the phone and wiped away his tears that were flowing feely down his face now. With every phone call he made to his grandfather, and every time he saw him, he knew his time was near. Yuri just wished he had more time and didn’t waste those precious years.

A knock came door. “What do you want?” Yuri bitterly called out.

There was no answer on the other side, instead keys rattled, and the door opened, and Viktor walked in. “Heya, Yuri. I wanted to see how you were doing and to give you all the details one more time before you go.”   

“How the hell do you think I’m doing?! I’m fucking thrilled to finally leave this place.”

Viktor chuckled. “Your red eyes tell me a different story.” Viktor sat next to him on the bed. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Yuri turned the phone around in his hands in a nervous fidget. “I just talked to Grandpa. I know he’s not doing well, I can tell he’s in pain, but he lies to me like a child and tells me that he’s alright.”

“Hmm. A lot of people will lie to their loved ones when they are in pain. He’s protecting you from it. He’s not treating you like a child, thinking that you can’t handle it, but rather the other way around. He loves you and doesn’t want to see you hurt.”

Yuri pouted. “I still don’t like it.”

Viktor chuckled again. “No one does, and your feelings are valid. But just remember to keep being strong for him.” Yuri nodded his head. “Now, do you remember the instructions I gave you? You have my cell number, right?”

Yuri rolled his eyes. “Yes, I remember, you told me like a million fucking times and you wrote it down. I have it right here.” He reached into his bag and pulled out a brown envelope.

“Good. I just want to make sure. I will pick you up next week for your audition with the school.”

Yuri blew out a nervous breath. “Do you have to? I can go on my own.”

“Yes, I have to make the introductions.” Yuri pouted and mumbled a fine. “All ready to go? The cab to take you home should be here in 10 minutes.”

“Yup, all ready to get the fuck outta here. I’ll be out there soon.” Viktor said an okay and left his room.

After Yuri had told Viktor that he used to be a dancer, Viktor set up time at the dance studio to see him dance. Viktor was completely blown away by the amount of raw talent and skill Yuri possessed and how amazing he still was after years of not training. Viktor called up an old friend of his that was a dance teacher at a school in the city and set up an audition. Viktor had to pull a few strings and had given high praise to his skill to squeeze Yuri in, since auditions have already been done and the students chosen. But in the end, he agreed to see Yuri, and now the audition was next week.

When Yuri heard that he had an audition, he went into overdrive. He danced for hours everyday in the activity room, like he and Yuuri had done that one day. He went to the gym in the hospital on his privileges to gain back some of his muscle he had lost, and Viktor took him to the dance studio twice a week, so he had a proper place to train and Viktor would be able to give pointers, not that Yuri listened.

He was finding himself again, finding what he was meant to do, what made Yuri, Yuri. Within those weeks, Yuri became a different person, he was still foul mouthed, and quick to anger, but there was something different. He had fire in his eyes and ambition flowing out of him. He planned on doing one of his old dance routines he came up with years ago, but it didn’t feel right, it wasn’t him anymore. With a new song selected and a dance routine created, he was ready.

Yuri grabbed his bag, swinging it over his shoulder and walked out of the room, slamming the door. Viktor met Yuri outside the nursing station. “Your cab is here. Ready?”

As Yuri walked past the nursing station towards the door to leave the unit, he called out to the nurses within. “Bye shitheads! Thank you for never believing in me and look at me now! Fucking leaving and moving on!” Yuri held up the middle finger on both hands for good measure.

Viktor smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. “Was that really necessary?”

“Yup.” Yuri said with a wide grin. “I feel better now.”

“You’re incorrigible.” Viktor shook his head in dismay and led the way to the door.

“I can walk myself out of the hospital.” Yuri stated just as Viktor was about to open the door.

“I don’t mind.”

“I want to do it on my own. I was dragged in here against my will, and I fought on my own to get out. I need to do this.”

Viktor smiled proudly at Yuri. He’s come so far from how he was when he first came five months ago. “Okay. If you need to.” Viktor went to tap his badge on the little black box but was stopped with arms wrapping around his chest. Yuri didn’t say anything, but Viktor knew, with that one gesture, what it meant. He returned the hug and whispered into his ear. “You got this.”

Without anymore words shared, Viktor tapped his badge and the door was unlocked. Turning the handle and opening the door, Yuri left.

Yuri smiled inwardly as he walked through the hall to get to the outside, to where the cab was supposed to be. He stepped over the threshold of the hospital and saw there was no cab waiting for him. There were no cabs parked in the round-a-bout or the parking lot to the side. Slightly panicked and angry, he walked further down underneath the overhang, towards the parking lot.

“Where are you off to beautiful?” A deep rumbled voice called out to him from behind the pillar he just walked past.

“Fuck off. Not interested.” Yuri said angrily. This was all he needed now. No cab to take him home, and some creep hitting on him.

“I’m sure I can help you get to where you’re going.” The voice called out again.

At that point, it finally hit Yuri. He knew that voice, he’s heard it a million times. Calling out to him, whispering to him, speaking to him, calling his name. Yuri turned around to face the man leaning against a pillar. He had his arms crossed over his chest and one leather booted foot propped up on the pillar. The leather jacket over top of the white plain t-shirt, looked tight against his arms and chest. The dark wash jeans hugged his hips and thighs. “Beka!” Yuri screamed and jumped on Otabek, who caught him with his arms around his waist. Their lips met in a long, deep kiss. Yuri pulled back first, and dropped back down to the ground, slapping Otabek in the arm several times. “What are you doing here? Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all morning.”

“I’m your cab. Viktor and I set it up.” Otabek wrapped his arms back around Yuri’s waist and pulled him in close. “I wanted to surprise you.” He whispered into his lips before connecting them once again. “Shall I take you home now?” Otabek said as he pulled away from the kiss.

“You’re an ass. And yes. Take me home then to the hospital to see Grandpa.” With the duffle bag strapped to his back, Yuri hopped on the back of Otabek’s motorcycle, eager to get home.

*          *          *

As soon as Yuri walked through the door, he dropped his bag and looked for his cat, Potya. He scooped her up and snuggled and kissed her all over as the cat purred and meowed. Otabek chuckled from the door way to the family room, where he found Yuri.

“I want to shower and put my stuff away before I see Grandpa.” Yuri stated, setting down the cat and leading the way to his bedroom upstairs.

Once all the clothes he had in the bag were thrown into the laundry, Yuri flopped on his bed next to Otabek. “I thought you were going to go shower?” Otabek asked with a little lilt to his voice.

Yuri rolled to his side to face Otabek. “I will in a minute.” He placed a few kisses along his neck, going up to his ear. Otabek sighed into the feeling and turned his head to capture those lips with his. The kiss deepened and fevered quickly. Both realizing they didn’t need to be careful anymore and that they were truly alone. Yuri, without breaking the kiss, moved his body to straddle Otabek and slide his hands along his chest and stomach, making Otabek moan.

Feeling encouraged by Otabek’s reaction, Yuri started grinding his hips. Otabek pulled away from the kiss. “Yura.” He panted out. He needed to feel more. Otabek swiftly sat up, with him still on his lap. He gripped Yuri’s shirt and pulled it over his head, breaking the kisses along his neck. Yuri did the same with Otabek’s shirt, wanting to feel skin on skin. Next came the pants, they both fumbled with each other’s pants, anticipation rising as they came off.

Fully undressed, Yuri pushed Otabek back down onto the bed, still straddling his lap. Blindly, he reached over to his bedside table and grabbed the bottle of lube, knocking a few things over in the process, and shoved the bottle into Otabek’s hands.

Otabek took the hint and spread the clear liquid on his fingers, reach down to Yuri’s backside. His one finger slid in slowly, Yuri broke their kiss and screamed out. When it was fully in, Otabek gradually pulled out and back in again, using a slow rhythm. “More, Beka. More.” Yuri panted out. He arched his back a little more and pushed into Otabek’s finger when he added a second. The movement Yuri engaged in, caused friction and more pleasure against their hardened members. Eventually, Otabek was able to add a third finger, and as soon as Yuri felt he was ready, he moved up on his body and aligned Otabek’s cock with his hole. He slid down his length, feeling it stretching him further. He groaned out with the burning and pleasure. Otabek had a bruising grip onto Yuri’s hips as he guided him down.

Once all the way down, Yuri ground into him, feel it deeper within him. With a rhythm set, he started to bounce, sliding Otabek’s cock in and out of him. Moans and screams were heard throughout the whole house. Since they were finally alone, they hid nothing of their pleasures.

Otabek changed his hold on Yuri and flipped him, so he was on the bed on his back. Yuri let out a little startled scream in the process. Adjusting his angle, Otabek thrusted faster and harder into his sweet spot, eliciting more shouts of pleasure. “Beka…” Otabek knew what Yuri was trying to say. He went harder into him, and after a few more thrusts, Yuri moaned and shrieked his orgasm, shooting all over his chest and stomach. Otabek followed soon after, shooting into Yuri.

Otabek flopped down on Yuri, who let out a grunt. He turned his head to the side and connected their mouths together. “I love you.” Otabek whispered against his lips.

“I love you too.” Yuri whispered back. He let out a sigh and snuggled close to him, breathing in his scent. “Now I really need a shower.” Otabek let out a chuckle.

“How about we shower, get some food, and go see your grandfather.” Otabek suggested, smoothing out Yuri’s hair from his face.

“I’d like that. I’ll get the shower started.” Yuri went into the bathroom and started the water. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked different then what he was used to. He was filled out more than what he was five months ago, but that wasn’t it. His hair was longer, but that wasn’t it either. He couldn’t point out what was different about him. Otabek came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist and stomach, resting his chin on Yuri’s shoulder. That’s when he saw the difference. He was happy. That was the only word Yuri had to describe it. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time, he’d forgotten what it was like. He smiled back at Otabek’s reflection and with the returned smile, he knew from that moment, that he was going to be okay. Even with all the worries and stresses, his life was going to throw at him, he wasn’t going to return to the Yuri he once was. He had Otabek, and everything was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!!!!!!! Everyone is amazing! Please leave any comments or questions or a simple Kudos, I love to hear from you!!
> 
> <3


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, at the end of a very long journey :'( I hope you guys like the ending and the way I have written it. Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> I've said it already, but I will be coming out with Yuri's back story, but I won't be posting it for a few weeks or so. I want to get some more chapters written and get the story started before I post, just in case I change directions. So, definitely look out for that. Also, I gotta figure out how to add as a series... Anyways, get your tissues out and enjoy! 
> 
> <3

Competition started and Yuuri trained harder than ever for it. He never wanted to win something so much before. He’s been to competitions many times, but this was different. He needed to prove something to himself, prove that he could do this, that he was worthy of it, and that he was just as talented as the other skaters. Celestino even noticed the fire rising in Yuuri. His confidence sparked with each passing day. With the ability to add another quad to his repertoire, it only boosted it even further. 

His first competition was Skate America. Viktor luckily had the weekend off and was able to travel with Yuuri and Celestino to the competition. The unfortunate part was Viktor had to stay in the audience. After the short program, Yuuri was second, just 2 points below the skater in first. Yuuri knew that coming back would be hard specifically after the failures he performed last season. His anxiety was starting to sky-rocket. So many people were looking to him, waiting for him to fail again. Every time his anxiety spiked, Viktor was there with him, and after the end of the free skate, Yuuri finished with a silver medal. It wasn’t a gold that he had hoped for, but even making it on the podium was a defeat.

Next competition was Cup of China. Yuuri felt a little more confidence competing at this one, having already gained a silver. Viktor was unable to attend, which made it harder for Yuuri. But Viktor waited by the phone, even with the time difference he encouraged Yuuri to call him if he needed to. Yuuri finished the short program in first, with only one-point difference from the skater below him.

That night, Yuuri was a ball of nerves. The amount of pressure building to maintain the first position was crushing. He reached for the phone several times to call Viktor, pausing just before placing his hand on it. Something kept stopping him, he didn’t know whether it was guilt, or pride, but he never called him.

Yuuri woke the next day, with only three hours of sleep. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he shuffled as he walked. During the competition Celestino could see Yuuri getting more and more withdrawn, his body trembled, and his eyes remained unfocused, all the warning signs of a panic attack were there. Without Yuuri noticing, not like he was paying attention anyways, Celestino picked up Yuuri’s phone and called Viktor.

“Yuuri!” Viktor sang when he picked up the phone.

“It’s Celestino, Viktor. Yuuri’s not doing too good. He’s barely slept and he’s withdrawing, he hasn’t even realized I’m talking to you on his phone and I’m sitting right next to him.”

“That’s not good. Let me talk to him.” Celestino tapped Yuuri on the arm with his phone. Yuuri blankly looked at the phone like he didn’t know what it was, and that it appeared out of no where.

“Viktor wants to talk to you.” Celestino simply said.

Yuuri slowly put the phone to his ear. A strained whispered ‘hello’ passed through his lips. “Yuuri! Talk to me.” Viktor didn’t want to beat around the bush with this. He wanted to target the problem as quickly as possible.

It took a few seconds to comprehend what Viktor had demanded of him. He almost jumped out of his seat when he understood. “Viktor! Nothing’s wrong! Everything is fine.” The guilt or pride was resurfacing, and he held back.

“Yuuuuuuuri.” Viktor elongated his name in a monotone voice, and Yuuri knew he couldn’t hide it any longer. Yuuri went off to a quieter more secluded area of the rink to talk to Viktor. He told him why he was anxious and why he didn’t call. Viktor remained silent while Yuuri spoke, allowing him express everything without being interrupted and loosing his train of thought. Only when Yuuri finished did Viktor speak. “Don’t skate for them.”

“What?! Viktor I can _not_ go out there. I need to.” Yuuri started panicking again.

“Of course, you do. But what I mean is, don’t do it _for_ them. Skate for yourself, like you have been this whole time. Don’t think about what place your in. When you get out on that ice, take a few deep breaths and imagine you’re at your home rink, and its just you and I. There’s no one else around. Close your eyes for a few seconds and let the noise around you go silent. Focus on the music. Remember why you’re skating to this song, feel the lyrics with every scratch of the ice with your blade. Skate for me, Yuuri.”   

Yuuri hung up the phone a little bit calmer. He returned to his bench with Celestino, which he even noticed a difference in Yuuri’s posture. “You’re up after this skater.” Yuuri nodded and got prepared.

After the skater got his scores, Yuuri went out on the ice. He skated around the rink, getting a feel for it, before returning to Celestino on rink side. “Whatever Viktor told you, listen to it. You can do this Yuuri.”

Yuuri nodded his head once and retreated to the center and followed Viktor’s instructions. He cleared his mind of any distractions. He pictured an empty arena and only Viktor standing by the half wall. He closed his eyes for a few deep breaths and opened them once the music started. All he heard was the music, he didn’t hear the reactions of the audience or the commentator. He lost himself in his skating.

_Oh, I’m done. I blacked out there, I don’t know what happened._

Yuuri’s anxiety started creeping up as he made his way to the kiss and cry. He sat straight as a board watching the screen, waiting for the moment it would announce his score.

_I beat my personal best! Wait a minute… I won gold! I’m going to the Grand Prix Final! I did it!_

*          *          *

Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri from behind after they set their bags down in the hotel room. Viktor took time off work to follow Yuuri to Barcelona for the Grand Prix Final. He wouldn’t miss this for anything. They arrived a day early to get some sightseeing done and so Yuuri could adjust to his jet lag. “How are you feeling?” Viktor whispered into his ear.

“I’m…” Yuuri paused to really think about how he was feeling. “…Alright, actually. I don’t think it hit me yet that I made it to the final, even though we’re here.”

Viktor placed little kisses along Yuuri’s ear and neck. “But you did make it, now how about we enjoy it?”

“Oh? What do you have in mind?” Yuuri spun around in Viktor’s arms so he was facing him. Their noses were just brushing one another. Viktor smirked and guided Yuuri back to the bed.

*          *          *

First day of the GPF arrived. Viktor, Yuuri, Celestino, and Phichit all met at the hotel restaurant for breakfast. Phichit was his normal joyous self, not a nervous bone in his body. Yuuri, on the other hand, was silent, more reserved. Viktor could see the cogs turning in his brain, and the pressure of the GPF was finally hitting him. As much as he tried, Viktor couldn’t distract Yuuri, he wasn’t fully withdrawn quite yet, but he was heading in that direction.

With a few strings pulled and a couple of white lies told, Celestino was able to get Viktor a pass so he could be rink side with Yuuri, instead of in the audience. Yuuri was forever grateful for Celestino.

They sat at their bench watching the short programs. Phichit was scheduled to go second and Yuuri, fifth. As the skaters went on, Yuuri’s anxiety was creeping up. Viktor went through some breathing exercises and imagery exercises, but nothing seemed to really settle him.

Phichit finished his program, putting him ahead of the other skater. The skater after him, landed him just below him. During the program of the skater before Yuuri, Viktor took him to a quieter section of the rink. “Do you remember what I told you on the phone when you were in China?”

Yuuri nodded and closed his eyes. He completed some breathing and focused on Viktor’s voice as he spoke. He described the rink they went to on their first date, the feel of the ice, the dance they shared. Yuuri started to visibly relax more and more. The music from the program hit a climactic portion of the piece, which made Yuuri flinch. Viktor quickly covered Yuuri’s ears with his gloved hands.

As the music died out and the audience’s applause quieted, Viktor removed his hands. “You’re up. Remember what I told you. Keep that image in your head.” Yuuri nodded and headed towards the ice.

Yuuri skated once around the rink and returned to rink side for one last pep talk from Celestino. But he wasn’t there. Viktor had taken his place instead. They pressed their foreheads together, and Viktor laid a kiss on the tip of Yuuri’s nose. “Go make history.” Viktor whispered. Yuuri smiled his small smile and darted off to the center.

His performance was flawless. He held onto that image of only him and Viktor skating. He performed for Viktor, for himself, and no one else. He sat in the kiss and cry with Celestino on one side and squeezing Viktor’s hand on the other.

“You beat your personal best for the short program!” Celestino announced. His score put him at the top, just above Phichit.

The last skater after Yuuri performed, and at the end of day one, Yuuri found himself in second place.

They arrived back at the rink the next day for the free skate. Yuuri was scheduled to go fifth again, since he was second in the standings. As the skaters went on and performed. Yuuri withdrew into himself. Halfway through the third skater, Yuuri darted up from his seat suddenly, startling Viktor, and ran out of the arena, through the hallways and into a secluded alcove.

Viktor chased him as soon as he ran, calling out his name. When he caught up to him, Yuuri was crouched on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them tightly and his breathing was laboured, but not from running. Viktor sat beside him and held him.

Yuuri broke the silence after a minute of listening to the steady rhythm of Viktor’s heartbeat, and controlling his breathing. “I can’t do this, Viktor.” He could feel the dark cold shadow creeping beneath the surface, pacing and waiting to be let out. Yuuri did everything he could to keep it caged in.

Viktor lifted Yuuri’s chin with his finger, so he could look into the chocolate eyes. “You can, and you will. Show the world who Yuuri Katsuki is, show them how you fought your demons and came out stronger than ever, show them what you have accomplished.” Yuuri blinked in disbelief for a few seconds, and then pounced on Viktor. His lips crashing into Viktor’s hard and deep. They could hear Phichit’s song ending. Viktor pulled away from the kiss. “We should get going. You’re next.”

Yuuri met Viktor at rink side. “You got this.” Viktor whispered against Yuuri’s lips before capturing them in a chaste kiss. Yuuri blushed when he heard the positive reaction from the audience and the cameras of the press snapping pictures.

Phichit skated off the rink meeting Celestino and Viktor, followed by Yuuri. Phichit was bouncing up and down with joy. It was his first GPF and he was on the podium with a bronze, he couldn’t be happier. Yuuri went straight for Viktor, who took him in an embrace, his arms curling around Yuuri’s waist. Yuuri stretched his arms to go around Viktor’s neck, and smile placed on his lips. His silver medal dangled between them.

*          *          *

With having a month off, after winning gold at Nationals in Japan. Yuuri poured all his energy into training. Most days, Viktor had to physically drag him off the ice to get some rest. This year the Worlds Championship was being hosted in Detroit, which Yuuri was happy about since he didn’t have to travel and suffer jet lag, and he was able to stay in his nice warm bed, instead of a hotel.

Viktor stood by watching Yuuri as he completed his stretches on his mat. Something was different about him, and Viktor couldn’t figure out what it was. He started seeing a change in Yuuri after the Grand Prix, and then even more when he came back from Japan.

They waited at their bench for Yuuri’s turn to go up. He sat watching, analyzing his competition. Viktor noticed that he wasn’t shaking, or withdrawn, that he was engaging and explaining the other competitors’ programs and going through the point system with Viktor, which he still didn’t get.

Then it was Yuuri’s turn. Before he went out on the ice, Celestino gave him a few words of encouragement and last-minute advice. Yuuri removed his team jacket and blade guards and set off on the ice. Viktor never got over how incredibly beautiful he was in his costume, shining against the lights. Yuuri came back to Viktor for the last few moments he had before he had to start. “Go make history.” Yuuri grabbed Viktor by his tie and pulled him into a kiss. Viktor’s eyes drew wide with amazement and shock. When Yuuri pulled away he gave him a wink and a smirk pulled on his lips. That was when Viktor noticed the difference.

_He believes in himself._

Viktor watched anxiously from the sidelines, gipping the half wall every time Yuuri jumped, and blew out a breath when he landed it cleanly. Of all the times Viktor had seem him skate this program, he has never seen him skate it so beautifully before. His lines were long and elegant, and his jumps were confident and strong.

They waited in the kiss and cry, Yuuri in the center holding onto Viktor’s and Celestino’s hand. Not only did Yuuri beat his personal best for his short program but he beat it by 10 points and broke into the 100’s. All three jumped up when they saw the score, cheering loudly. Yuuri jumped onto Viktor, wrapping his legs around his waist, and squeezing him around the neck. He then jumped down and hugged Celestino, tears streaming down his face. He knew it wasn’t over, there were still four more skaters, anybody could take it, but for now Yuuri was first and he overcame a personal defeat.

That night, Yuuri remained in first, and Phichit was in third. Yuri, Otabek, and Viktor went over to Yuuri and Phichit’s apartment to do some light celebrating. They ate a meal together, all sitting in a circle, laughing and sharing. The pieces of Yuuri’s life formed closer together, fitting together to create his own puzzle of his life. A warmth filled his chest, upon seeing it all together.

That day, Yuuri woke refreshed and ready to fight. At the arena, he stretched and practiced his routine off the ice, dancing in a small hallway. He was first in the standings, which meant he would go last.

“Are you okay?” Viktor asked as they watched a skater perform.

“I’m great, why?” Yuuri asked, not looking away from the ice.

“Just, well, normally you would be…” Viktor scratched the back of his head, struggling to find the words.

“An anxious mess?” Yuuri finished for him. Viktor nodded slowly. “Normally, yes. But I feel good, I can’t explain it, but I do.”

“Okay.” Viktor leaned in placing a kiss on Yuuri’s temple. It was Phichit’s turn to go and they watched with admiration for their friend. Yuuri was still amazed how much Phichit has grown in his skating and was proud of him. Phichit jumped to the top after his routine. Only one more skater was left.

Yuuri took off his team jacket, his costume of glittering red and black sparkled in the lights. The tightness of the costume hugged every bit of his curves. This one was, by far, Viktor’s favourite. Yuuri looked at the standings, before taking off his blade guards, Phichit was still in second, and the skater that went before Yuuri was in third.

Yuuri did a quick circle around the rink, faster than what he normally did, and came back to Viktor at the barrier. He circled his arms around Viktor’s neck, his lips brushing against his ear as he whispered. “I know now that I am worth it. I’m talented, I’m strong… I’m me. I’ve learned this because of you. I’ve learned how to love and most importantly how to love myself. I would not be standing here if it weren’t for you fighting for me and pulling me back up when I couldn’t do it myself. You taught me how to live. I love you.” Viktor’s eyes welled up with tears, and before he could say anything in return, Yuuri was gone.

Yuuri took a moment before his music would start. He looked to the side where Phichit stood next to Celestino. Phichit looking excited and Celestino more anxious, but still excited. He scanned his eyes to the left and saw Yuri and Otabek in the third row. Yuri was leaning his head against Otabek’s shoulder as they anxiously awaited to see him skate. They both threw a thumbs up in his direction, which made Yuuri giggle. Yuuri turned his head back to see his love, Viktor. He smiled to himself when he saw the tears in Viktor’s eyes. The music started and Yuuri skated.

Yuuri sat in the kiss and cry. He had both of Viktor’s hands in his, squeezing them so tightly, he swore he heard them crack. Everything was silent around him, all the noise in the arena was muffled and the only thing he could hear was the blood rushing to his head and his heart pounding in his chest. His body remained is frozen and stiff, as his eyes just stared at the screen ahead of him.

“Yuuri!” Viktor yelled. Yuuri could feel arms crushing around him.

_I did it. I won gold._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all! Every last one of you that read, commented, subscribed, bookmarked, and kudos'd this story. It honestly meant so much to me and kept me motivated to continue to write. This was my first story and because of you all it won't be the last. Thank you for all your support! And I will see you soon!
> 
> <3


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